(Hey friends, this is a tape-delay blog of last night's game. What that means is that I typed these thoughts as they happened, and, aside from minor style edits, left them intact for this morning's post. Enjoy!)
8:48: 12 minutes to game time, and I’m set up here in my living room, typing on a cardboard box. Just like they used to do in the old days, before they had tables.
8:48: Since there’s apparently an unwritten law that any ESPN game leading into a 9pm Duke start must go into overtime, UConn just pulled within one against Syracuse at the Carrier Dome.
8:49: Dinner is done, dessert is done, and I’ve got nothing to focus on except the game. This is a good night. This is a revenge night.
8:50: It’s snowing like a mother outside. My girlfriend is next to me, and she’s wearing a ‘face mask.’ Which is, of course, some kind of skin beautifying product. Do women still do that? This strikes me as something my grandmother might have done the night before some nice eligible gentleman came a'courtin.
8:51: Jesus, tie game in Syracuse. Please don’t let this happen, basketball Gods.
8:53: Wow, they just showed a promo for Duke-UNC, and it included a lot of blood and fights. Capped off by Hansbrough, when he took the elbow shot from Henderson. But my favorite clip was a black and white one from God knows when, where it seemed like the entire stands were rushing the floor, throwing punches. Oh yes, I’m pumped.
8:54: My girlfriend just picked up on the fact that the game before is going into OT. “Oh God,” she sighs, sounding exasperated. She’s learning! She follows this up with “it’s drying, can you see?” This, evidently, is about the face mask.
8:56: Man, dumb decision by Scoop Jardine. Could’ve held for last shot, but he rushed it and now UConn has the advantage. Or, should I say, the possibility of OT has the advantage.
8:59: Wesley Johnson, one of the most fun players in America, nails two at the line. Please hold them, Syracuse. Time out.
9:00: For anyone who’s interested, just before starting this tape delay blog I lost 24-21 to Joe Montana and the 49ers on tecmo super bowl. I just discovered virtualnes.com, which hosts a bunch of old games, and is not necessarily a good thing for me. I’m not a video game guy, but I love tecmo bowl. Oh, and I was playing as the Giants. Dave Megget fumbled in a crucial situation. Also, I got into a mode in the third quarter where I was determined to have Phil Simms run in for a touchdown out of the shotgun. It didn’t work out.
9:01: Missed three by Kemba, and Joseph knocks down two to give Syracuse a 4-point lead. By all rights, this one should be over.
9:02: Except Syracuse doesn’t challenge Walker, who goes coast to coast in 4 seconds, literally. The big man underneath actually moved aside so his finish would be easier. I hate that move. Up 4, commit the hard foul. Or at least provide some semblance of defense. That was too easy.
9:05: Okay, that should do it. Intentional foul, Cuse up 4 with the ball and 5 seconds left.
9:07: AND WE’RE LIVE FROM CHAPEL HILLLLLLL!!!!!
9:07: The Chapel Hill fans are jumping around to the song “Jump Around” by Cypress Hill. Hey Carolina, the 1990s called. They want their lame middle school dance rituals back. (Hey blogger, David Spade called...he wants his lame joke format back.) The bad guys win the tip.
9:07: OFFENSIVE FOUL. STATEMENT. OMEN. SCHEYER DREW IT. WE’RE GONNA WIN.
9:08: Smith gets whacked on the base line, no call.
9:08: Miles Plumblefuck makes his first plumblegoof. Putting ‘plumble’ in front of everything makes me slightly less angry.
9:09: Ed Davis gets everyone pumped up with a huge slam. Plumblefuck responds with a resounding weak jumper from about 10 feet that barely hits the front rim.
9:10: SINGLER BURIES IT! SCHEYER TO WIND TO EARTH, FOR 3!!!! Great sign early on.
9:11: AND HOW ABOUT ONE FOR SCHEYER!!!!!
9:11: Oh man this is so sweet, we’re about to beat UNC because they won’t guard us beyond 3 and also they’re trying to shoot with us. Welcome to hell, Heels.
9:12: Sweet, sweet spin move by Nolan Smith, but he can’t finish. Dickie V points out that Earth, Wind, and Scheyer are the highest scoring trio in America.
9:12: SING SING! ANOTHER TREY! Wow, we’re having so many open looks right away. Please keep leaving us unguarded, Carolina.
9:13: Dumb foul by Zou-Wreck takes us into our first tv timeout. I should maybe start giving the Zou some props for his workmanlike performance this year. It hasn't been all bad. We’ll see.
9:14: My girlfriend is using some kind of computer mirror to remove the last of her face mask, which I have to admit is fun to pull off. I asked her why she didn’t just use the giant mirror hanging behind her. No response, slow smile, shrug. That's a win for me.
9:16: Some type of in-game promo. My first reaction: stop speaking in that awful insinuating voice, Coach K. It's getting really really old. Girlfriend’s reaction (about Scheyer): oh, he’s so cute! My reaction (to Singler): man, that wide-eyed dude basically always looks crazy.
9:17: Scheyer cutting, gets a great pass from Zou for two.
9:17: Wow, what an awesome and unexpected interior pass by Mason Plumlee. Of course, Zoubek misses the lay-up. Two Duke big men both functioning like Division 1 athletes within a single play is asking too much.
9:18: The typical 'greatest rivalry' question is raised by Shulman in an online poll. Red Sox–Yankees. There’s your answer. Thanks for asking. Comically, Lakers-Spurs is one of the choices. Vitale rightly points out the absurdity of this.
13:43: Turnover UNC. If you didn’t notice, I’m now time-stamping by game time remaining. Oops! Forgot!
13:15: Scheyer’s forcing it a little bit. Miles Plumlee’s horrible game continues as he fumbles a good pass out of bounds.
12:43: Shulman quotes Roy Williams as saying that in moments of adversity, his team is losing confidence instead of rallying around each other. True enough.
12:30: HUGE BLOCK BY ZOUBEK! EAT IT, CHAPEL HILL!
12:18: Duke’s offense looks like crap. Luckily, our D is more than doing the job. So far. 13-7 Duke with UNC on the line.
12:03: Baby Dawk (Andre Dawkins) draws a foul going baseline. Good to see him in the ballgame. I just came up with Baby Dawk. I kinda like it, but it would be way more effective if Johnny Dawkins was still an assistant coach, and we could call him "Papa Dawk." Then the reference to Haitian dictators (Papa Doc and Baby Doc Duvalier) would be complete. Meanwhile, Henson for UNC gets two fantastic blocks in a row. On the second, Lance Thomas failed to convert from point blank. The inability of our big men to score is going to absolutely kill us come tournament time.
11:38: I don’t like the Verizon Fios guy. I think he’s a comedian, and he wears a baseball hat all the time. I know I’m supposed to, since he's sorta like an average Joe, and I can’t really pinpoint why I don’t. It’s very subtle. Although I do like that one commercial where the guy says the sunglasses are imported from New Jersey.
11:38: There are two cheers that haunt me. The current one in Chapel Hill, the drawn-out “Tarrrr….Heeeeeellllsss” thrown back and forth between parts of the arena, is one. The other is similar: West Virginia’s “Let’s go! (pause pause) Mountaineers!”
10:40: Scheyer and Graves exchange 3s. Duke is 4-7 from downtown right now.
10:14: LANCE THOMAS, HOW THE HELL DO YOU MISS THAT LAYUP!!! Unreal. He got fouled, but barely. You have to actively try to miss a shot from that close when you’re so tall. So fucking frustrating. Makes both free throws, though.
9:55: And a nice steal, too.
9:40: But then he takes a 16-footer, which is a shot we just don’t need. 3-point game, 18-15. Crowd going apeshit. Lance Thomas drives and gets rejected.
9:20: Dear Coach K: please make an offensive adjustment wherein our offense doesn't run through Lance Thomas. My humble suggestion is a subsitution for Lance Thomas.
9:00: Yeah, Mason! He follows Nolan’s drive with an emphatic slam.
8:52: Coach K has two looks: angry, diminutive tyrant, and scared child. It all depends on whether he’s standing or sitting.
8:24: Graves is hot. Tie game. 20-20. So loud in the Dean Dome. So loud.
7:33: I should probably expect this, but we’re getting absolutely no calls. Graves gets away with a push on the offensive side, then a 50/50 charging call goes against Nolan on the other end.
7:33: God, Bud Light and Miller Lite just make the worst commercials. I’m watching the one with the couple, and it’s set up like they’re doing a match.com things, but it turns out all the adoring things he’s saying are about a beer. Pre-dict-a-ble! (said in a sing-sing effeminate voice)
7:33: Here's my script for the next Bud Lite/Miller Lite commercial: guy and a girl are in a place together. There's a discussion where the girl wants the guy to say something sweet about her, or compliment her clothing, or else she's nagging him. These are the only types of interactions guys and girls ever have. I'm not sure what happens next, but the guy does something and for a second the girl is happy. Then she realizes that whatever the guy did was actually more a reflection of his love for beer. So she rushes off angry or looks disgusted. The guy is simple, an idea he communicates to the camera by not understanding what he did wrong. It ends with him looking confused, then shrugging it off because he's simple. He sips a beer. Please send me a money order for ten thousand dollars if you like this idea.
6:43: Un-fucking-believable. Lance Thomas literally cannot make a lay-up. Duke is now 2-20 from 2-point range. 2-point range!! 2 for friggin’ 20! Earth, Wind, and Scheyer just have no help.
6:22: Singler is so cold. And I’m not just talking about this game. It’s the whole season, and it’s really disheartening. Aside from his one hot game last week, it’s been all disappointment.
6:01: Sensing my souring mood, the girlfriend just went to bed. Time to become a lonely, sad, angry man. If I were holding a beer, this could be like the Raymond Carver version of a Miller Lite commercial.
5:30: Scheyer for 3. Thank God. Dickie V. says there will be a spot for Scheyer somewhere in the NBA. Vitale is basically the patron saint of white college players who probably will never be good in the NBA. He's their main advocate. God bless him.
5:00: A clear offensive goaltending goes uncalled at our end. The refereeing has been almost farcical so far. I can see this game having a horrible ending. The Dean Dome crowd has already intimidated the refs.
4:30: “Neither team shooting well, but the effort has been outstanding,” says Shulman. A very kind way to say this game has been ugly as hell.
4:00: There’s just no identity to this Duke team. What are we about? How are we going to score? What’s the plan here, guys?
3:37: Carolina takes their first lead at the under-4 timeout. 24-23. I’m not feeling good.
3:37: The World Cup commercials are just so awesome. I need to know where that music comes from. And Geoff, resident music expert, just informs me on g-chat that it’s from “City of Blinding Lights” by U2. Impossible not to get pumped up.
3:37: Hansbrough sighting! Love it. Looking goofy and loveable as ever.
3:18: Big one for Singler from 3. “Duke can’t throw one in the ocean from 2-point range, but they can’t miss from 3!” gushes Shulman. If Lance Thomas tried to find the ocean at this point, he'd end up buying lake trout at a roadside stand in Wyoming. (Huh?)
2:44: The one upside to our tentative performance is that UNC has no semblance of an offense. If they win, they’re going to have to win very, very ugly.
2:31: DRIVE, NOLAN! You’re so quick! Take it to the hole!
2:10: Excellent putback by Mason Plumlee. We’re killing on the offensive boards. Of course, that hasn’t mattered since we’ve made so few easy shots.
1:27: Ugly move by Mason. No flow to him yet. No grace. Drew Henson is a force underneath.
1:01: I honestly think Scheyer just got blocked on drives two times in a row because he was afraid that if he dished to anyone, they’d miss a layup. He had a better chance of making an off-balance leaner among the tall trees.
42.2: Singler just looks so slow when he tries to drive. His spin moves are the kind of shit you see from a second-string guard on a so-so high school team.
42.2: “There’s no Yankees!” says Dickie V., talking about the lack of a dominant team in the ACC. This works better than a quip I once made about how there are no weak teams in the conference: “There’s no Orioles!” Of course, I was at a funeral when I said it.
2.8: Worst case scenario as Drew picks up a loose ball, hits the lay-up, and gets fouled. He hits the free throw, and at halftime it’s 28-27 Duke.
HALFTIME: Without a commercial break, Roy Williams takes the mic to honor Hansbrough. God, is it horrible to admit that his speech just made me a little weepy? "Not only did he make this team better...he made me a better coach, and a better man." I don’t even like Roy. But everything Hansbrough touches turns to gold.
HALFTIME: My fellow fan Meredith points out that Nolan Smith “needs a red bull.” Too true. And apparently we’re shooting 25% from the field. Nolan is 0-7. Lance Thomas is 0-6, and those are all layup or dunk attempts. But Scheyer and Singler both have 3 treys. Rebounds are at 24 apiece, which I would not have predicted. I thought we had the edge.
HALFTIME: There needs to be a classic mouth-punch by Duke to start the second half.
HALFTIME: Some kid outside started crying like crazy just now. I went to the window, and a lady came by with her dog. The kid was on the ground with two older kids above him, one guy, one girl. “Is he really crying?” said the lady. “No,” said the two. “Yes!” screamed the kid. “They knocked me over and kicked snow on me!” The older kids ran away, and the lady took him inside her apartment across the street briefly. This might be weird somehow. I'll try to keep you updated.
19:30: Mouth punch! Singler hits his first three. He’s now 4-4 from deep, which unfortunately contrasts with me calling him “cold” a bit earlier. But Ginyard responds with a 3 of his own. By the way, Zoubek starts for Miles Plumlee. Little statement by Coach K there.
17:54: Oh boy. Mouth punch not possible. Ginyard gets an off-balance layup and a foul. Shit. Carolina up 32-31.
17:30: Thomas blatantly elbows the UNC defender. I hate when someone’s being pressured and goes high with the elbows. All you have to do is the low arm swing. It gives you space and prevents anyone from getting popped in the face.
17:20: Ugly knee bump. Lance Thomas is down. He’s having a horrible game, but the sad part is we can’t afford to lose him. Hope he’s okay.
17:00: The crying kid is back for more! I go to the window, and his face is being rubbed in the snow by the older kids. Someone comes by to intervene again, but this time everyone says "he's fine" and nothing happens.
16:55: It’s just a huge block fest underneath. 10 blocks for Carolina. Zoubek commits his third. Duke losing. This is not going well.
16:30: Hansbrough looking confident.
15:58: Singler with a huge putback after an ugly shot by Plumlee the Miles. Timeout, Duke down one.
15:27: YEAH NOLAN! LET’S FUCKING GO! (this is one of those entries where I type what I actually said.)
15:27: Hansbrough interviewed. Apparently he’s had bad ear infections this year. “I’d give anything to be out there right now,” says Psycho T. I believe that.
14:44: NOLAN TIME! Two long Js in a row, and we’re back up, baby! Give it right back to him, please.
14:00: He gets it, but misses a floater. Davis gets the go-ahead bucket in transition.
13:40: Paging Duke offense. Paging Duke offense. (The “paging _____” joke format was considered very lame in 1995. Now, it’s forgotten enough to be used again, and I'm right at the head of that wave.)
13:20: Singler gets murdered on a cut to the basket. No call.
12:07: NOLAN, GO! Oops, bad idea. Just like I wanted, he forced the drive, and missed a bad turnaround. Transition basket for Carolina, and we’re down 4.
11:46: “Get a T-O, get a T-O, get a T-O,” shouts Dick Vitale. Each “get a T-O” typed represents four actual “get a T-Os.” God, I hate him sometimes. More Yankees references, please.
11:46: Man, that “Dante’s Inferno” video game commercial with “Ain’t No Sunshine” in the background is really scary. I’m disturbed. Here I am, caring about a Duke-UNC game, and there are knights diving down into hell to save a blond ghost woman, and getting swamped by flying bird demons. Really gives you perspective.
11:38: Red Sox – Yankees wins the best rivalry poll in resounding fashion. Duh.
11:07: Wow, we got a break there. Just hammered Davis underneath, no call. Then Miles Plumlee does some weird half dunk attempt that (GASP!) doesn’t work. If a foreigner who had never heard of basketball watched this game, they would assume the main basketball strategy was to miss every shot when you’re inside the paint.
10:19: What a scoop! Nolan Smith, baby! Keep it hot!
10:10: Lance Thomas not returning. And Baby Dawk is in the game. In other news, Erin Andrews doesn’t look quite as good in glasses. But still pretty good.
9:26: Great take by Schey-guy, foul drawn. And he misses the first. Shit. Wow! He missed both. Unheard of. That, to say the least, is not a good omen.
9:12: Davis returns the favor by missing two.
9:00: A Carolina goaltending gets ignored, as does a blatant foul against Mason Plumlee. Singler finally draws a foul on the third try. And proceeds to miss the first foul shot. But the second goes down, Duke by 1.
8:51: 16-60, says Shulman. That’s Duke’s offensive effort. And oh God, Carolina is already in the bonus.
8:30: Dawkins takes a really bold three. Bold as in, he’ll probably get pulled from the game. Great offensive board by Mason, and a pump fake draws a foul. Hits one of two.
8:20: Deon Thompson with a tip. Tie game. Oh man, this is getting exciting. I did not want exciting.
7:50: As we go into the tv timeout, I need to point out that even though this game is close and dramatic, both teams look like absolute shit. It has been a really pitiful effort on both sides. Carolina just isn’t good, and Duke can’t play on the road.
7:50: If I had to guess right now, I would pick Duke to win this game, and that’s only because I don’t think Carolina has anyone who can hit a big shot. And we’ll probably hit 3-4 more three-pointers.
7:29: Horrible foul by Plumblefuck the Younger. Lazy reach-around on a post pass. And oh my, what a brick by Davis.
7:00: HOLY SHIT! REVERSE JAM BY YOUNG MASON!!!! I love hearing a crowd go quiet.
6:42: Drew airmails a wide open 3. A three-pointer here would be absolutely exquisite. Let’s do it, Duke.
6:20: But I will take a Scheyer runner instead. Dukies up 4.
6:00: Graves hits a fucking prayer from deep. That’s annoying. Dickie V correctly calls it the biggest basket of the game so far. Really going out on a limb there.
5:30: I LOVE YOU SCHEYER. I LOVE YOU. Huge clutch 3. Biggest shot of the game so far, say I!
4:45: Singler misses a bomb. This game just got really chaotic. Fast break lay-in for Nolan! Duke by 6.
4:34: Gotta say, I still have faith in our guys. I think Carolina’s offense is basically Graves bombing from really deep. Not sustainable.
3:59: Last tv timeout. Man, don’t even know what to think right now. A potential win is a potential win, but I was hoping for a much better performance tonight. It just isn’t happening for us on the road this year, and I guess that’s that. I’d love to be the kind of team that could find a nice flow even in a hostile environment, but it’s not to be. I can’t help but try to look into the future after these sorts of games, and none of this can bode well for the tourney. I’m already nervous for the first time we face real stress against a tough, athletic team, with a neutral crowd suddenly aligned squarely with the bad guys.
3:59: 19 offensive boards by Duke. I’d love to see numbers on how many of those were converted into actual points. 12 turnovers for UNC, 7 for Duke.
3:30: Beautiful pass by Zoubek in the interior. Singler lays it in. Give-and-go done to perfection. Duke by 6 again.
2:58: “Sometimes it just helps to be the biggest guy on the court,” says Shulman, as Ole Snowshoes rips down a vicious board. This one’s over, I’m calling it.
2:30: AND HOW ABOUT A FUCKING STRAIGHT UP DAGGER FROM SCHEYER?????
2:00: Carolina just taking ugly shot after ugly shot. Celebration time!!! They just showed the replay, and Scheyer gave the classic MJ head shake after that 3. Awesome.
1:34: After letting him kill 20 seconds, Carolina fouls Scheyer for no reason with 14 seconds left on the shot clock. They’ve done just about everything wrong in the last 7 minutes. Scheyer missed two before, and now he misses one of two. 10-point lead.
1:17: We’re about to beat Carolina.
1:08: What’s the rule on backcourt? Shulman clarifies: if you have at least one foot still in the backcourt, it’s not a violation if you go back, even if one foot has crossed. Good no-call by the refs. Nolan hits one of two to ice the deal.
1:05: “People better have their fun now,” says Vitale, before listing all the great recruits UNC is getting next year and predicting that they'll probably be awesome and beat us for the next four years at least. Okay, fair enough. *Ahem* HAHAHA, UNC SUCKS, HAHA, OH MAN IT’S SO MUCH FUN BEING FROM DUKE, WOOOOOOO. UNC IS TERRIBLE, WEEEEEEE!!!!!
54.6: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY DUKE HOOORAH AWESOME YEAH!!!!
46.1: Scheyer fouled. Nice to see a little toughness, even if the overall play was sloppy.
45.0: Shot of sad Tyler.
28.2: Nolan fouled one last time for good luck.
15.2: Just checked the box score. A total of 11 points from people not named Earth, Wind, or Scheyer. Yikes.
GAME OVER: Nice work, Dukies. Scheyer is player of the game, and the highlight is Mason Plumlee’s reverse dunk. See you guys tomorrow.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The Big Day is Here!
It happens tonight. While snow is falling on Manhattan, to the tune of double digit inches, it's a dry, cold day in Chapel Hill. Tonight, the Dean Dome will be full. Most will be wearing Carolina blue, and a small, brave dispatch behind the visitor's bench will be clad in dark Duke blue.
The proverbial window is wide open, and the records of both teams have been heaved into the elements. Here are the things that matter:
1) Can Carolina put sufficient pressure on the Duke guards? Do they even care enough to try? The Tar Heels have seemed awfully lackadaisical this year, which is very atypical for a Roy Williams team. After it became clear that they weren't a legitimate top 25 team, the bottom seemed to fall out, and lack of ability became comorbid with lack of effort. Tonight, they'll need to exert maximum effort to harry our frontcourt. The crowd energy and the fact of the rivalry may be enough to overcome whatever strain of sluggishness has entered the UNC body athletic. If not, it'll be another embarrassing ACC loss.
2) Can Duke play with any fluidity on the road? If UNC's problem is underachievement, Duke is at the opposite end of the spectrum; sometimes, they try too hard. This is particularly true in situations of stress, which is why they've struggled on the road. Recent wins against Boston College and Clemson seem to indicate that Coach K has achieved some growth in that area, although in general the team still seems to have a separate, more timid identity away from Cameron. Even if the opponent they're facing tonight leaves something to be desired, the crowd will not. Despite the fact that the Tar Heel faithful are behaving like Yankee fans this year (bitter, angry, and disheartened less than a year after winning the national title), they'll still be in full throat when the Devils visit.
UNC has dropped 3 straight ACC games, and 6 of their last 7. Nothing is impossible in Tobacco Road games, but for the first time in a long time, the Heels are definitively inferior. Some might say they have nothing to lose, but I don't see where they have any pride. This isn't a scrappy bunch of fighters who go down swinging; they're more like primadonnas. And that's why I don't believe they can take us down tonight. Not only are we more talented, but we have more mental strength. That's going to overcome any worries about being on the road. This one will get away from UNC early in the 2nd half, and will become the game when UNC fans gave up on the season for good.
Duke 82, UNC 64
Nolan Smith will score 26 points and hit 4 3s. Jon Scheyer will dance on the Carolina logo at midcourt. Singler will do something to incite the crowd late in the game. Duke nation rises again.
In New York, children in snowsuits will make white angels. In Chapel Hill, adults in light blue will fear Blue Devils.
(Live blog possible for tonight.)
The proverbial window is wide open, and the records of both teams have been heaved into the elements. Here are the things that matter:
1) Can Carolina put sufficient pressure on the Duke guards? Do they even care enough to try? The Tar Heels have seemed awfully lackadaisical this year, which is very atypical for a Roy Williams team. After it became clear that they weren't a legitimate top 25 team, the bottom seemed to fall out, and lack of ability became comorbid with lack of effort. Tonight, they'll need to exert maximum effort to harry our frontcourt. The crowd energy and the fact of the rivalry may be enough to overcome whatever strain of sluggishness has entered the UNC body athletic. If not, it'll be another embarrassing ACC loss.
2) Can Duke play with any fluidity on the road? If UNC's problem is underachievement, Duke is at the opposite end of the spectrum; sometimes, they try too hard. This is particularly true in situations of stress, which is why they've struggled on the road. Recent wins against Boston College and Clemson seem to indicate that Coach K has achieved some growth in that area, although in general the team still seems to have a separate, more timid identity away from Cameron. Even if the opponent they're facing tonight leaves something to be desired, the crowd will not. Despite the fact that the Tar Heel faithful are behaving like Yankee fans this year (bitter, angry, and disheartened less than a year after winning the national title), they'll still be in full throat when the Devils visit.
UNC has dropped 3 straight ACC games, and 6 of their last 7. Nothing is impossible in Tobacco Road games, but for the first time in a long time, the Heels are definitively inferior. Some might say they have nothing to lose, but I don't see where they have any pride. This isn't a scrappy bunch of fighters who go down swinging; they're more like primadonnas. And that's why I don't believe they can take us down tonight. Not only are we more talented, but we have more mental strength. That's going to overcome any worries about being on the road. This one will get away from UNC early in the 2nd half, and will become the game when UNC fans gave up on the season for good.
Duke 82, UNC 64
Nolan Smith will score 26 points and hit 4 3s. Jon Scheyer will dance on the Carolina logo at midcourt. Singler will do something to incite the crowd late in the game. Duke nation rises again.
In New York, children in snowsuits will make white angels. In Chapel Hill, adults in light blue will fear Blue Devils.
(Live blog possible for tonight.)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Yo, Carolina, DIG THIS
26 INSULTS, ALPHABET STYLE!
A man doesn't doesn't have to ace the charts at the DMV to see that 'Carolina Blue' is that color's most feminine shade.
Below sea level, they keep wondering how Roy Williams survives so well on land. Dude looks like a fish.
Cameron Indoor Stadium still makes Dean Smith cry. He has nightmares about engineering students.
Deon Thompson does Karaoke in his room by himself. He wishes he had been born a woman.
Eric Montross. He won a title, but come on. If you didn't hate this guy, your last name is probably Montross.
Fred Penner kept certain things inside his log. A guitar, inspirational quotes written on recycled paper, and a photo of Antawn Jamison with the eyes x'ed out. Even Fred Penner hates you.
Germany, 1945 is a place of evil that was getting overrun by good, honest Americans. Another example? Chapel Hill, 2010.
Here's a joke: What's blue, round, and made of glass? I don't know, but Roy Williams is six kinds of creepy.
If you want to earn 200 bucks the easy way, tell the police you saw Roy Williams around an elementary school playground.
Jordan was your best player. Grant Hill was ours. Guess who won more national titles. Hint: it ain't the dude with the gambling problem.
Krzyzewski is 32-35 against UNC after starting 2-10 while he was building the program. That's a positive trend, math-heads.
Lice is a recurring problem for Tyler Zeller. I read it on the internet. He has terrible hair hygiene.
Maps tell us that 15 miles separate Duke and UNC. North Carolina state law tells us that 500 feet must separate Roy Williams and any elementary school. I went back to the well.
Nobody's a bigger Tyler Hansbrough fan than me, but let's get real: in four years, he broke all the major awkward records. If awkwardness was an olympic event, the Chinese government would pay him millions of dollars to start a training academy in Beijing.
Over 21,000 people will watch Duke get their romp on at the Dean Dome Wednesday. Of those, over 20,000 prefer to wear their overalls with one strap unbuckled. I'm from New York City, and I have arrogant ideas about the south.
Perhaps, you're thinking, Scheyer will go easy on Carolina. Perhaps you're wrong, asshole. When Scheyer has dreams about Ed Davis, he wakes up with his tattered pillow clenched in his teeth. And then he finishes the job.
Question: How many pillows does Scheyer go through every year? Answer: the last person to ask him to his face now looks like Coach K on a bad day. And that was a chick.
Remember Matt Doherty? Me Either.
Save your quarters, UNC fans. After the game, you can go to the laundromat and wash the tears from your clothing. I'm not afraid of a lame joke.
Turtles in the Galapagos can live to be over 100 years old. Roy Williams thinks that's "not sexy at all." I think you get my point about Roy Williams.
UNC stands for Unholy Narcissistic Cottonpickers. I'm running out of material.
Virginity was listed by Tyler Hansbrough as one of his main assets when he filled out his NBA application. He thinks sex is for dorks.
What's more annoying than hundreds of people at work asking you why you're on crutches? Nothing, but did I mention that Duke has three players better than anyone on Carolina's roster? BOOK IT.
Xylophones are Scheyer's second-favorite instrument. The first? Ed Davis' rib cage.
You know Hansbrough never lost at Cameron Indoor Stadium? MASON PLUMLEE WILL NEVER LOSE IN CHAPEL HILL. OH MY GOD I'M CALLING IT.
Zeller's secret service code name when he visited the White House last year was 'The Unfortunate Ostrich.' And that was the nice version.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sprained Monday
Late post today. Why? Because on Saturday, playing basketball, I sprained my left ankle so bad that I actually sat on the floor screaming for about 10 seconds. If you ever want to see a group of guys have no idea how to react to you, pull that little trick. To my credit, I hobbled off almost immediately so they could continue the game. But the first hour or so after a sprained ankle is absolutely excruciating. The pain comes in sharp waves, and because you're forced to move to get yourself home, you also can't avoid exacerbating it.
So I took today off to let it heal, and slept in.
Advantages of a sprained ankle: I can call myself "the wounded king" and make demands of my girlfriend. Despite being semi-annoyed at this, she has to follow through; I can't walk. Unfortunately, this only lasts for about 3-4 days before I can start hobbling around pretty effectively without any serious risk of damage.
Disadvantages of a sprained ankle: Everything else. I'm the kind of person who does some form of exercise every day, and this seriously crimps my style. No running, no basketball, no yoga, no football, nothing. All I can really do is some ab work and push-ups. It blows. Also, I'll have to use crutches for a couple days starting tomorrow, and that is the absolute worst. I have no idea how anyone uses crutches. I consider myself in decent shape, and at least slightly stronger than the average bear, but I go one city block on crutches and feel like I've just dragged a giant log over a mountain. I've been told it's about establishing a rhythm, and perfecting technique, but it just seems arduous and painful.
It could be worse. It could be a broken leg, or anything more severe than that. But still, 3-5 weeks of inactivity is sure to be a drag. So there's my whining, out in the open. Now we move on to the objects of envy, those men of the world who are not only capable of performing athletic feats, but actually excel.
The Super Bowl
What a fortunate game for New Orleans. There were three huge events that turned this one into a Saints victory when it looked like the Colts had them by the short hairs:
1) Pierre Garcon's dropped pass. This was on Indy's third drive, in the beginning of the second quarter. They'd scored on their first two, but on 3rd and about 5, on their first set of downs, Garcon dropped a good pass across the middle and forced a punt. Badly needed by the Saints; it stemmed the tide and allowed them to narrow the gap.
2) Caldwell's decision to run the ball in the last drive of the 2nd quarter. Yes, they were pinned deep, but does that really matter? There were two minutes left, and Indianapolis already proved they could put together a long drive with relative ease. Go for the score, dude. Instead, three cowardly runs after an inspiring goal-line stand, a punt, and the Saints got a momentum-building field goal going into the half.
3) The onside kick. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. You have to take chances like that if you're going to win a Super Bowl. I loved this move by Payton, and it paid off big time. After the touchdown, when New Orleans had their first lead, I was convinced he was going to do it again, except this time with the kicker nubbing it straight and recovering it himself. That would have been double cool.
Those three combined took a chunk out of the Indy offense. One was bad luck, and two were coaching decisions. By the time they played out, Peyton had been on the bench too long, and the game became a dog fight instead of an effortless Colt win. And I'm happy that in the end, the victory went to the team with the more courageous coach. You don't win Super Bowls with caution; fortune favors the bold.
That being said, I think New Orleans fans will quickly become obnoxious. I have absolutely nothing against the city, or the team, so the fact that I'm already tired of them speaks volumes. The sense of entitlement and the "Who Dat" and the arrogant sort of insistence that they somehow have a lease on "real" joy, or that their brand of partying is somehow mystically superior...rubs me the wrong way.
The HUGE caveat: I'm glad the city won this Super Bowl. I know it probably helps, at least psychologically, with the Katrina aftermath. I really do think that's awesome. And, okay, the city is probably pretty awesome too. I'm just talking about the fans here. They've won their Super Bowl; now prepare to be turned off. After all, there's a big French strain in their populace, and we all hate the French, right? Was anybody really happy when France won the World Cup? And really, what percentage of the people celebrating on Bourbon Street last night actually understand the intricacies of football? Compared to, say, the people of Buffalo?
I'm here to ask questions, folks. The hard questions.
Last point (this feature should be called "Extra Point"): I also think this takes the cake as the most deceptively close Super Bowl. Final score was 31-17, which seems like a comfortable win. But it took those three events above to even get the Saints back in the game, and before Peyton's pick-6 (which I look at less as a bad pass and more as a really, really gutsy play by Porter; if Peyton waited another half second, he would've had Wayne wide open with Porter suckered in), it looked like the Colts were going to tie the game. Even after that, Peyton led another drive to get within striking distance, and Wayne dropped an easy touchdown catch.
Just saying, if you're a Colts fan, there are some definite regrets. Bad coaching and bad luck played a real big role.
The Duke Win
We beat BC 66-63 on the road. Not much to say here. Any road victory is a good victory in the ACC, so I can't complain too much. But Coach K's stall offense almost cost us again. I'm really tired of watching 10-15 point leads turn into 3-point victories. Not cool, Krjygjewski.
Singler (you might know him as 'The Silent Dagger') cooled off in a big way, and Scheyer and Smith had to carry the heavy load. Once again, nobody picked up the slack on offense (12 points outside of Earth, Wind, and Scheyer), and the Plumblefucks barely played (only 7 minutes for Miles). After the game, my stepfather put it best: once again, this team will have to live and probably die by the 3.
Wednesday, we go into UNC. Big game. Huge game. I'm so excited that we'll be favored to beat Carolina for the first time in what seems like forever. Believe me, there will be more about this in the coming days.
That's it for now, though. As you walk freely and gracefully amid your haunts today, take a moment to think of my hobbled condition. I am the greatest martyr.
So I took today off to let it heal, and slept in.
Advantages of a sprained ankle: I can call myself "the wounded king" and make demands of my girlfriend. Despite being semi-annoyed at this, she has to follow through; I can't walk. Unfortunately, this only lasts for about 3-4 days before I can start hobbling around pretty effectively without any serious risk of damage.
Disadvantages of a sprained ankle: Everything else. I'm the kind of person who does some form of exercise every day, and this seriously crimps my style. No running, no basketball, no yoga, no football, nothing. All I can really do is some ab work and push-ups. It blows. Also, I'll have to use crutches for a couple days starting tomorrow, and that is the absolute worst. I have no idea how anyone uses crutches. I consider myself in decent shape, and at least slightly stronger than the average bear, but I go one city block on crutches and feel like I've just dragged a giant log over a mountain. I've been told it's about establishing a rhythm, and perfecting technique, but it just seems arduous and painful.
It could be worse. It could be a broken leg, or anything more severe than that. But still, 3-5 weeks of inactivity is sure to be a drag. So there's my whining, out in the open. Now we move on to the objects of envy, those men of the world who are not only capable of performing athletic feats, but actually excel.
The Super Bowl
What a fortunate game for New Orleans. There were three huge events that turned this one into a Saints victory when it looked like the Colts had them by the short hairs:
1) Pierre Garcon's dropped pass. This was on Indy's third drive, in the beginning of the second quarter. They'd scored on their first two, but on 3rd and about 5, on their first set of downs, Garcon dropped a good pass across the middle and forced a punt. Badly needed by the Saints; it stemmed the tide and allowed them to narrow the gap.
2) Caldwell's decision to run the ball in the last drive of the 2nd quarter. Yes, they were pinned deep, but does that really matter? There were two minutes left, and Indianapolis already proved they could put together a long drive with relative ease. Go for the score, dude. Instead, three cowardly runs after an inspiring goal-line stand, a punt, and the Saints got a momentum-building field goal going into the half.
3) The onside kick. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. You have to take chances like that if you're going to win a Super Bowl. I loved this move by Payton, and it paid off big time. After the touchdown, when New Orleans had their first lead, I was convinced he was going to do it again, except this time with the kicker nubbing it straight and recovering it himself. That would have been double cool.
Those three combined took a chunk out of the Indy offense. One was bad luck, and two were coaching decisions. By the time they played out, Peyton had been on the bench too long, and the game became a dog fight instead of an effortless Colt win. And I'm happy that in the end, the victory went to the team with the more courageous coach. You don't win Super Bowls with caution; fortune favors the bold.
That being said, I think New Orleans fans will quickly become obnoxious. I have absolutely nothing against the city, or the team, so the fact that I'm already tired of them speaks volumes. The sense of entitlement and the "Who Dat" and the arrogant sort of insistence that they somehow have a lease on "real" joy, or that their brand of partying is somehow mystically superior...rubs me the wrong way.
The HUGE caveat: I'm glad the city won this Super Bowl. I know it probably helps, at least psychologically, with the Katrina aftermath. I really do think that's awesome. And, okay, the city is probably pretty awesome too. I'm just talking about the fans here. They've won their Super Bowl; now prepare to be turned off. After all, there's a big French strain in their populace, and we all hate the French, right? Was anybody really happy when France won the World Cup? And really, what percentage of the people celebrating on Bourbon Street last night actually understand the intricacies of football? Compared to, say, the people of Buffalo?
I'm here to ask questions, folks. The hard questions.
Last point (this feature should be called "Extra Point"): I also think this takes the cake as the most deceptively close Super Bowl. Final score was 31-17, which seems like a comfortable win. But it took those three events above to even get the Saints back in the game, and before Peyton's pick-6 (which I look at less as a bad pass and more as a really, really gutsy play by Porter; if Peyton waited another half second, he would've had Wayne wide open with Porter suckered in), it looked like the Colts were going to tie the game. Even after that, Peyton led another drive to get within striking distance, and Wayne dropped an easy touchdown catch.
Just saying, if you're a Colts fan, there are some definite regrets. Bad coaching and bad luck played a real big role.
The Duke Win
We beat BC 66-63 on the road. Not much to say here. Any road victory is a good victory in the ACC, so I can't complain too much. But Coach K's stall offense almost cost us again. I'm really tired of watching 10-15 point leads turn into 3-point victories. Not cool, Krjygjewski.
Singler (you might know him as 'The Silent Dagger') cooled off in a big way, and Scheyer and Smith had to carry the heavy load. Once again, nobody picked up the slack on offense (12 points outside of Earth, Wind, and Scheyer), and the Plumblefucks barely played (only 7 minutes for Miles). After the game, my stepfather put it best: once again, this team will have to live and probably die by the 3.
Wednesday, we go into UNC. Big game. Huge game. I'm so excited that we'll be favored to beat Carolina for the first time in what seems like forever. Believe me, there will be more about this in the coming days.
That's it for now, though. As you walk freely and gracefully amid your haunts today, take a moment to think of my hobbled condition. I am the greatest martyr.
Friday, February 5, 2010
A Silent Kind of Dagger
Those poetic words come from Duke wordsmith Kyle Singler (some call him the greatest Blue Devil poet since JJ Redick), who hit 8 3s last night in a dominant 86-67 win over Georgia Tech. One of them came just before halftime:
Fuck yeah! The Silent Dagger! It's sinister, ominous, and every other synonym for those two words (especially 'portentous'). Kudos to Sing, who needed a game like this to spark what will hopefully become a late-season outburst. Here's a creepy picture that should add some weight to the new 'Silent Dagger' moniker:
He's driving to the hoop with the grace of an eagle, but he's still looking at you.
I can't stop looking at that picture. *Tearing myself away.*
Scheyer added 21, and Nolan 14, so Earth, Wind, and Scheyer, the nation's top scoring trio, combined for 65 points. As I mentioned yesterday, I had to miss this game for my basketball league, but get this: I predicted the final score would be 83-67.
Am I awesome at predicting sporting events, or what?
(Please just take my word for it and don't look at any older posts.)
(Move on to the next paragraph, please.)
(Come on, don't be an asshole. Give me this one.)
(Okay, fine, you've humiliated me. Does that make you feel nice? Do you feel happy? Is your day any brighter?)
(Is this what it's come to between us? Petty arguments? Squashing each other's joy? Remember how good things used to be? Remember the time we found that stray dog in the park, and just played with it all day? And we were having so much fun that we couldn't believe it when the sun started to set? Remember how new and real everything seemed? And now this? Now you're spending your time nitpicking, exposing all my faults? I admit I haven't been the best partner, okay? I admit that. The college bowl prediction thing was hard. I didn't live up to some of my promises. But I'm trying to change things around. I'm trying to work on us. But sometimes...sometimes, I don't even want to look at you. There, I said it. I'm just so tired. Let's face it, we're both getting old. Can't you see that? Things are changing. We're changing. But not together. God, I'm so sorry.)
Ahem. I wonder if that really hit home for one reader, who will now go off and find a better sports blog to read. And he'll accidentally come back one day, and it'll be awkward, and we'll be like "oh...hey." And I'll ask how everything is going at the other sports blog, and he'll be like "oh, it's pretty good...he gets 10,000 hits every day." And I'll try not to act surprised or jealous, and I'll be all like "oh, that's cool. Yeah, I'm doing pretty good here, too. Someone from Afghanistan visited the other day...that was fun. Nah, no...they didn't stay long. It was a google image search thing, just a 2-second hit. But still, Afghanistan, you know..."
AHEM. Anyway, it looks like people not named Earth, Wind, or Scheyer only scored 21 points. The Plumblefucks (this is what I call the Plumlee brothers when I'm not pleased) were 0-5 from the line, and only played 28 combined minutes. Big Lance Thomas pulled down 11 boards, and we outrebounded them by 6 overall, a nice change from the first game. Our D was pretty solid too, holding them to 49% from the field. We hit 67% of our 3s, largely a product of Singler's 8-10 performance.
So a nice job all around. We've lost four times this year, and each time we've recovered with a big win (St. John's, BC, Clemson, Georgia Tech). Unfortunately, we have to face the road demons again this Saturday up in Boston College, which is a shitty place to play. As we all know, fans from Boston can be a bit obnoxious, and the Eagles faithful never fail to live up to stereotypes. Also, the team itself is consistently dirty. Never a fun trip. Basically, you want to get away with a narrow win and nobody hurt. At least Jared Dudley isn't there anymore.
Speaking of that, and a recent post I made about my top 5 favorite college basketball players, I'm going to try and come up with my least favorite. The All-Hatred Team. Khalid El-Amin would definitely start at point guard. Jared Dudley would be there. That fat guy from Arkansas who hit all the 3s against Duke...Scotty Thurman. Umm, who else...Rick Pitino is definitely the coach. Most Duke fans would say Steve Blake, but I kinda admired his tenacity, so he's cool. Maybe Drew Nicholas from Maryland. That guy was seriously obnoxious. Chas McFarland from Wake Forest infuriates me. And maybe Trevor Booker. But I'm definitely forgetting some historical bad guys. I'll have to give this more thought.
Okay, so. On Sunday, there's a big football game. The Super Bowl. Everyone's heard of it. I have nothing to add except a prediction. 31-26 Peyton Manning. With the Colts up handily most of the game, and New Orleans scoring late to make it close.
In other sports, Villanova plays at Georgetown. That's a Saturday noon game, and it should be awesome. If Nova comes in and kicks ass in the house where Duke got slaughtered, you can color me officially scared about our chances in the Big Dance. That bastard Obama* better show up and jinx them like he did for Duke. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, I say.
*I do not think Obama is a bastard. I actually kinda feel bad for typing that. Humor: very little payoff, and making its user lose self-esteem. Train your kids to be serious, America.
Have a great Super Bowl Sunday. Eat some wings, root for New Orleans if it makes you feel good, and enjoy watching one of the three greatest quarterbacks ever do his thing on the biggest stage. And I almost forgot: only one week until the Olympics!
Then, after his short trip to the bench to check his wrist, he came back moments later and hit the 3 just before the buzzer -- "a silent kind of dagger," he later called it -- that capped a half-closing 15-6 run and gave the Blue Devils their first double-figure lead, 45-33.
Fuck yeah! The Silent Dagger! It's sinister, ominous, and every other synonym for those two words (especially 'portentous'). Kudos to Sing, who needed a game like this to spark what will hopefully become a late-season outburst. Here's a creepy picture that should add some weight to the new 'Silent Dagger' moniker:
He's driving to the hoop with the grace of an eagle, but he's still looking at you.
I can't stop looking at that picture. *Tearing myself away.*
Scheyer added 21, and Nolan 14, so Earth, Wind, and Scheyer, the nation's top scoring trio, combined for 65 points. As I mentioned yesterday, I had to miss this game for my basketball league, but get this: I predicted the final score would be 83-67.
Am I awesome at predicting sporting events, or what?
(Please just take my word for it and don't look at any older posts.)
(Move on to the next paragraph, please.)
(Come on, don't be an asshole. Give me this one.)
(Okay, fine, you've humiliated me. Does that make you feel nice? Do you feel happy? Is your day any brighter?)
(Is this what it's come to between us? Petty arguments? Squashing each other's joy? Remember how good things used to be? Remember the time we found that stray dog in the park, and just played with it all day? And we were having so much fun that we couldn't believe it when the sun started to set? Remember how new and real everything seemed? And now this? Now you're spending your time nitpicking, exposing all my faults? I admit I haven't been the best partner, okay? I admit that. The college bowl prediction thing was hard. I didn't live up to some of my promises. But I'm trying to change things around. I'm trying to work on us. But sometimes...sometimes, I don't even want to look at you. There, I said it. I'm just so tired. Let's face it, we're both getting old. Can't you see that? Things are changing. We're changing. But not together. God, I'm so sorry.)
Ahem. I wonder if that really hit home for one reader, who will now go off and find a better sports blog to read. And he'll accidentally come back one day, and it'll be awkward, and we'll be like "oh...hey." And I'll ask how everything is going at the other sports blog, and he'll be like "oh, it's pretty good...he gets 10,000 hits every day." And I'll try not to act surprised or jealous, and I'll be all like "oh, that's cool. Yeah, I'm doing pretty good here, too. Someone from Afghanistan visited the other day...that was fun. Nah, no...they didn't stay long. It was a google image search thing, just a 2-second hit. But still, Afghanistan, you know..."
AHEM. Anyway, it looks like people not named Earth, Wind, or Scheyer only scored 21 points. The Plumblefucks (this is what I call the Plumlee brothers when I'm not pleased) were 0-5 from the line, and only played 28 combined minutes. Big Lance Thomas pulled down 11 boards, and we outrebounded them by 6 overall, a nice change from the first game. Our D was pretty solid too, holding them to 49% from the field. We hit 67% of our 3s, largely a product of Singler's 8-10 performance.
So a nice job all around. We've lost four times this year, and each time we've recovered with a big win (St. John's, BC, Clemson, Georgia Tech). Unfortunately, we have to face the road demons again this Saturday up in Boston College, which is a shitty place to play. As we all know, fans from Boston can be a bit obnoxious, and the Eagles faithful never fail to live up to stereotypes. Also, the team itself is consistently dirty. Never a fun trip. Basically, you want to get away with a narrow win and nobody hurt. At least Jared Dudley isn't there anymore.
Speaking of that, and a recent post I made about my top 5 favorite college basketball players, I'm going to try and come up with my least favorite. The All-Hatred Team. Khalid El-Amin would definitely start at point guard. Jared Dudley would be there. That fat guy from Arkansas who hit all the 3s against Duke...Scotty Thurman. Umm, who else...Rick Pitino is definitely the coach. Most Duke fans would say Steve Blake, but I kinda admired his tenacity, so he's cool. Maybe Drew Nicholas from Maryland. That guy was seriously obnoxious. Chas McFarland from Wake Forest infuriates me. And maybe Trevor Booker. But I'm definitely forgetting some historical bad guys. I'll have to give this more thought.
Okay, so. On Sunday, there's a big football game. The Super Bowl. Everyone's heard of it. I have nothing to add except a prediction. 31-26 Peyton Manning. With the Colts up handily most of the game, and New Orleans scoring late to make it close.
In other sports, Villanova plays at Georgetown. That's a Saturday noon game, and it should be awesome. If Nova comes in and kicks ass in the house where Duke got slaughtered, you can color me officially scared about our chances in the Big Dance. That bastard Obama* better show up and jinx them like he did for Duke. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, I say.
*I do not think Obama is a bastard. I actually kinda feel bad for typing that. Humor: very little payoff, and making its user lose self-esteem. Train your kids to be serious, America.
Have a great Super Bowl Sunday. Eat some wings, root for New Orleans if it makes you feel good, and enjoy watching one of the three greatest quarterbacks ever do his thing on the biggest stage. And I almost forgot: only one week until the Olympics!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Greatest Test of the Perfection Proclamation...
...happens tonight.
Duke against #19 Georgia Tech, at Cameron. 7pm.
Those with good memories will recall that we lost to Tech on the road by 4 earlier this season in one of the most annoying games of the year. The revenge motive should be strong tonight, and I'm sure we'll come out gangbusters after the embarrassing Georgetown loss. I underestimated the Hoyas in my mini-preview last Friday, which is a mistake I won't repeat with any 2010 Big East teams. But Georgia Tech? Not good enough to hang with us at home, sorry.
Duke 83, Tech 67.
Put that in your book, comrade. (Addressing hypothetical people as 'comrade' in a snide tone makes me feel like a badass.)
On a sad note, my basketball league meets tonight, so I'll have to miss the game. This is, shall we say, frustrating. But when the chips are down, I'd rather play then watch a regular season game, so sacrifices must be made. I have some sporadic thoughts on other sporting minutiae.
*Kansas escaped Colorado with an OT win last night, proving the point that no team is infallible this year. Many years, dominant teams emerge toward the end of the season; even though UNC lost a handful of games last year, it was pretty clear they'd win the title or at least come very close during tourney time. Ditto for Florida two years earlier. They may have struggled, or gone through the mid-season doldrums, but when the chips were on the line, that team wasn't losing.
But this year? I don't see it. This isn't Kansas' first close win. They squeaked by Cornell and Baylor at home, and have now won two straight OT games on the road. Good? Yes. Great? Who knows? So far in this year's NCAA, it looks like anybody* can beat anybody** on a good night.
*Duke
**Someone better
*I'd be remiss if I didn't mention a second athlete from my hometown, Bill Demong, who will be seeking gold in the Nordic Combine event (ski jumping and cross country skiing).
Bill was a couple years older than me, so I never really knew him, but common friends speak really highly of him, and this profile on NBCSports is excellent. In 2002, he shattered his skull diving into the shallow end of a pool in Germany. It kept him out of competition for a year, and he was forced to reconsider his life path. He took classes, did carpentry, and tried to strengthen his short term memory, which was so bad that he couldn't remember the length of a board he was cutting less than a minute after he'd measured it. When he came back, he struggled for a few more years, and had rough results in the 2006 games in Torino. But now he's in top form, having won 5 World Cup victories in 2009. His season culminated in the World Championships, and I'm stealing an excerpt now from this article:
Pretty great stuff. Also in 2009, he got a tattoo of a 'no diving' symbol, which is hilarious.
The Nordic Combine works like this: each competitor gets one ski jump, and based on their scores (distance and style), they're assigned staggered start times for the cross country portion. First person to cross the line wins. There's a small hill event, a large hill event, and a team relay event.
The Japanese tend to be awesome at nordic combined, if memory serves. Although looking at the World Cup standings now, there are no Japanese in the top ten. Mysterious. Anyway, Demong was third in last year's WC standings, and is a legitimate medal hope. The first event is Valentine's Day. Could he and Burke make it a Saranac Lake double? We shall see.
Some Super Bowl stuff tomorrow, and etc.
Duke against #19 Georgia Tech, at Cameron. 7pm.
Those with good memories will recall that we lost to Tech on the road by 4 earlier this season in one of the most annoying games of the year. The revenge motive should be strong tonight, and I'm sure we'll come out gangbusters after the embarrassing Georgetown loss. I underestimated the Hoyas in my mini-preview last Friday, which is a mistake I won't repeat with any 2010 Big East teams. But Georgia Tech? Not good enough to hang with us at home, sorry.
Duke 83, Tech 67.
Put that in your book, comrade. (Addressing hypothetical people as 'comrade' in a snide tone makes me feel like a badass.)
On a sad note, my basketball league meets tonight, so I'll have to miss the game. This is, shall we say, frustrating. But when the chips are down, I'd rather play then watch a regular season game, so sacrifices must be made. I have some sporadic thoughts on other sporting minutiae.
*Kansas escaped Colorado with an OT win last night, proving the point that no team is infallible this year. Many years, dominant teams emerge toward the end of the season; even though UNC lost a handful of games last year, it was pretty clear they'd win the title or at least come very close during tourney time. Ditto for Florida two years earlier. They may have struggled, or gone through the mid-season doldrums, but when the chips were on the line, that team wasn't losing.
But this year? I don't see it. This isn't Kansas' first close win. They squeaked by Cornell and Baylor at home, and have now won two straight OT games on the road. Good? Yes. Great? Who knows? So far in this year's NCAA, it looks like anybody* can beat anybody** on a good night.
*Duke
**Someone better
*I'd be remiss if I didn't mention a second athlete from my hometown, Bill Demong, who will be seeking gold in the Nordic Combine event (ski jumping and cross country skiing).
Bill was a couple years older than me, so I never really knew him, but common friends speak really highly of him, and this profile on NBCSports is excellent. In 2002, he shattered his skull diving into the shallow end of a pool in Germany. It kept him out of competition for a year, and he was forced to reconsider his life path. He took classes, did carpentry, and tried to strengthen his short term memory, which was so bad that he couldn't remember the length of a board he was cutting less than a minute after he'd measured it. When he came back, he struggled for a few more years, and had rough results in the 2006 games in Torino. But now he's in top form, having won 5 World Cup victories in 2009. His season culminated in the World Championships, and I'm stealing an excerpt now from this article:
That experience showed up at the world championships last year when the Americans could have swept all four gold medals but were disqualified from the four-man relay when Demong couldn't find his bib when they got to the top of the jump hill.
Not five minutes after being denied the chance to compete, he found it tucked between his suit and one of his boots.
"If you were to go back to 2002 or Torino, that might have been a fatal blow to our team," Demong said. "By the time I got to the bottom of the hill, I felt crushed. I felt like I let our team down, but when I walked into our cabin, Johnny just started laughing. And then Todd walked in, and I was kind of nervous. Todd had just won two medals and was gunning for his third. But he came up and gave me a big hug. He said, 'Screw this. Let's go watch this on TV and get ready for Saturday."'
Demong won his first world title 48 hours later.
Pretty great stuff. Also in 2009, he got a tattoo of a 'no diving' symbol, which is hilarious.
The Nordic Combine works like this: each competitor gets one ski jump, and based on their scores (distance and style), they're assigned staggered start times for the cross country portion. First person to cross the line wins. There's a small hill event, a large hill event, and a team relay event.
The Japanese tend to be awesome at nordic combined, if memory serves. Although looking at the World Cup standings now, there are no Japanese in the top ten. Mysterious. Anyway, Demong was third in last year's WC standings, and is a legitimate medal hope. The first event is Valentine's Day. Could he and Burke make it a Saranac Lake double? We shall see.
Some Super Bowl stuff tomorrow, and etc.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
My Favorite College Basketball Players Ever
After a night when three one-loss teams won with relative easy, and Michigan State got exposed at Wisconsin, I thought I'd use today for a little mini-ode to my favorite college basketball players of all time. You'll find that I have a certain aesthetic: small, quick guards with explosiveness and prodigious shooting ability. Which is funny, because it's basically the opposite of how I or anyone in my family plays. We're all tall and slower (bragging moment: my brother is third in his conference in scoring as a junior, and my younger brother starts for the varsity as a freshman...and in case you're curious, I was nowhere near as good.) We'll start at #5:
5) Lawrence Moten, Syracuse
My dad went to grad school at Syracuse, and I grew up rooting for the Orange (along with Duke, to a lesser degree). Lawrence Moten was the first premier Syracuse player in my life as a fan, and one of my early idols. My dad worked in the athletic program, and he had some connections, so in February 1994 he took me down to watch them play Kentucky (then ranked #4) at the Carrier Dome. This trip produced three memorable incidents.
1) I got to meet Qadry Ismail, "The Missile," a standout receiver for Syracuse (and younger brother of Rocket Ismail). He was in the NFL at that point, a year out of school, but back on campus for the game. My dad knew someone, we were introduced, and I spoke with him for a few minutes. He's still probably the nicest athlete I've ever met (there haven't been many). He actually asked me questions and smiled and joked with me, and managed to put me at ease despite the fact that I was incredibly nervous. I was on cloud nine after that encounter, believe you me.
2) Once inside the Dome, we were allowed to go inside the locker rooms before the game. Immediately upon entering, I saw a group of Kentucky players approaching. They were probably the first really huge black guys I'd ever seen, and I was star-struck. I looked at the tallest, my mouth agape, and said "are you Jamal Mashburn?" This was embarrassing for a few reasons, but primarily because Mashburn had graduated a year before, and was in the NBA. The players laughed at me.
3) I told my dad's friend that Moten was my favorite player, and we rounded a bend in the locker room and went into a smaller room with a training table. Moten was sitting down, his trademark white socks pulled up to his knees, ankles being taped by a trainer. As always, his face had a quiet cast. He nodded to me, said hello, and agreed to sign whatever I offered. He was polite; not necessarily engaging, but he gave of his time, which is significant enough since he was minutes away from a huge game against one of the best teams in the country.
Moten scored 18, and the Cuse upset Kentucky that night. He went on to set the Big East scoring record with 1,405 points (still stands) while averaging 19.3 ppg for his career. He never made it past the sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament.
4) Bobby Hurley, Duke
As a 9-10 year-old kid, Hurley was possibly the first athlete to really speak to me. He was short, scrappy, clutch, and fun. I don't have any memories of the 1990 season, when Duke made it to the final game and lost to UNLV, so maybe I was too young (only 7) to be really involved. But starting in '91, and peaking in '92 with Laettner's famous shot against Kentucky, I was a Duke fan. And Hurley was my hero.
His stats don't need any embellishment. He won two titles, made three Final Fours, and is the all-time NCAA assist leader (1,076). He won the Final Four MVP award in '92. The tough-nut kid from Jersey City was in a horrible, life-threatening car accident during his rookie season in the NBA, missed a year, and never really experienced the same success on the professional level even after his comeback.
When I went to Duke, I heard Coach K speak in the East Campus cafeteria during my freshman year. He talked about Hurley a little, and the most interesting thing I heard was that he and Laettner were basically mortal enemies while at Duke. Hurley's earthy demeanor conflicted with Laettner's swept-back arrogance, and it was all they could do to function as teammates. During games, when Hurley raced out receive an inbounds after an opposing team's basket, Laettner would piss him off by dropping the ball a foot in front of the baseline, making Hurley come all the way back and nullifying the fast break.
This story made me like Hurley more. Because, let's face it, Laettner was great but also kind of a douche. The fact that Hurley didn't like him sort of confirms that he's a good guy, at least for me.
Fun sorta-unrelated story: later in that Q-and-A with Coach K, he talked about the Kentucky game. According to him, he started designing the play for Laettner in the last timeout. When he was almost finished, Laettner looked right at Grant Hill, said "just get me the fucking ball," and walked out to the court.
3) Gerry McNamara, Syracuse
The two main legends of Gerry McNamara are as follows:
1) He was lights out in the first half of the championship game in '03 against Kansas. He hit 6 3-pointers in the first 20 minutes, and Syracuse scored 53 points. It gave them an 11-point halftime lead against a superior team, and they barely held on. This was the greatest moment in the history of Syracuse basketball, and McNamara led the charge. A freshman at the time, his bold, hot shooting set the tone, and let everyone know that Syracuse would not be outclassed or intimidated by the Jayhawks. Carmelo was the best player on that team, but Gerry was the sparkplug.
2) The Big East Tournament, 2006. McNamara, now a senior, led a team that had no hope of making the NCAA tournament unless they won the Big East tourney outright, which seemed impossible. Things began on Wednesday, when Cuse, the 9th seed, beat Cincinnati with McNamara's 3 in the final second of play. The ESPN recap to that game begins as follows: "Gerry McNamara has made plenty of big shots for Syracuse. This one might have topped them all." On Thursday, they took on UConn, the tourney's #1 seed and one of the top 5 teams in the country. The first line from that recap: "Gerry McNamara waited one day to one-up himself." Another three in the last second, another buzzer beating win. Next came Georgetown on Friday. Take it away, ESPN: "Gerry McNamara stood near the Syracuse bench, exhausted and aching while his teammates mobbed him and the crowd chanted his name." This time, he hit a go-ahead 3 in the final minute, assisted on the winning basket, and forced a turnover with 1 second left. The championship came next, and Cuse took on another surprise contender, 6-seeded Pittsburgh. One last time, ESPN? "Gerry McNamara was a big part of Syracuse's national championship as a freshman in 2003. Four years later, the guard was the runaway MVP in the Orange's surprising Big East tournament title run." 65-61, and an automatic berth.
It was probably the greatest, most improbable run I've ever seen, especially in a conference tournament. And it was a one-man show, too. McNamara was electric, and always up for the big moment. They lost in the first round the next week to Texas A&M, but it was almost irrelevant. They'd gone where they weren't supposed to go, and that was enough.
2) Jay (Jason) Williams, Duke
Quite simply the greatest player I've ever seen in person. Jason, as he was known at the time, had every gift you can imagine. And he had them all to extremes; shooting, quickness, leaping ability, handle, etc. Any time this guy stepped on the court, Cameron lit up. The same could be said for other gyms, too. Nobody could resist the allure of what many (including Jay Bilas, recently) consider the greatest college basketball player of all time. He was a one-man press breaker, a scoring machine, a fearless driver who charged into lanes and came away with unthinkable scores. The best example of Jason's unparalleled explosive abilities came in the "Miracle Minute" against Maryland. The video below isn't the best quality, but it's well worth watching. Please especially note Drew Nicholas' cocky look when he's at the line.
It may be called the "Miracle Minute," but it's worth noting that Williams practically erased the deficit all by himself in 20 seconds. They showed a replay of that game in K-Ville before the home game against Maryland the next year (another Duke win). You can watch the OT session of that game here. It's worth watching because you'll never hear a home crowd so angry and upset, even when their team makes a basket and the game is close. Also, it's evidence of what a huge stiff Mike Dunleavy was. Man, he was the worst.
He was so good that rumors sprang up about his personal rituals. Apparently, some said, he took a shot of vodka to calm his nerves before each game. His career culminated in 2001 with the national title. His honors include Freshman of the Year in '00, NABC Player of the Year in '01, and the Wooden and Naismith Player of the Year awards in '02.
And like any great hero, he had a flaw; foul shooting. One of the most clutch players in Duke history developed a mental block at the line, and in some ways it cost us a second title. Against Indiana in the Sweet 16, Coach K's blunders and the hot Hoosier shooting led to a 4-point deficit on the final possession. I can only imagine two players who could possibly, against all odds, draw a foul while hitting a 3 in that situation, and Jason Williams was one. He did the unthinkable, and suddenly the cinderella story looked ready to burst. But he missed the foul shot, and one of the best Duke teams in history went down before their time.
1) Khalid El-Amin, UConn
Just kidding! Man, he sucked.
For real, though:
1) Stephen Curry, Davidson
If Jason Williams was a firebrand, a stud, a wunderkind, then Curry is just plain mystic. He was a magician, an eerily calm, elfin sage. I've never had more fun watching basketball than when Davidson made their run in '08. He did more with less than any player in history. Nothing more needs be said.
5) Lawrence Moten, Syracuse
My dad went to grad school at Syracuse, and I grew up rooting for the Orange (along with Duke, to a lesser degree). Lawrence Moten was the first premier Syracuse player in my life as a fan, and one of my early idols. My dad worked in the athletic program, and he had some connections, so in February 1994 he took me down to watch them play Kentucky (then ranked #4) at the Carrier Dome. This trip produced three memorable incidents.
1) I got to meet Qadry Ismail, "The Missile," a standout receiver for Syracuse (and younger brother of Rocket Ismail). He was in the NFL at that point, a year out of school, but back on campus for the game. My dad knew someone, we were introduced, and I spoke with him for a few minutes. He's still probably the nicest athlete I've ever met (there haven't been many). He actually asked me questions and smiled and joked with me, and managed to put me at ease despite the fact that I was incredibly nervous. I was on cloud nine after that encounter, believe you me.
2) Once inside the Dome, we were allowed to go inside the locker rooms before the game. Immediately upon entering, I saw a group of Kentucky players approaching. They were probably the first really huge black guys I'd ever seen, and I was star-struck. I looked at the tallest, my mouth agape, and said "are you Jamal Mashburn?" This was embarrassing for a few reasons, but primarily because Mashburn had graduated a year before, and was in the NBA. The players laughed at me.
3) I told my dad's friend that Moten was my favorite player, and we rounded a bend in the locker room and went into a smaller room with a training table. Moten was sitting down, his trademark white socks pulled up to his knees, ankles being taped by a trainer. As always, his face had a quiet cast. He nodded to me, said hello, and agreed to sign whatever I offered. He was polite; not necessarily engaging, but he gave of his time, which is significant enough since he was minutes away from a huge game against one of the best teams in the country.
Moten scored 18, and the Cuse upset Kentucky that night. He went on to set the Big East scoring record with 1,405 points (still stands) while averaging 19.3 ppg for his career. He never made it past the sweet 16 of the NCAA tournament.
4) Bobby Hurley, Duke
As a 9-10 year-old kid, Hurley was possibly the first athlete to really speak to me. He was short, scrappy, clutch, and fun. I don't have any memories of the 1990 season, when Duke made it to the final game and lost to UNLV, so maybe I was too young (only 7) to be really involved. But starting in '91, and peaking in '92 with Laettner's famous shot against Kentucky, I was a Duke fan. And Hurley was my hero.
His stats don't need any embellishment. He won two titles, made three Final Fours, and is the all-time NCAA assist leader (1,076). He won the Final Four MVP award in '92. The tough-nut kid from Jersey City was in a horrible, life-threatening car accident during his rookie season in the NBA, missed a year, and never really experienced the same success on the professional level even after his comeback.
When I went to Duke, I heard Coach K speak in the East Campus cafeteria during my freshman year. He talked about Hurley a little, and the most interesting thing I heard was that he and Laettner were basically mortal enemies while at Duke. Hurley's earthy demeanor conflicted with Laettner's swept-back arrogance, and it was all they could do to function as teammates. During games, when Hurley raced out receive an inbounds after an opposing team's basket, Laettner would piss him off by dropping the ball a foot in front of the baseline, making Hurley come all the way back and nullifying the fast break.
This story made me like Hurley more. Because, let's face it, Laettner was great but also kind of a douche. The fact that Hurley didn't like him sort of confirms that he's a good guy, at least for me.
Fun sorta-unrelated story: later in that Q-and-A with Coach K, he talked about the Kentucky game. According to him, he started designing the play for Laettner in the last timeout. When he was almost finished, Laettner looked right at Grant Hill, said "just get me the fucking ball," and walked out to the court.
3) Gerry McNamara, Syracuse
The two main legends of Gerry McNamara are as follows:
1) He was lights out in the first half of the championship game in '03 against Kansas. He hit 6 3-pointers in the first 20 minutes, and Syracuse scored 53 points. It gave them an 11-point halftime lead against a superior team, and they barely held on. This was the greatest moment in the history of Syracuse basketball, and McNamara led the charge. A freshman at the time, his bold, hot shooting set the tone, and let everyone know that Syracuse would not be outclassed or intimidated by the Jayhawks. Carmelo was the best player on that team, but Gerry was the sparkplug.
2) The Big East Tournament, 2006. McNamara, now a senior, led a team that had no hope of making the NCAA tournament unless they won the Big East tourney outright, which seemed impossible. Things began on Wednesday, when Cuse, the 9th seed, beat Cincinnati with McNamara's 3 in the final second of play. The ESPN recap to that game begins as follows: "Gerry McNamara has made plenty of big shots for Syracuse. This one might have topped them all." On Thursday, they took on UConn, the tourney's #1 seed and one of the top 5 teams in the country. The first line from that recap: "Gerry McNamara waited one day to one-up himself." Another three in the last second, another buzzer beating win. Next came Georgetown on Friday. Take it away, ESPN: "Gerry McNamara stood near the Syracuse bench, exhausted and aching while his teammates mobbed him and the crowd chanted his name." This time, he hit a go-ahead 3 in the final minute, assisted on the winning basket, and forced a turnover with 1 second left. The championship came next, and Cuse took on another surprise contender, 6-seeded Pittsburgh. One last time, ESPN? "Gerry McNamara was a big part of Syracuse's national championship as a freshman in 2003. Four years later, the guard was the runaway MVP in the Orange's surprising Big East tournament title run." 65-61, and an automatic berth.
It was probably the greatest, most improbable run I've ever seen, especially in a conference tournament. And it was a one-man show, too. McNamara was electric, and always up for the big moment. They lost in the first round the next week to Texas A&M, but it was almost irrelevant. They'd gone where they weren't supposed to go, and that was enough.
2) Jay (Jason) Williams, Duke
Quite simply the greatest player I've ever seen in person. Jason, as he was known at the time, had every gift you can imagine. And he had them all to extremes; shooting, quickness, leaping ability, handle, etc. Any time this guy stepped on the court, Cameron lit up. The same could be said for other gyms, too. Nobody could resist the allure of what many (including Jay Bilas, recently) consider the greatest college basketball player of all time. He was a one-man press breaker, a scoring machine, a fearless driver who charged into lanes and came away with unthinkable scores. The best example of Jason's unparalleled explosive abilities came in the "Miracle Minute" against Maryland. The video below isn't the best quality, but it's well worth watching. Please especially note Drew Nicholas' cocky look when he's at the line.
It may be called the "Miracle Minute," but it's worth noting that Williams practically erased the deficit all by himself in 20 seconds. They showed a replay of that game in K-Ville before the home game against Maryland the next year (another Duke win). You can watch the OT session of that game here. It's worth watching because you'll never hear a home crowd so angry and upset, even when their team makes a basket and the game is close. Also, it's evidence of what a huge stiff Mike Dunleavy was. Man, he was the worst.
He was so good that rumors sprang up about his personal rituals. Apparently, some said, he took a shot of vodka to calm his nerves before each game. His career culminated in 2001 with the national title. His honors include Freshman of the Year in '00, NABC Player of the Year in '01, and the Wooden and Naismith Player of the Year awards in '02.
And like any great hero, he had a flaw; foul shooting. One of the most clutch players in Duke history developed a mental block at the line, and in some ways it cost us a second title. Against Indiana in the Sweet 16, Coach K's blunders and the hot Hoosier shooting led to a 4-point deficit on the final possession. I can only imagine two players who could possibly, against all odds, draw a foul while hitting a 3 in that situation, and Jason Williams was one. He did the unthinkable, and suddenly the cinderella story looked ready to burst. But he missed the foul shot, and one of the best Duke teams in history went down before their time.
1) Khalid El-Amin, UConn
Just kidding! Man, he sucked.
For real, though:
1) Stephen Curry, Davidson
If Jason Williams was a firebrand, a stud, a wunderkind, then Curry is just plain mystic. He was a magician, an eerily calm, elfin sage. I've never had more fun watching basketball than when Davidson made their run in '08. He did more with less than any player in history. Nothing more needs be said.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Good vs. Evil: Tim Burke and the Biathlon King
GOOD: Tim Burke, Biathlete, Team USA
Facts: 27 years old. Native of Saranac Lake, New York, just like me. Played basketball on my team in 7th grade.
True story. I knew Tim growing up. He was a year above me in school, and after 7th grade he was mostly gone due to training. But there was a brief period where our paths crossed. Here's what I remember: when we started playing basketball that year (I was in sixth grade, he was in seventh), he didn't have a ton of skill. In my memory, it was only his first or second year playing. However, he was a ridiculous athlete, and had crazy reflexes, so he was fantastic on defense almost immediately.
Within a few games he became a starter, and our coach would always put him on the other team's best player. It was fascinating and fun to watch him dog someone in the frontcourt. Very often, he'd get a steal, either by anticipating the dribble or leaping to intercept a pass, and he'd be all on his own on a fast break. At the start of the year, this was an adventure that usually ended in a missed layup. By the end of the year, he wasn't missing anymore.
He was quiet, and very nice. He didn't play basketball after seventh grade, because his winters were dedicated to training (first cross country skiing, the ski jumping, and finally biathlon). I wish I had more personal stories to relate, but we didn't interact much beyond that one year, and I can't remember even seeing him more than once or twice a year in high school.
More facts: Biathlon became an Olympic sport in 1960. Since then, an American has never won a medal. Of any color. Before 2009, an American had never even won a medal in a World Cup sprint event, or held the overall World Cup lead. That changed in December, when Burke took 3rd place in a 10km sprint and took the overall lead by finishing 6th in a 12.5km pursuit race.
At this point, he's 5th in the World Cup standings, and represents America's best hope ever for a biathlon medal. You can read more here and here. I'll be writing more about Tim in the next few weeks.
EVIL: OLE EINAR BJøRNDALEN, THE BIATHLON KING
Facts: 36 years old. Norwegian. 9 Olympic medals, including 5 golds. In 2002, he swept all 4 biathlon events, winning by an average of 38 seconds in each race. 15 World Championship gold medals. Got sick before the 2006 Olympics, stayed in bed for 8 days, and still won 2 silvers and a bronze. Pisses standing up. EVIL.
Bjørndalen is second on the all-time list of medals won by a winter olympian. He could overtake #1 (countryman Bjoern Daehlie) with 4 medals in Vancouver. He has a bronze statue of himself in his hometown, south of Oslo:
By all accounts, he's a national hero. But let's look closer:
This feature has some interesting tidbits, which I'll now steal, verbatim, to prove my point that the 'Biathlon King' is actually a cruel despot, a warmongering tyrant.
Evidence #1: "Bjørndalen came away from the 2009 World Championships with four gold medals, bringing his career total to 14. One of the medals, however, was temporarily revoked and replaced with a bronze medal. In the 12.5km pursuit, he took a wrong turn early in the race, taking about a dozen pursuers across a bridge instead of under it. After he finished 41 seconds ahead of Russia's Maxim Tchoudov, the Russians filed a protest and the race committee added one minute to each of the perpetrators, bumping the Norwegian to bronze. 45 minutes later, a counter-protest from seven countries (including the U.S.) was accepted and the original results were restored. It was later determined that the detour saved Bjørndalen and the others 10 meters, a drop in the bucket for a 12,500-meter race."
HE'S TAKING SHORTCUTS! HE'S CHEATING! Everyone knows you go under the bridge in biathlon. That's even the old Norwegian proverb: Orkken van dusseling et jan horkum, orrken van massering et jan pjetter ("under the bridge in biathlon, over the bridge in life")! Call me crazy, but I think Bjørndalen knew exactly what he was doing.
Evidence #2: This symbol, in his name: ø. Of all possible lexographical symbols, that is clearly the most sinister. An 'o,' the symbol of union, love, and hugs, crossed out.
Evidence #3: "Bjørndalen is extremely conscious of health and hygiene, even more than most elite athletes. He never drinks alcohol, except he does gargle with cognac each morning to kill invading bacteria. He carries a small bottle of hand sanitizer which he applies each time he shakes hands with co-competitors, officials or well-wishers. Fearful of catching a cold, he often spends the Christmas holidays training at high altitude rather than at family gatherings in his residence of Obertilliach, Austria. Even his love-life takes second place to biathlon. At the Salt Lake Games, he would only agree to meet then-girlfriend (now wife) Nathalie Santer on the street, and not in closed quarters, and public displays of affection were kept to a minimum."
HE WON'T EVEN KISS HIS GIRLFRIEND (now wife) IN PUBLIC! HE HATES HIS FAMILY AT CHRISTMAS! HE'D RATHER SHOOT A GUN THAN SMILE AT A CHILD!
Evidence #4: This is just one I heard. You won't find it any papers, but I have it from a very good source that one time, in a big race at Stuttegart, he was trailing by more than five minutes toward the end of a 12.5km pursuit, when he shot the leader. Totally serious. He made out like it was a big accident, but he shot him right in the ass from a distance of like 200 yards, and went on to win the gold medal. I guess the leader was from Senegal, and if you look at recent results, you see that Senegal has not participated in any recent biathlons. It's because they're still pissed that their guy got shot. But it's totally hush-hush in the Norwegian press.
Here's the biathlon schedule for Vancouver:
Sunday, February 14: Men's 10km sprint, 2:15pm
Tuesday, February 16: Men's 12.5km pursuit, 3:45pm
Thursday, February 18: Men's 20km individual, 4pm
Sunday, February 21: Men's 15km mass start, 1:45pm
There's also a relay on the 26th, but we basically have no chance to medal in that one. But I'm calling it right now: on Valentine's Day, Tim Burke gets a medal in the 10k sprint. 2:15. It's going to be awesome. Turn your televisions on and get ready for some guns and skis. Our man is going to bring it home.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Obama, Please Leave Us Alone
When Barack Obama scheduled his first State of the Union address to coincide with the Duke-Florida State game, it was easy to look the other way. Oh, it's just a coincidence, we said. President Obama doesn't have anything against Duke. He probably just didn't look at the team's schedule, and by the time he realized his error, it was too late to change. And yeah, maybe he picked UNC to win the title last year, which was kind of insulting at the time, but everybody makes mistakes. No big deal. Obama is a huge Blue Devils fan.
Then Saturday happened. Duke at Georgetown. He knows we have trouble on the road. He knows it. So what does he do? He has the balls to show up on their home court not three days after snubbing his nose at us with the SoTU. And to add insult to injury, he brought his lackey Biden along.
You all saw what happened. Georgetown somehow shot 71% from the field, the third highest total in the school's history, and raked us over the coals. Serenaded by cries of "Yes We Can!" from the student body, Obama oversaw the worst Duke loss of the year, smiling from his courtside seat. At one point, he tried to trip Zoubek.*
*Zoubek just fell.
Hey, Mr. President. Granted, Duke is one of the most conservative schools in the universe. Granted, the housing bubble speculation, reckless trading, and the ensuing meltdown can mostly be traced to our alumni. Granted, most of our student body spent their senior year of high school reading "Atlas Shrugged" and feeling bitter that people always gave them the wrong directions to parties. Granted, based on his recent recruiting patterns, Coach K might be a racist. Granted.
But cut us some slack, man. Give us a damn break. We've paid our dues. You pardoned the Yankees, didn't you? Less than a year after taking office, and the Bombers are back where they belong, wearing rings and looking down on smaller cities. That was big of you. Took some guts to make that move. So please, meet the Dukies halfway. Reach across the aisle. Don't listen to whatever Reggie Love is telling you about Coach K. He's an okay guy. He gets a little intense, and yeah, he bit his wife that one time when she almost giggled after he mispronounced a word at the dinner table.* And you can't leave cheese around the guy, or he'll find it. He'll get right into it, and he doesn't know when to stop. But he's got a good heart. Small, but good, especially when he doesn't feel threatened.
*Not confirmed, but this is probably true.
At the very least, Mr. President, leave us alone. We have a kind of good team this year, and it would be a sad thing if we didn't at least make the Elite 8. Stop egging on our opponents. Stop scheduling events that conflict with our games. It's immature. It's Glenn Beck stuff. It's beneath you. Be the leader you were born to be, and let the season play out. Also, have Pelosi introduce legislation that gives us John Wall starting next week. Thank you.
Other thoughts from the game:
*BALLS
*FUCK
*BALLS
Actual thoughts:
*Outclassed by an athletic team. NOT A GOOD SIGN, GANG. A friend google-chatted me after the game and said something like "I can't believe this team in the top ten." My first reaction was "GO TO HELL, THIS IS A TOP TEN TEAM ALL THE WAY." But the second, slower reaction was "well, what does top ten mean? That if the tournament was today, they'd either get to the Elite 8 or be one of the two best teams to get knocked out in the Sweet 16?" By that definition, I really don't know. We look great at home sometimes, and I honestly don't think there's a single team in the country that would beat us without a tremendous fight at Cameron. But as I've said before, tournament games are more like road games; there's a ton of pressure, and neutral fans tend to root against Duke. They're exactly the type of games where more athletic teams can nullify whatever advantages we hold in discipline, shooting, and composure.
*What the HELL is with teams shooting the lights out against us? Seriously, between the NC State and Georgetown games, our defense is like Jekyll and Hyde. 71%?? Shouldn't that be impossible? And I'm sorry, but a lot of it is luck. Let that sound like sour grapes if it must. But watching the game, they hit everything. And most of it was contested. A lot of ugly shots banked in. A lot of off-balance stuff fell. It was highly annoying, but not necessarily representative. If that happens in a tournament game, though, except this blog to just be images of semi-automatic guns and safe houses and ideas for militia names. There will be anger.
*Our big men are jokes. That includes the Plumlees. You know how you sometimes play with big men in pick-up games, and you expect them to be good, but every time they get the ball they hesitate for like three seconds until every guard on the court surrounds them? Like they're afraid to shoot, or even to act? And the few times they do shoot, it's some awkward lean-away thing that gets stuffed by someone about five inches shorter?
Those are our big men. I've never seen such inept play. I've never seen so many great interior passes go to waste. You can't even count on these guys to make an open dunk. How is it possible to recruit so many friggin' stiffs? It's right across the board, and absolutely nobody is immune. So frustrating. Four years of the Plumlee brothers might finally drive me insane.
Today is a day of complaining. I'm watching our season unravel. They hooked me in again, and I think I'm doomed to watch a second round or sweet 16 loss again. Reactionary? Maybe. Realistic? Probably. It's February 1st, and I need distraction. Bring on the Olympics, please.
Friday, January 29, 2010
In My Day, the Heyday, Friday was a Pay Day
Work is a bit busy today, so I'm gonna do some quick asterisks here and be the bumper and setter to your spiker.
*Federer just annihilates Tsonga in the Aussie semis, earning his place in the final against Murray. Should be awesome. On the topic of Tsonga, it seems like every generation of tennis has one or two guys who play absolutely electric tennis, get the crowd on their side, have a plethora of spectacular moments, and then sink like stones the minute they've made it "too far." I use that phrase because it's like watching a cinderella basketball team make it to the elite 8 in March Madness. They have a couple nice upsets in the first two rounds, which is great. It happens every year, and it's fun. But once in a while, the low seed somehow also manages to win a game in the Sweet 16. And despite their gutsiness, their exciting play, and their spirit, the Elite 8 round is clearly a step too far.* They're in the deep end, well out of their league. When the realization hits, it hits hard.
*Exceptions in my lifetime: George Mason, when they made the Final 4, and Gonzaga in '99, when they made the elite 8 and gave a terrific fight to UConn, the eventual champs.
That's what it's like to watch Tsonga. He gripped and clawed his way to the quarterfinals, winning a tough four-setter in round 3 against Tommy Haas, and followed that up with a 5-set, 9-7 win over Nicolas Almagro. Then he met Djokovic in the quarters, and went down two sets to one. That was the match he wasn't supposed to win. Except Novak got sick, or something, and basically stopped playing for the last two sets. The Frenchman was through to the semis.
And that was way too far. He didn't belong, and it looks like he realized that fact very early on against Federer. 6-2, 6-3, 6-2 was the score, a total annihilation. And Tsonga is firmly in the ranks of the shooting stars, those players who reach their maximum brightness somewhere between the 3rd round and the quarters, and then crash hard. Make a wish.
*Serena vs. Justine tonight. Don't miss it. Best women's since, like, Graf-Seles back in the day. It's on at 3:30 AM tonight, but ESPN will be replaying it at 8 AM tomorrow, so if you're up early, flip it on. The Federer-Tsonga match will be replayed Sunday morning at 10, a more reasonable hour.
*Last tennis news: Rafa is out a month. Blah. It's going to be one thing after another with his knees, that much is pretty clear. Total shame. Hopefully he fights back to be competitive for the French this year.
*The Dukies travel to the capital to face Georgetown on Saturday at 1. I don't see this being a particularly tough game. The Hoyas are ranked 11th, but just got owned at Syracuse. They also have a nasty habit of fading late in the season. I'm sure the place will be rocking, but I expect us to get a second road win somewhat comfortably.
*The second good game Saturday is Kentucky-Vanderbilt. The Commodores just took down Tennessee, and playing at Rupp Arena will be a good indicator of exactly where they stand in this crazy mix. Will also be fun to see how Kentucky bounces back from the Downey Massacre.
*The third is Kansas at Kansas State. Hostile arena for the 'Hawks, and a chance to prove they deserve the #1 ranking. If they lose, that honor might go to Villanova when Monday rolls around.
That's a wrap for now. Enjoy the weekend.
*Federer just annihilates Tsonga in the Aussie semis, earning his place in the final against Murray. Should be awesome. On the topic of Tsonga, it seems like every generation of tennis has one or two guys who play absolutely electric tennis, get the crowd on their side, have a plethora of spectacular moments, and then sink like stones the minute they've made it "too far." I use that phrase because it's like watching a cinderella basketball team make it to the elite 8 in March Madness. They have a couple nice upsets in the first two rounds, which is great. It happens every year, and it's fun. But once in a while, the low seed somehow also manages to win a game in the Sweet 16. And despite their gutsiness, their exciting play, and their spirit, the Elite 8 round is clearly a step too far.* They're in the deep end, well out of their league. When the realization hits, it hits hard.
*Exceptions in my lifetime: George Mason, when they made the Final 4, and Gonzaga in '99, when they made the elite 8 and gave a terrific fight to UConn, the eventual champs.
That's what it's like to watch Tsonga. He gripped and clawed his way to the quarterfinals, winning a tough four-setter in round 3 against Tommy Haas, and followed that up with a 5-set, 9-7 win over Nicolas Almagro. Then he met Djokovic in the quarters, and went down two sets to one. That was the match he wasn't supposed to win. Except Novak got sick, or something, and basically stopped playing for the last two sets. The Frenchman was through to the semis.
And that was way too far. He didn't belong, and it looks like he realized that fact very early on against Federer. 6-2, 6-3, 6-2 was the score, a total annihilation. And Tsonga is firmly in the ranks of the shooting stars, those players who reach their maximum brightness somewhere between the 3rd round and the quarters, and then crash hard. Make a wish.
*Serena vs. Justine tonight. Don't miss it. Best women's since, like, Graf-Seles back in the day. It's on at 3:30 AM tonight, but ESPN will be replaying it at 8 AM tomorrow, so if you're up early, flip it on. The Federer-Tsonga match will be replayed Sunday morning at 10, a more reasonable hour.
*Last tennis news: Rafa is out a month. Blah. It's going to be one thing after another with his knees, that much is pretty clear. Total shame. Hopefully he fights back to be competitive for the French this year.
*The Dukies travel to the capital to face Georgetown on Saturday at 1. I don't see this being a particularly tough game. The Hoyas are ranked 11th, but just got owned at Syracuse. They also have a nasty habit of fading late in the season. I'm sure the place will be rocking, but I expect us to get a second road win somewhat comfortably.
*The second good game Saturday is Kentucky-Vanderbilt. The Commodores just took down Tennessee, and playing at Rupp Arena will be a good indicator of exactly where they stand in this crazy mix. Will also be fun to see how Kentucky bounces back from the Downey Massacre.
*The third is Kansas at Kansas State. Hostile arena for the 'Hawks, and a chance to prove they deserve the #1 ranking. If they lose, that honor might go to Villanova when Monday rolls around.
That's a wrap for now. Enjoy the weekend.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Obama Has Gone Too Far
Quick, someone give me the number of the local Tea Party Chapter. Or their Earthlink e-mail address. Last night, Obama had the gall, the sheer nerve, the insane arrogance, to schedule his first State of the Union address at the same fucking time as the Duke-Florida State game. In the midst of a perfect home season.
Somebody tell this guy that North Carolina is a swing state. Wait, what's that? Nobody who attends Duke is actually from North Carolina? Fair enough.
Anyway, I might lose some street cred when I make the following admission. I fully intended to watch Duke, and then catch the SoTU on the net afterward. That was the plan. Then 9pm rolled around, and the Nova-Notre Dame game, which was the lead-in to Duke-FSU, was taking longer than expected. So I said 'what the hell, I'll just catch the first few minutes of Obama.' You all know how this story goes. Suddenly two crazy southern dudes are standing shoulder-to-shoulder shouting, Obama's shaking hands and kissing women, Pelosi is giving the introduction, people are standing, applauding, screaming, cackling, sitting on their hands, mouthing dissent, and so on and so forth. Next thing I know, it's 10:30, an NBC talking head is telling me he doesn't know what to think until he sees a poll, and I'm like 'holy damn, Duke is on.'
So yeah. I only caught part of the second half. The basic gist is that we didn't play great, but did enough to win. FSU has a pretty stolid defense, and they managed to come close with about 9 minutes left before we finished the job in a late flurry. The defense was up to standard, though the Noles had a pretty pitiful shooting night, especially at the line (6-14), and missed a lot of chances. Scheyer had 22 on a great shooting night, though he turned the ball over an uncharacteristic 4 times. Singler was in bombs-away mode, and shot well from inside the arc despite an interesting 3-10 stat line from 3. Nolan was 4-15 in a rough night. Outside of Earth, Wind, and Scheyer, only 17 points were scored. Plumdog Billionaire, aka Mason, seems to be fading in Coach K's estimation. He only had 8 minutes of PT, while Lance Thomas had 35.
FSU, though, is a very large team, so this win is a nice omen of what we can do against ridiculous size. They start 3 guys over 6'9", and ended up outrebounding Duke by 9. To win against a team like that even through sloppy play is a positive. Some other thoughts:
*Is it wrong to say that I don't like Mason Plumlee as a human? Something about his face, and his expression, and his bearing make me sort of cringe. He seems like a person I wouldn't like in real life. Like he's real entitled, or cocky, or something, but also kind of babyish. I honestly can't remember the last Dukie I had trouble rooting for. I even enjoyed JJ; I felt there was something relatable about him, despite his sometimes-arrogant demeanor. Mason Plumlee, though...I don't know. I just can't get behind him yet. Do any other Duke fans feel this way? Is this sacrilege?
*On the Earth, Wind, and Scheyer nickname topic: the originator of the fantastic moniker posted in the comments section yesterday. His name is Amogh, and he made the sign for the BC game. Here's a (hilarious) picture:
In particular, I love the color scheme, the off-kilter letters, and the uneven cut of the silhouettes. Oh wait, that's everything. Just an awesome production, everywhere you look. The whole thing looks like the pet project of a really enthusiastic second grader, which I think (and hope) was the point. Excellent work, sir. You definitely need to take a close-up photo for the sake of the internet.
*I've also come up with a name for my favorite basketball move in the universe. I described it in yesterday's post, and you can see the most famous example in the Jordan YouTube video at the 2:35 mark. The gist is this: a player drives to the basket, finds his way obstructed, pulls away as though he's given up the idea, and proceeds outside for one or two steps, just enough so that the defender gets complacent, before spinning back to his driving lane and continuing to the hoop. The new name for this move is:
The Peel and Wheel.
Because you peel away, then wheel back. Simple, memorable, rhyming. I have my first league game tonight, and I will definitely be trying the Peel and Wheel. Here's a video of Scheyer doing the world's slowest, choppiest Peel and Wheel from the Clemson game, courtesy of another commenter for yesterday. 10-second mark:
Honestly, that barely qualifies. The Jordan one was much better. But check out how Nolan Smith gives Erin Andrews an extra little look at the end of their interview, starting at the 3:00 mark. If Erin Andrews isn't turned on, she should be.
HEY FOLKS, IT'S TIME TO GO....
That's my new awesome Australian Open segment opener. The kids love it.
*Andy Murray is in the final, where he'll probably play Federer. This is kinda nuts, but no British man has won a major tennis tournament since 1934. That's a ton of pressure. How is that even possible? It's not true of any other big European nations, right? Here's a list of European nations who have fielded winners in that time: France, Germany, Sweden, Hungary (!), Czechoslovakia, Spain, Sweden, Italy, Romania (!), Russia, Switzerland, the Netherlands, Croatia, and Serbia (!). That's 14 nations with champions, but no Great Britain. Here's the company you're keeping, Britannia:
Portugal: Considers the tennis racket useless because it's too flat to catch a fish.
Norway: Considers the tennis racket a really crappy snowshoe.
Poland: Doesn't understand why tennis matches have a lifeguard when there's no water around.
And that's (roughly) it. You need to start taking things seriously, guys. It's getting embarrassing.
*The big news: Serena vs. Henin in the final. That's just so awesome. Literally, that is the only match-up that I would have watched in the women's Championship. Pure power, with a little mental instability (but not as much as Venus), vs. the gritty comeback kid. Personally, I don't think there's any way Serena keeps it together for three sets. As great as they are, the Williams' are just so vulnerable to melt-downs in big moments. If it doesn't come easy, it doesn't come at all, or so it seems. And it won't come easy against Justine, that much is guaranteed. Henin wins in three, but the last set will be something like 6-1, with a lot of whining and exasperation from the American.
And that is about enough from me. G'day mate!
Somebody tell this guy that North Carolina is a swing state. Wait, what's that? Nobody who attends Duke is actually from North Carolina? Fair enough.
Anyway, I might lose some street cred when I make the following admission. I fully intended to watch Duke, and then catch the SoTU on the net afterward. That was the plan. Then 9pm rolled around, and the Nova-Notre Dame game, which was the lead-in to Duke-FSU, was taking longer than expected. So I said 'what the hell, I'll just catch the first few minutes of Obama.' You all know how this story goes. Suddenly two crazy southern dudes are standing shoulder-to-shoulder shouting, Obama's shaking hands and kissing women, Pelosi is giving the introduction, people are standing, applauding, screaming, cackling, sitting on their hands, mouthing dissent, and so on and so forth. Next thing I know, it's 10:30, an NBC talking head is telling me he doesn't know what to think until he sees a poll, and I'm like 'holy damn, Duke is on.'
So yeah. I only caught part of the second half. The basic gist is that we didn't play great, but did enough to win. FSU has a pretty stolid defense, and they managed to come close with about 9 minutes left before we finished the job in a late flurry. The defense was up to standard, though the Noles had a pretty pitiful shooting night, especially at the line (6-14), and missed a lot of chances. Scheyer had 22 on a great shooting night, though he turned the ball over an uncharacteristic 4 times. Singler was in bombs-away mode, and shot well from inside the arc despite an interesting 3-10 stat line from 3. Nolan was 4-15 in a rough night. Outside of Earth, Wind, and Scheyer, only 17 points were scored. Plumdog Billionaire, aka Mason, seems to be fading in Coach K's estimation. He only had 8 minutes of PT, while Lance Thomas had 35.
FSU, though, is a very large team, so this win is a nice omen of what we can do against ridiculous size. They start 3 guys over 6'9", and ended up outrebounding Duke by 9. To win against a team like that even through sloppy play is a positive. Some other thoughts:
*Is it wrong to say that I don't like Mason Plumlee as a human? Something about his face, and his expression, and his bearing make me sort of cringe. He seems like a person I wouldn't like in real life. Like he's real entitled, or cocky, or something, but also kind of babyish. I honestly can't remember the last Dukie I had trouble rooting for. I even enjoyed JJ; I felt there was something relatable about him, despite his sometimes-arrogant demeanor. Mason Plumlee, though...I don't know. I just can't get behind him yet. Do any other Duke fans feel this way? Is this sacrilege?
*On the Earth, Wind, and Scheyer nickname topic: the originator of the fantastic moniker posted in the comments section yesterday. His name is Amogh, and he made the sign for the BC game. Here's a (hilarious) picture:
In particular, I love the color scheme, the off-kilter letters, and the uneven cut of the silhouettes. Oh wait, that's everything. Just an awesome production, everywhere you look. The whole thing looks like the pet project of a really enthusiastic second grader, which I think (and hope) was the point. Excellent work, sir. You definitely need to take a close-up photo for the sake of the internet.
*I've also come up with a name for my favorite basketball move in the universe. I described it in yesterday's post, and you can see the most famous example in the Jordan YouTube video at the 2:35 mark. The gist is this: a player drives to the basket, finds his way obstructed, pulls away as though he's given up the idea, and proceeds outside for one or two steps, just enough so that the defender gets complacent, before spinning back to his driving lane and continuing to the hoop. The new name for this move is:
The Peel and Wheel.
Because you peel away, then wheel back. Simple, memorable, rhyming. I have my first league game tonight, and I will definitely be trying the Peel and Wheel. Here's a video of Scheyer doing the world's slowest, choppiest Peel and Wheel from the Clemson game, courtesy of another commenter for yesterday. 10-second mark:
Honestly, that barely qualifies. The Jordan one was much better. But check out how Nolan Smith gives Erin Andrews an extra little look at the end of their interview, starting at the 3:00 mark. If Erin Andrews isn't turned on, she should be.
HEY FOLKS, IT'S TIME TO GO....
DOWN UNDER
That's my new awesome Australian Open segment opener. The kids love it.
*Andy Murray is in the final, where he'll probably play Federer. This is kinda nuts, but no British man has won a major tennis tournament since 1934. That's a ton of pressure. How is that even possible? It's not true of any other big European nations, right? Here's a list of European nations who have fielded winners in that time: France, Germany, Sweden, Hungary (!), Czechoslovakia, Spain, Sweden, Italy, Romania (!), Russia, Switzerland, the Netherlands, Croatia, and Serbia (!). That's 14 nations with champions, but no Great Britain. Here's the company you're keeping, Britannia:
Portugal: Considers the tennis racket useless because it's too flat to catch a fish.
Norway: Considers the tennis racket a really crappy snowshoe.
Poland: Doesn't understand why tennis matches have a lifeguard when there's no water around.
And that's (roughly) it. You need to start taking things seriously, guys. It's getting embarrassing.
*The big news: Serena vs. Henin in the final. That's just so awesome. Literally, that is the only match-up that I would have watched in the women's Championship. Pure power, with a little mental instability (but not as much as Venus), vs. the gritty comeback kid. Personally, I don't think there's any way Serena keeps it together for three sets. As great as they are, the Williams' are just so vulnerable to melt-downs in big moments. If it doesn't come easy, it doesn't come at all, or so it seems. And it won't come easy against Justine, that much is guaranteed. Henin wins in three, but the last set will be something like 6-1, with a lot of whining and exasperation from the American.
And that is about enough from me. G'day mate!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Earth, Wind, and Scheyer
Believe me, I hate to knock my own inventions off the pedestal, but "The Three S-Keteers" has officially been supplanted as the go-to nickname for Singler, Smith, and Scheyer.
The superior replacement, as you see in the title, is Earth, Wind, and Scheyer. I really wish I could take credit for this, but it was first suggested to me by an anonymous commenter in Monday's post. I googled it, and it has showed up, albeit rarely. It seems to have first appeared in the stands at Cameron during the BC game, and then it got a little publicity on a Duke message board. But I'm co-opting it, baby! Plagiarism: it's okay if I do it.
Not only is Earth, Wind, and Scheyer clever just from a pun standpoint, but it's also pretty accurate. Singler is earthy, more gravity-based, bigger, solid, while Nolan is quick, wispy, and spontaneous like the wind. It's even way better than the Giants version of Earth, Wind, and Fire from last year. In that case, Derrick Ward was supposed to be Wind, and it never really worked for me. I went along with it, mind you. I played their little game. I laughed when I was supposed to, said all the right things, shook all the right hands. But inside, I was dying.
Anyway. Earth, Wind, and Scheyer. That's a winner.
Hey, remember when I said Kentucky wasn't that good? Yesterday? And when I said, and I quote, "some crappy SEC team will beat you on the road"? Took one day to come true.
South Carolina snapped Kentucky's undefeated season 68-62 yesterday, officially ending their version of the perfection proclamation, which, let's face it, was stealing my thunder. Now, I've talked a lot of jive about Kentucky, particularly because I've always hated that school, but I'm not going to gloat about this loss. Here are some measured thoughts instead.
*I watched the whole second half, and I'm very impressed by Kentucky's freshmen. Despite the loss. John Wall in particular is just an insane player. I love him. It's not the first time I've seen him, but every time is like the first time with this guy. I can't help imagining what it would be like if Duke had won that recruiting battle. Coach K would be spending most of his days browsing through championship ring magazines and practicing cutting down nets.
*It was absurd, absolutely, patently absurd, for Kentucky fans to think they were going to go undefeated. With three freshmen starters. Even in a weak conference like the SEC, that just does not happen. Not in college hoops. It's too easy to lose on the road, even for a very good team. If there's any gloating in me, it's directed at their unrealistic fan base. Believe it or not, I actually respect Kentucky a little bit more after watching that game. I still don't think they're a Final Four team, but if the freshmen all stay another year (unlikely), watch out. They could be great. But undefeated this year? After the narrow escapes they'd already survived? That's just silliness.
*South Carolina's Devan Downey. Holy shit. He's all of 5'9", if you believe the media listing, and 175 pounds, but the man is a little machine.
He scored 30 last night, and it was such a joyful performance to watch. He basically scooted (I think that's the best word) through the defense at will, making strange, off-balance shots and just owning the court. Sometimes it was like watching old clips of John Havlicek dribbling through defenses to kill clock at the end of a game. It looked like Downey was moving in fast motion, like only his movements had been sped up on tape to 1.5 speed.
He even did my favorite move in basketball. Hopefully I can describe it; it's when someone drives in against a defender, pulls up, turns around to the perimeter like they've given up on the idea of penetrating, and then executes a quick spin to the exact same lane, catching the defender off guard. The most famous example is the #1 dunk by Jordan in this YouTube video, 2:35 mark:
That was kind of a choppy example, but Downey did that at least three times that I saw, and each time it left the defender looking like he had gravel in his shoes. Awesome stuff. I highly recommend watching at least one South Carolina game this year.
So Kentucky will drop in the rankings, and Kansas will resume the #1 ranking. Which is probably accurate. My bias leads me to nominate Duke as a potential Final Four team, but the honest assessment of the league right now puts three teams in what we'll call the 'upper echelon.' Kansas, Villanova, and Syracuse. That's it. Kentucky, Texas, Duke, and Michigan State are all on the second tier. Nobody else is really registering with me right now. Georgetown already looks like their usual late-season fade has begun, and WVU and Purdue are both grinder teams without championship potential.
Back to the Dukies. Tonight we defend the Perfection Proclamation, taking on FSU in Durham. The Noles are 15-4, and coming off a big home win against Georgia Tech. This won't be a cakewalk by any stretch, but with four days rest and a boisterous crowd, I think we'll win by 10-15. A win tonight and at Georgetown on Saturday might mean a top 5 ranking.
In other news, Federer took care of Davydenko in the Aussie quarters, but it wasn't easy. He lost the first set and trailed 3-1 in the second before taking a bathroom break designed to buy time while the sun set and mitigate the glare factor on the court. It worked, as he won 13 straight games and took the match in four sets. According to the recape, the Russian got a bit nervy as well.
Anyway, it's now been six years since Federer missed the semi-final of a Grand Slam tournament. Read that again. Talk about excellence. It might be the greatest stretch by an individual athlete in the history of sports. I certainly can't think of anything that compares. Maybe Alexander Karelin in Greco-Roman wrestling (3 gold medals and one silver, undefeated in international competition until the last match of his career, against Rulon Gardner for the gold in Sydney), or Georg Hackl in luge (3 golds, 2 silvers, 10 world championships), or the TigerSlam, but still, nothing quite measures up to what Fed has done. The only time in the last five years when he's missed a final was in Australia 2008, when he had mononucleosis. You know, that disease that completely zaps your energy and physically debilitates you for months? Yeah, he only made the semis that year.
He'll play Jo-Wilfred Tsonga on Thursday. Tsonga beat Djokovic in five sets, despite trailing 2-1, and, surprise surprise, Djokovic had an excuse afterward. He was sick, apparently. Okay, Novak. Thanks for stopping in.
That's all for today. Go Duke.
The superior replacement, as you see in the title, is Earth, Wind, and Scheyer. I really wish I could take credit for this, but it was first suggested to me by an anonymous commenter in Monday's post. I googled it, and it has showed up, albeit rarely. It seems to have first appeared in the stands at Cameron during the BC game, and then it got a little publicity on a Duke message board. But I'm co-opting it, baby! Plagiarism: it's okay if I do it.
Not only is Earth, Wind, and Scheyer clever just from a pun standpoint, but it's also pretty accurate. Singler is earthy, more gravity-based, bigger, solid, while Nolan is quick, wispy, and spontaneous like the wind. It's even way better than the Giants version of Earth, Wind, and Fire from last year. In that case, Derrick Ward was supposed to be Wind, and it never really worked for me. I went along with it, mind you. I played their little game. I laughed when I was supposed to, said all the right things, shook all the right hands. But inside, I was dying.
Anyway. Earth, Wind, and Scheyer. That's a winner.
Hey, remember when I said Kentucky wasn't that good? Yesterday? And when I said, and I quote, "some crappy SEC team will beat you on the road"? Took one day to come true.
South Carolina snapped Kentucky's undefeated season 68-62 yesterday, officially ending their version of the perfection proclamation, which, let's face it, was stealing my thunder. Now, I've talked a lot of jive about Kentucky, particularly because I've always hated that school, but I'm not going to gloat about this loss. Here are some measured thoughts instead.
*I watched the whole second half, and I'm very impressed by Kentucky's freshmen. Despite the loss. John Wall in particular is just an insane player. I love him. It's not the first time I've seen him, but every time is like the first time with this guy. I can't help imagining what it would be like if Duke had won that recruiting battle. Coach K would be spending most of his days browsing through championship ring magazines and practicing cutting down nets.
*It was absurd, absolutely, patently absurd, for Kentucky fans to think they were going to go undefeated. With three freshmen starters. Even in a weak conference like the SEC, that just does not happen. Not in college hoops. It's too easy to lose on the road, even for a very good team. If there's any gloating in me, it's directed at their unrealistic fan base. Believe it or not, I actually respect Kentucky a little bit more after watching that game. I still don't think they're a Final Four team, but if the freshmen all stay another year (unlikely), watch out. They could be great. But undefeated this year? After the narrow escapes they'd already survived? That's just silliness.
*South Carolina's Devan Downey. Holy shit. He's all of 5'9", if you believe the media listing, and 175 pounds, but the man is a little machine.
He scored 30 last night, and it was such a joyful performance to watch. He basically scooted (I think that's the best word) through the defense at will, making strange, off-balance shots and just owning the court. Sometimes it was like watching old clips of John Havlicek dribbling through defenses to kill clock at the end of a game. It looked like Downey was moving in fast motion, like only his movements had been sped up on tape to 1.5 speed.
He even did my favorite move in basketball. Hopefully I can describe it; it's when someone drives in against a defender, pulls up, turns around to the perimeter like they've given up on the idea of penetrating, and then executes a quick spin to the exact same lane, catching the defender off guard. The most famous example is the #1 dunk by Jordan in this YouTube video, 2:35 mark:
That was kind of a choppy example, but Downey did that at least three times that I saw, and each time it left the defender looking like he had gravel in his shoes. Awesome stuff. I highly recommend watching at least one South Carolina game this year.
So Kentucky will drop in the rankings, and Kansas will resume the #1 ranking. Which is probably accurate. My bias leads me to nominate Duke as a potential Final Four team, but the honest assessment of the league right now puts three teams in what we'll call the 'upper echelon.' Kansas, Villanova, and Syracuse. That's it. Kentucky, Texas, Duke, and Michigan State are all on the second tier. Nobody else is really registering with me right now. Georgetown already looks like their usual late-season fade has begun, and WVU and Purdue are both grinder teams without championship potential.
Back to the Dukies. Tonight we defend the Perfection Proclamation, taking on FSU in Durham. The Noles are 15-4, and coming off a big home win against Georgia Tech. This won't be a cakewalk by any stretch, but with four days rest and a boisterous crowd, I think we'll win by 10-15. A win tonight and at Georgetown on Saturday might mean a top 5 ranking.
In other news, Federer took care of Davydenko in the Aussie quarters, but it wasn't easy. He lost the first set and trailed 3-1 in the second before taking a bathroom break designed to buy time while the sun set and mitigate the glare factor on the court. It worked, as he won 13 straight games and took the match in four sets. According to the recape, the Russian got a bit nervy as well.
Anyway, it's now been six years since Federer missed the semi-final of a Grand Slam tournament. Read that again. Talk about excellence. It might be the greatest stretch by an individual athlete in the history of sports. I certainly can't think of anything that compares. Maybe Alexander Karelin in Greco-Roman wrestling (3 gold medals and one silver, undefeated in international competition until the last match of his career, against Rulon Gardner for the gold in Sydney), or Georg Hackl in luge (3 golds, 2 silvers, 10 world championships), or the TigerSlam, but still, nothing quite measures up to what Fed has done. The only time in the last five years when he's missed a final was in Australia 2008, when he had mononucleosis. You know, that disease that completely zaps your energy and physically debilitates you for months? Yeah, he only made the semis that year.
He'll play Jo-Wilfred Tsonga on Thursday. Tsonga beat Djokovic in five sets, despite trailing 2-1, and, surprise surprise, Djokovic had an excuse afterward. He was sick, apparently. Okay, Novak. Thanks for stopping in.
That's all for today. Go Duke.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Lonely Wind Cries 'Rafa'
Bad start to the morning, ladies and gents. I woke up at 6:10 and decided to forsake the last half hour of sleep in the hope that I could catch the end of the Nadal-Murray quarterfinal from Australia. I turned the volume low on the tv, and the match must have started late, because it was only the third set. But Rafa was down two sets to love, serving at 0-1.
On the first point I watched, Murray won a baseline rally with a crosscourt backhand. Rafa followed with a winner of his own, a forehand up the line. But he planted his right leg hard before unleashing his whip-like stroke, and before the ball had even hit the back wall on the far court, he was trotting off. Medical timeout, right knee. The bane of his young existence. The source of chronic tendonitis and probably some other secret maladies. Murray jogged in place to stay fresh while Rafa sat with the trainer, worried. When he returned, he glanced to Uncle Toni in the stands, who also seemed anxious. They shrugged at each other.
Murray broke for a crucial edge, but Rafa fought back to force two break points on the Scot's serve. Again, he showed himself to be a man who never quits. Ever. Even if he's going to lose, he guts it out. Last year, in the French, he had nothing in the tank against Soderling. His knees were killing him. He'd never lost at Roland Garros before, but things were falling apart against the Swede. Still, Rafa ground it out until the end and went down with dignity. He never quits. But when Murray saved his service game with a couple well-timed aces, Nadal quit.
Unthinkable, and very sad. Predictably, Nadal approached the net with an apology for the victor. As if quitting because of an injury somehow went against the nobility of the game, as if it took away from Murray's win. It didn't; Murray had outplayed Rafa from the beginning, though he had to survive an early break and a second set breaker. But toughness and competition mean everything to Rafa, so it was only natural to apologize when he denied his opponent the victorious moment.
It raises, or rather re-raises, a major question about Nadal's longevity. Last year at this tournament, he won an impossible 5-set final against Federer, capping a stretch of three major victories in the last four, and a US Open semifinal appearance to boot. He was #1 in the world, finally overcoming the world's greatest player. But the disastrous French came next, and he had to withdraw from Wimbledon because of the knees, and he lost the long-sought top ranking. Another US Open semi-final salvaged his season, but ever since falling to Soderling, he's consistently come up begging against the world's top players; the likes of Murray, Federer, Djokovic, et al.
Are we seeing the end of a tennis legend at the young age of 23? Is there any hope for those faulty knees? Can he play a reduced schedule and maintain top form? What's the solution?
The press caught up with Murray after the match, and asked him about Rafa. "I have always looked up to him. He’s my favourite player and I am gutted for him."
Me too.
*On to happier news. How good is the ESPN World Cup commercial? I mean, Jesus, I'm generally not one to praise a promo, but they really knocked it out of the park. The music, especially, is just awesome. This might be the best theme song of all time. Dead serious. Sadly, I'm searching like crazy online, and it appears I'm not the only one. Queries abound, but ESPN has done a good job making sure it's nowhere to be found. Which seems stupid, since they should want any kind of publicity, but oh well. If anyone can find it, please let me know.
Instead, I'll post an old classic that always give me goosebumps.
A thousand and one rants and slogans don't prick my patriotic side one bit, but that shit makes me want to drape myself in an American flag and go around the world fighting communists. And it's not an exaggeration; the team really has to go through hell to qualify for the World Cup. The most recent example was the game we lost in Mexico, when Landon Donavan went over to take a corner kick and was showered with about thirty beer cups (along with the liquid contents) and other miscellaneous objects.
Slow night for sports. Duke puts the perfection proclamation to the test tomorrow, but the only thing to look forward to tonight is a potential Kentucky loss. I'm already really sick of Wildcat nation shouting about a perfect season. Wake up, folks. You beat UNC by two points at home. You squeaked by UConn (3 points) and Stanford (OT) on neutral courts. You're not that good. Some crappy SEC team will beat you on the road. And even if they don't, you're in for a rude awakening come tourney time. See you in hell. Here's how you'll know when you arrive: the devils are all blue.
On the first point I watched, Murray won a baseline rally with a crosscourt backhand. Rafa followed with a winner of his own, a forehand up the line. But he planted his right leg hard before unleashing his whip-like stroke, and before the ball had even hit the back wall on the far court, he was trotting off. Medical timeout, right knee. The bane of his young existence. The source of chronic tendonitis and probably some other secret maladies. Murray jogged in place to stay fresh while Rafa sat with the trainer, worried. When he returned, he glanced to Uncle Toni in the stands, who also seemed anxious. They shrugged at each other.
Murray broke for a crucial edge, but Rafa fought back to force two break points on the Scot's serve. Again, he showed himself to be a man who never quits. Ever. Even if he's going to lose, he guts it out. Last year, in the French, he had nothing in the tank against Soderling. His knees were killing him. He'd never lost at Roland Garros before, but things were falling apart against the Swede. Still, Rafa ground it out until the end and went down with dignity. He never quits. But when Murray saved his service game with a couple well-timed aces, Nadal quit.
Unthinkable, and very sad. Predictably, Nadal approached the net with an apology for the victor. As if quitting because of an injury somehow went against the nobility of the game, as if it took away from Murray's win. It didn't; Murray had outplayed Rafa from the beginning, though he had to survive an early break and a second set breaker. But toughness and competition mean everything to Rafa, so it was only natural to apologize when he denied his opponent the victorious moment.
It raises, or rather re-raises, a major question about Nadal's longevity. Last year at this tournament, he won an impossible 5-set final against Federer, capping a stretch of three major victories in the last four, and a US Open semifinal appearance to boot. He was #1 in the world, finally overcoming the world's greatest player. But the disastrous French came next, and he had to withdraw from Wimbledon because of the knees, and he lost the long-sought top ranking. Another US Open semi-final salvaged his season, but ever since falling to Soderling, he's consistently come up begging against the world's top players; the likes of Murray, Federer, Djokovic, et al.
Are we seeing the end of a tennis legend at the young age of 23? Is there any hope for those faulty knees? Can he play a reduced schedule and maintain top form? What's the solution?
The press caught up with Murray after the match, and asked him about Rafa. "I have always looked up to him. He’s my favourite player and I am gutted for him."
Me too.
*On to happier news. How good is the ESPN World Cup commercial? I mean, Jesus, I'm generally not one to praise a promo, but they really knocked it out of the park. The music, especially, is just awesome. This might be the best theme song of all time. Dead serious. Sadly, I'm searching like crazy online, and it appears I'm not the only one. Queries abound, but ESPN has done a good job making sure it's nowhere to be found. Which seems stupid, since they should want any kind of publicity, but oh well. If anyone can find it, please let me know.
Instead, I'll post an old classic that always give me goosebumps.
A thousand and one rants and slogans don't prick my patriotic side one bit, but that shit makes me want to drape myself in an American flag and go around the world fighting communists. And it's not an exaggeration; the team really has to go through hell to qualify for the World Cup. The most recent example was the game we lost in Mexico, when Landon Donavan went over to take a corner kick and was showered with about thirty beer cups (along with the liquid contents) and other miscellaneous objects.
Slow night for sports. Duke puts the perfection proclamation to the test tomorrow, but the only thing to look forward to tonight is a potential Kentucky loss. I'm already really sick of Wildcat nation shouting about a perfect season. Wake up, folks. You beat UNC by two points at home. You squeaked by UConn (3 points) and Stanford (OT) on neutral courts. You're not that good. Some crappy SEC team will beat you on the road. And even if they don't, you're in for a rude awakening come tourney time. See you in hell. Here's how you'll know when you arrive: the devils are all blue.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Weekend Awesomeness Scale, 1/25 Edition
Everything that happened in sports this weekend transcended the awesomeness scale.
That was the pretentious version. Here's the other: everything that happened in sports this weekend bridged the awesomeness scale. Every game, incident, and story touched down in two places, near the high and low ends of the spectrum. Let's brass tack it.
Colts Defeat Jets: 2 (As Awesome as Fighting a Shark in a Murky Pond) and 7 (As Awesome as Fighting a Shark on Land, with Duelling Pistols)
Why it was a 7:
New York is free from the green menace. All the Bandwagoners can stow their Jets gear back in the closet, or possibly get a refund since nothing they own is more than a month old. I get to stop being jealous. No endless debates about which Super Bowl run was more thrilling between Giants '07 and Jets '09. Jersey and Queens can resume their rightful places on the low rung of the NYC sports ladder. I don't quit trust Sanchez.
And this: Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning. There's nobody like him. The NFL is a giant mystery, and dynasties are a rare dinosaur indeed, but if you want to find a Michael Jordan equivalent in the league, it's Peyton. But then again, why even compare? Peyton excels in a highly stressful position better than anyone since Joe Montana. He overcame some early career jitters, and now he's an absolute assassin. And a genius, too, I think. His patience and wisdom yesterday were Solomon-like. There was never an ounce of anxiety on his face; just the usual Peyton annoyance, which doesn't slow him down. There was an amazing little moment during the game when Simms mentioned that during the first half of the last Jets-Colts game during week 16, the visitors became very frustrated because Peyton would call out the names of everyone who was blitzing on the play.
He would actually call out their names. He studied so much tape that he basically memorized everything the Jets were going to do. The man is a crazy wizard. He should wear a helmet shapes like a wizard's hat, and have a wand that he points at the defense before the play. Anyway, the Jets got weird enough with their schemes to puzzle him for about a quarter and a half yesterday, but that was it. Once he figures something out, it's like a chess grandmaster knowing he's fifteen moves away from winning. Though I didn't know it at the time, the last drive of the second quarter was the proverbial ballgame.
But talking about Peyton's greatness is sort of a tired thing these days, so let's move on.
Why it was a 2:
Despite my recently avowed hatred of the Jets, it only took about three minutes of spunky play before I switched my allegiances on Sunday. Then I switched back later because of Peyton, but still...it would have been a good story.
My Girlfriend's Adventures with the Possession Arrow: 3 (As Awesome as Fighting a Dude Named Shark in a Prison Yard) and 8 (As Awesome as Fighting the Sharks from West Side Story, Musical Style)
Here's what happened: the basketball league I'm running started up last Thursday with a preseason scrimmage, and she came to help out. When people started playing, she worked the electronic scoreboard. She understands the basic rules, but the possession arrow mystified her. As most of us know, that particular feature is used to determine which team gets possession in case of a held ball, which happens maybe two or three times in an average game. So the arrow only needs to change that often. Unfortunately, not being familiar with this rule, she made her best guess based on the name itself. Possession arrow.
The upshot: she spent about two and a half hours frantically changing the arrow every single time there was an actual change in possession. Which must have happened like 400 times.
PS - I'm not a total dick; I didn't realize this was happening until she told me afterward. And that's when I understood why she seemed kinda stressed, and why the ref looked so confused every time he glanced over. Boy, did I laugh! (Not a total dick, just like 50-70%)
Why it was an 8:
Hilarious.
Why it was a 3:
Whenever I told someone the story this past weekend, their first reaction was to laugh a lot. Their second reaction, invariably, was, "awww...poor Emily."
Saints Over Vikings: 4 (As Awesome as Having to Swim Among a Group of Sharks Wearing a Really Attractive Female Shark Costume) and 9 (As Awesome as Eating Shark at a Restaurant and Thinking 'This is One for the Good Guys')
Why it was a 9:
Favre! Ha! Throwing across the body, choking NFC Championships, just like old times. Great to see you still doing your thing, Brett.
As bad and predictable as that pass was, Childress needs to be drawn and quartered in the streets of Minneapolis sometime this week. Unbelievably poor clock management lost that game, not Favre (and oh yeah, the fumbles didn't hep). You don't often see coaching that incompetent. It was like he got to the 35, which would have been a 52-yard field goal, and decided it was good enough. So 90 seconds ran off the clock, a penalty pushed them out of range (the possibility of which is why you keep driving), and then Favre was forced to be himself.
Why it was a 4:
As much as I loathe Favre, I pity the hell out of Vikings fans. There have been some tough losses in the NFL in my lifetime, but when you consider the history, context, and demoralization present in yesterday's game, this has to be one the hardest losses in history. No exaggeration. The team has never won a Super Bowl. Older fans have seen four losses. Younger fans have suffered through the heartbreak of past NFC title losses, including one where a field goal kicker who had been perfect all year missed with a chance to ice the game. And then yesterday...missed opportunities and bad luck and a deafening crowd and everything else hamstrung them, and they STILL had a chance to win at the end. And then Childress and Favre blew it, and then they lost the coin toss, and then the refs screwed them in OT...
The whole thing was like a yo-yo, with the sphere being a super bowl berth, and it keeps coming down almost to within reach. And holding the string? A vengeful God.
Seriously, though, I play football on Sundays with a few guys from Minnesota. After the game, I sent a text message to my friend Nick offering my sincere condolences. His response was so utterly poignant that I have to re-post it here:
"This one is going to take some time. Fuck."
This one is going to take some time. I honestly can't even imagine being a Vikings fan yesterday. You must feel like everything is against you. You must feel like Job (second Old Testament reference, booya!). Ugh. I can't help but feel bad for that fanbase.
Duke Beats Clemson on the Road: 5 (As Awesome as Being Nicknamed 'The Loan Shark') and 10 (As Awesome as Being Nicknamed 'The Lone Shark')
Why it was a 10:
Road win! Booya! Toughness! Credibility! The NC State loss is shown for a fluke!
Why it was a 5:
Trevor Booker is a thug and an opportunist. He's the kind of guy who pouts when things don't go well, but is the first to start screaming at an opponent after a block (Singler) even when his team's down 15. In fact, the whole team are a bunch of thugs. Athletic? Yes. Tough? Yes. Any semblance of basketball skill? No.
I hate coaches who recruit teams like that. They'll win some games, and maybe even stay in the top 25, just by being physical and mean, but they can't shoot or score or anything else. It's annoying. I'm very glad we beat that team.
However, I wish someone on Duke had stepped up and muscled up on Booker. I guess we took the high road, but is it too much to ask that for a bench player to come in and send a message with a hard foul? Or for someone to submarine him and try to break his leg?
Too far?
Anyway, interesting sports weekend. And oh yeah, Rafa vs. Murray tonight in the Australian quarters! 3:30 AM eastern time! Wish I had DVR! Go Rafa.
Sincerely,
The Land Shark
That was the pretentious version. Here's the other: everything that happened in sports this weekend bridged the awesomeness scale. Every game, incident, and story touched down in two places, near the high and low ends of the spectrum. Let's brass tack it.
Colts Defeat Jets: 2 (As Awesome as Fighting a Shark in a Murky Pond) and 7 (As Awesome as Fighting a Shark on Land, with Duelling Pistols)
Why it was a 7:
New York is free from the green menace. All the Bandwagoners can stow their Jets gear back in the closet, or possibly get a refund since nothing they own is more than a month old. I get to stop being jealous. No endless debates about which Super Bowl run was more thrilling between Giants '07 and Jets '09. Jersey and Queens can resume their rightful places on the low rung of the NYC sports ladder. I don't quit trust Sanchez.
And this: Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning, Peyton Manning. There's nobody like him. The NFL is a giant mystery, and dynasties are a rare dinosaur indeed, but if you want to find a Michael Jordan equivalent in the league, it's Peyton. But then again, why even compare? Peyton excels in a highly stressful position better than anyone since Joe Montana. He overcame some early career jitters, and now he's an absolute assassin. And a genius, too, I think. His patience and wisdom yesterday were Solomon-like. There was never an ounce of anxiety on his face; just the usual Peyton annoyance, which doesn't slow him down. There was an amazing little moment during the game when Simms mentioned that during the first half of the last Jets-Colts game during week 16, the visitors became very frustrated because Peyton would call out the names of everyone who was blitzing on the play.
He would actually call out their names. He studied so much tape that he basically memorized everything the Jets were going to do. The man is a crazy wizard. He should wear a helmet shapes like a wizard's hat, and have a wand that he points at the defense before the play. Anyway, the Jets got weird enough with their schemes to puzzle him for about a quarter and a half yesterday, but that was it. Once he figures something out, it's like a chess grandmaster knowing he's fifteen moves away from winning. Though I didn't know it at the time, the last drive of the second quarter was the proverbial ballgame.
But talking about Peyton's greatness is sort of a tired thing these days, so let's move on.
Why it was a 2:
Despite my recently avowed hatred of the Jets, it only took about three minutes of spunky play before I switched my allegiances on Sunday. Then I switched back later because of Peyton, but still...it would have been a good story.
My Girlfriend's Adventures with the Possession Arrow: 3 (As Awesome as Fighting a Dude Named Shark in a Prison Yard) and 8 (As Awesome as Fighting the Sharks from West Side Story, Musical Style)
Here's what happened: the basketball league I'm running started up last Thursday with a preseason scrimmage, and she came to help out. When people started playing, she worked the electronic scoreboard. She understands the basic rules, but the possession arrow mystified her. As most of us know, that particular feature is used to determine which team gets possession in case of a held ball, which happens maybe two or three times in an average game. So the arrow only needs to change that often. Unfortunately, not being familiar with this rule, she made her best guess based on the name itself. Possession arrow.
The upshot: she spent about two and a half hours frantically changing the arrow every single time there was an actual change in possession. Which must have happened like 400 times.
PS - I'm not a total dick; I didn't realize this was happening until she told me afterward. And that's when I understood why she seemed kinda stressed, and why the ref looked so confused every time he glanced over. Boy, did I laugh! (Not a total dick, just like 50-70%)
Why it was an 8:
Hilarious.
Why it was a 3:
Whenever I told someone the story this past weekend, their first reaction was to laugh a lot. Their second reaction, invariably, was, "awww...poor Emily."
Saints Over Vikings: 4 (As Awesome as Having to Swim Among a Group of Sharks Wearing a Really Attractive Female Shark Costume) and 9 (As Awesome as Eating Shark at a Restaurant and Thinking 'This is One for the Good Guys')
Why it was a 9:
Favre! Ha! Throwing across the body, choking NFC Championships, just like old times. Great to see you still doing your thing, Brett.
As bad and predictable as that pass was, Childress needs to be drawn and quartered in the streets of Minneapolis sometime this week. Unbelievably poor clock management lost that game, not Favre (and oh yeah, the fumbles didn't hep). You don't often see coaching that incompetent. It was like he got to the 35, which would have been a 52-yard field goal, and decided it was good enough. So 90 seconds ran off the clock, a penalty pushed them out of range (the possibility of which is why you keep driving), and then Favre was forced to be himself.
Why it was a 4:
As much as I loathe Favre, I pity the hell out of Vikings fans. There have been some tough losses in the NFL in my lifetime, but when you consider the history, context, and demoralization present in yesterday's game, this has to be one the hardest losses in history. No exaggeration. The team has never won a Super Bowl. Older fans have seen four losses. Younger fans have suffered through the heartbreak of past NFC title losses, including one where a field goal kicker who had been perfect all year missed with a chance to ice the game. And then yesterday...missed opportunities and bad luck and a deafening crowd and everything else hamstrung them, and they STILL had a chance to win at the end. And then Childress and Favre blew it, and then they lost the coin toss, and then the refs screwed them in OT...
The whole thing was like a yo-yo, with the sphere being a super bowl berth, and it keeps coming down almost to within reach. And holding the string? A vengeful God.
Seriously, though, I play football on Sundays with a few guys from Minnesota. After the game, I sent a text message to my friend Nick offering my sincere condolences. His response was so utterly poignant that I have to re-post it here:
"This one is going to take some time. Fuck."
This one is going to take some time. I honestly can't even imagine being a Vikings fan yesterday. You must feel like everything is against you. You must feel like Job (second Old Testament reference, booya!). Ugh. I can't help but feel bad for that fanbase.
Duke Beats Clemson on the Road: 5 (As Awesome as Being Nicknamed 'The Loan Shark') and 10 (As Awesome as Being Nicknamed 'The Lone Shark')
Why it was a 10:
Road win! Booya! Toughness! Credibility! The NC State loss is shown for a fluke!
Why it was a 5:
Trevor Booker is a thug and an opportunist. He's the kind of guy who pouts when things don't go well, but is the first to start screaming at an opponent after a block (Singler) even when his team's down 15. In fact, the whole team are a bunch of thugs. Athletic? Yes. Tough? Yes. Any semblance of basketball skill? No.
I hate coaches who recruit teams like that. They'll win some games, and maybe even stay in the top 25, just by being physical and mean, but they can't shoot or score or anything else. It's annoying. I'm very glad we beat that team.
However, I wish someone on Duke had stepped up and muscled up on Booker. I guess we took the high road, but is it too much to ask that for a bench player to come in and send a message with a hard foul? Or for someone to submarine him and try to break his leg?
Too far?
Anyway, interesting sports weekend. And oh yeah, Rafa vs. Murray tonight in the Australian quarters! 3:30 AM eastern time! Wish I had DVR! Go Rafa.
Sincerely,
The Land Shark
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