Morning: The Calm

Storm coming, y'all. But not yet.


Item #1: Last night, I had one of those strange moments when a dream somehow corresponds with something happening in real life, and produces odd results. In my dream, I was trying to operate a computer, but my brother kept reaching for the mouse and messing me up. It was really annoying because I could never quite click in the right place or get where I wanted to go. At the same time, in the real world, my girlfriend was trying to pull the covers to her side of the bed. I have a terrible habit of stealing them all for myself while I'm sleeping, and she woke up cold.

Anyway, I got so fed up with my brother's antics that I slapped his hand. Which was actually my girlfriend's hand. I did it hard, too, the way you'd swat someone's hand when they reached for the cookie jar (we can all relate to the familiar cookie jar anecdote). "Whoa!" she said, and because I'm the world's lightest sleeper, I woke up immediately, realized what happened, and was awash in a weird mix of guilt and confusion.

But this is how cool my girlfriend is: not only did she not get pissed or stubbornly silent. She actually laughed, and then reminded me to text my Aunt Patricia, a West Virginia alum and a big basketball fan. It was 4am, and earlier that night I'd decided that if I woke up in the middle of the night (a sure bet when you have the bladder of an 80 year-old man with a beach ball prostate), I'd step up our recent texting war. This was the perfect opportunity. The text:

"It's four in the morning. Scheyer is not asleep. He has been studying footage of Da'Sean Butler's family. Can you handle this kind of focus?"

Her reply, this morning: "WTF you texting me for at 4am? How many beers did you have? Only a nervous Duke fan would feel the need to do such a ridiculous act. I am sure Schister knowing about Butler's family will be a big deterrent for DaSean on the court."

Not everybody is ready for that kind of pyschological warfare. Obviously, tonight's text will have to be much stranger.

Anyway, this morning's post is dedicated to the gf. Is it just me, or do girls have a crazy skill at remembering things? I mentioned the text idea once earlier that day, but at 4am, in a groggy state, she was right on it. This kind of thing happens over and over. She can name all my aunts and uncles on both sides (there are 14, and she's met less than half), and I'm pretty sure she knows the birthday of each parent and sibling. Needless to say, every detail of my personal history is so entrenched that she may as well have lived it herself.

Meanwhile, it's taken me a full 9 months to completely master her parents' names, and I'm pretty sure I can only remember her birthday because the day and the month are the same. 11/11! And I don't think it's because I'm an inattentive asshole; there's just a lack of mental energy. I'm confronted with those kind of details, and I immediately roll on the floor, tuck myself into the fetal position, and start chanting the batting average of video game players I created when I was nine.

Item #2: Fantasy draft happened last night. Here's my team:

C: Jorge Posada
1B: Todd Helton
2B: Jose Lopez
3B: Jorge Cantu
SS: Jason Bartlett
OF: Matt Kemp
OF: Matt Holliday
OF: Bobby Abreu
Util: Nick Swisher

SP: Justin Verlander
SP: Dan Haren
RP: Francisco Liriano
RP: Brad Lidge
P: Jon Lester
P: Max Scherzer
P: Jorge Vasquez

BN: Rich Harden
BN: Jonathan Sanchez
BN: Scott Kazmir
BN: Barry Zito

As usual, I overloaded on starting pitching in the hopes that 5 of them will pan out, and I can use the others as trade bait. On offense, I tried to go with power guys who had high OBP and could also steal a few bases when possible. I'm pretty happy with the result. I had a google chat this morning with my friend John, who is zero percent interested in sports of any kind, and we had this exchange:

Me: I imagine you'd like me to e-mail you my fantasy team.
John: how would that work?
Me: sent
John: Those are all really inventive names
John: why are these your fantasy names?
John: i mean i can understand swisher because it sounds funny - what a great basketball name too
John: but 'jonathan sanchez' doesnt seem like there's much fantasy involved in that one

I laughed.

Item #3: UNC lost in the NIT Championship. Do you think Roy and the UNC fanbase secretly wishes they had just not gone to the tourney? The NIT is one of those things that you have to win in order to make it worthwhile. Otherwise, it's just sort of embarrassing. And it'll be even worse when I'm strutting around wearing my powder blue "2010 NIT Runner-UP" t-shirt.

Item #4: Singler's shirt is on sale at the Duke stores!!

Later today:

*A Seth Curry Saves Duke! exclusive. First ever! Hint: it's about a Boston personality.

*Lots of content on Saturday's game. Until then, here's a music video that is kinda lame and kinda perfect, and whose chorus will be stuck in your head for hours if you make the huge mistake of clicking play: