Post #200 WHOA

Man, this one snuck up on me. 200 posts. I am such an accomplished human being. I imagine you'll want to shower me with compliments and get my address so you can send me money.

I would prefer paypal.

Look, this blog has always been about sports. I'm not going to sit here and make a big deal of my

200th POST

because that's not what I'm about. So instead, I'm going to recognize the milestone by a simple act: attaching a picture of myself at my writin' desk. My boss took this photo for some kind of floor-wide photo album. The computer behind me is where I transmit my brain thoughts to you every morning, usually under constant duress from other employees demanding my menial labor. Notice the lack of windows, which I believe have contributed to my slow deliquescence into insanity. This is also clearly a Friday, since I'm wearing a t-shirt and have not showered or shaved, and I believe it was taken during the Yankee playoff run. And my hair is a mess because I made the decision to shave my head about a month before, and was still in denial that I needed to comb it any way, shape, or form.


There. Now we can feel closer, as writer and reader. The bond is strong.

Further digression: Answering Reader Comments. As you may or may not know, the best way to increase blog readership is to attack people who take the time to read your site and leave a message. So here we go.

Anonymous Commenter says:

Define "We." Can you even run the length of a baskeball court?

This was in response, apparently, to my use of the third person plural to talk about a sports team. As in, "I really think we have a great chance against Clemson Saturday."

To answer your question, reader, no, I cannot run the length of the basketball court. I'm a blogger, so I weigh 800 pounds, and I can only ever move if someone shoves an L-shaped stick down the back of my shirt so that a Snickers bar dangles by a string two feet in front of my face. Then I can kind of drag myself around for a few feet, like to use the bathroom or call a phone sex hotline. But the full length of a basketball court? Oh my Lord, no!

The real reason I include this comment, though, is because it contains a pet peeve of mine. Tough guy sports fans love to call people out on using the word 'we' to describe their team. "Oh," they'll say, wearing a sneer, "are you on the team? Did you throw a pass? Did you draw up a play?"

I've given this great thought, and here's my reasoned response:

SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU RIDICULOUS FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING ISSUE! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR ATTITUDE! FUCK THIS WHOLE LINE OF DISCUSSION! THE ONLY THING THIS PROVES IS THAT YOU'RE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE! HONESTLY, GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS CYNICAL PRICK!

WE! WE WE WE! WE'RE GONNA WIN! YAY! WE'RE GONNA DO IT! ME AND JON SCHEYER ARE GONNA BEAT THOSE CLEMSON TIGERS! YEE-HAW! I'M ON THE TEAM! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN IMPLYING ALL ALONG! I'M THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE NEW YORK GIANTS! ME AND ELI MANNING! I HIT A WALK-OFF HOME RUN AGAINST THE MINNESOTA TWINS, AND AJ BURNETT PUSHED A CREAM PIE INTO MY FACE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WEEEEE DID IT! FUCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(gasp, pant, wheeze)

200th POST

On to sports!

*It's Championship Weekend in the NFL. Here's your interchangeable preview. When I say Team A, just subsitute Vikings or Jets, and Team B is the Saints or Colts.

Team B has the clear edge, has been the stronger squad all season. They'll be playing at home, in a loud dome, and will be trying to prove that the momentum from their early undefeated stretch is back after some disappointing late season losses. Team A has the superior defense, and a strong pass rush, but Team B's offense is designed for efficiency and speed, which may nullify that advantage. Team B's quarterback, in particular, is adept at reading the defense and picking apart blitz packages with quick strikes. He could very well win the regular season MVP. But don't discount the motivation of Team A. They're an embattled franchise, and their historic woes in the conference championship game are well documented. They'll be playing with a chip on their shoulder on the road, and, if nothing else, strong defense should keep this one close. As a final note, Brett Favre is a total asshole.

There you go. Despite my glib tone, though, I'm looking forward to Sunday. I think the most interesting Super Bowl would be Colts-Saints, because it would be the first time in a while that the consensus best team in each conference made the big game. Of course, this whole damn city would go apeshit if the Jets made it, and I guess that'd be nice for some people. I could tolerate it. The only team I really want to lose is the Vikings. Seriously, whoever makes these decisions, please don't make me watch Brett Favre in the Super Bowl.

*Duke-Clemson at 9pm Saturday. This is going to be real, real interesting. It's a chance for us to turn our road woes around. If we lose, though, it's pretty much a rock-solid confirmation that our toughness quotient is hovering below the Quivering Coward line. Prediction: Nolan Smith scores 30, and mouths a swear word after a vicious dunk.

*The bottom half of the men's draw has reached the 4th round in Australia, and Rafa is through!


His potential Quarterfinal match with Andy Murray is on track, as the Brit advanced. In a surprising turn, the American John Isner beat electric Frenchman Gael Monfils, and he'll take on Murray in the fourth round. But the match of the round will definitely be Roddick against Fernando Gonzalez. Roddick is playing great tennis, but from the recaps it sounds like Gonzalez has the entire country of Chile out in support. Plus, it's starting to get really, really hot there, as usual. The players got a bit of a break in the first few days because of some rain and cooler temperatures, but the 100+ degree heat is back in effect. That does not favor Roddick, and Lord knows he can get riled by almost anything...a thousand screaming Chileans who don't care about tennis etiquette could easily do the trick. That match will be late Saturday/early Sunday, and is worth checking out if you're up late.

*Justine Henin is my hero. Thank God she's back to make women's tennis interesting again. She's into the 4th round, and her draw is shaping up nicely. It would be utterly ridiculous if she could win her first Grand Slam following the one year retirement, but this is the female version of Rafa, and anything is possible. Unfortunately, the only other interesting player, Belgian Kim Clijsters, lost last night. So the women's draw is basically Henin vs. Russians and Divas. Go Henin!

That should cover us for the weekend. Enjoy it.

The Road Patsies, and a Rant

It's officially a problem: we can't win a tough game on the road.

Last night goes down as the most embarrassing loss of the season. 88-74 was the final score, and the opponent was NC State, a supposed rival who don't really have much talent this year. When it ended, the student body predictably rushed the court, celebrating their first win against Duke in 35 years (or something).

This was one of two Duke games all year that was purchased by Raycom, some North Carolina cable outfit whose only northeast affiliate is in Maine. All of which means that I didn't get to watch the game. But based on reading the recap and checking out the box score, it's easy to draw some conclusions.

1) We didn't come out with any balls. Here was K's postgame quote: "I wish we would've come with more energy than we came with tonight. They came with superb energy and you want to be in a game where both teams are playing at that level. We could never match their level of play."

Couldn't match their level of play? NC State? You're ranked #6 in the country, coach! I don't care if this game was on the road. I don't care if the team had to wear clogs. You win this game! Or you're at least competitive. A 14-point loss in a rivalry game is just inexcusable, especially in late January.

2) The defense, normally great, took a night off. 88 is the most points we've conceded all year, and it's not even close. State's field goal percentage was a ridiculous 58%. That could mean one of two things; either they got a lot of easy shots, or got lucky and had an abnormally accurate shooting night. The fact that their leading scorer is a post player, and went 10-12 from the field, makes me lean toward the former.

3) We outrebounded them by a wide, wide margin, 38-23, and we even had 16 offensive boards. How do you lose a game with those stats? This is how: 22-57 from the field, for an ugly 38%. In a trend that does not make me the least bit happy, Scheyer seems to be a main culprit. Last night, he was 2-9 from inside the arc. He actually shot better from behind, going 3-7. His touch has been sporadic for most of the year, and we appear to be in the middle of a downswing.

4) Outside of the Three S-Keteers, we only had 13 points of production. Miles Plumlee only played 10 minutes. Mason only played 13. What's the deal there? I'd love some insight from any NC readers who got to watch the game.

5) In terms of stats, this game looks like an anomaly. But great teams find ways to fight back when things aren't clicking, and Duke couldn't manage the trick.

So. We've had three road games this year, and we're 0-3. Needless to say, I don't have a lot of faith in the team's chops away from home. This Saturday's game against Clemson suddenly went from a dicey proposition to damn near impossible. We kicked their cans up and down the hardwood at Cameron, and they'll be pissed. Meanwhile, our confidence is still trickling into a grate in the visitor's locker room in Raleigh. I don't like it.

Tangent: why won't Duke fans ever charge the floor? This has bugged me forever. Any time someone beats us on the road, their fans charge the floor. Always. Look at our losses this year: Wisconsin charged. Tech charged. State charged. The stupid explanation I always hear from Duke fans and the 'establishment' is that we should act like we've been there before.

Sucks to that, I say! I'm not advocating a floor-charge when we beat the EA Sports All-Stars in the preseason, or even a bad ACC team. But against UNC or Tech or just in a close game? Why not?

We're treated like the 'man' everywhere we go, and I think it's a huge mistake to accept that role. Look at this year's Yankees: yes, they were hated. Yes, they had more money than everyone else. Yes, every loss meant the world to the opposing team and their fans. But the team itself didn't give a shit. They had spirit, they had swagger. If someone got a walk-off hit, they were going to be mobbed and then attacked with cream pie. The team was loose, enthusiastic, and tough. And they won the World Series where the stodgy Yankee clubs of the past decade had failed.

So how about a little free-flowing spirit, Dukies? Not just the players, but the fans. Charge the floor. It's fun. It doesn't mean you've come down to the low level of your peers. In fact, the attitude that you're above them doesn't serve anything. I'm getting sick of the Cameron Crazies (who, let's face it, have lost all their mojo in the past ten years), sick of Duke's entitlement complex, sick of the rigid, restrained comportment of our team and our University.

Get. the. fuck. over. yourselves. Charge the floor. Dance in the stands. Get wild. Get pissed. Win on the road. Stop giving two shits what anyone thinks.

With the rest of Blue Devil nation, I'm staring down the barrel of a gun. We're watching the last ten years play out all over again. It shouldn't happen this year, but it looks like it might. There has to be an attitude adjustment or we're going to wilt as the season goes along and everyone else starts finding their stride. A 14-point loss at NC State, despite the strange stats, is un-fucking-acceptable.

Okay, I'm officially fired up. This is the year. Good things need to happen. After this, we're losing Scheyer and Singler, and it's rebuilding time. Except UNC and everyone else got better recruiting classes, so we have nothing to rebuild with. The ACC is down. The whole country might be down, in fact. The stars are aligning, Coach K, and you need to step up. This year has to be different.

Except it's not. Not yet. I never got to charge the floor at Cameron because apparently Duke is basketball royalty and it's beneath us. But we haven't won a title since 2001. UNC has. They charge the floor. Maryland has. They charge. Et cetera et cetera.

Here's the plan, Duke: you're not better than anyone. That's something you earn, not something you're born into. Here's what everyone really thinks: we're pussies. Sorry for the language, but that's the truth. We're like the effete son of a powerful king who assumes the crown by birth, but is completely incapable of leading. Slowly the kingdom crumbles. If there's an ounce of toughness and character and personality in the entire campus, the entire university, the team itself, rather than just an assortment of talent, please let it show. Remove the giant stick from that clenched spot where the sun's rays never shine, and learn the meaning of play.

That is the one and only solution.

I Hate the Jets, and Other Ideas

Hey folks, sorry about the delayed post today. Blogger the website was not working at my work computer today, and I couldn't find an alternative. I hope this is not indicative of a long-term trend. Here's today's post, as composed at 9am this morning.

Here we go, Wednesday. I'm ready for a body shot.

*My cousin Justin e-mailed yesterday to marvel at the state of his life. He's a Jets fan, and a Republican, so it's a pretty good week to walk in his shoes. We'll focus on the football. My talking point throughout this whole Jets run is that I support them, I root for them, they're a New York team, blah ba-blah ba-blah. But forget it, I'm done. I hate the Jets. Here was my response to Justin:

I'm so friggin' jealous of this Jets run. I know I shouldn't be, because we had our moment two years ago, but everything about this run is awesome. Rex is a great personality, the team is exciting, Revis is the best player alive, Sanchez is likeable in an A-Rod type way, and Greene is a gamer too. Everywhere I look, Jets Jets Jets. You're the toast of the town. It's even set up to be an epic story this weekend: Colts lay down in week 16, and get knocked out by the team they waved into the playoffs. I'm rooting for the JETS because I like their style, but a hidden, resentful part of me wants them to lose by about 50 to the Colts.

Since writing that e-mail last night, my philosophy has evolved. I hate them. I've looked deep into my soul and discovered that I can't be happy for another New York team succeeding. As I've said before, there's really no rivalry between the Jets and Giants, and certainly nothing comparing to the state of Yankees-Mets these days. That's why I tipped my cap to them originally. Great, good for you Jets. Make your run. We'll all have a little fun, you'll win a game, maybe two, and next year we'll go back to the status quo.

But I did not foresee this. Like I said to Justin, everything about this team is likeable. It's becoming an amazing story, and I can't handle it. The effect in NYC if they beat the Colts would be calamitous. Jets fans would be spawned in every nook and cranny. Green and White as far as the eye can see. They need to lose this weekend. It needs to happen. Sorry, Jets fans. I truly am. I wish I had it in me to root for you, but I'm a Giants fan. I don't want to put up with your success. I'm a selfish individual who would rather watch a neutral third party take the Lombardi Trophy. May you lose in a blow-out this Sunday.


*Duke at NC State tonight. Like all ACC road games this year, it won't be easy. The Wolfpack have had some tough times at home this year, losing to Clemson by 3, to UVA by 8, and to Florida in OT. But to me, that only means the whole student body will be even more pumped than usual for our arrival. It's a great test leading up to this Saturday's visit to Clemson, which promises to be an absolutely miserable experience. I only give us about a 50% chance of winning that game, but it will also be an opportunity to take a huge leap; winning in hostile environments is a must. If nothing else, it builds team character and confidence. But let's be honest: some of the NCAA venues are basically road games. 1/4th of the crowd will be Duke fans, 1/4th will root for the other team, and the rest will be rooting for the underdog, which is never Duke. We need to become road warriors. Tonight is a great stepping stone opportunity.


*Rafa is through to the third round! He took down someone from Croatia in easy straight sets. There are tough matches ahead, but as of now he looks to be on a collision course with Andy Murray. The two will meet in the quarters if all goes right, and that will be the first time I set my alarm for about 3am. Oh, Australia...you had to be special, didn't you? Had to have weird times for tennis matches. Weird times for summer. Weird toilet flushing. There's always something to prove with those Aussies. They always have to be different.


*Georgia Tech beats Clemson by 2 at home. Impressive showing by Clemson, actually. They're showing with each game that the blow-out at Duke was an aberration. But that's three quality wins for Tech, who have to be considered the second best team in the ACC now. They've taken down Duke, Carolina, and now Clemson, the three other ranked teams, but they've lost to UVA and FSU, both unranked. Peculiar team, those Yellow Jackets. They come to Cameron on February 4th, which will be the first big test of the Perfection Proclamation (see yesterday's post).


*UNC vs. Wake tonight. If the Heels lose, they'll drop from the top 25 for the first time in who knows how long. I won't call it a "must-win," but they've dropped two in a row, and at a certain point it won't make any sense to think of them as an elite ACC squad. They've got something to prove. So does Wake. Should be fun.


That'll do for now. Good on yer.

The Perfection Proclamation!

On a day that might be utterly disastrous for reasons I won't go into since this is a SPORTS blog, I've decided to lead with a bit of optimism. Hence,

THE PERFECTION PROCLAMATION

On this day, January the 19th, as Capricorn giveth way to Aquarius, I hereby aver the following truth without regard to reputation or consequence:

O'er the remainder of the season, The Duke University Men's Basketball Team shall not lose a single game at Cameron Indoor Stadium. Whereas they have yet to fall on their own floor, this ongoing flawlessness shall result in a perfect home year.

Crazy? On the surface, it may look like a lunatic's manifesto. Actually, though, much as I'd like to portray myself as hovering on that proverbial limb, this is a relatively safe bet. Take a look at the remaining home games:

FSU - Always, always a miserable, tough road game. Regardless of circumstances. But they won't get close in Cameron.

Georgia Tech - We lost by four on the road in a blown game, and the revenge motive will be strong. The Yellow Jackets showed they have some road chops with their win against UNC last week, but they'll be facing an onslaught in our house.

Maryland - It's a down year for the Terps, and the Crazies love nothing more than goading Gary Williams until he explodes. This is a surefire 15-25 point win.

Virginia Tech - Not a bad team this year, but early ACC road losses to FSU and UNC show what we can expect from them away from Blacksburg.

Tulsa - What?

UNC - This is the big daddy. We haven't gone undefeated at home since 2002-03, in part because Pyscho T owned us for four years. He never lost at Cameron, and in the two years preceding him we went down to teams like Maryland, Purdue, and Georgia Tech. But we haven't won against the Heels in Cameron in a long while, and this is the time. Don't worry, their recent slide is not making me overconfident. Yes, Zeller is out 4-6 weeks. Yes, they've looked pretty awful recently. Yes, they might even slip from the top 25. But Roy will have something going by the time they come to Cameron (March 9), and it will not be an easy game.

But we'll win, and the perfection proclamation will go down in history.

Today's proclamation has been sponsored by: Haagen Dazs Green Tea Ice Cream


I didn't even know this existed until last night, but it will surely change my life. I'm not a huge fan of actual green tea, but flavor something sweet with it? Home run, every time. Never miss a chance to get green tea creme brulee, in particular. Amazing.

Anyway, this ice cream is as good as you'd expect. Unlike most of its counterparts, the flavor here is pretty subtle, which will make you feel like a grown-up. It will also make you feel like a wise Asian person, in the Confucius mold. And since it's tea-flavored, there's no sugar, fat, calories, or anything.*

*Ice cream facts not approved by the FDA.

Moving on, three final points:

1) My friend Alex pointed out that yesterday's video game rant made me sound like a "70 year-old Fox News commentator." I read it over, and he's right. I apologize for that. I have no idea what I was even thinking. I don't even actually believe what I wrote. It was not my finest hour, I just got excitable. Also, it worries me. If I'm already going conservative at age 27, I'm screwed. In 8 years I'll be 35, wearing plaid, finding my way onto local news shows, challenging politicians to come take my guns themselves, if they're man enough.

2) Texas finally lost. It's my ironclad conviction that the Longhorns aren't that good. That means Kentucky will be #1 next week, and they have a cupcake schedule, so they'll probably stay there a while. But guess what? Kentucky's not that good either. Neither of those teams will make the final 4. The best four teams in the country right now, in order, are Kansas, Syracuse, Duke, and Villanova. Kansas will almost surely make the final 4. You may as well flip a coin to figure out what Cuse will do in any given year. They're the kind of team where being actually good might hurt them. If Singler returns to his old form, Duke will make the final 4, and Nova should make it too. There you go. Thanks for asking.

3) I swear I had a third point to make. Oh yes: ACC fans should all be watching Clemson at Georgia Tech tonight. The winner of that game stakes a solid claim as second best squad in the conference, and will probably be in the top 10. Plus, both teams are fucking huge and physical, and it should be a fun, grind-it-out game.

Happy Tuesday. Brown Down.

Weekend Awesomeness Scale, 1/18 Edition

Well, here we are. Another weekend has wisped away like the only other thing that wisps...smoke. But what about vapor, you wonder aloud...isn't that another thing that wisps? Wrong: vapor is a type of smoke. Look it up...it's science.

I think I have a long post in me today. First, I want to announce that I've come up with a theme song for the 2010 Duke Blue Devils. I love this squad, and I think we've got a lot of potential. But if there's one thing we need, it's less rigidity, less uptight behavior on the court. If there were four words of advice I could give, they would be: "Relax. Take it easy." And I'd draw out the easy into three long syllables, and the whole thing would be really melodic, and have a sort of 1970s disco-sounding flare, with a dash of modern poppy techno. But not the American kind; you'd get the feeling this was an Eastern European product, done by a guy with a fucking killer falsetto who grew up trading Michael Jackson mix tapes behind the iron curtain.

Based on these criteria, I've found the perfect candidate. Without further ado, Duke's theme song:

Believe me, this choice is going to have its naysayers. There'll be talk that it's not masculine enough, and...well, variations on that one, mostly. But just imagine Scheyer, big smile on his face, running the floor and dishing to that chorus. Seriously. Nothing but joy. The Final 4 would be inevitable. Even Zoubek would look good dancing to this song.

LET'S GET TO THE AWESOMENESS SCALE!

1 - Like Being Air-Dropped in North Vietnam, 1967

It was actually a pretty great weekend in sports, so it's tough to find something to fit this category. So I'll go with a commercial. Sorry for the crappy quality:

Do you ever wonder what aspects of our pop culture people are going to make fun of in like 20-30 years? I have to think it'll be these new uber-dramatic video game ads, where they have sweeping epic songs as a backdrop to crazy amounts of violence, plus every cinematic cliche you can think of. I had to watch this one a billion times this weekend, and it always annoyed me. It's creepy, it glorifies weird violence, it's fetishistic, and it poses as 'art.' I bet the people who designed the game are real smarmy and pompous. I bet they say things like "video games are the new artistic frontier.'

Fuck that. Video games are things played by chubby or ultra-thin pale kids who masturbate too much. Always been true, always will be. (Unless they're sports video games, which are cool and played by interesting people until they turn 22.) Video game culture will be skewered in like 15 years. That's an ironclad fact, unless our video game generation destroys the world, which actually seems pretty likely.


2 - Like Being Air Dropped into North Vietnam, 2010, But You Don't Have a Shirt and Your Chest is Painted with the Slogan "Ho Chi Minh Was Ho Chi Lame" (In Vietnamese)

Things have cooled off a little since the bad times, but this would still be bad news. This goes to New Orleans over Arizona. Call me crazy, but I wanted the Kurt Warner story to continue. Like many others, I find him fascinating. I'm not one of the legions of people who hate him for being Christian...I think that's a cool part of his story. The guy doesn't mess around with his core philosophy. You won't catch him taking a bath, getting the paper, feeling annoyed at a local dog, or being driven into the earth by a 300-pound D-Lineman without having a thought about God. I can respect that. And the reason I can respect it that he went through the wringer to get here. It's not like he was handed a sliver platter when he was 10 years old and started saying "God is good" while wrapping himself in different kinds of silk.

Anyway, I like New Orleans too. But if Warner retires, and by most accounts he will, the NFL will be less exciting next year. Just by a little. One less personality to follow.


3 - Like Being Air Dropped into North Vietnam, 2010, Chest Painted with the Slogan "Ho Chi Minh was Ho Chi Lame," but in English

Not good, but you could try to convince the villagers that the slogan said something else, like "Ho Chi Minh was Ho Chi-Rific." Only one word different...it might be crazy enough to work. This one goes to Minnesota over Dallas. Normally this would have been lower on the scale, except:

A) Always nice to see Dallas lose, and
B) There were moments when I didn't hate Brett Favre

The mistake I made was that I started calling him "Father Time" in my head, and then I started thinking of him as an embattled old grinder who keeps plugging away and persevering. And then a little nobility started manifesting itself in his aura. It got my signals all crossed, and I didn't know what to think. Anyway, there's a little truth to those ideas. But he's still an egomaniac, a baby, and a me-first kinda dude. In his postgame interview, when he said "I gotta be honest, I was very concerned about this game," I imagined that he was being a pain all week in practice, whispering to teammates that he thought they'd lose, and generally not being helpful to Childress. That's Favre, to me. I hope the Saints beat them by 50.


4 - Like Being Air Dropped Into Rural Texas Dressed Up Like Ho Chi Minh

Let's be honest, nobody's going to know who you are. It just sucks to be in rural Texas (probably). I'll give this to the possible retirement of Ed Reed, the Ravens d-back who pitches the ball on 90% of his interceptions. I've mentioned it before, but I think this is a fantastic attribute. He and Kurt Warner should team up and do some kind of traveling talent show, if that kind of thing is still economically feasible (last I checked, it was, but that was during Buffalo Bill Cody's Wild West Show in the early 1900s...I haven't seen any recent numbers).


8 - Like Being Air Dropped Into a Throng of Beautiful Vietnamese Virgins on Tet, the big Vietnamese Holiday, Dressed like Ho Chi Minh

Man, this is getting strange. Anyway, I skipped right to number 8 because most of the things that happened this week were that good. A few events qualify.

A) Federer, Nadal, Roddick, Djokovic, Clijsters, Serena Williams, and a few others did a charity event called "The Hit for Haiti." Federer organized it, and it was a doubles exhibition to benefit the earthquake victims. All the players were mic'ed up, and from the clips I've seen on YouTube, it looked pretty hilarious. This one in particular had me laughing out loud at 9am Saturday morning, and it shows that R-Fed has a sense of humor:

This is why I love these dudes. And by the way, the Australian Open is underway, and Rafa is through the first round. Expect more about this.

B) Syracuse over West Virginia. Good, solid Big East game, and The Cuse still looks like a very tough team to beat.

C) This commercial:

I've seen it about a thousand times now, and I still crack up every time. The guy's performance is just superb. I won't waste a lot of time trying to explain why I think it's so hysterical, but the way we raises both hands at the 7-second mark, like an over-enthusiastic middle school choir director, is just a triumph of improvisational acting. And then the transition into the emphatic finger point...breathtaking. I fucking love this commercial.

D) J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! Seriously, the parallels to the G-Men during their Super Bowl year are just ridiculous. Just like Coughlin in '08, Rex Ryan is on the sideline just silently begging his quarterback not to fuck up. Even when the defense is out there, I think. He's still like "yo Sanchez, I know you're on the sideline, but please do not do anything stupid." And their D is just silly. Just a silly, silly, awesome unit. Revis is talked about so often that he should be overrated, but he's actually still underrated. He's a genius. If they can muster even an ounce of offense against, or just get lucky on a punt return or two, they can win. The whole thing is insane.


10) Like Being Air Dropped Into Heaven, and the Welcoming Committee is Jesus, Kurt Warner, Rafa Nadal, and a Slew of Vietnamese Virgins

Duke over Wake Forest in Cameron. I've got a special proclamation to make tomorrow, so I won't analyze this game a ton. But the basic awesomeness recap is this: we played a fast, athletic, physical team, and we played their style, and we kicked their ass. The Plumdogs were great. Singler still looks rusty, but he was grinding all game. Nolan owned on the drive. The Dawk made some positive steps. Scheyer's shooting troubles continue, but he managed the team well. And we looked loose. It was awesome.

Happy MLK Day. Relax! (UNH-UNH) Take it Eeeee-eee-zeeee!

Tape Delay Blog: Duke-BC and UNC-Clemson

You know the drill, my friends. Everything is as written last night, with a minor style edit or two here and there. No post tomorrow, as I'm off work. Have a good day.


DUKE VS. BOSTON COLLEGE

16:12: HERE I AM, FELLOWS!

I just finished a nice run, and I’m a bit late to the game. As you can see, I’ll be time stamping this entry by the time that’s left in the game. Right now we’re about 4 minutes into the first half. The first thing happened when I turned on the tv is that Jon Scheyer missed a foul shot. Bad omen?

15:18: So far, no! He followed it up with a runner, and then Plumdog Billionaire, Mason Plumlee, dunked to give us a 9-6 lead.

15:00: Zou-Wreck takes us into the first timeout with his specialty: a dumb foul. If there’s an opposing player with an easy bucket to be made, you can count on Zou to be seconds behind with an unnecessary hack.

15:00: Okay, time to catch up! I’m here typing with my computer atop the official cardboard box of live blogging. My girlfriend is conspicuously absent, so I’m alone. I asked what time she’d be home earlier, and she said “it might be pretty late.” Live blogging nights are not her favorite.

15:00: I’ll be going straight through til 11 tonight. At least that’s the plan. After Duke-Boston College, UNC will be playing. Wait, who? UNC? Ohhhh yeahhhh...That’s the team that SUCKS.*

*Nominee #1 for insult of the night.

15:00: “He has a good heart. He has a feel for the game. He wants to win. Only. Only. Only!” That’s Coach K on Scheyer. I think we’re equally obsessed.

14:50: We’re back. Bob Knight is the color man for this game, and he was the one interviewing Coach K. I hate that this following clause is true, but I actually enjoy “The General” as an announcer. Even though he’s obviously a complete dick in real life. Rece Davis is play-by-play. Steady, reliable, attractive. Or so says…ROY WILLIAMS (smirk).*

*Nominee #2.

14:38: Plumdog Millionaire, Miles, gets an and-1 on a great offensive board. That followed a Singler miss, which brings me to a point I wanted to make at some point: Singler is highly overrated. His start to the year has been pretty bad. He can’t hit from 3, he seems too slow to drive, and he’s not big enough to play in the post. What happened to the slashing strong forward I remember from last year? Does he have Paulus Disease, where you get slower and worse as the year goes on?

13:53: Another offensive board by Plumdog Mill. Good also to see Andre Dawkins in the game early. Quiet as he’s been, this is a player we’ll need come February and March.

13:37: Massive subbing by Coach K as four newbies enter the game. Are we really 9 deep? Maybe, but you have to make an argument for Kelly, Dawkins, and Zoubek. Which isn’t the world’s easiest argument.

13:06: Reggie Jackson hits a long three for BC. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I believe it is the same person as the former Yankee slugger.

12:57: Jackson has that cool look going where he wears his headband way on the back of his head. Like in yarmulke position.

12:17: Damn, BC has the lead. It’s somehow harder to pay attention when you’re live blogging. Nolan Smith ties it up with a great drive. More penetration please, Nolan. (I hope that’s the only context I ever have for saying that sentence.)

11:38: Scheyer for 3!!! Fast break points, baby. The Crazies are getting throaty.

11:22: TV timeout. These ‘too heavy/too light’ commercials from Bud Light are friggin’ awful. They’re incredibly predictable, and it’s a stupid concept anyway. If I have to watch that redhead staple a corsage onto her asshole boyfriend one more time, I’ll probably staple myself. In the balls. On the other hand, always a pleasure to see the Sonic commercials with the improvisers…TJ Jagadowski, I think, and another guy from Chicago who’s pretty awesome.

11:22: Singler is so friggin’ pale. I think he sleeps in a coffin. Next to him on the bench, Ryan Kelly looks like someone you could easily trick into eating paint. Over and over.

11:22: Dallas Elmore shots two. What a cool name for an athlete.

10:56: Every time Dawk misses a three, I get more disappointed than I should. Great D by Nolan Smith, and Schey misses a three from the corner.

10:18: Proof that advertising doesn’t work: I’ve never visited GoDaddy.com. Shouldn’t I have done that by now? It’s supposed to have women having sex with each other, and one of them is Danica Patrick. Shouldn’t that ad, of all ads, work?

9:35: Dallas Elmore also sounds like a good porn star name. I wonder if he’s on GoDaddy.

9:08: As Elmore draws a foul on Dawk, I’m making the decision to dislike the Gothic chapel representation on the back of the Duke jerseys.

8:14: As Dawkins draws a foul on a 3, my girlfriend calls with something heavy two blocks away that I have to help her carry. FUCK. SHIT. LIFE IS UNFAIR. BULLSHIT. COME ON! (Back in a while.)

5:58: Duke down 1, and I’m back. The girlfriend is just TALKING TALKING TALKING. (Reading over my shoulder, I’m not a total asshole.)

5:00: Balls going off feet, shoulders, hands, and BC is up 3. This sucks. I also don’t have a feel for the game. Singler is at the line. How did he get there? What’s happening? How many are these worth?

4:29: I’m listening to my girlfriend try to tell her credit card number to the (probably) Hispanic person at the pizza place. This is always a disaster. It’d be easier to try to explain the US Civil War to them, I’m convinced. Numbers translate so poorly.

3:15: Tie game as Singler hits one of two.

2:33: Long argument about memory vs. external hard drive. I’m the worst live blogger ever. Plumdog Millionaire gets another offensive board, and he’s back at the line. Duke by one.

2:21: Damn, BC is scoring at an impressive clip. I don’t like that, especially at our place. Defense is supposed to be this team’s specialty. At the same time, I like the looks of BC. Not sure how old or young their guys are, but I can see a team like this coming together in a year. I still think we’ll win this game by double digits, though.

1:54: Plumlee (Miles) looks awkward and bad trying to score in the post. For all his hustle and energy and whatever, this is the essential problem. He’s not smooth. Which is why his younger brother gets the Plumdog Billionaire title.

1:24: NOLAN STUFFS IT. Great pass from Mason.

1:01: Duke by 3. Smith at the top. DRIVE. Instead they try interior passing and Scheyer loses it out of bounds.

0:46: Timeout Devils. I’m going to look up the rebounding totals for this one. It seems like BC has the edge.

0:30: Nolan Smith is awesome. He hits a beautiful floating runner in the lane. BC holding for the last shot. Then he commits a dumb foul on the other end.

0:06: ESPN has Duke leading 23-18 on the boards. Mr. October hits two for BC, and Duke calls timeout, up 3 and with the ball. Time for some Nostradamus action: Scheyer dribbles left, fakes a pass, passes back to a big man on the right, who then hits Singler coming off a pick on the baseline. Singler attempts a three from the corner as time expires.

HALFTIME: Nope. They had to go the full length, and Nolan misses a three. I’m going to buy some GUS (Grown Up Soda). Have you guys had this? It’s amazing. Back for half #2.

19:10: Nolan Smith just had a filthy drive. I love it. I actually stood up and yelled ‘YOU NASTY, KID!’ in a voice and dialect that can only be described as very embarrassing. The girlfriend was not impressed.

18:13: Scheyer to Nolan. I don’t care how many times I say that, it will never be enough. Timeout BC. 44-35.

17:30: Alley-oop from Smith to Singler, and the DUKIES ARE RUNNING!!!!

17:25: If BC could hit anything from 3, they’d be dangerous. Their offense seems to keep producing open looks, but nothing falls.

17:08: Actually, just checked ESPN and both teams are 1-7 from downtown. Singler just got a technical…not sure what happened there, and the announcers aren’t either. Bob Knight hasn’t done anything but mumble in about three minutes. Lucky for him, he’s got that savvy old man mumble going on.

16:46: Beautiful pull up by Scheyer, and then Smith to Singler on a fast break. And then Singler COAST TO COAST! Sweet up and under lay-up, and Al Singer is forced to take a TO…Cameron is rabid. Hopefully this is the game that springs him loose.

15:44: Intentional on BC as an Eagle absolutely destroys Smith on an alley-oop attempt. This fast-break offense needs to stay permanently. The discipline, poise, and speed of the guards is a perfect fit for a running game, especially at home. I love what I’m seeing. This is JOYOUS, my friends!

15:44: I’m also eating some really awesome pizza. Sausage, green peppers, mushrooms. Unbelievable. It probably has something to do with the fact that Duke is leading by 15. I guarantee no BC fans are eating pizza this good.

15:44: Smith has 16 already. Singler with 13, Scheyer 8.

15:30: Threes just aren’t falling for us today. Or against Georgia Tech. I hate when this happens, because it’s so dependent on momentum, and against a better team it just makes things really, really hard. If we’d even hit 30% against Tech, that’s our game.

15:01: Plumdog Billionaire looks like his brother in the post, getting stuffed twice. Then he did that thing where you get really pissed off about getting stuffed and start playing over-zealous defense, and make things worse by drawing a foul. The ultimate shitty sequence for a basketball player.

13:45: He’s been great all year, otherwise I’d call this a coming out performance for Nolan. The amount of body control he has in the lane is just astounding. He deserves comparison to Henderson; his athleticism isn’t quite there, but his basketball skill has surpassed him at this point.

13:15: Reggie Jackson’s headband makes a baseline jumper.

12:52: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BRIAN ZOUBEK MADE A LAYUP IN TRAFFIC! I’M NOT SURE IF THEY DO THIS ANYMORE, BUT IF THEY DO, STOP THE PRESSES!

12:24: Nolan is just unconscious. Bob Knight actually clapped on air for his shot fake. And what’s best about this is he looks like a friggin’ warrior out there.

11:00: This is the basketball equivalent of ‘seeing dead red.’ Smith just drove baseline and prepared for an out of control shot, but he’s been so damn good that the defender came over and fouled the shit out of him in a spot that was basically behind the basket. Both foul shots down. Duke by 20.

10:00: Scheyer, on the other hand, is ice cold.

9:45: With BC on the line, the Dukies are doing the intense humping motion, which was always my favorite distraction. Combined with weird moaning, it has to faze the shooter. Has to.

8:55: Admission: Plumdog Billionaire is a step slow. I’m starting to doubt whether he’s a legitimate future ‘star.’

8:13: It’s always sort of embarrassing to me when Zoubek takes a charge. It’d be like a tennis player with a killer serve dinking one underhanded. It’s just not cool. Play some defense. Maybe I need to start accepting this.

6:58: Texas is losing to Iowa State. I hope that holds. We need to end this “Texas is #1 in the country” nonsense.

6:17: Singler looks like crap on the perimeter. Until proven otherwise, he’s only an offense weapon on the break. His jump shot is just awful. No rhythm, barely any arc. Just flat and ugly.

5:00: Up and under for one final treat from Nolan. He’s got 24, which is tied for his career high. Duke by a lot.

4:35: Knight advocating for more PT for Dawkins, and I completely agree. If Coach K keeps him riding the pine like this, he’ll regret it big time when we don’t have that extra reliable guard off the bench later. Foresight, please.

3:44: This is the part of the game where BC, easily the dirtiest team in the ACC, generally gets chippy. We’ve already seen some hard fouls, and Singler just took a wild slap on the shoulder. Time to pull the starters, Mike.

3:44: This UNC-Clemson game should be very interesting, as should the UNC-Georgia Tech game on Saturday. Duke handled the former easily, and struggled on the road to the Yellow Jackets. Obviously, you can’t use the transitive property in college basketball, but it will give us an idea of the relative strength of the top ACC teams.

3:39: All starters still in, and Singler takes another wack.

2:50: Wow, Georgia Tech is about to go down to UVA on the road. Is there going to be a lot of parity in the ACC all year? Will every road game be hard?

2:29: Scrubs are in, so I’m going to give some final thoughts and then take a quick break before UNC-Clemson.

*Nolan Smith is awesome. A deserving player of the game with 24 points on 9-14 from the field, and 3 steals.

*Scheyer had a quiet game, but he was there when we needed a big basket. He has to regain his form from 3.

*Singler ran the floor well, but it seems like he’s got nothing for us out of the halfcourt set. This is highly disappointing.

*The big man story isn’t any more encouraging. We controlled the boards, a nice change from the Tech game, but there’s not even a glimmer of offensive production from the post. Mason Plumlee isn’t an option at this point, and it would be a miracle if he developed into a threat this year. Miles is a grinder, but not big or athletic enough to matter. Zou-Wreck is awkward on O, and solid on D, and Lance Thomas is our best inside defender, but without an ounce of offense. Singler is the key here, and his failure to bridge the gap between inside and outside with steady scoring is hurting us.

*On the bench, Scheyer is laughing it up with his teammates. Great to see. A selfish player would be sulking about his play. Schey seems happy for the team success.

*Another great night for team defense. As the buzzer sounds, BC could only muster 24 points in the second half.

*Overall, a great rebound from the road loss in Atlanta. We’ve got unranked Wake on Sunday night at home before traveling to State on Wednesday.


UNC at CLEMSON

16:23: HERE I AM, FELLOWS!

How do you like my new catch phrase? Clemson has an early 14-6 lead, and the crowd at Littlejohn is incredibly energized. It’s actually kinda fun to watch UNC deal with the ACC road phenomenon. Nothing is easy. And Clemson is still ranked. I’m a little skewed on how good they might be by the beat-down Duke dealt out last week. But judging by one game is foolish, and I am no man’s fool.

15:32: Who is Littlejohn? How do I not know this yet? Wikipedia says there are many Littlejohns, most of them British. But Google says the man in question is James Littlejohn, the school’s first business manager, who had a hand in a lot of the construction on campus. So there ya go.

13:45: Jesus, 22-8 Clemson. Make that 24-8 as Booker the Elder slams one down on the fast break. UNC is looking a lot like they looked when they got owned by Syracuse at MSG earlier this year. But Stitt has two fouls, which is the only bright spot for the Heels.

12:34: 27-10. This is scaring the shit out of me for next Saturday’s game here. This is not the same Clemson team we saw at Cameron.

10:52: One thing I’ll say for Duke- they wouldn’t allow the pressure to get to them like this. UNC has 10 turnovers already. But I guess that’s what happens when you have a young team. Anyway, I like our chances for getting a win at Cameron this year.

9:49: Okay, it’s 35-12 Clemson, they can’t miss, UNC’s running scared, and it might already be past the point of no return. Meanwhile, I’m getting tired, the girlfriend is having trouble seeing the point in liveblogging a blowout that doesn’t even involve my team, and now UNC is missing wide open lay-ups. That’s my cue:

GOODNIGHT, FELLAS!

A Weird Poem for Jon Scheyer

A lot of you know that I hold Jon Scheyer in pretty high esteem. I won't recite his stats, but suffice it to say the dude is having a good year. So why not take my fandom to the next level? I have no other ideas for today. This is what you get. Tomorrow, live blogs of the Duke and UNC games, and then I'm off work Friday.

An Obsessive Person's Ode to Jon Scheyer

In the camps, around the fire
In cafes, where men perspire
They will know you for a liar
If you slander Jonny Scheyer

Blond and slim, with talent rife
Slicing zones just like a knife
If he marries in this life
I will surely hate his wife

Make a list of things you hate
in red ink, and if that slate
includes a certain Devil great...
FIE ON YOU, I'LL SET YOU STRAIGHT!
I'LL HAVE YOUR PATE UPON A PLATE!
DINERS SHALL YOUR HEAD AWAIT!
A FRENZIED FEAST SHALL BE YOUR FATE!

...

A delay, my friends, to catch my air
at times, you see, poetic flair
leaves the artist weak and bare
with no vital force to spare!

Thankfully, a lack of verve
shall never plague a single nerve
of wond'rous Jonathan, observe:
he has moxie in reserve.

The healing touch of Saint Theresa
the eerie grin of Mona Lisa
the stance, askew, of Torre Pisa:
none shall match the pure mystic grace of my hero Jon Scheyer

SAY AGAIN?! A BONE TO PICK?!
MY LAST LINE STRUCK YOU TO THE QUICK?!
I FAILED TO MAKE THE RHYTHM CLICK?!
TO CONSUMMATE THE RHYMING TRICK?!

A joke! Relax, you frightened scholar
You're right! My meter went to squalor.
(And yet, for but a paper dollar
I'd wring you by your Windsor collar)

But let us not our past lament
lest our errors we augment
My subject, aye! I catch the scent
Scheyer: Son of Firmament

Have you seen the bright blue eyes?
The swatting arms when he denies?
The roaring cheers, the female sighs?
The world will crumble when he dies

And from the ashes, angel wings
shall spread, and when the creature sings:
Wreaths of fire, sacred stings!
The end of days, the death of kings!

(Yesterday, I ate a snack
of cornflakes in my clapboard shack
and patterned in the milk, alack!
The face of Scheyer, staring back!)

It may be years before we fall
but though we fret, delay, and stall,
none shall ever hold our thrall
like Scheyer, Duke of Basketball!





(If any post will ever get me arrested, deported, or just restraining-ordered, it's this one. Or this one. Or this one. Anyway, please take this as a joke. See you tomorrow.)

I Still Say McGwire's Clean

Gonna be a quick one today, as the morning's getting busy. Asterisks, everyone's favorite.

*Mark McGwire officially admitted his use of performance enhancing drugs in an interview with Bob Costas on MLBTV yesterday. Obviously, this surprises no one. It's very easy to vilify him, but there's something important to remember: he just happened to be the dude that hit 70 home runs.

When I say that, I don't mean to excuse his cheating. He took the pills, or injected the juice, or whatever. He made that choice, and now he'll never be in the Hall of Fame, and his legacy is forever tarnished. Deservedly so. But there's this disturbing trend on the part of sports fans to make McGwire the ultimate bad guy, and what I'm saying is, he's just one of hundreds, maybe thousands. He's part of a trend of players who didn't have quite enough character to make the right choice. It just so happens that he's the dude who hit 70 home runs in a legendary year and got called before congress and had a national profile. But he's no more culpable than Morgan Castellano, a dude I just made up who took steroids in the minor leagues but could never hit a curve ball and was a liability in the field and thus couldn't advance beyond Double A.

So take it easy on Big Mark. At the very least, something in his brain compelled him to come clean yesterday. He didn't have to. Cynics will say it's a last-ditch effort to reverse his image and garner more HOF votes (since his first year of eligibility in 2007, he hasn't even come close). But I don't buy it; I think he's resigned himself to missing out on Cooperstown, and the confession came about because he legitimately wanted to lighten his pesonal burden. Does it excuse his PED use? I guess not. He was dumb and young and made a mistake that will never stop costing him. But he's also not a super-villain. He's a product. As pathetic or contrived or blame-shirking as it may have seemed when he wept to Costas and said "I wish I'd never played in the steroids era," you can't deny the hint of truth. He wasn't strong enough to be anything other than a man of the times.


*Pete Carroll is gone from USC. This is a very sad day. I don't doubt that he'll bring his same verve and ability to the Seahawks, but I'm pretty convinced that his approach is more effective with college kids than professionals. I'm ready to be surprised, but losing his personality on the college level is a big blow for fans, and not just Trojan fans. He always seemed like the anti-coach to me; instead of being a rigid, militaristic guy with a buzz cut or a fat slovenly-looking tyrant, he was positive, happy, and loose. Among all college coaches, he's the guy I'd want to play for (if he ever decided to coach pick-up games in Brooklyn parks on Sunday). Really, his individuality is comparable only to a few other D-1 coaches. Bobby Bowden comes to mind, but he's on the way out too. Maybe Chris Petersen from Boise State, though I don't know quite as much about him. But Carroll is somehow meant to be in charge of young men, and I worry that he's not as perfectly suited to the NFL.

Anyway, the overused phrase 'end of an era' definitely applies to this situation. He turned USC into a machine, and along with Urban Meyer became the most successful coach in the game. If you have some free time, this is a great 2007 profile on Carroll from the LA Times. I'll miss his passion, and the Seahawks just became my second-favorite NFL team.

*That's all for today, I think. Oh, but mark my words: Kentucky loses their first game tonight by about 15 on the road at Florida. And you thought I was done with predictions! And speaking of college bball, I think a live blog is in order for Wednesday night...Duke-BC at 7, and UNC-Clemson at 9...time to get real.

I'm Done Predicting Anything, Including Sunrises

Resolved: my little month-long prediction sideshow is OVER. Done. I can't take the self-esteem blows anymore. After failing to muster even a .500 record with the college bowls, I didn't even wait two days before reeling off a 1-3 streak in the first weekend of the NFL playoffs. Not even two days, guys.

Masochism isn't good for anyone, so enough. Let's cover the weekend in sports, using an abbreviated Awesomeness Scale.

1 - As Awesome as Being Shamed By a Community of Amish

Duke loses to Georgia Tech on the road. This takes the early top spot as 2010's most frustrating game. We were ahead for most of it, things started to level out around the 10-minute mark of the second half, and they held on by 4 at the end. And this is what happens when you play a ranked team on the road. You don't content yourself with small leads; you push it out, or you get swamped in the momentum of a rabid home crowd when the pressure's on. Time for a bold statement:

This loss is on Coach K.

Some truths about the game:

1) Our guards are far superior to theirs.

2) They outrebounded us, and will probably be one of the few teams to do so this year.

3) We couldn't hit a 3 to save our blue hides. 6-28, 21%.

These three elements were readily apparent very early. Smith and Scheyer could basically drive at will, and Tech had nothing for them on D. But in typical Coach K fashion, they were hamstrung by a stifled offense. More bold. More anger. Instead of turning those two loose, letting them penetrate when they were overplayed, he insisted on that ridiculous entry-pass-to-the-wing offensive set. Every time down the court, Scheyer had to force it to either Singler, Smith, Dawkins, or whoever on the wing. The results:

1) The Tech guards were able to overplay him defensively, using smothering defense because they knew he wasn't going to drive by and make them pay in the interior.

2) Instead of creating wide open shots by making the D collapse, this led to one-on-one wing play that resulted in contested 3s (and hence, the lower shooting %) and purposeless post passes to the likes of Zoubek, who has been christened in my head and heart as "Old Snowshoes," based on my stepfather's amazing description of how he moves.

3) It isolated the three guards on the wings, leading to a dearth of offensive rebounds and second chances.

This game could literally have been a blow-out if Scheyer and Smith were given the green light to drive. Too many years with Paulus at the helm has given Coach K a complex. YOU FINALLY HAVE A PAIR OF GOOD GUARDS, MIKE. LET THEM LOOSE. LET THEM THE FUCK LOOSE.

Georgia Tech may be ranked #17, but they have no business beating us. That one goes down as an embarrassment. When they come to Cameron in early February, we'll win by 15. And the loss sure as hell doesn't bode well for the rest of the season. In the past few years, we've lost because of poor recruiting. We didn't have the pieces. But going down will be a hell of a lot harder to take if we do have the pieces, and just get coached to death. I'm feeling shades of 2002 already. In my imagination, a bunch of guards from Indiana are raining 3s and turning around to smile at their parents in the stands, both hands raised in surprise, because my gosh, this isn't supposed to happen!!!


2 - As Awesome as Being Shamed By a Community of Hipsters

Not as bad as the Amish, because their morals aren't as consistent, but still uncomfortable. This goes to UNC 78, Virginia Tech 64 and the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight being canceled. First, the Tar Heels. I hate that this team will now start to improve, and that the process will last all season until they're inevitably better than Duke by March. I hate this. They have four losses, but three of them are to Texas, Syracuse, and Kentucky. Even having played these teams will be a huge benefit as the season goes along. Meanwhile, the best team we've played is Wisconsin, who admittedly look pretty good after beating Purdue. I'm not blaming anyone for this; the scheduling didn't work out to let us face anyone top tier. But I already resent the Carolina resurgence.

As for Mayweather-Pacquiao, what can you say? This fight would have been amazing. It could have saved boxing, or at least sparked a renewed interest that led to something. But no, it couldn't happen because Mayweather is afraid to fight anyone worth a damn and started insisting on some bizarre bloodletting ritual that cut to the heart of Pacquiao's honor. Ridiculous. Boxing sucks. Mayweather is a sissy. Instead, they'll both fight no-names, win, and probably continue to avoid each other. It's the only sport other than college football where the system is so entrenched and awful that it prevents the simple, desired match-ups from ever happening.


3 - As Awesome as Being Shamed by a Community of Seniors

Look, you're going to feel bad. There's some gravitas behind those old faces, and they still got a lot of fire. But at the end of the day you probably did something like take too many NutraSweets from the wicker basket by the coffee or upset a woman named Eloise by tossing a pinecone to yourself. It ain't like you're happy, but you'll survive. This goes to the Philly-Dallas and Baltimore-New England games, blowouts from the word 'go.' The former game was doomed to be totally unenjoyable anyway, since both teams are heartless and hated. The second was actually fun to watch for a little while, just because the Ravens defense is full of tough, funny personalities like Ray Lewis and Ed Reed.

Also, Reed's habit of lateraling the football every time he makes an interception is one of the best things going in the NFL right now. After his pick, I immediately started saying "here comes the pitch!" (I was by myself), and my excitement rose as he started carrying the ball in one hand. Then New England got him almost down, and out came the ball! So much fun, and it worked, too. But the rest of the game was pretty boring.


4 - As Awesome as Being Shamed by a Group of Men Whose Voices Have Unconsciously Take on the Timbre and Inflection of Rush Limbaugh

Frightening because of how their jowls shake, but there's a little bit of inner joy in this situation. I'll give this to Arizona over Green Bay. I didn't really care who won this game, though I have a strange aversion to Aaron Rodgers that I'm a few years away from being able to explain. But this is what an NFL Wild Card Round should be; two teams with no defense and fun offense playing a game with sudden swings and unpredictable results. After the Arizona kicker missed that last field goal and Green Bay won the toss, I got so sure in my head that they'd win the game that I actually became certain they wouldn't.

Does that make any sense? It was like, neither defense is any good, Arizona just blew a huge chance, and smart money says Green Bay marches down the field and wins. But this game is so weird that at this point the opposite must happen. And then the pick-6! Fun times.


5 - As Awesome as Being Honored by the Rotary Club when You Hoped to be Honored by the Lions Club

Not quite the fraternal lodge you were hoping for, but it ain't nothing. This goes to the Jets. I was playing poker on Saturday, and we were half-watching the game, half paying attention to our cards. The only person in the room with a firm rooting interest was a British dude wearing a Jets jersey. He sat on a leather chair yelling things like "well played, mate!" and "mark him! mark him!" And it struck me that this was exactly the way a Jets victory needs to be celebrated. Here's what we know about them: they wear green, they have to ask permission to use the Meadowlands, their coach cries at every press conference, and most of their fans are foreigners.

But they're a New York team, damnit, and that's nothing to sneeze at. See if you can catch me sneezing (hint: give me a room full of dust and cat dander and some bright lamps, and it still won't happen). Good for the Jets. I think they have a fighting shot at the Chargers next weekend, but I think they'll blow it near the end because that's kinda how they roll. Bless you, boys.

Not a lot of sports happening tonight, so maybe use the chance to tell someone dear that you appreciate their efforts. Welcome to Monday.

WHO LIKE DEM PLAYOFFFFSSS?

I DOES!

NFL Playoffs are always a blast (except when the Giants are involved, and they become nervewracking, unpleasant, sometimes depressing, and sometimes life-affirming),and I hope this year will follow form. Just like March Madness, the first two rounds are always the most exciting and action-packed. And it starts with a New York team this year...the wrong one, but hey, sometimes you take what the big hand is offering.

Theoretical question from the public: SCSD, what's your policy on rooting for other New York teams when your favorite team isn't involved?

Answer: I'll root for the Jets. They aren't rivals. In fact, the two teams barely play. I think it's once every four years under the current NFL scheduling policy. They could meet in the Super Bowl, but that's never happened. Basically, the two teams are separate entities, so I'll support the Jets based on NYC loyalty. As for other local teams...I don't support the Nets, because they're not a New York team and they've always been boring for me. The Islanders I could give two shits about.

Last, the Mets. This is a tricky one. Historically, I've come down on their side (hideous secret: as a very little kid who didn't actually follow baseball that much, I was a Mets "fan"...loved Strawberry and HoJo). But since the start of interleague play, it's become abundantly clear that their fans have a chip on their shoulder about the Yankees. Big surprise. You hear countless tales of the Mets supporting Boston just because they don't want to see us win. And I've been to interleague games at Shea where the Yanks lost, and "Yankees Suck" chants have followed me down the concourse and out of the stadium.

Which is all evidence that I should start treating them like enemies. But when the dust settles, I have trouble following through. There's just a part of me that wants New York teams to succeed, and I can't see myself ever rooting for a team like the Phillies or the Cardinals over the Mets. No matter how badly they treat us. It's a little bit like how you'll always support a family member, even if that family member is a total screw-up. They're still family.

And speaking of total screw-ups, here's the final tally of my Bowl Prediction gambit after last night's Alabama win:

16-18 straight up, 13-21 against the spread.

I'm going to surf the momentum wave of that success right into the NFL Playoffs! I've read other writers who look at an 11-0 prediction record for the entire playoffs as the Holy Grail of gambling augury. Experts and old men who smell like newspapers go their whole lives without quite reaching that rareified plateau. I've never tried it, myself, so what the hell?

Jets (+3) over Bengals

Believe me, I'm not expecting this one to be as easy as week 17. At the same time, I don't buy into the idea that Cincy was 'playing possum' or anything like that. They put their starters on the field, and they got their butts kicked. Yes, it was freezing. Yes, it was on the road. At least one of those will not be true on Saturday. But that Jets defense is awesome. I keep harping on the comparison between this team and the Giants Super Bowl squad, and it's because I think I'm onto something. Granted, the Giants had more offensive options, but people forget that Eli was viewed as a loose cannon and poor pressure performer going into those playoffs. In every game, his job was to keep things simple and not screw up. If Sanchez can manage that, which Lord knows is not a given, the Jets can make a serious run. But regardless of what happens later, I don't think the Bengals have the downfield threats to make a serious dent in the NY defense. After Revis shuts down Ochocinco, what's left? This one won't be 37-0, but I'm seeing a 24-10 type game.


Eagles (+4) over Cowboys

The NFL is a weird league, and I'm counting on a bit of that weirdness here. On its face, this prediction doesn't make much sense. In Week 17, the Cowboys beat up on the Eagles in the same venue in a game that mattered to both. It gave Dallas homefield edge and the NFC East championship. So why should this week be any different? Because the stakes are higher, and McNabb's record on the big stage speaks for itself. That offense won't be held scoreless again; if the Giants can put up 40+ on the Cowboys, so can Philadelphia. You can count on Reid to make key defensive adjustments to stymie the running game and make Romo beat them through the air. Plus, there's that old saw about how tough it is to beat a team 3 times in one season. And until Team Romo/Phillips proves that they won't fold on the big stage, why roll with Dallas? Why indeed. You know the old saying...only two things come from Texas: grape jellies and nervous nellies. And Tony Romo ain't been sitting in my kitchen growing mold since the '98 Laredo County Fair.


Patriots (-3.5) over Ravens

Belichick and Brady at home against a team who could barely get by the Raiders last week in a must-win game? Welker be damned; the Pats aren't a Super Bowl team this year, but there's no way they won't cover on Sunday. I've never been more certain of anything in my life.*

*You should now bet your life savings, your home, and your loved ones on the Ravens.


Packers (+1) over Cardinals

Boldin's complaining, probably out, Warner's old, and Green Bay unleashed a pounding on the Cards last week. Granted, that won't mean much on Sunday, but I still think the Pack has the inside track in this one. And they're hot as hell going in...they've taken seven of their last eight, with the only loss coming in fluky fashion to the Steelers. Meanwhile, Arizona has been dicking around with the likes of St. Louis, San Francisco, and Detroit (expect the phrase 'dicking around' to start appearing here more regularly). I ride with Rodgers and Jennings in this one. And our vehicle is a golf cart with some kind of cheese motif going on up at the top.

I should probably write some words about the BCS Championship, but it basically went how we all expected. I personally don't believe the result would have been any different with McCoy at the helm, though I'm sure Longhorn fans will hold onto that little nugget for the rest of their lives. Bama was just the better team, and I'm happy for Ingram and Saban and the rest of the crew. They were a pleasure to watch all season.

Duke-Georgia Tech at 2 on Saturday! That one should be a gas. Hotlanta ain't seen Devils like these since Sherman was getting his march on. And with that, I shall now conclude what has probably been the most accidentally anti-southern post in SCSD history. And holy shit, I just noticed I picked the northern team in every single NFL game...I need to get this checked out. I might be a geographist. Have a great weekend.

Forget It, State...it's Schey-Town

First off, I was wrong about last night's Duke-Iowa State game being on the road. It was actually at a neutral site (Chicago's United Center) in front what looked like a pretty partisan Duke crowd.

That being said, the Windy City shall hereafter be known as SCHEY-TOWN. Which unfortunately is not my invention, just a sign I saw and liked at the game. But still, start getting it straight. This kid is motherf&#$ing awesome. Which isn't a new reality, but an expanded one. He's been great his entire career, but now he's in a new echelon. A possible ACC-Player-of-the-Year echelon. A possible Player-of-the-Year-Period echelon. A possible NBA-Champion-This-Year-Echelon.*

*Oops, that one is actually not possible.

But in all honesty, it's time to start comparing him to Michael Jordan. Favorably.


Okay, I'm going to calm down, at least for a minute or two. Joking aside, I can't imagine a better start to the year for someone who has emerged as our top dog. Scheyer, a Chicago native, scored 31 in last night's drubbing of the Cyclones, and he looked awesome in the process. He can do pure shooting, he can do slicing and dicing, he can do ball control, and he can do sense-of-the-moment. He's Jonny on the spot, no matter the situation, and I'm completely serious when I say he's a POTY candidate. 19.7ppg, top 10 in assists with 6.3 per game, and the best assist-to-turnover ratio of any player in the country at 4.6. He also shoots 43% from 3, and 92% from the stripe.

Silly, silly, sick stats. Screw comparisons to Jordan. I'm ready to put him up against a different Chicago personality...Barack Obama. Some other comments from the game...

*Team defense is great. The announcers made a good point that this year's team has settled into a sort of compact unit, playing solid man-to-man, rather than constantly extending into passing lanes and trying to harass other teams into bad turnovers. And it's worked well; only two opponents have topped the 70-point mark. I think Coach K realized that we didn't have the team quickness to make nonstop pressure viable, and that it would only wear us out and hurt the offensive energy. This probably should have happened for the past few years, but better late than never.

*I made the mistake of paying Zoubek a compliment three posts ago, and reader Suzann made the following comment: "Don't give too much credit to Zoubek...he's bound to disappoint again, and often."

Too true, Suzann. Last night, he looked awful. I agree with my stepfather's assessment, who called at halftime distraught with his play. "It looked like he was wearing snowshoes out there," he said. And I think that's the best possible description; Zoubek moves like he wears snowshoes.

The good news is that Mason Plumlee looks better and better, and by the time the second half of ACC play rolls around I suspect he'll be taking the bulk of the minutes from Zou-Wreck.

*Where's the Dawk? Andre Dawkins, true freshman 3-point shooter extraordinaire, has been increasingly MIA. Last night he made his first appearance with 2:30 left and the game out of reach. Is Coach K losing faith in him? Is the death of his half-sister affecting him adversely? And really, how could it not? This is my least favorite storyline of the year.

Overall, another strong effort. Saturday is our first ACC road test, at #17 Georgia Tech. It's an entirely new animal, and if the Wisconsin game proved anything, it's that we need to improve in hostile environments. This should help.

Moving on, we're at the very end of the...

BOWL PREDICTION SAGA OF MASSIVE HEARTBREAK AND MINOR REDEMPTION

I made the right analysis last night, and was correct against the spread, but my dream of .500 straight up ended when Central Michigan won in OT. That makes me 15-18 straight up, and 12-21 against the spread. There's no way to spin those records as "good" or even "average," so I will just let them speak for themselves and accept my public humiliation.

The spread I'm seeing most often for tonight is Alabama -4.5. I think that's too low, especially considering what Florida did to Cincinnati. But the good news for fans of a close game is that the Big 12 has looked okay too; Oklahoma, Nebraska, and Texas Tech all came away with wins. Still, I expect this game to be like the last few title games; more coronation than dogfight. And as a fan of Nick Saban and a follower of the Crimson Tide, there's no way I'm screwing around with this one.

I Like 'Bama. Roll Tide!

NFL stuff tomorrow. Enjoy the bittersweet end of college football.

Jivin,' Thrivin,' and Top-5'in'

That's Duke, baby! As of Monday's poll, we're back in the nation's top 5, and ready for more. Let it also be known that this marks the first time in history that the concept of 'jive' has ever been mentioned in the same context as Duke University. It's a new era. Before this, there were only some loose rumors that Coach K used to do the hand-jive from 'Grease' in front of his wrap-around mirror, but even that could never be proven. So get a load of the new face of jive:


Tonight we travel to Iowa State, who currently own a 10-3 mark on the year and can't be terribly far from the top 25. It'll be a nice road test before Georgia Tech this weekend.

Detour into:

The Futility Dream-Snatcher Bowl Challenge

Doesn't that sound like the name of an actual bowl, kinda? Today, Notre Dame announced that it has declined a berth in December 15th's Futiility Dream-Snatcher Bowl. They will be replaced by a makeshift team from the Arizona state penitentiary.

Anyway, the hope for .500 is still alive after Iowa's win last night.

Original goals that can be compared to a northern general's firm belief that the Civil War would be over in a matter of days:

25-9 straight up, 20-14 against the spread

Current marks that are sorta like an alternate future where the rebels burned Washington D.C. and started talking about advancing on Montreal:

15-17 straight up, 11-21 against the spread

I would like to point out, however, that in my Bowl Pool picks (you can read that blog here) I am 12-19 straight up. I had to make those picks before any games started, so if nothing else I have learned from the results of the games to the tune of a 3-game swing. BOOYA. Moral victory!

Tonight, I'm going to reverse another of my pool picks. I had Central Michigan, but so far this bowl season the MAC has looked terrible. They're 0-4, with a few bad losses and some close ones to mediocre teams. However, Central Michigan was the best team in the MAC, so could there be a difference? Let's look at their two losses. 19-6 to Arizona, who got whooped in a bowl game, and 31-10 to Boston College, who did the same. Any quality out-of-conference wins? Early on, they beat Michigan State by two. Otherwise, it's been all MAC victories, which as we know are now devalued. So what about Troy, their opponent? All three losses were big, but they were to Florida, Bowling Green, and Arkansas, all of whom looked great in bowls. They were undefeated in conference, including a blow-out of Middle Tennessee State, who also acquitted themselves nicely against SMU.

The underdog is 17-15 straight up this bowl season. It's incredible, but true. None of the stuff I mentioned above proves to me that Central Michigan deserves to be a favorite. So let's roll with the dogs. I like Troy (+4) both ways.

Not much else to mention today. I might live blog the Duke game tonight, but I also might miss the first part, so that's kinda up in the air. Later this week I'm going to make up for my college picks by starting an improbable 11-0 football playoff prediction run. I leave you now with Jon Scheyer's theme song, and wishes for a serene Wednesday.

Half Post

Very late into work today, but just for the record:

Iowa (+3.5) over Georgia Tech both ways.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served BLUEEEEEEE!

I wanted to start 2010 off with a real humdinger of a post title, guys and girls, and I think I just knocked it out of the park.* Welcome to a new year of SCSD!

*IKEA Car Park, Hoboken, New Jersey

Last February, Clemson invited us into their basketball gym as a sort of trick, and it ended with our trusting team being slaughtered and embarrassed in front of a crowd of very mean people. 74-47 was the final score, and it was the beginning of the end of our season. Any delusions of Final Four potential were nipped at the bud on that cruel evening, and the rest of the year went to script.

Luckily, delusions of Final Four potential in 2010 are firmly intact, as the Devils had their revenge in Cameron last night with a 74-53 win against the #18 Tigers. It as a nice way to open ACC play, and hopefully it erases those bad memories. A few thoughts:

1) Our defense has been pretty spectacular so far; in the first half, Clemson scored only 12 points. Some of that may have may have owed to intimidation or early jitters, but this is a ranked ACC school, not some out-of-conference cupcake. Duke's pressure is seriously rattling opponents, and a big difference this year is that teams aren't getting second chances when they force an early miss. Between Singler, Thomas, Zoubek, and the Plumlees, we're finally owning the boards.

2) I can't say enough about Scheyer and Smith. The former is the steadiest player in college basketball, with an insane 5.5 assist-to-turnover ration (leads the nation) and a knack for drawing fouls or hitting the big shot when the other team starts to gain momentum. The latter has improved leaps and bounds from last year, can now drive, hit the short pull-up, and hit 3s consistently, and is getting closer to being the true point guard we need. Both had 22 last night, and Scheyer added six assists. He also had a crucial second half steal-and-trey sequence that sent Cameron into spasms and made Coach K go into full-fledged excited-rat mode. His inner eyebrows dove in toward his nose, his eyes lit up with yellow, and he even flailed both arms in a sort of clawing motion as he took two steps onto the court. Beautiful to behold, if you have weird ideas about beauty.

3) We didn't even really light it up from the floor last night. If there's one complaint I can muster, it's that the pressure sometimes made us look hesitant and awkward. They broke the press with ease for most of the game, but there were times when even the perimeter D seemed to send us into a small retreat. When Smith or Scheyer have the ball and a defender gets in their face, I want to scream at them to just fly by, the way Jason Williams used to. But they mainly turn their backs to the defender and look to initiate the offense with a pass to the wing. Which is fine, of course, sometimes...but I can't help but feel that more driving would set up some easy baskets, both down low and on the kick-out. And I know they're capable.

In the end, this isn't a huge issue. At least not yet. I'm just afraid that if accepting pressure and letting it push us backward becomes habitual, we set ourselves up for failure against the elite defensive squads and open the door for a repeat of Duke-Villanova in last year's sweet 16.

4) You know me. I'm the first one to make fun of Zoubek. And it still pisses me off when he tries to take a charge in the middle of the lane instead of playing defense. But credit where it's due: he's turned into a competent role player. Didn't think this day would come, but he knows what he's doing out there. I could say the same for Lance Thomas. Neither one are as detrimental on offense as I thought they'd be.

All in all, I couldn't ask for a better start to conference play. This Saturday we hit the road, destination Georgia Tech, and we'll get our first chance to see how the boys handle themselves in a hostile environment.

Moving on, here's something interesting: 3 of next week's first round games in the NFL playoffs will be rematches from week 17. That's got to be a first, right? In all three cases, the team with the worse record won, and won big. Two of those wins, by Green Bay and the Jets, came about largely because their opponent had nothing to play for and rested some key components. But even still, doesn't there have to be something mentally unsettling about facing a team that just routed you? Right now, I'm convinced that all three winners from week 17 should be favorites. Dallas is a no-brainer, because their win actually vaulted them ahead of Philly and gave them home field in the rematchm, but Green Bay and the Jets both hit the road. I still give them the edge.

Speaking of my prodigious predicting ability, it's time for:

A HIDEOUS LUMP OF BOWL

Old goals: 25-9 straight up, 20-14 against the spread.

Currently: 14-16 straight up, 10-20 against the spread!!!

Which means I still have a chance to finish over .500 straight up. Hoorah!

Tonight, I like TCU (-3) over Boise State both ways. Mountain West has been awesome, and the WAC has been just that.

This, by the way, is the bowl game I've been looking forward to the most, even a bit more than the championship. Happy New Year.

Goodbye, 2009

Until Seth Curry Saves Duke! gains in prominence and the country slash world slash universe recognizes the New Year as beginning on what is known today as "March 30th," the date of SCSD!'s first post, it will be necessary to pay homage to the Gregorian calendar and celebrate with the masses as they count down to the false transition.

(I just re-read that sentence, and man, it had a lot happening. I should teach a class on how to kill a joke by pure verbiage. Or, rather, 'it would befit me to assume the role of instructor for a group of prospective pupils desiring intimate knowledge on the practice of sabotaging humor by means of extreme prolixity.')

Anyway, it's been another whole year. You can't argue with me there. I wish I had something profound to say, or at least a countdown of the ten greatest something-or-others, but the only thing really happening is that I'm getting my arse kicked up and down in this bowl prediction project. And unfortunately, I was late to work today and have a lot going on, so I only have time to make the weekend predictions. But when the chips are down and the truth is out, the New Year ain't nothing but another day. Let's keep noses pressed to the grindstone. Let's pound that pavement. Let's continue with...

THE 10TH LAYER OF HELL BOWL PREDICTION TORTURE PAGEANT

It's increasingly embarrassing to go back and look at my write-ups from the day before after these games play out. To be fair, Bowling Green gave up a BS 70-yard drive with 16 seconds left to lose their game (big respect for the Idaho coach for going for two...that was awesome). But Nebraska absolutely annihilated Arizona, and the offense I so gleefully insulted looked pretty awesome. The Pac-10 in particular is giving me all kinds of hell; I'm 1-4 straight up and 0-5 against the spread in games involving that conference.

Time for the weekend's games, and there are many. Minimal write-ups this time, don't want to take the focus off the good old-fashioned no-frills bad predictions.

Goals: 25-9 straight up, 20-14 against the spread.

Current: 6-9 straight up (I can still reel off 19 straight!), 3-12 against the spread (so much breathing room!).

Today:

Houston (-7) vs. Air Force, noon. Don't bet against the service academies? Okay, sure, but what about that Houston offense? They'll score, but the D is vacant, and C-USA has been a let down. The Mountain West will deliver. Air Force both ways.

Oklahoma (-9.5) vs. #21 Stanford, 2pm. Wow...what a line, nobody believes in Stanford despite the ranking. And it's a mystery, because they lost big to Cal, who looked horrible, and beat USC, who looked pretty good. I'm gonna revert to my coaching hypothesis here; Stoops isn't awesome in bowls, and Harbaugh will be prepared. Stanford covers, Oklahoma wins.

Missouri (-6.5) vs. Navy, 3:30pm. Missouri can put up some numbers, but Navy's D has been solid, especially second half of the season. Again, I believe in the service academies, and if you love America, so should you. DAMN THE TORPEDOS, NAVY IMPLEMENTS A BLOCKADE ON THE STRAIGHT-UP AND THE SPREAD!

Minnesota (-1.5) vs. Iowa St., 6pm. Gee, I'm glad this is the night game, and therefore the only one I'll be able to see since I work until 4pm. God forbid I have to watch a fun game like Oklahoma-Stanford. Nope, give me this clash of the titans, because I want to be completely fucking depressed and bored by the time the ball drops. Minnesota both ways.

#11 Virginia Tech (-4) vs. Tennessee, 7:30pm. I'll take the SEC team that almost beat Alabama, please. Volunteers everywhere you look.

New Year's Day games:

Auburn (-7) vs. Northwestern, 11am. Fun early game. Needless to say, I'm rolling with the SEC here. Auburn wins and covers.

#16 West Virginia (-2.5) vs. FSU, 1pm. Would be nice to see Bobby go out with a win, but I don't see it. Mountaineers both ways.

#13 Penn State (-3) vs. #12 LSU, 1pm. Wait, seriously? Easiest pick of the year. Give me a break. LSU says Geaux Home, Lions.

#7 Oregon (-3) vs. #8 Ohio State, 4:30pm. Interesting Rose Bowl. I think OSU will cover, but Tressel will make some stupid mistake and blow the game. Oregon straight up, Buckeyes w/spread.

#5 Florida (-10) vs. #3 Cincinnati, 8:30pm. What a great game. It should be highly emotional with Tebow leaving and Urban Meyer stepping down. Florida's going to win, but Cincy will keep this one closer than expected and cover. That offensive unit is nothing short of great. Cincy with spread, Gators straight up.

Saturday's games:

South Florida (-4.5) both ways over Northern Illinois - I've learned my lesson with the MAC.

UConn (+4.5) against the spread over South Carolina, Gamecocks straight up - I like Edsall, I think UConn will be pumped and fall jussst short.

#19 Oklahoma State (+3) both ways over Ole Miss - that team is always a disappointment, and I think Dez Bryant will go off...kinda puzzling that they're underdogs here...

Arkansas (-7.5) over East Carolina both ways - no brainer. ECU doesn't see this kind of ability in C-USA. SEC West ain't a thing to take lightly.

Michigan State (+8) both ways over Texas Tech - karma is a bitch, and Mike Leach is getting screwed by TTU and the James family. He's going to land on his feet, but the Red Raiders are going to land on their asses. BOOYA.

And there it is. Have a great New Year's Eve, my friends. Thanks for reading in 2009, and I'll see you on Monday.