Tiger Woods Sexual Humor, Part 894

Our old pal Eldrick has teed off at Augusta, and he already has one birdie.

TIGER'S ON THE PROWL!

That should be the icon they use on tv every time he makes a birdie. For an eagle? This:

That's a real picture, by the way. The tiger got the zebra pregnant, and this was the result:


I'm definitely rooting for Tiger to succeed this weekend. Not only will it make things way more interesting, but it will also infuriate every female in the country. I'm no misogynist, and I think girls are great, but any time you can see an entire subset of people get pissed without anyone getting hurt, you have to root for it. It's like how every affluent white man stared angrily into his stone fireplace after the OJ Simpson verdict (minus the murder part). If you want to add fuel to the ire, and you're a dude, say something like "Look, I get that what he did was bad. But it wasn't that bad."

To be serious for a moment, everyone wants to scoff at the "sex addict" stuff. The general opinion seems to be that he was just a horny dude, not a victim of some mental illness. But if you look at those text messages he sent, it just seems so out of character. For a guy known for caution and privacy, it's like he was trying to get caught. It's a mistake that Tiger in his right mind would just never make. Maybe I'm being naive, but I think he has a real problem, and I think it's good he's coming back to golf so soon. He needs to press on with life.

Some quick other stuff:

*Big Papi is already throwing tantrums with the media. Should be another strong year for the game's biggest cheat.

*If you didn't see Mark Buehrle's phenomenal defensive play from Monday, you need to. It's available here. On that site, they call it a "backhand flick," which is totally inaccurate. Must be seen to be believed. Top 5 I've ever seen, easily.

*Tom Watson is the clubhouse leader at -5. I'm sure this won't happen, but can you imagine a Tiger vs. Watson final pairing on Sunday? Holy shit.

See you tomorrow.