A Chance for YOU to Gamble, and Giants-Eagles

To kick things off on this Triple F post (Freezing F*#%ing Friday), I'm gonna be a little self-indulgent. Indeed, why else do I have a blog?

Yesterday I was browsing the bowl schedule, and lamenting the fact that it's impossible to get psyched for the earlier games between schools like Troy and Central Florida without a single player I could name and whose records barely top .500. The clear option, of course, was to find something else to do with my life for two weeks, but that sounded pretty extreme. So I started brainstorming, trying to invent an artificial way to boost my interest, and hit up on an obvious answer: gambling. Gambling makes everything more fun, from lame sporting events to watching two ants amble toward a crack in the sidewalk. And putting my own money on the line and possibly kickstarting a dangerous lifelong habit that leaves me destitute and pathetic is too exciting to pass up.

I'm sure it's been done before in history, but I've never heard of or been involved in a College Football Bowl pool. So I got the old pen and paper out, drew up some plans, threw some crumpled pages in the wastebasket, grabbed my hair in agony, had a few epiphanies (the song to this montage was "It's Raining Men") and, long story short, came up with this format:

1) Everyone picks the winner of all 33 bowl games. You can find the games listed here, and I'd send a spreadsheet for easier formatting once I know this thing is officially on.

2) Along with picking the winner (straight up, no spread), you’ll assign a point value to each game, from 1-33. The point value you assign to each game will be the points you receive if you pick it right! So if you pick Florida to beat Cincinnati, and assign that 33 points, you’ll get 33 points if correct. If you only assign it 2 points, you’ll get 2 points. If you pick incorrectly, no points. Pretty straightforward.

3) The person with the most points at the end will be the winner. I’m hoping for 50 people, and the entry fee will be 10 dollars. I’ll handle the scoring and money (paypal) and such, but I promise not to make a profit. I’m thinking the winner’s share will be $300, with $150 to second place and $50 to third. I’ll also send everyone a spreadsheet with the games to make it easier to follow along. I’ll update the leaderboard daily.

4) The games start December 19th, so we’ll say you have til gametime that day to submit your picks.

So, that's the deal. Like I said, I'm hoping for 50 people. I came up with this idea yesterday afternoon and sent it out to some people, and at this point the response has been tepid at best. Luckily, I've never been able to take a hint (13 restraining orders and counting), so an early bump in the road isn't gonna slow me down. If you're interested, whether we've met in person or not, send an e-mail to shane.spr8@gmail.com. I do believe this will at least make it fun to follow the games, and if you're the sort of person who digs college football or just making picks, jump aboard. YOU COULD WIN 300 DOLLARS FOR ONLY 10! WHAT A DEAL!!!!

Okay, time to move on and get serious:


This Sunday night, the Eagles come to the Meadowlands for what will be the most important game of the season. Bar none. If the Giants win, they'll take the NFC East. Dallas has already begun their Texas Two-Step December Fade, and the Eagles are only one game ahead. Our schedule for the remainder of the year is as follows: Washington, Carolina, Minnesota. Easy, Easy, and Easy-because-they'll-be-resting-everyone. At least that's the optimistic analysis. But just give us a share of that lead, please. If it happens, I'm convinced we'll hold on tight and maybe even earn a home playoff game.

Lose, and I don't see us even taking the Wild Card. Maybe that's extreme thinking, but all the sudden that Monday night game in Washington looks awfully tough. The Skins just took the best team in football to overtime, lost by 3 to Philly and by 1 to Dallas (both games on the road), and will probably be coming off this weekend's win against Oakland. Huge trap game. If we lose to Philly, confidence will be shot and we'll be vulnerable to a crappy outcome. That would make us 7-7, and the troika of Green Bay, Philly, and Dallas would occupy the final 3 playoff spots.

Sunday night isn't officially do-or-die, but it's close as hell enough. Here are the two main obstacles in our way:

1) Just like we own the Cowboys, Philly has our number. In the past two years, they've won three of four, including a playoff game. That was last January, and it was probably among the top 5 worst sporting experiences of my life. I really, really hate the Eagles, and I made the mistake of getting pretty drunk while watching the game, anticipating a celebration. What happened instead was a lot of me shouting at the television, getting pissed off at my roommate's girlfriend (who was innocently trying to make breakfast and obviously very uncomfortable with my antics), and eventually slamming my bedroom door sometime early in the fourth quarter and brooding in the dark at my desk. I may or may not have proceeded to send a shameful e-mail or two unrelated to sports. Who can remember? But since then, I don't get drunk for big games.

2) Our defense is putrid, especially the secondary. This fact, above all others, is why I feel that the absolute ceiling for this year's Giants is the NFC Championship game. I don't see any way in hell that we could possibly beat the Saints. Minnesota in round 2? Possibly. But not the Saints; not in their dome. It would take a miracle. Even last week, Tony Romo threw for almost 400 yards against us, and the Dallas offense isn't that spectacular. Westbrook being out will help, but I still expect McNabb to have a field day. This game, and probably the rest of our season, comes down to whether we can outscore the enemy. Cuz we sure as hell ain't gonna out-D 'em.

Sunday night is going to be intense. I might do a live blog and post it on Monday. In fact, I think that's likely. But even more important, ladies and gentlemen, is this Saturday's

312TH ARMY-NAVY GAME!!!!

Just kidding. I don't care about that. But speaking of the army, if you dig on movies you should make every possible effort to see The Messenger (Woody Harrelson, Ben Foster). It's about two soldiers, both combat veterans, who are assigned to notify families when their next of kin dies in battle. Check out the reviews if you want to, or just take it from me: this movie is un-friggin-believable. It'll rip your heart out, put it back, and repeat the process, and while it's happening there will be times when you actually laugh. I'm really, really into '70s American cinema, and the highest compliment I can give The Messenger is that it reminds me of the army-themed gems from that decade like Coming Home and The Last Detail. It's by far the best movie I've seen this year, and I doubt any of the December oscar-bait releases will come close.

That's it for the week! Have a great weekend and e-mail me if you like to gamble.

The What-If Game

What if...

*Duke had John Wall. The Kentucky freshman scored 25 points, 12 of them down the stretch, in his team's 64-61 win over UConn last night. Even though he's probably a 1-and-done guy (NBA draft after his freshman year) and Duke usually stays away from those types, Coach K turned up the recruiting heat last year in an attempt to woo him away from UNC and Kentucky. We can only imagine the litany of charm and persuasion pouring forth from the Gothic campus.

There's no telling how close we came to actually winning the race, but it's certainly a nice fantasy to imagine him on this year's team. After 9 games, it's clear that he's every bit the phenom the hype machine led us to believe, and he's well on his way to a Freshman of the Year award and who knows what else. Duke's starting lineup with Wall would look like this:

PG Wall
SG Smith
SG Scheyer
PF Singler
C Mason Plumlee/Lance Thomas

With Dawkins coming off the bench to provide an outside shooting spark, Miles Plumlee and the other of the Mason/Lance duo giving us fungible big bodies, and Zoubek sitting on his hands somewhere in the fifth row, that's a very, very formidable club. It also relieves Scheyer of onerous point guard duties and lets him excel where he belongs, as a spot-up shooter. With Wall's ability to draw defenders with penetration, he and Smith would be deadly from 3, and the stretched defense would only augment Singler's slashing style, along with creating oodles more offensive rebound opportunities.

Again, this is an exercise in mirage-building, but it does show how badly we miss a great point guard. As it stands, Duke is a team of good players who have to operate at 100 miles per hour at all times just to tread water. Someone like Wall would let everyone settle into their natural role, relax, and become great. That's what the really talented point guards do, and it's why theirs is the most important position on the court. Without a top-notch point guard, it's too easy for other talented players to be marooned on an offensive island. The obvious sports analogy is a great receiver whose capacities go to waste because of a quarterback who can't throw. It may seem like that situation is more extreme, but at the highest levels I'd argue that a great point guard is equally important.

Take a look at the last few national champions, and the point guards who led the team:

2009 - UNC - Ty Lawson
2008 - Kansas - Mario Chalmers
2007 - Florida - Taurean Green
2006 - Florida - Taurean Green
2005 - UNC - Raymond Felton
2004 - UCONN - Ben Gordon/Taliek Brown
2003 - Syracuse - Gerry McNamara
2002 - Maryland - Steve Blake
2001 - Duke - Jason Williams
2000 - Michigan State - Mateen Cleaves

And the list goes back. The worst of that bunch is Taurean Green, on a loaded Florida team that was arguably one of the best in college basketball history, and he still plays professionally in Greece. This is an obvious point to make, probably, and each of these national title teams had other great players in other positions (going down the list: Hansbrough, Rush, Noah, Brewer, May, Okafor, Anthony, Dixon, Battier, Peterson). But the one constant, the only constant, actually, was great point guard play. In college basketball, it's the sine qua non. You can't get by without it.

Which is why my mind wanders to players like John Wall, and why I'm pretty pessimistic about Duke's chances for a Final Four run. So who are the contending teams with great point guards? The ones who should logically be considered real national title contenders? According to this site, the top point guards in college ball are as follows:

1. Sherron Collins, Kansas
2. Kalin Lucas, Michigan State
3. John Wall, Kentucky
4. Jerome Randle, Cal
5. Greivis Vasquez, Maryland
6. Scottie Reynolds, Villanova
7. Jon Scheyer, Duke

I've seen Randle in person, and he's not that great. Vasquez for Maryland has a really poor supporting cast. And Scheyer, though a steady-Eddie of the first rate, is not a natural point guard or someone you'd ever call a 'creator.' That leaves Collins, Reynolds, Wall, and Lucas. Unsurprisingly, their teams are ranked 1st, 3rd, 4th, and 12th, with Kansas cast as the year's prohibitive title favorite.

A quick final note...

In a really sad piece of news, Duke freshman Andre Dawkins' sister was killed in a car accident this past weekend. Lacey Dawkins was 21, and she was on the way to see the Duke-St. John's game with her mother when they crashed on a highway in West Virginia. Dawkins played 21 minutes in that game and scored 3 points, presumably unaware of the tragedy. Here's hoping the mother is okay, and that Andre can find some peace during his leave of absence with his family. By all accounts, he's mature beyond his age (don't forget, this is the same guy who graduated high school in three years to come early and fill the spot vacated by Elliot Williams, who also left school due to family issues), and it's a shame that he has to shoulder this new burden. Most of us can only imagine.

We Just Got Grander, Son!

Let's all give a warm welcome to the newest member of the World Champion New York Yankees: Curtis Granderson!


This solves that pesky CF problem, and here are the pieces we gave up:

1) Phil Coke - decent regular season out of the bullpen before imploding in the playoffs and taking a back seat to fellow LOOGY Damaso Marte.

2) Ian Kennedy - young righty starter, didn't fare well in his first stint in the bigs two years ago, was sidelined with an aneurysm in his arm this year.

3) Austin Jackson - former hot-shot center field prospect, but his star has been in decline for the past two years. He's a good to very good defender, hits for decent average, but strikes out a lot and has very little power.

Not bad, all in all. It's a little sad to see Kennedy and Jackson go, just because you get semi-attached to the youth movement and sometimes mistakenly assume they'll be Yankees for 15 years, but that's the business. However, I am a trifle concerned about how good Granderson really is. Take a look at his 2009 stats:

.249/.327/.453, .780 OPS, 141 Ks, 30 HR, 71 RBI.

Granted, it wasn't his best year, but that OBP is a little low. Also, he's miserable against left-hand pitching, batting .183 last season. Also, he batted .187 with 2 outs and runners in scoring position, which are Robbie Cano type numbers. Still, the power numbers are solid, and will get even more solid with the short porch in Yankee Stadium, and he's a strong defensive piece in an outfield that might be pretty slow at the corners. Also, I very much doubt he'll be leading off for the Yanks; he strikes out too much, and his power is wasted in that position. After Jeter's performance this season, that spot is his. I see Granderson in either the second or fifth/sixth slot, depending on whether or not we keep Damon, and that should boost his RBI numbers as well.

And we really didn't give anything away to land him, so I can't complain. I just hope A-Jax doesn't become a star and make Cashman look the fool.

The obvious question is, what does this mean for Melky Cabrera? I have a huge sentimental attachment to the Melk-Man. I know his numbers don't really merit special treatment, but I love how often he comes through in the clutch, I love his personality, and I love his tenacity. He's one of those guys who's totally fearless, and even a little defiant in the face of hostile crowds. In the postseason, when he caught a third out, he'd turn to the crowd, fake a throw, and hold onto the ball as he jogged to the dugout. This may seem like a dick move, but anybody who's ever been to a professional baseball game understands that the level of verbal abuse these guys take is truly staggering. With the fake throw, Melky was saying "fuck you too." And you know his teammates loved it. It's the kind of gesture that brings a little swagger into a club, and it's part of the chemistry package that made the Yanks such a tight-knit, indomitable unit this season.

And he has a special handshake with every player, and he dances around before the game, and he's always smiling, and he's a tough little bastard under pressure, and on and on and on and on. I love the Melk-man.


I wouldn't trade him, and that's why I'm not a GM. My sentiment would get in the way of smart business. But I retain my right to emotional attachments, and I'm a little sad that this Granderson trade makes it more likely that Melky will find himself out of pinstripes in 2010. It's not a guarantee, by any means; the Yanks could decide not to re-sign Damon, and to keep Melky for left field and see if he'll develop over the next two years. But if Damon's back, or if we go out and get a Matt Holliday type, Melk-man is probably gone. He's not signed for 2010, and is an obvious choice when putting together a trade proposal to land a bigger fish.

So sayonara, Melky, if that's how it's gotta be. Rumors of your departure have been greatly exaggerated in the past (almost every year, in fact), but I've got a bad feeling this is the real deal. Good luck out there, and don't go quietly.

Blog Picture Dysfunction (BPD), and Getting Vicious with England

For the second time in history, the picture of Seth Curry which I stole from the internet has decided to vanish in a cloud of broken hyperlinks. I guess another website went defunct...nothing to be ashamed of, happens to a lot of blogs.

"Well, that's something never happened to me before, you can bet your bottom dollar. First goddam time it ever quit on me. Fact."

8,000 bonus points for anyone who can guess the (awesome) movie that quote is from without googling. Anyway, I didn't notice for a couple days, and now I think I'm going to take my time finding a new photo. I'm open to ideas over here. What would be incredibly ideal is if one of my legions of faithful readers could create some kind of photoshop picture of Seth Curry in the act of saving Duke...maybe flying over Cameron Indoor Stadium, wearing a blue cape like Superman? Maybe something less lame and more creative? This is asking way too much, I know, but otherwise my best option is this:


Kinda plain jane, if you ask me. So if anyone can come up with a brilliant photo idea, I'll paypal you 20 bucks and make you world-famous with a mention on this blog. You can even write a guest post!

Alright, enough precursory shit. There's not much going on in the sports world this week, so I'd like to get a little patriotic:

JUNE 12

WORLD CUP

UNITED STATES VS. ENGLAND

For those who ain't in the know, that picture is of British General Barnabas Mordecai Cornwallis* surrendering to the Continental Army back in the day. That's right, I just invoked the Revolution. Get used to it, England. Those are the terms. Yeah, we've pretended to like each other for 200 years or so, but those days are past. I'll be carrying a fife and a singed Declaration of Independence scroll in my back pocket for the next six months, and if I see any Redcoats on the street, they better have a clean musket and a steady gaze. Things are about to get dirty. Not as dirty as a British dude's teeth, but dirty nonetheless. That's all I'm gonna say. Or almost all: your woman situation is so bad that they keep asking the Queen to be in the England version of Playboy, which is called 'The Gentleman's Secret.' And I heard she ain't even bathed since 'The Troubles' in '74. TRIPLE BURN! I JUST BURNED YOU LIKE YOU TRIED TO BURN WASHINGTON IN 1812, ENGLAND. DON'T TREAD ON ME! I'M FROM AMERICA! EVERYTHING WE DO IS RIGHT! I'M GOING TO CLIMB ON TOP OF BIG BEN AND MESS WITH THE TIME SO EVERYONE IN YOUR COUNTRY THINKS IT'S MIDNIGHT WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY TEN AM! TEA TIME'S GONNA GET CANCELED BY ACCIDENT! PICCADILLY CIRCUS DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY CLOWNS! EXCEPT WHEN PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN DRIVES BY! OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! POLITICAL!

*First and middle names are guesses.

You can expect at least one of those rants from me every week between now and the match on June 12. It might become a Tuesday feature. Seriously, it's so awesome that we're playing England. Once it became clear in the draw that we weren't going to get really lucky and be placed with South Africa, I prayed for England just for the awesome story. Soccer is catching on more and more in America, but it's fair to say it's still having trouble, so let's make a deal with the soccer folk: US wins against England, it becomes an institution in America. We'll give it 4th sport status, ahead of hockey, and soccer-heads never have to worry again. But lose, and nobody's allowed to play soccer ever again inside our borders, by penalty of three years in jail. Because this is huge; we have the chance to piss off every single English person in the world. Losing to America would absolutely kill them...it'd be priceless. I would personally be a huge prick to every English person I know* for at least three months. So let's make this an all-or-nothing proposition for US soccer, deal?

*I don't know any English people.

Real quick, here's a piece of false trivia that's sure to enrage an English person:

Did you know that before the Revolutionary War, everyone in Britain and America spoke like Americans do now? There was no such thing as a British accent. That only came about after the war, when England felt ashamed of losing and wanted to distinguish themselves from the victors. The aristocracy invented an accent that sounded sophisticated to them, and within twenty years it had caught on at all levels of society. And that's how the British accent began!

I don't think I have anything else to add. Butler-Georgetown tonight in college hoops might be kinda fun. Keep the faith, Tuesday is only allowed to be 24 hours long. That's a law.

The Weekend Awesomeness Scale, 12/07 Edition

This is a new, groundbreaking feature on Seth Curry Saves Duke! Using a secret scientific formula which combines mathematical elements from such established sporting standards as Sabermetrics, BCS, Quarterback Rating, ERA, and the opinions of former NFL superstar Troy Aikman, I've ranked ten events from the weekend on a scale of awesomeness. We'll begin with the least awesome:

1 - As Awesome as Watching Dick Cheney Spit on my Grandmother

Texas defeats Nebraska, 13-12. There were a ton of good reasons to root for Nebraska to win this game:

a) Texas is a paper tiger. They haven't topped anyone decent in the crappy Big 12 all year, and they don't deserve a national title shot.

b) A Nebraska win would have thrown the BCS into chaos, which is one step closer to the whole ridiculous system being abolished.

c) It would open the national title game to a team like TCU, which would be interesting and exciting, as opposed to the last three title games, which have featured an awesome SEC school beating the hell out of a so-so team from a weak 'power' conference, which will sound really familiar in about a month.

But despite the unbelievable talent of Ndamukong Suh and the Nebraska front four, Husker coach Bo Pellini called the most frustratingly conservative game of anyone's life, repeatedly running the ball into the line and refusing to take a single risk. Watching this game, I was irate. Nebraska is a program trying to rise to their old prominence, and they had a golden chance to play spoiler to a perennial powerhouse and earn an unlikely BCS bid. That would open the recruiting trail, foment national interest, and bring money to the program. AND THEY DIDN'T FUCKING GO BALLS OUT TO WIN. I am so, so sick of college football coaches playing not to lose. You saw it with Jim Tressel in the OSU-Iowa game, and you saw it with Pellini Saturday night.

The most glaring example came after Nebraksa, down 10-6, returned a punt to the ten yard line early in the fourth quarter. Instead of trying to score a go-ahead touchdown, they called two runs into the line (0 yards), and then a desperation pass that had no chance. They kicked the field goal for 10-9. Cowardly. Then, with 5 minutes left, same score, they drove 40 yards to the Nebraska 30. Instead of continuing to drive, run out clock, and take a commanding lead that would force Texas to respond with a touchdown (which they'd only managed once all game), it was back to the run. Three straight dives, this time, for 4 total yards. Henery nailed the go-ahead field goal, but at this point they were begging to lose.

The rest is history; a moronic kicker did the one thing you can never, never do late in the game, which is kick the ball out of bounds, an unfortunate defender horse-collared a Longhorn receiver, and within thirty seconds Texas was in field goal range. Colt McCoy still almost managed to blow the game by lofting a pass out of bounds that left only one second, but the field goal was good, and Nebraska's fearful approach to offense cost them everything.

So un-awesome, Cornhuskers. Boo.


2 - As Awesome as Watching Dick Cheney Seduce my Grandmother

Boise State vs. TCU in the Fiesta Bowl. This is just a self-serving, bullshit move by the BCS. "Hey, instead of letting two small conference undefeated teams take a crack at the big dogs and prove themselves as national powers, let's just have them play each other. That way, nobody can say there's anything wrong with the BCS, or that a playoff is necessary to give the Boise States and TCUs of the world a title shot. We'll just keep them confined to each other, safe from the hallowed world of POWER CONFERENCE FOOTBALL."

This is such nonsense. It actually makes me furious. Last year, Utah beat Alabama. Boise State beat Oklahoma in 2007. Utah beat Pittsburgh in the Fiesta Bowl in 2004. These teams can, and do, win the big game. That's why they play all season, for this chance; the big schools dodge them from week 1, because they don't want an early loss and would rather play a local cupcake. This is literally their only opportunity to take a shot at the top, and the BCS has them play each other? Fuck. That. I'd fight every single person in the BCS on principle. Of course, since I don't work for a major media outlet, they probably wouldn't let me. I'd have to fight another blogger.


3 - As Awesome as Watching Dick Cheney Make Fun of my Grandmother on an Alaska Cruise for Senior Citizens

Michael Vick scores two touchdowns in his first game back at Atlanta. I'm not sure how much I really care about this, but we can all agree that Vick probably deserves less. It was especially annoying to see the Falcons fans wearing their old #7 jerseys and cheering for him. At that point, you're basically cheering for dogs to die. But please don't hold me to this standard if Plaxico ever returns to the Giants; I would never root for human beings to get self-shot in the thigh. That's just sick.


4 - As Awesome as Watching Dick Cheney Tip his Cap to my Grandmother at Church

Arizona beats USC, the Trojans have their worst Pac-10 finish in a hundred years or something. I include this because I like Pete Carroll. A lot. Not only is he a great college coach, but he seems like the kind of dude who would be really fun to play for. Which I can't say about any other coach I can think of right now. He also does a lot of charity work in South Central LA. And I friggin' loved when he went deep on Neuheisel and UCLA at the end of the game two weeks ago. If you didn't see it, here was the situation: the game was out of hand, and USC only had to down the ball and run out the clock. The two teams (and coaches) had been exchanging barbs all year, so Neuheisel, UCLA's coach, decided to be a pain in the ass and call a timeout. Again, he had no chance to win; he was antagonizing. So on the next play, Carroll called a play action bomb, and scored a fifty yard touchdown. It was hilarious and awesome, and it's just what UCLA deserved. Pete Carroll has my vote of approval. I hope to see USC back in the high life next year.


5 - Dick Cheney's Life Path Continues not to Cross with my Grandmother's

Kentucky beats North Carolina, basketball. The Wildcats ran out to a huge lead, but UNC chipped away and eventually got back to within 2 before time ran out. An interesting game which I caught only part of, but it's a nice early season indication of what we can expect from Kentucky. They looked good, but possibly not great. What it indicates is that we can probably cross them off the list of teams who are head-and-shoulders above the competition. That list is now down to 4: Kansas, Villanova, Syracuse and Texas. And I think Texas will fall off the podium sometime soon. So the Jayhawks, Orange, and Wildcats are the only teams keeping this college basketball season from being extremely wide open, or, in other words, undermining my secret wish that Duke wins a fluke national title.


6 - My Grandmother Cracks up her Senior Citizen Computer Class with a Well-Timed Barb about Dick Cheney

Cincinnati defeats Pittsburgh for the Big East Championship. This was the early game Saturday, and a perfect way to start off an awesome day in sports. A friend of mine went to Cincinnati, and I've been loosely following them all year. I love Tony Pike; he's a pure, pure passer. And this game had everything (except defense)- a phenomenal running back (Pitt's Dion Lewis), momentum swings, bad weather, great offense, and an unbelievable finish. With less than two minutes left, Pitt scored the go-ahead touchdown. Then their holder, poor soul, dropped a perfect snap and had to run headlong into the line, where he was stopped. Instead of being up 7, Pitt took a 6-point lead. And because life is cruel, this error cost them the game when Pike led Cincy to the winning score.


7 - My Grandmother Sees Dick Cheney on a Sidewalk, and Veers Over in her Dodge Minivan to Splash him with a Mud Puddle

New Orleans Saints defeat the Washington Redskins in OT. Redskins up by 7, 1 minute to play, and the ball on the New Orleands 10-yard line. That was honestly where they found themselves. There are a lot of bad teams in the NFL, but I like to think there's only one who could fuck up that situation. And they did! A missed 23-yard field goal gave the Saints the ball, and they drove to tie the game, and then won in OT. Hilarious, and it keeps an undefeated season alive, which is always fun.


8 - My Grandmother Does that Trick where You Tell Someone they can Look up through a Coat Sleeve While Lying Down to see the Moon, but then you Pour Water through the Sleeve and onto their Face, and the Person she does it to is Dick Cheney

Duke defeats St. John's. Any Duke win is at least a 7 on this awesome scale, and this one climbed up to an 8 because St. John's is actually decent this year, and we needed a nice bounce-back win after the Wisconsin loss. The bad news is that Scheyer's shooting woes continued and Mason Plumlee is still in poor form. The good news is that Lance Thomas looks better with every game, and Singler is still a pressure-time gamer. I'd mention something about Zoubek playing well, but I just don't believe in him. The Dukies are off until the 15th, and are entering a boring part of their schedule; January can't come fast enough.


9 - My Grandmother Totally Owns Dick Cheney in a Spontaneous Rap-Off at the Mall of America

BAMA! Just a perfect game. Nick Saban is the anti-Pellini, the anti-Tressel. From the moment he took the ball to start the game, to the beautiful playcalling, to the refusal to take his foot off the gas, this was an exhibition in great coaching. And great execution, too; Ingram earned himself the Heisman, in my book, and McElroy was spectacular. I'm so, so happy about this result. I've been pulling for them all year, and now the horrible reign of Tim Tebow is over. Should I give him credit for handling himself well with the media afterward, despite his tears, when I was pretty sure he'd whine and pout and either refuse to talk or be snippy? Fine: you are not a phony, Tim Tebow. Congrats.


10 - My Grandmother Races Dick Cheney in a Soapbox Derby and Despite the Fact that his Cart has that Screwdriver thing that tries to Damage her Cart, and he Tries to Spill Oil to Make her Slip and All That, She Triumphs in the End Without Cheating and Dick Cheney can't Shut Down the Local Children's Hospital

GIANTS OVER COWBOYS, BABY! Man oh man, we needed this win, and the G-Men came through. I had like zero faith that this would happen after the beat-down in Denver last week, but we seem to own the Cowboys the last few years, and nothing changed on Sunday. I spent the whole game texting my friend Kyle and my cousin Mike and talking with my brother Thomas, and it reminded me why I love the NFL and the Giants in particular; every game, no matter your team's circumstances, is huge. This is especially true when the Cowboys are in town. Now we're 7-5, and if Green Bay loses tonight we'll be tied for the last Wild Card spot. Hope springs eternal, baby.

The (Regular Season) (College Football) Game of the Decade

IT IS ALMOST UPON US.

I know I keep hammering this 'game of the decade' stuff, but I'm so friggin' excited for this game that I'm bound to verge on the hyperbolic. Still, though, I don't think it's too inaccurate. That title does need the qualifiers I used in today's post title- regular season, college football.

If we're talking about the college football game of the decade, period, no qualifier, it'd have to be the 2006 Rose Bowl title game between Texas and USC. (Crap, one other qualifier: we're talking about the match-up here, not how the game ended...in that case, the game of the decade would obviously be Oklahoma-Boise St.) Both teams came in undefeated, both had amazing star power, and both teams were well respected (as opposed to a few years I could mention when crappy undefeated big 10 schools ruined the title game just by showing up). It lived up to its billing, and you'd have to expect that Saturday's SEC Championship between Florida and Alabama will do the same.

So how's it going to play out? Last year when these clubs met in a similar situation (Florida had lost one close game to Mississippi State, but still had a chance to make the title game), the Gators came out on top 31-20. But at the end of the third quarter, it was 20-17 Bama, so this was not a blowout or a comfortable win by any means. But Florida was the better team, and they finished the job in the fourth.

Time for a breakdown.

Defense.

This year, Alabama's defense is stellar. After 12 wins, they've allowed more than twenty points just three times, including last week's 26-21 win over Auburn. They've conceded 10 points or fewer in 7 of those games. But Florida has been even better, albeit marginally, giving up 20 points just once and holding opponents to 10 or fewer on 7 occasions. Then again, the SEC East, which Florida won, is a lot less competitive than Bama's stomping grounds out west. All things considered, the D is a draw.

Offense.

A clear advantage to Florida here. Alabama has played in four "close" games, including a near-loss to Tennessee that was saved by two blocked field goals. In all but one case (a 34-24 season-opening win over Virginia Tech), their offense couldn't put the other team away. McElroy, their QB, is in his first year as a starter, and although he's been extremely competent and avoided the big mistakes, he hasn't been dominant or spectacular. Julius Jones, their star receiver, seems to unleash one big play a game, but his numbers are well down from last year; he's only gone over 100 yards once (3 times in 2008), and has accumulated just 545 receiving yards (924 in '08). Mark Ingram has been the real star, grinding out 1,429 yards from the tailback spot.

Meanwhile, the Florida blitzkrieg has been in full effect. With the Most High Tebow at the helm, they've mostly trounced the competition, culminating in last week's 37-10 destruction of a hapless Florida State team. They've got everything; a great line, great passer (who's also a great runner), great running backs, amazing receivers, the whole nine yards. There's just one small thing...take a look at their point production against the 3 SEC West teams on their list of victims (LSU, Arkansas, Mississippi State): 13, 23, 29. Throw in a 23 against Tennessee and a 24 against South Carolina, and it's a far cry from the gaudy numbers against the dregs of the schedule. So Tebow's Crusaders can be held in check. Still, recent momentum and overall production favor Florida.

Special Teams.

Alabama blocks field goals once in a while, and they have Javier Arenas, aka Dr. Excitement, returning kicks. I have no idea what Florida's special teams are like. Don't care. Edge to BAMA.

Intangibles.

As I said before, Florida has sligntly more momentum. Last week, Auburn held Mark Ingram in check and nearly upset the Tide, while Florida rolled over the Seminoles. But both teams are 12-0, so momentum really shouldn't be a huge issue. Alabama may have more experience in close games this year, but it's not like Tebow and company will be cowed by a tense situation; they won this game last year, and they've won two of the last three national titles. The coaches are equally great; in a world of buffoons, don't expect any crucial errors from Nick Saban or Urban Meyer. I call the 'intangibles' category a TOSS-UP.

What else can I say? Judging by the early lines, Florida will probably end up favored by 5-6 points. Personally, I don't think they'll cover, but I do think they might win.

Bucking the current, I'm going to make two predictions.

1) Alabama's defense holds strong all game, and the Tide get a special teams touchdown, one offensive TD, and a couple field goals to take a late 20-14 lead. Tebow leads a late drive, and with some kind of gimmicky play (a jump pass, perhaps, or an Urban Meyer trickster special), they score for a 21-20 win.

2) Same scenario, but the go-ahead Gator touchdown comes with two or three minutes left on the clock. Alabama drives, gets in field goal range, and their excellent kicker Leigh Tiffin nails one in the 40-yard range for a 23-21 Crimson Tide win.

Cowardly double prediction? Perhaps. Both horribly wrong? A possibility. Made with a confused mangling of available information, infused with no visible iota of real knowledge?

I am a man of many shoes.

4pm Saturday, dudes and dudettes. This will be awesome.

Back in the Saddle, Haters Skedaddle

And so I return, bringing all the latest sporting bulletins from the Caribbean island of St. Thomas!

*In a thrilling nine-hour match, the St. Thomas Admiralty defeated the St. Kitts Explorers 10 wickets to 8 in the annual O'er-seas Croquet Gathering. T'oussaint Germaine tunneled the crucial ball deep into the fourteenth circuit, setting off riots in the capital city of Charlotte Amalie.

*For the ninety-seventh year in a row, the Traveling Hurricane Footing Club of Greater Hispaniola emerged victorious against the St. Thomas One-Footers, dashing the hopes of an island people who had been swept up by the skill and panache of 'Balancing' Billy L'Entree-nous. Footing is a local sport too difficult to describe here, but it involves a lot of hopping. The devastating loss set off riots in the capital city of Charlotte Amalie.

*The Coconut Throwdown, started as a civil gathering of naval officers during World War I, was met with massive protests. The complainants held signs bemoaning the loss of 20,000 coconuts for the four-hour event, which now pits the aristocracy from the British Virgin Islands against visiting American celebrities staying in the U.S. Virgin Islands in a game involving the pitching of coconuts through a burning hoop. This year's result, a 312 coconut victory for the Americans (owing in large part to a debilitating wrist injury sustained the night before by Sir Evelyn Bairdmore), set off riots in London and Washington, D.C.


And there you have it! Okay, let's get serious for a moment. Some stuff happened in my absence, and it's time for a little re-cap.

*First, fresh in my mind, Duke lost its first game of the year last night, falling to Wisconsin 73-69. But I'm not that upset; Wisconsin shot the lights out in the first half, and their crowd carried them through the second, despite Duke getting very close on a number of occasions. It's unfortunate that the loss cost the ACC their first ever loss in the ACC-Big 10 challenge, but it's good for the team to get an early taste of the road, and all the trouble that comes with a hostile environment. On a squad laden with veterans like ours, you maybe hope for a better result, but when Nolan and Scheyer combine for 7-24 from the field, you aren't going to win many.

*Last Saturday, however, poor shooting didn't stop us from beating UConn in the championship of the NIT Tip-Off. Duke shot 29.6% from the field, an abysmal number, but the defense was swarming and UConn didn't hit a 3 all game (they only attempted four). True, the Huskies suffer from a dearth of shooters, and true, MSG is a tough place to shoot anyway. But their athletic talent was supposed to trump ours, and our physical, fearless demeanor was a nice surprise. It was particularly gratifying to see Lance Thomas mix it up so well on the offensive glass.

On the flip side, we also saw the first instance of Coach K's infamous stall offense. With 11 minutes left and Duke up 18, Scheyer and company began staying at the top of the key, running the shot clock down, and trying to milk the time until the end of the game. From that point on, we made one field goal. ONE. The rest of our points came on foul shots, and those were all in the final minute. Which just flabbergasts me, as usual. The team offense looks amazing, they're on pace to score 80 points, and all the sudden you stop playing? Because of an 18-point lead with 12 minutes left? This usually costs us one big game a year, and this time the Huskies got within 8 going into the final minute. It is such an ineffective strategy. There aren't enough italics and bolds in the world to emphasize that 'such.'

To steal and mangle a well-heeled football proverb, "a prevent offense only prevents you from winning." It didn't, in this case, but in the past it's cost us a sweet 16 game against Indiana, a final 4 game against UConn, and an ACC championship against Maryland. And apparently Coach K will never stop reverting to it with a big lead. WHEN YOU'RE BEATING A TEAM'S ASS, CONTINUE BEATING THEIR ASS. Don't settle for a forced three with two seconds left on the shot clock. It interrupts the flow, kills the rhythm, and concedes the momentum.

Gag me.

Other stuff:

*Drew Brees is awesome. Some of the passes he threw against the Patriots, especially the forty-yard bullet touchdown over the middle, had me agape. He's the definition of that old cliche: a "pure passer." This is what happens when touch, strength, and brains combine.

*The Giants stink. The loss to Denver, a sinking ship if ever a ship sunk, is inexplicable. The playoffs feel like a longshot at this point.

*Bama and Florida stayed unbeaten, setting up the college football game of the decade this Saturday. I cannot friggin' wait.

That'll do it for today. Good to be back, it's a new day.

Let's Get DUKED UP!

That's a new catch phrase I'm trying to start. Do you guys think it'll stick? Picture this awesome scenario:

Parking lot, Cameron Indoor Stadium, I walk up to a crowd of despondent Duke alumni.

Me: Yo everyone, why the long faces?

Them: We're playing a really good team. We have no chance. Life is sad.

Me: Looks like somebody needs to get....DUKED UP!

Background cheers as a huge party truck roars up, painted Duke blue, and Duke cheerleaders jump out of the back carrying banners and pennants and handing out blue body paint and blue kool-aid as everyone gets Duked Up for the big game.


Here's how that would actually go, in the real world of real Duke alumni.

Me: Yo everyone, why the long faces?

Them: Hey bro, no offense, but this party's sorta exclusive.

Me: What? We're in a parking lot.

Them: Bro, be cool. We don't want to have to say it again.

Me: Why are you guys all wearing madras and paisley?

Them: Why are you still here, DORK?

Me: There's supposed to be this truck...


Anyway, I'll be getting Duked up tonight, except with a significant caveat:

Even though I have tickets, I will not be going to the game.

Does this make me a bad fan? It may be my last chance to see the Devils this year, but the game doesn't start til 9:30, and I have a flight out of NYC at 7:30 the next morning (wake-up time = 5:00 am). Sleeping on planes is basically impossible for me, so I've decided to skip the game, watch it on tv, and go to sleep right after rather than come home at 1 am and try to catch whatever Zs are still skittering about.

This probably makes me a bad fan. PS, if anyone wants two cheap tickets to tonight's game ($20 total), get in touch.

Okay, so, as mentioned before I'll be in St. Thomas for the next few days. No more blogs until one week from this morning, on Wednesday the 2nd. That being said, here are some sporting events to anticipate in the next few days:

*DUKE-ASU! DUKE-UCONN! The former happens tonight, the latter happens Friday if both teams win. I'm ridiculously excited to watch us take on a legitimate team. I'm predicting Nolan puts up 18 tonight and 26 tomorrow, with close to 10 assists in each, and gets tourney MVP.

*Alabama-Auburn in the Iron Bowl on Friday, and Florida-FSU Saturday. The Gators and the Tide are already set to meet in what will be the regular season game of the decade (yes, decade) next weekend, but these tune-ups should be a lot of fun. Not only are the rivalries ancient and fierce and whatever else; I feel like both teams will be playing with something to prove, to show that they're the stronger club going into the SEC title game.

*Saturday is actually stacked with great football. I'm a dude who loves the old rivalries, and this weekend brings us: USC-UCLA, Georgia-Georgia Tech, Oklahoma St.-Oklahoma, Arkansas-LSU, Virginia Tech-Virginia, Clemson-South Carolina, and Utah-BYU. In the non-rivalry category, Notre Dame-Stanford should be a pretty fun game. Will the Irish take orders from Weis, or will they look across the field and obey next year's coach, Jim Harbaugh?

PS, Clemson is a really, really good team. They're only ranked 23rd because of three early losses, but they've now reeled off six straight wins against some quality opponents. And take a look at those three early losses: 30-27 against Georgia Tech (top ten team), 14-10 against TCU (undefeated, #4 in the country), and 24-21 against Maryland (national champions in basketball, 2002). Okay, so the Maryland one is rough, but aside from that, those are some tough losses to great teams. They play Tech again in the ACC Championship next weekend, and it may be the first time I've looked forward to that particular title clash...ever? Yes, ever.

*Giants-Broncos Thursday night. A few weeks ago, this match-up gave me the willies. Now? I'll be hugely surprised if we don't win by like 30. Denver is a living example of the classic gut-wrenching fade-out. At 6-0, we the fans had to endure story after story about their boy wonder coach and the team's heart and blah blah blah. Then they lost 3 straight, and it was pretty bad, but they still had that "we have to make a stand" game left against San Diego. Win, the ship is righted and playoff chances look okay. Lose, the Chargers grab the division lead, and the long, awful slide continues, except this time without hope. Result: 32-3 Chargers. In Denver. A total drubbing.

Meanwhile, the Giants had the same situation against Atlanta. After four losses, they risked falling to .500 and losing their puncher's chance at the NFC East title. They squeaked out an OT win, and now may be poised to shift the momentum entirely. I don't care that Thursday's game is in Denver, I don't care about the short week, and I don't care about the altitude. Both teams are 6-4, but the mental states are diametrically opposed. This will be a walk in the park.

PSS, what's the etiquette about watching a ton of football while on vacation in some place exotic and warm? Since it's the Thanksgiving holiday, it's basically accepted, right? Are people going to make me feel guilty if I'm not on the beach all the time? I like the beach, don't get me wrong, but not as much as your average bear. I love the smell, mostly, and the lulling sound of waves. I love things like breezy early morning jogs on the hard part of the sand near the water. I like body surfing. But roasting in the midday sun on a supposedly 'comfortable' lawn chair gives me a sort of unpleasant, over-heated feeling. It's my Northern Euro blood in revolt. I can take it for short periods, but any more and I risk being incapacitated by sun fatigue.

So, is it cool to veg out and be a sports fan? My girlfriend isn't coming, which I'm sad about, but it also means she won't be there to get annoyed with me. I feel like I have carte blanche to find a television and splay out. And to be fair, my schedule is jam packed:

Thursday: Giants-Falcons at night (do they get NFL network in St. Thomas? PANIC!)
Friday: Bama-Auburn daytime, Duke-UConn night (and maybe some Pitt-WVU as well)
Saturday: FOOTBALL BOWWOWOWWOW DROOLLLLLL
Sunday: Free day! Family, beach, fun! NFL? Hey, if it's there, who knows?!!!
Monday: PATRIOTS-SAINTS. Holy crap, what a game.
Tuesday: Fly home.

Expect me to be disowned by about 2:37pm Saturday.

BONUS THING: Tuesday night, the ACC-Big Ten Showdown Throwdown (or whatever it's called) starts. Duke doesn't play until Wednesday, but UNC takes on Michigan State Tuesday in a rematch of last year's title game. It'll be a good early measuring stick for both clubs, and in a roundabout way it should also tell us even more about this mysterious and enticing Syracuse team, who have looked pretty amazing to date.

Okay. I think that about covers it, my friends. Please get absolutely stuffed on sundry foodstuffs, but don't let the trytophan keep you from enjoying the even vaster athletic feast laid out in high definition. Sportsgiving is here again!

Caribbean Ideas

It's now t-minus 2 days until I hop on a plane and jet-set to the splendid little Virgin Island called St. Thomas for a few days of respite. In the lead-up, it's difficult to focus on sports, especially when nothing is really happening at the moment. I'm also a day away from seeing the #7 Blue Devils live and in person when they take on Arizona State at the Garden. So I've got a couple things on the horizon.

For now, though, I'm tired and running in place, and so is the sports world. I'm afraid that's about all I have on offer today. Refueling is in order! Or at least a wind-up...

It's Party Tynes!

While trying desperately to blow another game with miserable defense and craven late-game playcalling, the Giants accidentally beat the Atlanta Falcons 34-31. Lawrence Tynes kicked the game-winning field goal from 36 yards out in overtime, and our five weeks of hell are finally over.

(The title of this post comes courtesy of my former roommate, a Chiefs fan. Tynes used to wear Kansas City red, and legend has it that he was so unreliable (gasp!) that whenever he came out to try for three, the half-nervous, half-fatalistic cry among the fans was 'It's party Tynes!')

(I can't remember if I've told that story in this blog before. Probably. Sorry. Please, let me make it up to you:


)

Good news:

1) Eli and the offense looked pretty great. We finally opened up the downfield passing game, and the receivers proved they can do more than catch bubble screens and quick three-yard slants.

2) We play Denver on Thanksgiving, and after a 6-0 start, they suck. Bad. Yesterday, the Chargers ran them off their home field to the tune of 32-3, taking first place in the west. I don't imagine they'll be relinquishing that spot.

Bad news:

1) After a decent beginning, the defense collapsed like a dude with tinderstick legs. At 31-17 in the 4th, you could start to see the momentum shifting, and it got frightening. Osi and Tuck got tired on the ends, the pressure all but vanished, and Matt Ryan started treating our secondary like a prom king treats the janitor's kid when they run into each other at the Dairy Queen. You hear what I'm saying.

2) And this was COMPOUNDED by the fact that fucking Kevin Gilbride, our offensive coordinator (get it?), has this clause in his playbook:

Clause: Lo, and if thou should gather such leads as persist into quarter the fourth, abandon thy tactics which heretofore have garnered many a point, and trust instead in hitch screens, draws, and other fanciful ploys which involve much movement behind the line of scrimmage.

Yo, Kevin. You've scored 31 points because nobody can cover anyone and Eli's hand is so hot he won't be able to make love to his wife normally for a week. GO DOWNFIELD. GO DOWN THE @#$#ING FIELD. OTHERWISE YOU'RE CONCEDING THE GAME.

Anyway. Philly won, Dallas won, so we gained a bit of ground in the wild card but not much else. It's a good win, though, and maybe the momentum carries us to a couple more. Who the hell knows...this is the NFL.

The Dukies played on Saturday, and hit a ridiculous 18 three-pointers while decimating the Radford Highlanders 104-67. Andre Dawkins, our best freshman, hit 6 by himself. Nolan and Scheyer added 4 each, and Singler got 3.

Finally, a Duke team that can score in a variety of ways!

Just kidding. Apparently Radford went into a zone, and couldn't guard the 3 at all, so they took what was given. I don't mind. I hope we don't get addicted to the downtown scene to the detriment of slashing and (gulp) post play, but yeah, if a defense wants to pack it in, bombs away.

I'm chomping at the bit to see these guys Wednesday at MSG. We're taking on Arizona State (coached by former Packie Herb Sendek) in the semis of the NIT Tip-Off, and we'll probably face UConn if we win. Sadly, I won't be able to share my wacky perspective on those games until next Wednesday, since I'm heading out for Thanksgiving vacation (St. Thomas, baby, U.S. Virgin Islands...nothing but virgins as far as the eye can see, if I understand the name correctly!) Thursday morn and won't be back until late Tuesday the following week.

Luckily, I will be here for you the next two days. And we're going to have fun, like that common memory we all share of something fun we did as children, like jumping on a trampoline or playing with an unlikely toy on a day we all thought would be boring. Today is Monday; love your mortal coils.

LATE POST SHORT POST GREAT POST? POOR POST!

Sorry fellas and ladies, came in late to work today due to a little of the old belly sick, and now I'm swamped and have no time to write. So, quickly:

*I have seen the enemy, and they are good. At least while I'm there. UNC beat Ohio St. by 4 at Madison Square Garden, but they looked like the dominant team for three quarters of the game. The Heels were up 16 with 10:35 left, and that's when I took off. Then Ohio St. came roaring back and got within 2, apparently.

But anyway, I thought UNC looked pretty solid and poised. Syracuse decimated Cal in the early game, and that was probably a bit more fun to watch. Tonight at 7, Cuse and UNC play in the championship (it's the Coaches vs. Cancer Classic, by the dubs)...should be a very good game. I won't see it, because I'll be watching my hero's newest movie, The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

*That's honestly all I can write today. Believe me, I know this is not cool. I'm already chastened.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS to a dude up north the papers call Special K for making the varsity squad as a freshman. You know who you are, homes! He and his older brother will be burning a trail through the Champlain Valley this winter. Believe me, it won't be pretty; if you thought Sherman was bad, close your eyes and ears for about four months.

It's a football weekend. Giants beat Atlanta 24-13.

The Irish Get Screwed Again

No World Cup for poor Ireland, and it happened in typical fashion: in the second leg of a two-match "tie" (soccer terminology) with France, winner goes to South Africa, they scored a pivotal away goal to even the series. 90 minutes passed, and the match went into extra time. If it reached 120 minutes with neither team scoring a goal, it would have gone to penalty kicks (I think). But in the 103rd minute, French striker Thierry Henry received a pass and sent it across the box, where it was headed in by William Gallas. Two problems:

1) The French were offsides.

2) More pressingly, Henry used his hand to corral the ball before touching it on. This, in soccer, is against the rules.

But the goal counted, the Irish couldn't answer, and France made the World Cup by an aggregate 2-1 score.

I love this line from the article:

They (the Irish) exit the tournament with their dignity intact, though...

Of course they do! This is Ireland! You don't think they expected something like this? Here's an actual 'thought diary' of every Irish fan and player, taken straight from the extra session:

102nd minute: Hmmm, this is strange...at the moment, it seems as though we have a fair shot to win this match, and God and fate aren't conspiring to keep our people miserable, subjected, and second-class...

103rd minute: Ah, there we are.

This result should not surprise anyone. The Irish have been on the wrong side of history since the Vikings started getting curious about other people's things in the 8th century (see highly accurate illustration above). They continued getting screwed by the British, by Irish-Protestants, by extremist Irish-Catholics, and by their own potatoes. Then they sent all their people to America, where the established folks (former Brits, of course) thought it was a good idea to start a political party specifically to keep them from power (see: Know-Nothings) because they thought that instead of being poor and desperate, the Irish were actually sinister agents of the Pope. Later, the good guys found a foothold in the country and actually had a president elected. He got shot. Now the Irish line has become diluted all over America, except in Boston where the lovely lilting accent has been corrupted into some loud, yawping monstrosity, and all the people root for the wrong baseball team.

SO YEAH, WORLD, NOT ONLY DID WE FUCKING EXPECT THAT RESULT, WE EXPECTED HENRY TO ACTUALLY CATCH THE BALL, CARRY IT INTO THE GOAL, AND KICK THE GOALIE IN THE NUTS WHILE THE REFEREES HAD TEA WITH MARGARET THATCHER AND THE LINE JUDGE BURNED THE IRISH FLAG.

You'll notice I said "we" in the above paragraph, as though I'm Irish. Let me be clear: Team USA is my squad. I'm only Irish in the sense that a million other Americans are Irish, which is to say very little; some of our forebears came over from the country four or five generations ago, our blood has been mixed with various other tribes, and we've either never been to Ireland or visited for very short periods, but our homes are covered in Celtic trinkets, we get over-excited on St. Patrick's Day, we still have Irish last names, and there's a weird affinity with the motherland surpassed only by our Jewish brothers and sisters.

So I'm kinda pissed. Also, I didn't actually watch the game because it was during work. Also, I like Henry because a friend of mine when I studied abroad (IN DUBLIN!) got me rooting for Arsenal, and he was their stud at the time. So, whatever. But still, man. Erin go friggin' Bragh.

Other quick items:

*I'm sort of looking forward to this weekend's Jets-Patriots game in the way that a weirdo looks forward to a car wreck. Not only is Belichick pissed off about last week, and not only does he have an asshole's proclivity for running up the score; nope, he's also steamed at Rex Ryan for acting like the early Jets win over New England heralded the coming of a new glory. And now the Jets look like crap, and the Pats look pretty awesome. This might be the first time an NFL football team scores 100 points in a game.

*I may go scout the enemy tonight. #4 UNC plays #15 Ohio State and #24 Syracuse plays #12 California in the Coaches vs. Cancer Classic at Madison Square Garden. I'll be sure to hurl some invective at Roy Williams from the cheap seats.

That's it for now. Still thinking about Nolan Smith's performance from Tuesday. Still pleased.

Here's the video of the blatant hand ball, which may be removed at any point due to copyright restrictions:

In Nolan Time...

If last night is any indication of what we can expect from Nolan Smith this year, the NCAA better BUCKLE THE F%*& UP.


After being suspended for the first two games because he played in an unsanctioned summer league, Nolan came out gangbusters last night, scoring 24 points and playing an aggressive, slashing style that trumps anything we've seen from him so far. His 24 points were a career high, and he did it in relentless fashion, starting with the first possession of the game. The dude had something to prove, and he made no bones about it. For those of us who know how crucial he is to the success of this year's team, it was a beautiful performance to watch.

This is really, really terrific news. I struck a somewhat pessimistic tone in my preview last Friday, but if Nolan plays like this, we will be much better than I thought. As I mentioned, Scheyer is a competent point guard who will be somewhat stifled against the best defenses because of his average quickness. But he's an excellent shooting guard, and Nolan Smith, who has the motor and quickness and point guard ability Scheyer lacks, can free him from the claustrophobia of floor leader and let him blossom off the ball.

It was just a matter of whether Nolan (I prefer calling him 'Nolan' instead of 'Smith,' which sounds too generic...I don't mean to imply I'm on a first name basis, even though he and I have lunch together every Tuesday at the VFW) could assume that role. Before the season and after the first two games, Coach K asserted that in practice, he'd looked "not just good...great." But you never know whether to take that at face value, or what. Fans got the first part of their answer last night, though; the potential is there.

He always had the talent, and yesterday he had the fire. There are certain positions in sports where you can't get away with not being a badass. Point guard in basketball is one of them. That doesn't mean you have to be a gloating primadonna, or a poor sport, but it does mean you have to be utterly confident and play every game with something to prove. The kind of responsibility a point guard shoulders demands a certain type of arrogance, and previously Nolan had seemed too timid, too retreating. Against Charlotte, you started to see some personality. A great sign.

Of course, "against Charlotte" is a key factoid. It's not like he was running amok in the Deandome or anything. But I'm still excited; he's clearly worked like a dog in the offseason, and my gut tells me his shrinking violet days are over.

By the way, here's a great story about Nolan and his dad from last year. Derek Smith was an NBA player who came from nothing, an illegitimate child from Georgia who became the quintessential 'hard worker' and played nine journeyman seasons in the NBA. When Nolan was eight years old, he and his dad were on a cruise ship (where Derek, then a coach for the Washington Bullets, was running a youth clinic) when the older man collapsed. He died of a heart attack with his son by his side, asking him to "wake up." Very sad stuff, and it's always made me read a certain portion of sadness into Nolan's quiet demeanor. I'm thrilled that he's on the verge of maturing into a great college player; it seems a lot like his destiny.

So, the last two Duke wins have been part of the preseason NIT tournament. I guess we've now won the East Regional, which means we'll be taking on Arizona State next Wednesday in...Madison Square Garden!! An early chance for me to see the Devils, and it comes as a complete surprise. Good, good stuff. UConn and LSU are the other semi-final.

Briefly, some other thoughts on last night's game:

*Scheyer and Singler look great. No surprises. At the moment, Coach K is going with a two-guard offense, meaning Nolan and Scheyer will share the point position. I think it's a great move, and if things go well I'd like to see an eventual transition to Nolan making the position his own.

*Coach K threw out a 3-2 zone in the second half last night, which I absolutely love. It seems like every three years or so, Syracuse manages to advance further than they have any right because of their zone defense. When done well, it can give even good teams big headaches; the only tried and true method to break it is by shooting, and that can come and go on any given night. It seems like no other teams have caught on, or they're just not interested in the novelty, or something. As an intermittent gimmick, I think this is a great call, especially with Singler and guys like Kelly and the Plumlees able to play the top wing positions.

*Andre Dawkins is a little unsure of himself at the moment. He has moments where he looks confident and able, but other times he's still finding himself on the court. Granted, we're only three games in, but I'd like to see a bit more assertive behavior. He's supposed to be someone who can penetrate with the best, and Coach K needs to loosen the reins.

*Ryan Kelly is going to be better than I thought. There's merit to my fears that he shies from contact and lacks bodily comfort in the paint, but he's not clumsy or too awkward. His development is very uncertain, but at least we're not looking at another Zoubek here.

*Brian Zoubek is still useless. Lance Thomas looks "competent," at best. Miles Plumlee had a nice game, and might be the most athletic of the three, but I still don't trust him against bigger, stronger front lines.

*All the sudden, I'm anxious about Mason Plumlee. If his wrist injury isn't serious, which was the speculation last night, I'm thinking he might be more useful than previously imagined. If he was truly slated for a starting role, above his brother and Thomas, he must be something more than a gangly freshman.

Reading over this post, I realize that after watching one game against inferior competition, I've completely abandoned myself to the optimism that strikes every single year. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Anyway, about the post title: there's this excellent band called "Mew," from Denmark. The leader singer, Jonas Bjerre, writes in English, but because his English wasn't always fantastic, the lyrics are more expressionistic than narrative or even poetic. The first line in that song is "In Nolan time sign, what does the mind cover?" I got kind of obsessed with them, and was lucky enough to conduct a very long, very fascinating (to me) interview with Jonas two years ago. I touched on this particular line:

A details question: In "Apocalypso," what is Nolan time?

Jonas: Apocalypso is about the fear of Death. I have a lot of anxieties; in fact I'm chock-full of them. And in recent years I have come to believe that they all derive from fear of dying. Many of my nightmares involve bodily malfunction and disintegration. When I was staying in LA recording the album I got this horrible tooth ache. I have a fear of dentists as well (so I take very good care of my teeth) and was trying to put it off, always keeping whiskey in my mouth, that sort of thing. But in the end I had to go and it was actually not such a bad experience. But the pain was pretty excruciating and the dentist was called Doctor Nolan. But in reality, I don't know why I'm even telling you this story because at that point the lyrics were already written and the name was just a coincidence. I guess I have no real explanation for it.

And I don't know why I'm telling you this, except that part of the function of my obsessive brain is that any word in the English language will remind me of a song. When I'm conversing with someone, and they say a trigger word like "holiday," little snippets of music will begin playing in my head, such as that whiny "and here's your holiday!" song by Blink-182. Don't worry: I'm not the obnoxious guy who immediately starts singing and is a total pain to have a conversation with. Nor am I unable to focus and listen. But inside, there's a soundtrack playing. Now, when I'm watching Duke basketball and Nolan Smith scores, the first line of "Apocalypso" starts playing as a sort of theme song. Sometimes I hum it, and if I'm alone I'll actually belt it out sometimes, since it's sort of a celebratory melody and seems to fit my enthusiasm.

And now, if possible, I would like to convey this madness, this curse, onto you.

Rough sports night this evening. Good luck making it through Wednesday.

An Evening with Vladimir, and Credit Where It's Due

Last night, I missed Duke's 74-49 win against Coastal Carolina due to a prior engagement at the 92nd St. Y. There, to celebrate the posthumous release of Vladimir Nabokov's novel "The Original of Laura," Brian Boyd, Martin Amis, and a very funny book designer named Chip Kidd spoke about the master.

The basic story of this book: Nabokov died in 1977, by most accounts about halfway done with "The Original of Laura." His explicit instructions, since he was an extreme perfectionist, were that the unfinished novel should be destroyed in the event of his death. But his wife Vera and son Dmitri didn't comply, and for 20-odd years they waffled about the fate of the work. Finally, this year, Dmitri (who seems pretty...strange) decided to let it see the light of day. Hence last night's festivities.

The two best parts:

1) A recording of Nabokov reading his poem "The Ballad of Longwood Glen" in the very same room in 1964. Before beginning, he announces that Wyoming is his "favorite state in existence."

2) Martin Amis, the British novelist, giving an amazingly great presentation about Nabokov the tragedist.

Anyway, the point of this is that I was going to offer a link to the video, since the 92nd St. Y gave a live webcast last night, but apparently it's either not up or not being offered. Which means that I should find a nice segue to discussing Duke basketball, and the distinction Coach K deserves for his early season prowess, or else this whole post is a wash...

Much like the fastidious Nabokov perfecting an outline, Coach Mike Krzyzewski obsessively prepares his charges in the pre-season, inevitably resulting in strong openings whose luster only fades when the unruly masses reach equal form after the New Year...

Screw it. The point is this: I give Coach K a lot of shit, and will probably continue to do so throughout the year. But credit where it's due: he doesn't screw up in the easy games. Year after year, strong teams falter in the early going, losing questionable contests due to lack of organization and motivation. This doesn't happen at Duke. Going backward in time, here's the early track record, our highest ranking, the catch-up moment when the shine wore off, and the end tourney result:

2008-09: 18-1 start, only loss comes at Michigan in December.
Highest Ranking: #1.
Catch-up moment: Starting January 28, we face three ranked teams in a 2-week span, and drop all 3.
Tourney: Sweet 16 loss to Nova.

2007-08: 22-1 start, only loss in OT to #9 Pittsburgh over Christmas break.
Highest ranking: #2.
Catch-up moment: late February, two losses on the road to unranked Wake and Miami. Tourney: Second round loss to West Virginia.

2006-07: 13-1 start, only loss to #17 Marquette.
Highest ranking: #5.
Catch-up moment: January, and consecutive losses to Georgia Tech and Virginia Tech.
Tourney: First round loss to Virginia Commonwealth.

2005-06: 27-1 start (!), only loss at Georgetown in late January.
Highest ranking: #1.
Catch-up moment: two season ending losses to FSU and UNC.
Tourney result: Sweet 16 loss to LSU.

2004-05: 15-0 start.
Highest ranking: #2.
Catch-up moment: late January, losses to Maryland and Wake in a single week.
Tourney: Sweet 16 loss to Michigan State.

2003-04: 21-1 start, only loss to Purdue in 4th game of the year. This is the only "bad" loss in the early going I can find in the past 10 years.
Highest ranking: #1.
Catch-up moment: Consecutive road losses to NC State and Wake in mid-February.
Tourney: Final 4 loss to UConn.

2002-03: 12-0 start.
Highest ranking: #1.
Catch-up moment: Consecutive road losses to Maryland and NC State in late January.
Tourney: Sweet 16 at Kansas.

The year before that, I was a freshman and Jason Williams was the best player on the best team in the country. We lost a heartbreaking sweet 16 game to Indiana. The year before that, Battier and J-Will led us to the national title.

So, what does this prove? Coach K is a great early season coach. If you compile those admittedly arbitrary records, his 'early season' record over the last decade is 128-5. Arbitrary or not, lesser competition or not, that's pretty friggin' staggering. I guarantee no other program can match those numbers.

Unfortunately, it also shows that he's not a coach who can lead his team to a strong finish. As the season wears on, Duke fades. After all those strong beginnings, a top-5 ranking every year and four #1 appearances, we have only one final 4 appearance to show for it, and no national titles.

But this was meant to be a positive post, so: well done, Coach K. For all your faults, nobody will ever accuse your teams of being unprepared. They'll never fail for lack of effort. And you won't lose to the Coastal Carolinas of the world. There's something to be said for that.


Today's the day where ESPN shows games at all hours of the day. I didn't end up skipping work for it, though I already wish I had, but starting at 4pm this evening we'll have a chance to get a look at #22 Louisville, #20 Georgetown, #2 Michigan State, and #1 Kansas. Those with fancy sports packages can also check out UConn, Oklahoma, and Tennessee, all top 25. If you've been jonesing, it's a good day.

The Harrison Barnes Hate Society (HBHS)

Okay, Harrison, you made your play. We see you. We see your #1 recruit status in the land of high school basketball. We see you cultivating an aura of mystery about which college you'll choose. We see you delaying the press conference revealing your choice until the last possible moment. We see the fanfare. We see the publicity. We see you choose THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA TAR HEELS.


We see you, Harrison. And know this: you have chosen war.

BEGIN EASTERN EUROPEAN DICTATOR MODE:


THIS EES UNPARDONABLE INSULT! YOU ARE MAKING VERY INCORRECT CHOICE, MEESTER BARNES! I VILL CONQUER YOU UNTIL YOU HAVE FACE LIKE ASPHALT! WE WILL PAVE STREETS WITH YOUR IMAGE SO DRIVERS MAY TRAMPLE IDEA OF YOU WITH FURIOUS NATIONAL WHEELS! NOBODY MAY SPEAK YOUR NAME WITHOUT SPITTING! VIOLATORS SHALL BE PUT ON JAIL TRUCK FOR MINIMUM EIGHT HUNDRED YEARS! THE PEOPLE VILL USE YOUR NAME AS INGLORIOUS VERB! YOU WILL BE COMPARED TO THE WORST ANIMALS IN POPULAR LITERATURE!

END EASTERN EUROPEAN DICTATOR MODE.


That's Harrison. Man, UNC's recruiting class is just really, really good. Ours was pretty good too, but now it looks like second class all the way. The odds of us winning a title any time in the next four years just took a big hit. The worst part is the hope. Harrison, couldn't you have just revelaed your choice a while ago and spared us the heartache? Why did you have to take this one down to the last minute?

Answer: he wanted to make a story of himself. Well, let me amend that: he wanted to make an even bigger story of himself. What does this say about his character? Hard to say...by all accounts, he's a smart, nice kid who works really hard. But maybe there's some ego there, too. Of course, that's not always a bad thing...and yet, what if it's his fatal flaw, damning he and his school to decades of failure?

Am I just trying to find any flaw to make myself feel better? Perhaps, astute reader. Perhaps.

(Semi-related Editor's Note: Faithful reader Spenser e-mailed me over the weekend to note that in last Friday's post, further proving my rich sporting knowledge, I mistakenly referred to Duke center Brian Zoubek by the name "Greg." My apologies to anyone named "Greg Zoubek" for the unfortunate association.)

Moving on:

*Manny Pacquiao is a beast. The Filipino boxer beat Miguel Cotto on Saturday night to win his 7th title in as many weight classes, setting a new all-time record. He began his career fighting at like 102 pounds, or something, and last night he was at 144 to beat the talented Puerto Rican. He's ridiculously fast, ridiculously strong, and ridiculously smart. Everything about this guy's talent is ridiculous. Now, it looks like a fight with the Pretty Boy (Floyd Mayweather Jr.) is in the cards. Mayweather is the undefeated phenom (40-0) who never seems to even break a sweat, much less show any physical signs that another human being is trying to punch him. If and when these two clash, it will be the undisputed fight of the decade. I'm already psyched.

*The HOT PICK OF THE WEEKEND failed when Florida took care of business, defeating South Carolina 24-14. There was a time, though...it looked dicey. Kinda. (Skip a few steps of forced logic and justification) In conclusion, I'm counting the pick as successful.

*While watching that game, I decided to flip to the end of the Ohio State-Iowa game, and that little adventure reminded me why I hate the Big 10. With 2:30 left and the score tied, Ohio St. took possession with a chance to win. And what did Tressel do? Tried to run the clock out. The Horseshoe (OSU's stadium) serenaded him with boos, and the offense only managed to kill about 90 seconds before punting. Iowa took over on the 35 with a full minute to gain 35 yards and attempt a game-winning field goal. Kirk Ferentz, their coach, took advantage of Tressel's inexcusable caution and marched down the field with bold playcalling and won the game, securing a Big 10 Championship and a Rose Bowl berth.

Oh wait, that didn't happen. He ran the clock out. Then overtime happened, Iowa got the ball first, and ran the ball twice into the line. Their QB got sacked on third down, forcing them to go for it on 4th and 26, which failed. So OSU only needed a field goal to win...did they run Pryor on roll-outs, looking for quick strikes and running room to make sure that the FG was only a chip shot? Nope. Tressel ran the ball 3 times, gained no yards, and put his new kicker on the spot for a 43-yard field goal.

It happened to go in, and OSU won, but it was absolutely the most cowardly, horrible end to a game I've seen all year. The Big 10 is so friggin' boring...and the fans knew it. This is the first time in my life I've ever, ever heard a home crowd booing after their team just won a game in overtime and secured a conference championship. And Tressel deserved it. Unbelievable.

*On the flip side of the caution spectrum, ladies and gentlemen, I give you: Bill Fucking Belichick.


I'm still in utter shock about that call last night. To recap: up 34-28 with 2:08 left on the clock, the Pats faced a 4th-and-2 on their own 28 yard line. Now, I know the terminology can be confusing, so let me be absolutely clear: there were 72 yards between the Patriots and the end zone. "Their own" 28 means they were on the wrong side of the field. And Crazy Bill, God love him, went for it on 4th down.

It's an absolutely insane move. You have to punt there. Have to! But at the same time, going for it takes the kind of balls that you don't find in many other people. It's a badass thing to do; you're saying you have confidence in the offense, you know you're going to get the two yards, and conventional wisdom be damned because YOU'RE JUST THAT GOOD.

Well, it failed. Faulk's reception came up short, Indianapolis took over on their own 28, and Peyton Manning did his thing. Colts win 35-34.

Was it a stupid move? Yes, quite possibly. But then again, Peyton could have worked his magic even if they punted. And it was only two yards for a team that had put up 34 points already. I'm not going to try and defend the call, but I will absolutely give Belichick credit for not being afraid, and for considering all options. That's why the guy is the best coach in the game, and it's why New England is a strong Super Bowl contender here in week 10. This time he failed, but next time he might not. And he'll always be the aggressor; you'll never see Crazy Bill back on his heels. Tressel should take notes.

That has to be the best game of the year so far, right? I can't think of anything better. After all the hype, that finish was spectacular. It's hard not to imagine a re-match between these teams in the AFC title game.

*The Undefeated Watch: the year's more than halfway over, so we can legitimately start looking at the two teams with a shot to run the table.

Indianapolis: Currently 9-0. After last night's great escape, here's the rest of their schedule: Baltimore, Houston, Tennessee, Denver, Jacksonville, Jets, Buffalo. Obviously, every game in the NFL is a potential loss, and there are no gimmes, but of those 7 teams, only 3 have records above .500. Houston and Jacksonville are both 5-4, but far from worldbeaters, and Denver is 6-3 and fading fast. By my made-up math, the Colts have a...47% chance to go undefeated.

New Orleans: Barely beat the Rams yesterday to go 9-0. Despite some cupcakes in their remaining schedule (Buccaneers twice, Redskins, Panthers), they still have New England, Atlanta, and Dallas. Only the Falcons game is on the road, though. Still, that New England game in two weeks looks tough. Made-up math: the Saints have a....28% chance to go undefeated.

That's all for now. Another Monday rises from the weekend's ashes. Start piling your mental sandbags.

Silver Boys, Blue Boys, and I should Probably Stop Saying 'Boys' So Much

First off, big congrats again to Derek Jeter and Mark Teixeira, who each won a Silver Slugger award yesterday. Interestingly, in the 8 American League position categories shared by Gold Glove and Silver Slugger awards (only SS awards to the best DH, only GG awards to the best pitcher), 6 went to the same player. Which can only lead to one logical conclusion: the best hitters are also the best fielders.

(Walks away whistling, content in the knowledge that he's thoroughly answered that question.)

And one more thing before I get into the Duke bball preview: a mini-tribute to Chad Ochocinco, nee Johnson, the Bengals receiver.


He's always sort of been in the periphery of my mind as a strange, very talented member of the arrogant receiver set, but it wasn't until yesterday that I realized how funny he actually is.

1) Two weeks ago, he sent gift baskets of deodorant to the Baltimore Ravens before their game.

2) This week, his coach had to actively stop him from sending packets of mustard to the Pittsburgh Steelers in advance of Sunday's game at Heinz field (because, you see, Heinz is a ketchup brand). To me, this is even more hilarious than the first gift, because it's based on a bad...play on words? I don't know. But I really hope the 'sending gift baskets' meme catches on with more players.

3) He changed his last name to 'Ochocinco.' Legally. An old story, yes, but worth recognizing again for its extreme quality. You can't help but admire a man who decides that a nickname isn't good enough, and that he actually needs to file the paperwork to make his rather ordinary last name (Johnson) into the Spanish version of his jersey number.

4) Other things he's done, via this website, which you should really visit just for the pictures: threw a terrible towel into the crowd after a win in Pittsburgh, took a Lambeau Leap after a touchdown in Green Bay, raced a horse (and lost) for charity, gave gifts from a Santa Claus bag following a touchdown during a Christmas Eve game, held up a sign to tv cameras reading "Dear NFL, PLEASE don't fine me AGAIN!!!!", celebrated a touchdown by using the orange endzone pylon like a golf club to 'putt' the football, took a leap into the crowd in Cleveland where the confused fans embraced him, riverdanced after a touchdown, and put this announcement on his twitter.

Keep living, Mr. Ochocinco! Keep on with your crazy living!


Okay:

Duke Basketball Preview.

Let's get (deep, restorative breath)....pumped.

First, hot off the presses, one of our starters is out with a broken wrist. His name is Mason Plumlee (younger brother of current Dukie Miles), and he looks like this:


I mean, what were the odds that someone with this body type would fall and break his wrist at practice against stronger players? 2-1? 1.5-1? Even money? Look at that picture. It should be captioned "this dude will break his wrist unless he never falls in his entire life." I hate to start the year out by going negative, but this injury is emblematic of a severe recruiting problem that's been plaguing Duke for some time, and which I've personally harped on ad nauseam. Namely:

A lot of guys we recruit are fucking wimps. Now, I promise this is the most extreme language I'll use, since we're talking about young fellas here who don't get paid for their work, but why avoid facts? By my count, we had three non-wimps last year; Singler, Henderson, and Elliot Williams. Hendo went pro, and E-Dubs transferred to Memphis to be closer to his ailing mother (I feel terrible for him, and am also quite sad to be losing such an exciting player). That leaves us with only Singler. Mason Plumlee, the twig pictured above, was actually going to start for us this year.

Not that he's not a good player. I mean, I actually think he won't be a good player, but I don't have the evidence yet to back this up. Still, regardless of his ability and height (6'10"), it's a sad commentary when a team has to start an inexperienced freshman with obvious strength issues.

Alright, let's take a look at the roster, beginning with the projected starters:

Kyle Singler, forward: I don't have a bad word to say about him. He was the only bright spot in our hugely embarrassing sweet-16 loss to Villanova, scoring 15 points on average shooting. And that was after the guards were completely nullified, and he had to operate against smothering defense without support. It'll be fun to watch Singler develop into a giant this year, and it's something I fully expect. Last season, he transformed from a skilled swingman with questionable toughness into a legitimate warrior, teaming up with Henderson to lead the Devils to some gritty road wins. I have a lot of faith in the Sing.

Greg Zoubek, center: Fuck me, really? This guy is starting? Whatever. I guess he's 7-feet tall and reasonable on defense. We know exactly what we're getting here; a big body, and not much quickness, grace, or offensive acumen.

Lance Thomas, forward: Needs to become a badass, or he's even more useless than Zoubek. Again, very little offensive ability presents itself; he's another sizeable chunk of a player designed to present a staunch inside defense, but unless he can score and take advantage of mismatches on the other end, he's just in the way. There's a very strong potential that other teams will run us off the floor this year because of Lance Thomas and Zoubek.

Jon Scheyer, guard: Here's the problem: I like Scheyer. I think he's fun to watch, he's a tenacious competitor, and he works really fucking hard. There will be games this year when Duke fans really, really love Jon Scheyer. But anyone who watched that Villanova game knows a very sad, very debilitating truth: at point guard, he's just a degree better than Greg Paulus. The quick front line Nova unleashed just completely outclassed him; he looked lost and a little frightened on the court. His shooting reflected the unmanageable defensive stress he was under: 3-18 from the field, 2-10 from 3. He's a solid guy to have on your team, but he's not a top tier D-1 point guard. He just doesn't have the natural gift of quickness to counterattack and make defenders pay for over-aggression. He may, however, be a top tier shooting guard. But if we're relying on him to run the offense, be prepared for more of what we saw against Villanova- relentless pressure designed to upset his controlled style.

Nolan Smith, guard: Easily the most important player on the court this year. I hope to God he's developed in the offseason, because last year Coach K desperately wanted him to grab the point guard reins from Paulus. He did so for about two games, but couldn't quite handle the heat, at which point Scheyer was conscripted. But Nolan does have the natural quickness and ballhandling ability that Scheyer lacks. The question is, does he have the strength and mental capacity to take on that leadership role? He'll never be Ty Lawson, and I don't think anybody's expecting that, but if he can play a competent point, nullify gimmicky pressure, and let Scheyer thrive in the 2-slot, this team looks a whole lot different.

Now for the reserves:

Andre Dawkins, guard: This is a freshman who actually finished high school in 3 years on an accelerated program so he could come early to college and fill Elliot Williams' vacancy. It's not an exaggeration to call him the second most important player on Duke's roster. He's also apparently a pretty smart dude. Unfortunately, most scouts are in agreement that he's not ready to play the point quite yet, though he may develop those skills eventually. Also, he won't be as strong defensively as Elliot. Still, he's a talented scorer who can pick up a lot of minutes, give us another threat from downtown, and hopefully take the burden off Scheyer and Singler, who appear to be the two lone scoring threats. We need a real quick learning curve from Mr. Dawkins.

Miles Plumlee, forward: Nothing to see here. 6'10", 240, but not quick and not very offensively gifted. Zoubek/Thomas lite.

Mason Plumlee, forward: Hurt, as mentioned, but doesn't need surgery. Supposedly has more skill than his brother, but less strength. Quite obviously, I'm not getting my hopes up.

Ryan Kelly, forward: Freshman, 6'10", can shoot the 3 (he won the shootout at the McDonald's game last year), scored 2150 in his SATs. But he's also scrawny (he gives Plumlee a run for his money) and doesn't like to get his hands dirty in the paint. The scouts call him a 'face-up' 4 man, which is like the last thing we need. Another stringbean who can shoot but can't create his own offense and hates contact? No thanks. (You can read my extensive screed on Kelly and Plumlee here.) I don't expect any impact from him this season.

Seth Fucking Curry, Assassin Guard Extraordinaire: Sitting out a year because of his transfer from Liberty. One year away from saving Duke!!!!!!!!!!


THE PROGNOSIS:

There's no way this team contends for a title, which in some ways is a positive. Unlike last year, we don't have to squirm in our seats and worry about the inevitable collapse, yet still harbor an insane hope that the Devils will live up to expectations and make a final 4 run. Instead, we can watch the team grow, enjoy the victories as they come, and keep an eye on player development in advance of next year's team. Despite our second-tier status, this could be a very fun ride.

What I would love to see: A team that actually improves as the season goes along. Andre Dawkins being worked into the point guard slot and getting comfortable. Kyle Singler taking the ACC by the balls and being an unrepentant tough bastard. Nolan Smith feeling a sense of leadership and responsibility, and carrying himself with a little swagger instead of that vacant scared look. Scheyer shooting the lights out. Zoubek staying out of foul trouble. Lance Thomas showing some attitude and zeal. Mason Plumlee returning from his wrist injury and proving me wrong. The team playing consistent basketball, finishing second in the ACC, winning the ACC tournament because Roy Williams does that thing where he loses in preparation for the big tourney, storming through the first two rounds of the NCAA, shocking a better team in the sweet 16, and going down in a heroic but doomed effort in the regional championship.

What I would hate to see: The typical Coach K effort we've become accustomed to since 2001- a team that starts out more disciplined than their peers and vaults out to a gaudy early record and a top 5 ranking since the players are smarter than the average bear and can master a system, but fades as the season goes along and more athletic teams start to find their bearings, culminating in a disheartening, fatigue-ridden second half and a first-weekend exit when March Madness rolls around.

It starts tonight against UNC-Greensboro, and believe me, I'm psyched. If anybody has a clue where I can watch this game online, do tell in the comments. Let's go Devils!