If you ever want to know what it's like for the poor people of the world who don't follow sports, read this article about cricket. You'll gain a new and liberated perspective about how athletically-disinclined souls feel when they stumble across Sportscenter, or hear you delving into sporting minutiae with a friend.
Don't worry, though, it's still cool to belittle them.
Here's a large chunk of that hilarious article. Keep in mind that it's not fake. Enjoy, and try to have an incident-free day.
Australia took a 2-1 lead in the five-match one-day cricket series after defeating Pakistan by 27 runs in Abu Dhabi on Monday evening.
Captain Michael Clarke hit a battling 63 to lead Australia to victory in the third one-dayer.
Pakistan had restricted Australia to 198 for seven from their 50 overs but could only manage 171 all out in reply.
Captain Michael Clarke was again Australia's hero as he made a battling 63 before taking three for 15 with the ball.
A ragged spell from seamer Sohail Tanvir -- who was selected at the expense of Shoaib Akhtar -- helped Australian openers Brad Haddin and James Hopes make a cracking start in good batting conditions.
Haddin struck Tanvir for consecutive blows in his first over, as the left-armer conceded 14 runs in his first two overs.
Umar Gul, who had handled the new ball, was also a touch expensive to begin with, helping Australia flourish.
But Pakistan hit back with captain Younus Khan throwing down the stumps at the non-striker's end with a direct throw, catching Hopes (15) just short of his crease while the batsman attempted a single.
Gul then sent back Shane Watson for a second-ball duck to have Australia reeling at 28 for two. Clarke and Haddin steadied the ship but Australia lost their way again with the advent of the spinners.
Shahid Afridi was pressed into action at the start of the 14th over and Australia's scoring rate dropped dramatically. But it was Shoaib Malik who separated the pair, bowling Haddin (26) as the wicketkeeper-batsman moved too far across while attempting to tuck one down to third man.
Andrew Symondswas snared by Afridi for only six and Clarke fell while attempting to force the pace while the batting power play was in progress.
Clarke had put on 54 for the fifth wicket with Callum Ferguson, who carried on briefly after his captain's departure, while Nathan Hauritz got Australia close to 200 with an unbeaten 19 off only 18 balls.
Pakistan made a good start to their reply, with Salman Butt and Ahmed Shehzad putting on 95 for the first wicket and seemingly putting their side on course for victory.
But Butt's wicket, two short of his 50, proved the turning point, the opener edging Hauritz to slip. Khan went for a duck the next ball before Misbah-ul-Haq became Clarke's first victim. The same bowler then snared Shehzad for 40 while Afridi (6), Kamran Akmal (8), Yasir Arafat (3) and Tanvir (11) all went cheaply.
Malik chipped in with a useful 30 but, when he was run out, the game was up, and Gul quickly became the last man out with nearly three overs left.