The Showdown in Cameron

It's coming, guys. It's really coming, and it's going to be good. I swear, I'm going to talk a lot about Duke-UNC in just a second. But first...

Groupon.

Don't worry, I feel like a douchebag for talking about this. I really do. I wish I had that thing inside my brain that says, "Shane, every idiot and their mother has already expressed their opinion on this topic. In fact, at least some of these opinions will be exactly identical to the opinion you're about to express. Nobody gives a fuck what you think."

But I don't have that thing. Whatever that thing is, it skipped my particular brain.

So, Groupon. Maybe you're one of the people who has no idea what I'm talking about. If that's the case, Groupon is a company that gives out group coupons (have you unraveled the puzzle of the name now?) to restaurants, or something. Last night, they aired this Super Bowl commercial:


Now, before I get on my pedestal, let me quickly review the arguments- or justifications, rather- that I've heard.

1) It's hilarious.
2) It's not hilarious, but it's brilliant because everybody's talking about it.

I am not a hippy, or a granola, or a world peace fanatic. I'm on the liberal end of the spectrum, but I'm really not very good about caring about causes I'm supposed to care about. The sum total of the money I've given to Tibet or organizations supporting Tibet, lifetime, is zero dollars and zero cents. So maybe this next rant will make you think I'm a hypocrite. That's fair warning.

But sweet Jesus, what a scumbag commercial. Sorry to shit in the brilliant-advertising punch bowl, but here are the facts about Tibet: since China, a really fucking evil country, began to occupy them in 1949, over a million Tibetans have died. They also imprison and torture Tibetans routinely, and they've destroyed over 6,000 monasteries and temples.

And Groupon decided to use their suffering as an easy joke for publicity. A really easy, bad joke. I mean, not giving a shit is one thing, and I'm pretty guilty of that in the long view. But they really embraced the shittiness of indifference, and sent out the very ugly-American message that it's okay to laugh at the decimation of an entire culture. Hey, we're saving a couple bucks on food. Capitalism!

"But they still whip up an amazing fish curry."

Seriously? And the really sad part about this is that Christopher Guest directed it. I like him, and in a perfect fan world he would have said no to this crap. There's also a bullshit blog post post from company headquarters trying to explain the ads as self-parody, and asking you to donate money to Tibet, but it's a total rearguard action. They did what they did for attention. It worked, so I guess in a Machiavellian sense their strategy succeeded, although I have no idea whether this will hurt or help them in a business sense. Probably help, because the world is unfair.

But the central theme of the whole thing is the point: it's normal, bright, and even funny to remain blissfully unaware of suffering outside America. Just get your $15 discount and enjoy guilt-free dining. There's an element of that kind of selfishness in Larry David's work, but the whole point of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm is to parody that me-first American obliviousness. The humor comes from recognizing the moral vacuum. The Groupon ads have all the amorality, and none of the parody.

Anyway, the whole thing gave me a bad feeling deep in the gut. And I hope everyone who reads knows by now that I'll go to almost any lengths for a cheap laugh, including self-humiliation, so I'm not a particularly sensitive dude. But if a line exists, and it probably should, this one crossed it.

*******
Hey real quick, how about that halftime show? Was that not the biggest piece of shit ever conceived? I had exactly one friend tell me he liked it, but I couldn't stop laughing at how horrible the whole thing was. The sound quality was poor, the songs sucked, and the kicker was when a bunch of people showed up on stage with boxes on their heads. I mean, seriously, that was the worst performance by a group of humans in world history, right?

*******
And with that, I swear I'm off the pedestal and soap-box and everything else I piled up to give myself some artificial height.

Let's talk basketball. Please.

How about that first half for Duke? N.C. State is in the midst of a really sad plummet that will probably end with the firing of Sidney Lowe, but I don't care how about they are; Duke would have run any team in America off the court with that kind of play. It. Was. Beautiful.

Starting at 14:07, and lasting until 2:12, Duke went on a 41-13 run that represents the best basketball we've seen from the team all year. Including, I dare say, the part that included Kyrie. It was sensational, flowing basketball, full of running and great shooting and smothering defense. By the end, State looked like they'd rather be anywhere but on that court. It was a glorious pummeling. A great sign of how amazing we played is that I, and several others, actually felt sorry for N.C. State. I rarely pity an opponent, but Duke was so good, and the Wolfpack looked so downtrodden, that I experienced a slight twinge of sympathy. We beat them without mercy, and at some point, like a boxer taking one too many hard shots in the gut, they just crumpled.

There were so many highlights, but the best part for me was Seth Curry's long pass to Mason for the jam. You can see it here, it's the #1 play:


What a picture perfect pass. Seth has vision in spades, along with a sense of the moment, and he's starting to show it with some of these great passes, killer threes, and excellent defensive anticipation. (And since it's apparently turd-in-the-punch-bowl-day for me, I will admit: he double dribbled right before pass.)

As usual, the interviews in that video are awesome. Mason even comes out with some humor at the 2:45 mark.

Mason: Um. Four 3s from the shooters on the night. That's pretty good. Dropping treys like bad waiters.

Seth: That was good. That was good. He was saving that one.

Mason: I can't make it like, smooth, or flow, I just have to get it out.

And the Mase had his second straight very good game. With a 16-point, 12-board double-double, he controlled the inside and managed to play within himself. For the most part, anyway. He still has two really bad habits, and he shares these with Miles. They're very closely related.

1) He goes for steals way too often. This is particularly true when someone is posting up on him. He'll try to sneak around and steal the entry pass, and more often than not the offensive player will catch the ball, pivot, and put down an easy dunk. Mason is too slow to make those types of plays, and it's costing points in the pain.

2) He goes for blocks on other people's men. If someone is backing down Ryan Kelly, for example, he'll leave the other side of the paint, try to time his jump, and leap over Kelly in a block attempt. The result of this is that the other side of the paint, where his man is camped, is wide open. A good post passer will find his teammate for an easy dunk, but that's not even necessary; if the shot goes up unblocked, Mason's man is all by himself for an offensive board and put-back. This happens quite a bit.

The really frustrating part about these moves is that they're intelligence-based. If he could just control his own impulses, Mason would be well on the way to being a really effective big man for Duke. He's improving like crazy in every other area, but these mental mistakes keep happening.

The only other real negative from the game is that Duke became very, very stagnant after the great run. In the last 22 minutes of the game, N.C. State outscored us 31-25. That's some really poor offensive efficiency on our part. I attribute that mostly to the kind of boredom that sets in when you really annihilate a team, so it's probably not worth fretting about.

However: we are going to need every bit of focus, skill, and fortune to beat UNC.

There. I said it. I was on hand yesterday when the revelation hit; we could lose to this team.

Guys, they scored 89 points on Florida State. 80-fucking-9. You can read my very basic recap for Reesenews here, or you can skip it. There's no swearing, and I know this is a big swearing crowd. But the big number is 89. Florida State has let up more than 70 points exactly three times this year, with UNC-Greensoboro topping the charts at 73. You may remember Duke scoring 61, or Ohio State scoring 58. They're a really, really good defensive team, and UNC made them look silly. They broke them down completely and never looked back.

The Heels are already ranked 23rd in the AP poll, and later today they'll be ranked in the Coaches' poll for the first time a while. In my mind, this is a top 15 team, at least, by the end of the season.

I'm going to do a full player-by-player comparison tomorrow, but here's something to watch out for: Kendall Marshall is absurdly consistent. He's not a fast player. He's not dynamic, he's not quick, and he's not even a great shooter. By all rights, opposing guards should be able to pester him into turnovers. But they can't. Yesterday, he set a Carolina record for most assists in an ACC game with 16. It was the first time he'd played anything close to a full game (36 minutes), and make no mistake- it's a very good thing for Carolina that Larry Drew left. Those 15-20 minutes per game are much better used by Marshall.

And man, are the fans behind him. As I mentioned in the Reese article, he had the loudest ovation by far during starting lineups, and the crowd went nuts when he left the game. They love the guy, and rightly so; he makes the most out of his talents. He's very, very smart on the court. Ken Pomeroy has him 5th in assist rate (assists divided by made teammates' field goals while he's on the court...in other words, what percentage of made baskets he assists on) in the entire country. And because he lacks the eye-popping natural gifts that make NBA scouts drool, he'll probably stay at UNC for 4 years. Learn to hate this man, Moody Blues:


Wednesday's game is going to be really, really tough. I'm not sure if the UNC freshmen are quite ready to get a win at Cameron, but on an off night for Duke, they're more than capable. And if the Plumlees don't play smart, we're in real trouble down low with Henson and Zeller. They both look very strong and efficient.

It's going to be awesome. No two ways about it. This is the first really meaningful Duke-UNC game in a while. Not only do both look excellent, but they'll both be ranked. They've sorted themselves out from the pack in the ACC (UNC is 7-1, Duke 8-1), and first place is on the line. If Duke wants a 1-seed in the NCAA tournament, this is pretty close to a must-win.

I am PSYCHED, guys. And I'm a little scared, which feels healthy. The short era of clear Duke dominance is already over. There's work to be done, and I want to see the Heels walk off that court as losers.

And here's one last incentive: we never lost at home last year. If we win Wednesday, we won't lose at home this year. The perfection proclamation is on the line. Protect the nest, protect the title.

The Fate of State: Stagnate, Deflate

A couple three-four orders of business this morning.

1) First, a repeat of the DRASTIC CHANGES in the Hot Potato. The HPs for tonight's game against State (6pm) are:

Wojo's Warriors!
It's time to open the doors and let the horses out, gang. I know that doesn't quite make sense, but you get the point: the clock just struck the shake-it-up hour. Wojo is the big man coach at Duke,* so today's Hot Potato is the sum of the points scored by Mason, Miles, RyKell, Dr. Josh Hairston, and Singler. Picks in by tip.

*What came first, the Wojo-can't-really-coach-big-men chicken, or the we-can't-recruit-any-good-big-men egg?

2) Larry Drew: really? UNC's back-up point guard decided yesterday that he'd be transferring in the middle of the season. Which is nuts, because there's no benefit to transferring now instead of when the season ends, and he never gave DaggumRoy any indication that he was about to make a move. This just reeks of a selfish dude who can't take being second fiddle even though he's clearly inferior to Kendall Marshall. Instead of trying to work hard and contribute to the team (which, actually, the last 3 games have shown he can do), he lets his teammates down and abandons his school in February, when things have finally turned around. I don't know all the facts yet, but my gut reaction is: what a pussy.

Also, can't you see this being one of those storylines you read about in the Final Four? About how Carolina just became incredibly tight after the transfer, how a single act of disloyalty cemented the bonds of everyone on the team and turned them from a collection of good players into a tight-knit unit? BLARGH. Andy Katz makes a similar point with some good comparisons to other transfers around college basketball in his latest commentary.

Here's my theory:

WAIT JUST ONE SECOND...has anybody ever seen Larry Drew II and Kyrie Irving's toe in the same room at the same time?!less than a minute ago via webSethCurrySavesDuke!
SCurrySavesDuke

3) Speaking of UNC basketball, I made my television analyst debut yesterday. Yup. Someone at Reesenews (the student multimedia site where I work) had the idea for a show called "Reese Rivals," where I, a Duke fan, would match wits against Pressley Baird, a UNC fan, in a 5-minute showdown. We filmed one before the UNC-State game, but it failed to record, so this was our first successful effort. In the interest of transparency, I'm going to show you guys. With some warnings and disclaimers:

*I'm at the end of a cold, so my voice sounds croaky.
*I couldn't stop grinning like an idiot in the beginning. Don't look at me.
*The audio is delayed everywhere by about a half-second.
*I sound like a total analyst douche for most, if not all, of the clip.

Seriously, I'm inviting you to laugh at me and also to marvel at my astounding insights. And this is the ultimate transparent moment on this blog. Nobody reads on Saturdays, right?


4) Here's an article I kinda expected to suck about coaches using profanity that turned out to be okay.

5) Here's a decently-written article sent along by Jill from the WaPost Duke deserving respect and not hate. I guess the guy's point is taken, but can we all stop wringing our hands about who loves or hates Duke? This shit just goes on in perpetuity. Kids from Maryland and UNC will always hate Duke. People who root for underdogs on principle will always hate Duke. It's probably time to stop giving a shit. Trust me, Yankee fans learned this lesson a long time ago.

6) It's moving weekend in the ACC. A lot of sorting should be done by Sunday night. Here are the match-ups, and what they mean:

Saturday

Clemson (4-4) at Georgia Tech (3-5), 1pm: This is Clemson's chance to stake its claim in the top 5 of the ACC. They're coming off a really bad 2-point loss at Virginia, when they only scored 47 points, but this is a great chance to rebound and move above .500 in conference. If Tech loses, it's end of the line for them as far as an NCAA berth goes. They finally dropped one at home against Maryland last week, and this would be the nail in the coffin.

Virginia Tech (5-3) at Boston College (4-4), 1pm: Tech's next 5 games are very, very winnable. At BC, home to G. Tech and Maryland, at UVA, at Wake. Today's is the hardest, but it could put them on the path to 10-3 and 3rd place in the ACC. BC just looks terrible lately, with losses in 4 of 5, and only being at home can stop the bleeding. I expect the Hokies to get a big road win and send BC spiraling to where they belong, in the bottom third of the ACC.

Wake Forest (1-6) at Maryland (4-4), 1pm: Maryland will romp, and this doesn't mean anything. The Terps are still the biggest mystery in the ACC. Nothing's going to clarify today.

Virginia (3-5) at Miami (2-6), 2pm: Miami is by far the best 2-6 in-conference team in America. I expect them to show that today in a rare blow-out. Normally, they're incapable of playing a game that isn't incredibly close. Here are the margins for their 6 conference losses: 11, 7, 2, 2, 3, 4. That 11-pointer was at Cameron, the toughest venue in America. Toss it aside, and the average margin of loss was 3.6. Their two conference wins came by 1 and 2. The rest of their schedule isn't terrible; UVA, Wake, Clemson, Duke, BC, FSU, Maryland, Georgia Tech. Just for the sake of argument, let's give them wins today, against Wake, and against BC, and let's say they lose to Duke. That means they'd have to go 3-1 against FSU (away), Clemson (home), Maryland (home), and G. Tech (away) in order to finish 8-8 in conference. Totally possible, right? It'd be a great comeback to respectability, and a strong run in the conference tourney could put them in consideration for a tournament berth. But I'm getting way ahead of myself here.

Sunday

FSU at UNC, 2pm: Huge. This is for second place in the conference and, for UNC, a shot at first a few days later. As I mentioned in the wickedly astute video above, FSU is 1-2 on the ACC road with the following point totals: 59, 55, 44. You'd expect them not to reach 60 against a defense as good as UNC's (6th in efficiency in the country). That's not going to cut it. The only possible way FSU wins this is Carolina is either shook up by the Drew transfer or looking ahead to Duke. The former seems unlikely, but the latter is possible because they have a lot of youngsters. Should be interesting. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm covering this one for Reesenews, and I'm still taking potential questions for ole Harrison Barnes.

7) Finally, Duke-NC State.

Here's something really, really sad: In the past 5 seasons, N.C. State has exactly 6 road wins in the ACC.

For a school with such tradition, that's unbelievable. Sidney Lowe has got to be fired. That's past the point of debate. Here's the problem: who would want to take that job? State fans like to fool themselves into thinking it's an illustrious and attractive position, but I don't buy it. You're stuck in a state where you're third choice at best in the recruiting wars, and it's not like you can recruit in the rest of the mid-Atlantic either. Which isn't to say you can't get good recruits and have a semi-decent team. But really, who would choose to take the Wolfpack job?

I imagine Lowe is on his way out, and State needs to get really lucky with their next hire. The smartest bet would probably be a young, hungry, untested coach with something to prove. But the Lowe hire was kind of like that, and the anger from fans and alumni will probably push them in the direction of a safe, uninspiring hire. And they may improve marginally, but I doubt they'll get much past .500 in conference with that kind of move. It sucks to be State. But Lowe, Lowe, he gotta go.


For the good guys, here's what I'm looking for in today's blow-out win:

A) DAWKINS! Please, please, Coach K, forgive him his trespasses, whatever they are, and let him play a lot and score a lot today. We need him confident and stroking from 3 come March. We need it bad. Don't keep up this absurd merry-go-round of one good game two bad games he seems to be riding lately. Let's break out of it, already.

B) Mason. Despite the usual array of frustrating Mason-isms, I was shocked, dismayed, and eventually pleased at how tough he played in a very hostile environment at Maryland. He contained Jordan Williams in a way I didn't think was possible. It would be great to see that continue today.

C) Singler. The shooting was great against the Terps, and commenter Ty made an excellent point that Coach K's adjustment to have him come off screens across the middle was a stroke of brilliance. Not only did it create a height mismatch, but it got him in the groove so the long shots could fall later. Great stuff.

Other than that, I just hope to see some fast, fluid, Duke basketball. I want the kind of blow-out that happens right away, not starting in the second half. Quick starts have been few and far between since Kyrie went down. Let's have another. Go Duke.

The Friday Pick Six: Volume Three, Week 5

It's a day full of DRAMA in the Pick-Six, with Jim calling out the competitors as whiners, Jill and Carrie discussing the hotness of the Plumlees, Marc calling both girls 'hussies,' Dylan's dad getting pissed off at me, Monty threatening small children, Five items before we get there, though.

1. As I mentioned in the midst of yesterday's mammoth live blog post, which you're forgiven if you skimmed, I got to spend a whole lot of time yesterday with Jon Lee Anderson, a foreign correspondent for The New Yorker. At 53, he's basically the foremost badass on the planet; he travels wherever there's conflict in the world, and sends dispatches that are more thorough and nuanced than what you read anywhere else. I love long-form print journalism, and he's my favorite writer in that genre. Through a variety of weird and lucky circumstances, I ended up having breakfast with at the Carolina Inn. The faculty members who were supposed to join backed out, so it was just me and Anderson.

I realize this will make me sound like an 8-year-old boy, but it was like meeting a hero. I was excited, but also seriously nervous; I'm 28, and he's the kind of guy whose biography makes you feel like you've done absolutely nothing with your time. Would he make me feel like an idiot? Would I be completely unable to communicate at his level?

Long story short, he could not have been more gracious. We spoke for two hours at breakfast, and then I went to his lunch conference with other faculty, and then his main speech at night. He's an encyclopedia of world politics, but he's also a great storyteller, and even though he had flown from India to London to North Carolina in the span of three days and was sick, he didn't hold any of himself back. We talked about all the countries he'd been to, he expounded on his theories of war and revolution, and he told me personal stories (like the two times he's been kidnapped; being Jon Lee Anderson involves getting into some shit).

Sometime between lunch and his speech at 5:30, he got word from The New Yorker that he'd be on his way to Egypt this weekend. I bought his book on Afghanistan, and he was nice enough to ask if I wanted him to sign it (I did, but I have trouble asking that kind of thing). While he signed, he spoke about his upcoming trip. It was incredible; he had an energy in his bearing I hadn't seen that day. He looked infused.

"I'm heading to Egypt, and then I might go over to Libya, because how is Qaddafi holding up through all this?" he told me. Hearing that, for me, was a little like witnessing a private player evaluation meeting between Coach K and his assistants.

"Do you get a little buzz before you make these trips?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," he said, unable to hide his smile. "I'm pretty keen."

The speech was great, I said goodbye, and today he's gone to London. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this, except to express that feeling you get those rare times when you meet someone you really admire. So far in my life, it's always been a nice experience; the people in question have been great, and I felt like they gave pretty freely of themselves.

But afterward there's a feeling, and maybe some people can relate to this, of melancholy. While they're there, you have this 'holy shit' feeling, like wow, here's this real live person who does incredible things and has somehow bypassed all the bullshit that keeps a lot of us down. You want to matter more than you do to them, because you feel like you understand and appreciate what they're doing on a level that most people can't.

But of course you don't matter, and that's as it should be; Jon Lee Anderson should not give a shit about me. He should get that thrill when he hears he'll be thrown headlong into a Northern African revolution. That what's makes him great. But when he's gone, it creates a small empty space because you're back to the grind. To me, anyway, that's what a fleeting encounter with greatness feels like.

(Man, I wish there was a sad hipster song about someone great being gone so I could put it on repeat and hole up in my bedroom and nod at the wall for the rest of this rainy day.)

2. On a more cheery note, what should I ask Harrison Barnes? Totally serious on this. I'm covering the UNC-FSU game for Reesenews (the people I write for here in Carolina), and I'll have access to the locker room after. This will be the only UNC game I cover, and I'm sure the rest of the reporters will ask him the basic stuff. I'd like to ask him something unique, so if you have any ideas that are awesome, let me know. It can't be insulting or completely random, but it can be funny. (Speaking of Reesenews, if you want to be grossed out by restaurant inspection violations in Chapel Hill, check out my latest story here.)

3. Andy Pettitte has retired. It seems to be official. This is incredibly sad, but I haven't had time to digest it because it came at a busy time. Expect more in the near future. I hope this somehow doesn't come true, but it's looking like a done deal.

4. Hot Potato! We now have 50 players, and Jill's correct guess of 21 for Nolan last game has put a scare into Carrie:


I'm going to post tomorrow with a (very) short preview of Duke-N.C. State, which goes off at 6pm and will be ugly, but we'll do Hot Potato today. And it's time to mix things up! The Hot Potatoes for tomorrow are:

Wojo's Warriors!
That's right, baby. Wojo's Warriors include EVERY BIG MAN on the Duke roster. I'm talking Miles, Mason, Ryan, Josh, and Singler. The Sing is a big man tomorrow. Awwwww shit, y'all, Hot Potato just got real. In case it's not clear, pick the sum total of their points.

5. We're two weeks from the end of this Pick Six. I think there might be a spot or two available for next time. E-mail me if you're interested (address on the sidebar over there) with a little about yourself.

And with that all said, let's rumble:


THE FRIDAY PICK SIX


VOLUME THREE, WEEK FIVE


The Friday Pick Six is an original SCSD! game where six people make six predictions for six weeks. Along with their picks, they're allowed and encouraged to submit a 'sound-off' on any topic, sports or otherwise. When it's all done, the winner earns great honor among the people, while the two losers are exiled in shame and the three middle finishers go to purgatory, with the chance rescue their good name up to three times. To learn more about the rules, and about the current contestants, read below:

-Volume Two champion and intros to the new class
-Week One
-Week Two
-Week Three
-Week Four

THE HALL OF ANGELS: OLD CHAMPIONS

1. Tom.
2. Mike

Let's check out the updated standings after Week Four:

1. Monty: 20
2. Marc: 18
3. Swetha & Sabreena: 16
4. Dylan & Patrick: 14
5. Nick E.: 12
6. Spike: 11

The Jillarie got pilloried to the tune of 5 3-point bonuses last week, and the leaderboard remained largely the same. Only Dylan & Patrick abstained from the easy points, and they lost ground to Swetha & Sabreena with two weeks to play.

Wicked Jim is back with the docket. Run with it, wild soul:

Let me say that all the weeping about the picks last week was lame! Pickers: don't think I won't show up at your jazzercise class and headbutt every last one of you! Man-Child Mariani set a pro bowl record for kickoff return yards, the Big East Games were awesome, my beloved Kings beat the lakers and all the while you people were mocking my choices and blubbering about better picks!?!?!?

Phew, sorry about that. I didn't sleep well last night, I had terrible nightmares about the UNC BC game. Hairy Barnes is heating up just in time to see R. Kelly and the Moody Blues cooling off! Don't tell me Royboy and the crew are going to make a run, please. Don't say it. Serious.

1. Obvious! Who will win the Super Bowl? (bonus point for picking the Barret Robbins award winner for the player with the biggest impact for a pregame arrest)

2. On to NCAA Men's Roundball: Kentucky travels to Florida. Can Bily get the Gators going or will Douchebag Calipari's Wildkats avenge their loss to Ole Miss?

3. Florida State at UNC (see worries above).

4. Ohio State at Minnesota. Sooner or later Tubby's gonna wreak havoc on the Big 10. I'm hoping for a big win at home for the Gophers.

5. Mascot meltdown! Saint Louis Billikens (http://www.slu.edu/pr/images/billiken06_200.jpg) at the Xavier Musketeers (http://i.cdn.turner.com/sivault/multimedia/photo_gallery/1003/ncaa.mascots/images/xavier.opow-34643-mid.jpg)

6. Orlando Magic at Boston Celtics, could this be a preview of the Eastern Conference showdown?

And now for the second installment of our new feature:

BEAT THE JILLARRIE

Our old friends Jill and Carrie our back with a special category that will allow the players to gain extra points...but only if they can Beat the Jillarrie.

Briefly: Jill and Carrie pick the winner of three categories. If the contestant is bold, he/she/they can earn three by points by getting more correct picks. But if they fail, they lose 3 points. An ultimate temptation! Tie goes to the Jillarrie. The contestants can also choose not to face the Jillarrie, in which case they lose one point for cowardice. Take it away, gals, with your picks and rants:

Our picks:

-College Men's BB D1 entry:Texas versus Texas Tech: Texas (don't mess with it.)
-College Men's BB D3 NESCAC-is-the-Best-CAC entry: Tufts University Jumbos (not Jimbos, but at a certain point, does it even matter?) versus the Amherst Lord Jeffs: Amherst
-Super Bowl: Rapistberger versus The Fine and as yet Upstanding Rodgers - total passing yards: Rodgers

Carrie: Basically, what follows is every single sports-related thought I had this week. Jill's responses capture approximately 2 percent of her sports-related thoughts. Thus is the delicate balance of the Jillarie Sports Interest and Knowledge Ratio. You'll note the sheer quantity of links Jill provides as evidence of her legitimacy as a sports commentator. It's all just moving pictures to me.

Does every recruit that signs with UGA get a bulldog puppy? I feel a teensy uncomfortable if so. But? I feel a little bit sad if not.

Jill: Carrie has been seriously bothered about this puppy thing for days. Like equal parts disturbed, curious, and delighted. And I hate to be all Debbie Downer and everything, but this was merely a Signing Day stunt (using Twitter or Skype is so 2009). The puppy owner/recruit, Isaiah Crowell, is the #1-ranked player in the state of Georgia. He and his friend, the awesomely named Cequanti Ford, “hatched the plan Tuesday to add flair to the ever-growing pomp of signing-day announcements. Ford had to smuggle in the puppy -- named Uga, naturally -- to keep the decision a secret.” To date, there have only been eight “official Ugas” in history. But don’t worry, there soon may be auditions for number nine!!! The current Uga was diagnosed with lymphoma on Jan. 7, 2011. I’m going to hell, I know.

Carrie: I watched a little of the Duke-MD game on a break from The Wire* and Miles Plumlee (it might be Mason - which one is the more attractive one? The blonde one is who I mean. The other one is like Dwight's second cousin on The Office. Second as in "additional" not second cousin. I'd give him first cousin amounts of relation to Dwight Shrute) might be the most graceless (or least graceful, you choose, glass half-empty) I have ever seen. Like, I am tall and I know people who are taller and it is hard sometimes to keep all your body parts together and working in the same direction. But isn't a superior amount of coordination and motor skills like a prerequisite for athleticism?

*I am not far enough along to be drinking "The Wire is the BEST SHOW EVER" Kool-Aid. Maybe one day, but so far it just gives me nightmares. Admittedly, in a very high quality way. But it's going to take a teaspoon of CJ and a healthy dollop of Josh Lyman before it even comes close to the running for Best Show Ever.

Jill: Sigh, the blonde ogre is Mason. And he is a ballerina compared to his older bro. I detest the Plumlees, especially Miles. The only thing he seems to have mastered is how to foul. That said, Carrie’s random thought left me confused and perturbed. Am I the only person who thinks that Miles is hotter than Mason? Because I do. In a mentally slow, gentle giant sort of way. Please. Don’t get any ideas. The only way I would hit that is in the fucking face. With my fist.

Carrie: The media is making the biggest fucking deal over Ben Rapistberger taking people out to dinner and like for a minute and a half being a nice guy. I am sort of okay with them taking the good with the bad, but covering this momentary good with the same vigor they covered the like MONSTROSITY bad is not great with me. Also, he took his linebackers out for dinner. He spent $1,000 on drinks for them. Money is money, but that's pocket change. Let's not get ourselves all worked up by his generosity of spirit. Also, can you imagine how over him the people in the piano bar were when he sang "Piano Man”? (I am not sure if that is true, if I even heard that, or if I totally made it up to make this an even more ridiculous story). That's like someone doing "We Didn't Start the Fire" at a fire...if there was karaoke there. Um, you get my point. That guy's a douche. I am really beginning to regret my hypothetical roll in the hay with him last week.

Jill: Carrie is right. While I am a sucker for some good karaoke, Big Ben is just too rapey for me. He has a gray cock. He was quoted as saying he just wanted “Clinton Sex.” He raised a tray of tequila and yelled, “All my bitches, take some shots.” He once asked a pregnant waitress if “her boyfriend forgot to pull out.” He has a food product called Big Ben’s Beef Jerky. He is so disgusting that the Pittsburgh Zoo replaced his image with Mario Lemieux’s. And oh yeah – he rapes women. But, sure, we should totally celebrate that he went and got drunk in public with his friends five days before the Super Bowl.

Carrie: Andy Pettitte is retiring. I am not necessarily a Yankees fan, but I am also not NOT a Yankees fan and I like class acts and I feel like with a nickname like "Dandy Andy,” you're probably pretty classy. Also, Andy looks like a great friend of mine's super great husband, so he's clearly awesome by association. But, here's the thing: Without his positive associations with NY and baseball, now he'll just be another conservative Texas Christian. I like Texas and I like Christians, but . . . you know what I mean. It's not an even trade.

Jill: This is so disappointing, because I really expected him to come back for one more year. Instead, he turned his back during our time of shame and need. Yes, I am bitter. I just can’t believe that I will only see him on a witness stand next season. Roger Clemens and his perjuring abscessed ass stole Andy Pettitte from me. I went to the Rocket’s “last” regular season game in Yankee Stadium back in 2003, only to have him lie, backstab, and sign with Houston a few months later. Here he is, fucking everything up once again. Don’t get me wrong. I love Andy, I have since I was in middle school. He is a super class act. But I do not like Texans or Bible Beaters. I like Yankees. And baseball players. And unfortunately, Andy Pettitte won’t be donning the pinstripes ever again.

I'm with Jill, Miles is hotter than Mason. We begin the fun with our leader, YET AGAIN, The Magnanimous Mr. Monty:

Monty

1. The Steelers are going to win the Super Bowl, and I'm going to head-butt a small child in the grocery store. I hate the Steelers - they are spoiled brats who just keep winning for no reason - and have never really suffered the heartache of having your team just quit playing while up by 30 at the half in the championship game. The Packers are much more interesting, and I WANT them to win, but as the team I want to win never wins the Super Bowl, It's going to be the Steelers.

2. Kentucky is going to win. Man - Donovan goes from having crushingly amazing teams to stunningly awful ones doesn't he?

3. UNC. I'm sad that they're getting better - but it would be way too convenient for Florida State to do our dirty work for us.

4. I hope it's a big win at home for the Gophers too. In fact, I think it's going to be the one. If it is, I might marry it.

5. I'm going to have to go with Xavier. I mean, really... Saint Louis?
What kind of city names it self after a French King who went on the
crusades.

6. No - it couldn't be. I'm not sure if that's the question - so I'm also going to say that I think the Celtics are going to win, even though saying that makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Actually, screw that - it makes me throw up on little old ladies walking their dogs down the street... but it's still going to happen.

Jillarie:

- Um, Texas. Texas Tech wasn't good even with Bob Knight was there and they certainly aren't now.
- I'm going to have to follow Spike's hatred here. From what I understand, Amherst is the home of all the is wrong with the world, and to pick them to win a game would be like picking Sadam Hussein over Kim Jong Il in a game of backgammon.
- Rodgers, definitely going to beat Rapistberger in passing yards.


Marc, aka Mr. Intrigue

I shall be abstaining from the Jillarie this week because its utter horseshit! I dare the other competitors to try and take this one on. And I am very angry for having to take an automatic 1 point deduction!

Thank Jesus Duke won last night. Jesus Christ, lover of Duke basketball. I was in an interesting mood last night. I recently learned of a death in my family and since I don't know how to deal with emotion I just get drunk. And last night was quite a doozy. If Duke had lost I would've exploded into an alcohol filled ball of rage. However, there's no point in playing the "what if," game so lets just say I feel awful right now. Oh Smirnoff and PBR, my downfall.

1. I really, really, really want the Packers to win. The way they've been playing it seems they're unstoppable. But the Steelers, the fucking Steelers, are always prepared and ready to play. However they don't have their center and we saw how that affected them against that other team they played. I have no analytical insight into this game besides that. Packers win.

2. Man this is a tough question. I really wish that Florida player, Tyus I think, didn't shave his predator dreadlocks. Man it must suck to be 22 and nearly bald. He should have just made a dreadlock combover. I once saw a dreadlock mullet in Amsterdam, it was everything I hoped and dreamed. I'm having difficulty with this question because I'm picking Kentucky to win. However, at any point this entire season could be deleted from existence so would that give Florida the win? Whatever, cheaters win on this day.

3. I hate the fact that UNC has apparently learned how to play basketball again. This means FSU will play nothing like they did against Duke and completely shit the bed against those baby blue assholes. The Black Pigeon (Harrison Barnes joke! because he sucks and isn't a falcon) will somehow continue his streak of playing decently. Fuckkkkkkkkk. UNC wins (puke).

4. Ohio State isn't losing at Minnesota, not this day. No one really cares about Big Ten basketball. I didn't even get texts from my Iowa friends about their victory over MSU. I know more about Big Ten wrestling than I know about Big Ten basketball. The facts breakdown like this: 1. Wrestlers are hot but usually short dudes. 2. There's an empty void in my brain where Big Ten Basketball could be. OSU gonna stay undefeated through this game.

5. Mmmm my favorite coach is showing up again. I love reading stories about Rick Majerus. He seems like the type of basketball coach I would want. Any rotund man that whips his penis out on a whim sounds like a great man. However, they aren't beating Xavier. Xavier is usually good? Right? Who knows. It must suck to root for teams that have absolutely no chance at winning the NCAA title. What's the point? Sure you can pick on me for being a Panthers fan, but Clausen really is amazing and was just setting the trap for this year, seriously. The Mousesketeers take it.

6. Don't you remember what I said about the other NBA game? DON'T YOU? The NBA is bullshit because any game is a complete crapshoot. Kevin Garnett annoys me. He's that asshole who picks fights and runs away to let his friends deal with what he started. And Dwight Howard, don't get me started on that sanctimonious slut. He sleeps around, all the time. I would too if I was a seven foot freak of nature, but I would be totally upfront about it like Wilt Chamberlain. Time to go back to letting the music pick for me. Setting my playlist on shuffle. If it lands on The Arcade Fire first, Orlando wins. If it lands on Kanye West first, Boston wins. Here we go! Holy shit its picked ten thousand Andrew Bird songs and nothing else. Finally after two minutes of pressing the next button and realizing how much I hate most of my music: Kanye West - Power. Boston wins.

So there we have it. I'm still mad about the Jillarie. Last week's was ridiculously easy. Couldn't we have kept it like that? I can imagine those smug hussies smirking at their picks this week.


Swetha & Sabreena

BLAKE GRIFFIN'S AN ALL-STAR AND KYRIE'S CAST COMES OFF TODAY! Now, on to the Pick Six...

1. One of my buddies said it best this week: When people ask me what team I'm rooting for in the Super Bowl, I just do the Aaron Rodgers Championship Belt Celebration. (or for that matter, the B.J. Raji belt) Also, we've really enjoyed Lil Wayne's take on Black and Yellow. PACKERS.

2. Don't like Kentucky. Don't like Florida. Wildcats are the better team, though, and they shouldn't lose two in a row. KENTUCKY.

3. Carolina's been lighting it up, especially at home, and they have the inside presence with Zeller and Henson to counteract what Florida State does well. At the risk of sounding too pro-Tar Heel, we'll include this. But still, NORTH CAROLINA.

4. Minnesota's best days seem to be behind them, like when they beat those aforementioned Tar Heels in Puerto Rico. And despite every college basketball analyst denying the existence of any "great" teams this season, the Buckeyes look pretty damn good. It's also really hard to root against teams that do things like this. Besides, it'd be nice karmic retribution if Illinois got to end Ohio State's undefeated streak to pay back for 2005. OHIO STATE.

5. Not a whole lot of intrigue in this matchup. St. Louis sucks. XAVIER.

6. It really seems like the question is whether or not this game could be a preview of the ECF, in which case we say YES, it could be. (Although not now, since Boston's the 1-seed and Orlando is the 5. Mathematically impossible.) But seriously, Boston looks good. With Perkins back, the Celts are in fine form to beat Dwight and Co., especially minus Brandon Bass, and considering they're due after losing to the Magic on Christmas. BOSTON.

We're not going to try to beat the Jillarrie this week, since Texas and Amherst seem like shoo-ins and it's just too damn heartbreaking to root against Aaron Rodgers.


Dylan & Patrick

I tried to talk with my dad several times this week but we never seemed to be able to connect. I always call right before or after lunch and get him but something was different. Finally after too many attempts to count, I got him on the phone and it was obvious something was different. Here's how the conversation went:

CB: Hi dad, geez, been tryin' to reach you for a while whats up?
D: (muttering) Monday afternoon then Tuesday morning check my email, write down notes for the blog, get up and read my stories...
CB:Dad, its me. You OK?
D: Oh yea, sorry. Kinda been distracted, my schedule is off, I can't seem to find anything or do anything all week.
CB: Rough week at work? When did this start?
D: Last Friday, no Thursday afternoon.
CB: Well what happened?
D: Well you know I like things my way. I have my beer at 5 pm, watch the news at 10, get up in the morning and read my blogs on the google, look at some of those duck videos I found, then you call around lunch time and we chat for awhile...
CB: Yea, I figured something was up, when you hadn't answered for a bit. what happened?
D: Well Shane wrote me to ask me if it was OK to change things a bit and do the Pick 6 on Saturday instead of Friday LIKE ALWAYS! I mean its his blog and stuff but I was going to tell him I didn't think it was such a good idea. I forgot about it and then spent all day Friday looking for the Seth Curry saves Duke post about the pick six. You know Shane writes that, right?
CB: ahhh, yea dad, I do...
D: Well I waited all day for it. Checked his website, checked the google, checked his site, then the google. Finally he posted about Duke which was great but no pick six. My whole schedule is off. You know I spend every Friday afternoon graphing the different team picks into my excel spreadsheet and start to figure out the odds on where we will finish and stuff. That's how i knew Marc was cheating by copying our picks. It was right there in the spreadsheet cells. I even...
CB: Dad, he did post them on Saturday...
D: Yea I know but Saturday is when I have my coffee and read my blogs and go grocery shopping and well, I just was so discombobulated, I'm not sure I even remember what we said for our picks.
CB: Yeah, well, we didnt do so great last week.
D: SEE! It's because Shane messed everything up. This is not my fault.
CB: Nobody said it was your fault dad, just had a bad week. We'll come back.
D: Yea but I'm gonna write to Shane and tell him no more screwing around with the pick six. Hows a guy supposed to concentrate on picking if he keeps changing things around?

Hopefully no more issues with the Pick 6 for the last few weeks.

1) For the Obvious Bowl, the choice too is obvious, it must be Green Bay – to excise the ghost of idiot past (Bret Favre), to prevent the ascension of idiot present (Ben ruthless- berger) and to cement the glory of QB future (Aaron Rogers). This is a delicate pick, resting on perfect alignment of the stars and planets and with all those astrology changes last month, the heavens are in an uproar. Of course not quite as big an uproar as Bret Favre’s cell phone sexting bills… For the bonus point, Ben Rothlesberger is the only player who should have been arrested so we will go with the Dallas Police finding him in a strip joint covered in cocaine and lap dances…

2) Florida, at home is on an upswing. Kentucky, on the road, is on a downer, Cal comes up short again and Florida wins

3) We think the Dean Dome will provide the needed spark for UNC to play up to their potential against Florida State.

4) Ohio State will not lose their undefeated streak against a bunch of gophers. OSU in a walk…

5) Lets get a couple of things straight from the get go – WTF is a Billiken and why is he a St. Louis Mascot. We thought that job belonged to Tony La Russa. As a matter of fact, that picture provided sort of looks like Tony La Russa, except for the pointed ears. That looks like Dr. Spock, but we digress. Of course Xavier can’t strut the stuff on their own mascot, who looks like the kind of Musketeer who would appear in the annual San Francisco Halloween parade (if you catch our meaning) Of course they also have the Blue Blob which could be the official mascot of the new Shane Moody Blues Facebook site (join today!) We figure 2 mascots beat one any day so Xavier it is…

6) By Sunday, Orlando will be tired of living out of a suitcase and lookin’ for some home cookin’. They won’t get it in Boston as long as the northeast does not get ANOTHER blizzard! Celtics in a romp…


Nick E.

Sorry pals, work has been a bitch recently.

PACKERS, KENTUCKY, FLORIDA ST, OHIO ST, XAVIER, BOSTON

and TEXAS, TUFTS, RODGERS


Spike

Pack (mike wallace), fl, unc, osu, stl, bos

Texas, tufts, rodge

*********************************
See you all tomorrow.

Duke Wins! The Tape-Delay Blog

(Hell of a win, gang. HELL of a win. Because I have an early morning appointment today, and because I haven't done it in a while, it's the world famous tape-delay blog. All these thoughts were written as the game went down, and aside from minor spelling and grammar corrections and the occasional edit to make myself more hilarious, what I typed is what you get. If you make it through the whole thing, God bless. There's some awesome Icelandic humor you won't want to miss.

We pick it up two minutes in. Entries are stamped by time remaining in the half. This whole post is dedicated to NastyEmu, the only Maryland fan in the world who reads this blog. Nothing I say about the Terps is directed at you, sir. You're only guilty by association. But then again...isn't that the worst guilt of all?)


18:00: I’m here, computer is set up, and Duke is down 4-2. We’ve had our first total BS charge call on Duke already on a Nolan drive. That was preceded by a disgusting Mason dunk that was called off for a shot-clock violation, and THAT was preceded by a great post move by the Mase.

17:20: Great reverse lay-up by Singler to tie it at 4. This place is buzzing like crazy. We will not be getting any calls, to say the least.

16:45: Foul-line jumper for Singler, who is starting strong. 10 more points until he passes Danny Ferry on the Duke scoring list. More like Danny Fairy, am I right? (Oh shit he played for us my bad.)

16:30: Stupid overplay by Mason leads to a foul on Kelly and a near-fight between he and Jordan Williams.

16:32: Williams nails both. My living room smells like the hyacinth my girlfriend has in a vase right behind my head, and hyacinth, at least to me, smells like burning plastic.

16:00: NOLAN FOR 3! The crowd wanted a travel on Mason. Nolan’s shot came right after Miles Plumlee literally shot the ball into the side of the backboard from point blank range. That goes in the highlight reel. He had no idea where he was on the court.

15:20: An airball by Miles is generously called a “pass” by Dan Shulman. That’s one airball, one stuff by a backboard if you’re keeping track at home. He’s going for the quintuple-asshole-double (hitting himself in the balls with a pass, tripping into Coach K, and vomiting on Jordan Williams are the three he has left). Mason puts it home, tv timeout.

14:59: Maybe I’m wrong about the calls. Jordan Williams gets bumped under the basket and it’s called a travel. 11-8 Duke.

14:04: My friend Marion just g-chatted me. She teaches in Baltimore and won’t be able to go to school tomorrow if Duke loses. I know exactly how she feels. The only thing worse than taking shit about your team losing is taking shit from kids. My own brothers make it their business to call me immediately after every Duke/Yankee/Giant loss. I personally don’t think kids should be allowed. Period.

13:26: Great block by Tucker on Seth Curry. Bowie takes it in transition and draws a foul.

12:49: Jordan Williams gets position on Mason to give Maryland their first lead of the day. The place is going batshit. I hate this.

12:30: But Nolan is on a mission. The memory of his Dave Neal-induced concussion and the rabid response of the Terp fans can’t be far from his mind. You know he wants to win his last game ever in this hell-hole.

12:25: Some Icelandic dude is coming in for Maryland. This calls for some seriously bad Icelandic jokes. Gee, I hope the guy doesn’t in wearing SKATES!

12:12: Jordan Williams has opened Mason Plumlee’s lunch, and he’s eyeing it ravenously. I think he wants to eat it, guys.

12:00: Brilliant turn-around by Singler. Patchet gets a put-back on the other end. Double dribble by Thornton, and we’re at the second media timeout with the Terps up 16-15. The battle is underway.

11:20: So far, it’s going as you might expect. Maryland is cleaning up underneath with almost no opposition from the Plumlees, but the superior Duke guards are keeping things close. Not much in the way of 3-point attempts from either team. Maryland has tried a little fullcourt pressure, but not to the extent that St. John’s slowed us down.

11:20: Jill’s take is that our guys look scared. I half agree, but I think Nolan and Kyle are here to play. Seth looks tentative after the opening block, and I was surprised to see Dawkins pass up the open 3 earlier.

11:20: I’m in this terrible pattern of eating salty things, drinking gallons of water and ice tea, and peeing all night. Thought you guys should know.

10:55: SINGLER FOR 3! The hush you hear from the Maryland crowd after every big shot is amazing.

10:34: Maryland takes and misses their first 3. Shulman with a big understatement pointing out that the 3 is not a big part of their arsenal.

10:00: Here’s the thing about the fadeaway Mason just made via a lucky roll: it will lead a terrible shot later. What’s the opposite of a blessing in disguise? A false positive? Can that be his new nickname?

9:00: Hell of a take by Nolan ends in a miss, but he somehow gets the loose ball in a scrum and converts the put-back with harm. Duke up 22-16. Loving the toughness so far.

8:50: Nolan converts. I will fight anyone who doesn’t mention him in player of the year conversations. In any sport. Maryland is shooting very poorly right now. 5-15 for them, 9-18 for us. But an emphatic dunk by Gregory (no rotation from Miles) helps that situation. Crowd back into it.

7:54: Miles draws the foul, media timeout. 23-18 good guys.

7:54: 9-8 Duke in rebounds. Mason ‘can’t-miss’ Plumlee is 3-3 from the field. By my informal tally, approximately every single one of Maryland’s points are in the paint. Singler and Smith are trailing Maryland 17-18.

7:50: Mason smartly abstains from the attempted dunk and gets another 2. Incredible. He’s actually tied in points with Jordan Williams right now. And he’s killing Gary.

7:31: Crap balls. Nolan with his second foul and he’s on the bench, and that’s 3 fouls on Kelly. Terps in the bonus, Kelly on the bench.

7:24: Hate to say it, but I think Thornton needs to be out of the game. The press gets him to turn it over and then kick it, and this after a double dribble earlier. Apropos of nothing I hate how Bowie’s name is pronounced Boo-ey. Come on!

7:00: Wow, GORGEOUS assist from Miles to Seth Curry for the 3. A seriously great look. And a really suspect goaltending call on Miles follows.

6:36: And THE THORN nails it! Duke by ten! Keep him in the game forever!

6:05: Great defensive sequence from Duke. This is looking really good, guys. Really fucking good.

5:55: Bullshit charge call on Singler. I hate that garbage. When a player takes off, you can’t come and take his landing spot. A MAN IS ALLOWED TO LAND!

5:40: Yikes, Thornton is very suspect on the press. A timeout bails him out of another turnover.

5:40: Footage of last year’s court storming by the Terps has got me pissed off and worried all over again.

5:30: SETH CURRY HAS BALLS THE SIZE OF PLANETS! ONE IS PLUTO, THE OTHER IS JUPITER! THEY’RE VERY UNEVEN BALLS! IT’S A THREE! AND HE'S FALLING OVER AS HE RUNS DOWN THE COURT BECAUSE OF HIS BALLS!

5:00: Wow. Mason draws a foul while backing down. This is, dare I say, a very strong offensive game for him.

5:00: Ugh. Terp fans have shirts that say “Garyland.” Gag me. Or better yet, gag them. With a DU(coach)KE shirt.

4:59: Mason emphatically blocks an offensive board out of bounds, but Miles made 1 of 2 so let’s just take it, shall we?

4:26: I was ready to jump out the window in alarm at a clearly fake world if Mason made that bank shot.

4:10: DAWK FOR 3! WE ARE RUNNING THESE MOTHERFUCKERS OFF THE COURT! 15-POINT LEAD! 38-23 LEAD!

4:10: Did anybody else read all of Seth Davis’ tweets after the St. John’s loss? It was like he was going out of his way to say how much Duke sucked. One tweet was like “it’s generous to call Duke barely above average.” I hope he’s watching this. The overreaction to the St. John’s is the best part of this impending blowout.

3:32: Wow, two chances for Dawkins to really explode this thing wide open, but he comes up empty from 3. Foul on Mason, media timeout.

3:32: But the second Dawkins attempt was set up by another great Miles Plumlee pass. These guys are playing like heroes today. Easily the best combined Plumlee effort to date, despite Miles’ early blunders.

3:07: Terrible hold by Miles and then Bowie with a pretty reverse. Finish strong, Duke. Crowd trying to be noisy.

2:25: Holy shit, Miles with a pretty bank shot. What?

2:16: Spike just g-chatted me: Miles sucks. Awful. My response: SAY WHAT? HEY SPIKE, THIS IS THE BANK CALLING. WE JUST APPROVED MILES’ CREDIT. HE WANTED US TO TELL YOU.

2:00: Great job by the Duke bench to hold and expand the lead so Nolan and Ryan can stay on the bench.

1:51: Great call on the push-off by Jordan Williams, even though he complained like crazy about it. He shoved Mason in the back.

1:45: Kyrie’s cast set to come off tomorrow!

1:39: Bilas: “That’s the most famous toe since Sargent Hukka.” Or something. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I didn’t realize behaving like a 90-year-old curmudgeon actually infused you with a 90-year-olds references.

1:39: I will never understand how officials can get together to determine an out-of-bounds call and delay the game. Make the fucking call.

1:29: 12-point lead. I would love to not see this get any closer.

1:15: God why will we never press our fucking advantage! There’s no rule that we have to wait for the defense to get set, guys.

43.1: Phantom foul on Padgett opens up the 3-point play possibility. Worst case scenario for an end to the half. 15 point lead is down to 9.

30.0: Text from stepfather Tom: “RUN THE fUCKING COURT.” Agreed.

9.1: Beautiful pass from Nolan to Mason. The big man can’t finish, and he’s to the line for 2. Maryland fans are bitching as usual, replay inconclusive. Mason misses the first. And the second

2.4: And Tucker scores to end the half.

HALFTIME: 40-33 Duke. Awful, shitty, crappy last few minutes. I’ll take the 7-point lead, but we could have destroyed their spirit. All the momentum is theirs.

HALFTIME: Still, I say we run them off the floor second half. The Plumlees are playing with spirit, and Nolan is back. We’re a much better team.

HALFTIME: Anyone else notice that Singler has basically no chance to score without Nolan on the floor? He absolutely needs a decent point guard presence to get his shots.

HALFTIME: Weird game from the Plumlees so far. A lot of positives offensively from both, but a lot of the usual idiotic mistakes too. Mason is pathologically unable not to go for passes or rebounds he has no chance at. Neither of them can resist fouling a guy about to make an easy lay-up. But some great Zoubekian kick-out passes from Miles and a bit of scoring prowess from Mason. Surprising to say the least.

HALFTIME: Gary, in his interview, said Maryland is struggling too much on the boards. But it’s about even. Duke has a 1-board lead in both offensive and overall boards. But I guess that’s a loss for Maryland, considering they’re supposed to have the far superior big man.

HALFTIME: Duke is shooting 50% from the floor and 3. Maryland 0-3 from distance and 38.5% from the floor.

HALFTIME: By the way, if I can brag for a second, I’m meeting Jon Lee Anderson today. He’s my favorite journalist, a reporter from The New Yorker who travels anywhere on the globe where there’s conflict or tyranny and tells the story. He’s been doing it for 30 years, and he’s incredible. He once beat up a Taliban guy for stealing his coke, or so the story goes. And he writes like a genius.

It’s going to be great, except: after I responded to the global studies faculty, they asked me if I wanted to go to breakfast with him and a couple faculty members. I said yes, definitely. Well, time went on, and for whatever reason the other faculty backed out.

So now it’s just me and Jon Lee Anderson, 8:15am, breakfast. He’s the kind of dude who makes me feel like I have accomplished exactly nothing, while he’s out in the world discovering where Che Guevara is buried (seriously, he did that; he’s unbelievable). What the hell am I possibly going to say to him? Seriously, the whole breakfast depends on him being nice. Once he discovers that I’m about 10% as smart as he is, and about 3% as ballsy, I’m totally dependent on his mercy. PLEASE BE NICE, JON LEE ANDERSON.

HALFTIME: Seriously, I can’t even think of the fact that I’m eating breakfast with Jon Lee Anderson without coming close to puking.

HALFTIME: Anywhoo, ESPN just interviewed some Maryland students. They all hate Duke, but some were surprisingly self-deprecating. I don’t like when other people humanize the enemy. Please stop, television.

19:48: Steal for Miles! Let’s go boys.

19:17: Hey, Duke actually runs the court, and what do you know…NOLAN FOR 3!

18:53: Maryland really can’t shoot.

18:41: This Jeanine Edwards woman is rocking some really 80s hair. And by that, I don’t mean 80s mall hair, but the 80s hair you see in women who stay mostly in their house and come out in parkas to complain about snow plows pushing snow into their driveway. The kicker? The 80s hair for those women is exactly the same as now.

18:00: Nolan hits a ridiculous step-back J and then casually indicates his wrist to the ref. This is a man in control of his surroundings.

17:50: MY GOD, MILES, STOP WITH THE STUPID FUCKING FOULS.

17:23: Sean says “why don’t we play 4 guards with Singler?” Again, I kinda half agree. They both keep making dumb mistakes, but their presence hasn’t been totally awful. Just kinda awful.

16:45: Gorgeous floating J from Singler with tons of arc. An aesthetic delight.

16:42: Jill calls Miles “a flying fucking super ogre.” Sean says: “i wonder if they've ever scored more points than they’ve given up (through fouls or goal tends).” Strong observations both.

16:42: I’m in a business reporting class now, but we still haven’t learned what a 10-year lipper average.

16:42: Man, I don’t like these bitchy Miller Lite bartender girls. They think they’re so smart. In real life someone would call them a name, and then some macho bar dumbass who thinks he’s going to get laid and pretends to have a sensitive side would defend her honor and an unnecessary fight would ensue. That’s what ACTUALLY happens when women in bars are mean, Miller Lite, you irresponsible fucks.

16:11: What a piece of shit call. Foul on Nolan, his third.

15:58: The refs are basically blowing their whistle indiscriminately now. They’re just assuming fouls are happening and then pulling numbers out of a hate. TV timeout. Duke winning by 13.

15:58: 3 fouls each on Smith, Singler, Kelly, and Miles Plumlee. Look, I can live without the first three, but don’t take Miles from us. Don’t do it, zebras.

15:58: I mean, you can’t even look up the lyrics to “O, Canada” without like a million pop-ups anymore.

15:20: Huge dunk by Gregory and he puts both hands up like a gymnast who stuck a landing.

14:53: 10-point game. It’s annoying to me that we’re not putting them away.

14:33: Wow. Another great foul-line J from Singler. He just passed Danny the Fairy. DIS!

14:00: First three from the Terperoos.

13:50: AND OH WHAT ANSWER FROM THE SING! BOOM RADELY, BABY! THE TREY BALL!

13:15: Wait, wasn’t I supposed to make a bunch of Iceland jokes? Wasn’t that a thing? What happened to that guy? I have some great shit about their economic collapse.

12:59: And he hits a curl-around J from the wing. Singler is officially hot. At 7-11, this is his first true great (or even good) shooting night from Singler in a while?

12:34: Iceland guy hits a three, FUCK. I hope he’s not Reykjavik-torious tonight.

12:20: Maryland, your silence is named SINGLER!

11:19: Unbelievable. The Icelandic dude just totally sold out trying to save a ball going out of bounds, but the ref didn’t take the hint and gave it to the Terps. I’m starting to think home field advantage is entirely about how the home crowd influences the refs. TV timeout. Duke by 11.

11:19: Pushing this lead to 15 by the 8-minute timeout would be just spectacular. It’s realistic, and the crowd won’t start to hum for real until about that point. Get it to 15, and they might stay quiet the whole time.

11:19: Sorry, America, I’m not buying the Time Warner cable guy with the hat. I know he’s supposed to be like an everyman or something, but I’m just not on board with him. I don’t think I like him at all.

11:19: Hey, look, there’s the football coach Maryland hired because they’re huge fucking cowards and missed out on Mike Leach!

11:00: Please stop showing me this blockhead asshole talking about Maryland football recruiting during the game, please, for fuck’s sake, ESPN. WHO CARES?!

10:24: Maryland within 7, and it’s Randy Edsall’s fault. Timeout Duke.

10:24: Somebody will have to explain to me the appeal of getting into the college football recruiting scene. I know a lot of people love it, and I know I love sports, but I cannot understand it for the life of me.

9:59: Ill-advised drive by Thornton.

9:55: Oh my, extremely brave and probably wrong call on the charge by the ref. Maryland is pi-isssed!

9:30: We’ve gone cold. This is worrisome. Big defensive sequence here. But Jordan Williams converts, and it’s a 5-point game. Maryland needs to get him the ball every single time.

8:46: Shit, Nolan can’t finish on a great spin move. Here comes the crowd. Not gonna cry, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…

8:31: Huge miss by Maryland. And the replay shows Jordan Williams was flexing his muscle on the last basket. He is from Maryland after all!

8:26: OHHH MASON! HUGE SLAM! SOMEONE HIT A THREE PLEASE!

7:54: Curry fouled on the drive. 8-minute timeout, and it’s still 7 points.

7:54: Replay shows the unbelievable Mason dunk. I’m just glad he made it. Good lord.

7:54: Jill correctly points out that the refs are completely incompetent. For both sides, probably, but just all around poor.

7:54: Sportscenter promo: “Urban Meyer’s advice for Big Ben.” I fell asleep halfway through that sentence. Football is so unbearable when it’s not in season. And the two weeks before the Super Bowl are practically offseason. We’re like 5 days away from a miserable off-season of boring transaction shit. Why is that stuff so much more interesting in baseball? Is it because nobody ever shuts up about the NFL, even in June?

7:47: Surprise foul shot miss by Singler.

7:30: DAWKINS ON THE TREY!!!!! Shulman could not be less excited.

7:13: Tucker with a Singler-esque back-up jumper. 8 points is the lead.

6:37: THE DAWK-TER IS IN! OH BABY! TREY CITY! Shulman says “you can’t leave him!” almost angrily. A career of sitting next to Dickie V. has clearly made him hate Duke.

6:00: Seth misses a huge one on a nice kick-out by Nolan. He was wide open.

5:57: Tucker misses two big foul shots. This one’s getting closer to over. One big bucket would really put a knife in them.

5:35: Beautiful drive by Nolan. Quick, slashing, scooping lay-in. That’s 12 points. Timeout Maryland.

5:35: Bilas looks like a cadaver. He looks like a man who just learned he lost 32% of his 401k fund.

5:35: God, Dave Neal is such an asshole. They just showed the fucking screen again, and how he pumped his fist while our man lay on the ground. Nolan is getting his revenge tonight, baby.

5:18: Gary Williams has a handwritten letter from John Wooden and he didn’t expect to even get that but SNORRRREEEEEEEE. Wooden's a prig and Williams is a pedophile. End of story. You can thank me later, Bilas.

4:55: Curry with a huge long two, and a great rebound on the other end! Lead back to 12, and now he’s on the line. Big time, baby. I love what I’ve seen from he and Dawk tonight, though I’m surprised they weren’t more involved in the first part of the second half. And shit, he just missed the front end of the 1-and-1.

4:10: Wow, what a finish by Stoeglin. Or someone. I don't care to look that name up. 10 points. 68-58.

3:50: Nolan fouled, he’s to the line. TV timeout. I can almost taste it. Maryland is going down. There’s a sheep driving a car on tv, and Maryland is going to lose.

3:50: Jonny, from the Moody Blues facebook page: “Maryland fans look like the fans from old video games when they couldn't animate the crowd - bitches just standing there stationary like.”

3:42: Nolan hits both, and it’s a 12-point lead. Miss by Maryland, and we’re 1 basket away from over. Stall for Duke…

2:56: AND DIRTY MASON WITH THE SLAM FOLLOW! GAME! THE GAME IS OVER ON A MASON PLUMLEE DRUNK! OF ALL THE STORY LINES, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, OF ALL THE GREAT SPORTS STORIES IN THE HISTORY OF THIS SWEET, BEAUTIFUL WORLD, MASON PLUMLEE HAS JUST TOPPED THEM ALL! IT IS SILENT IN COLLEGE PARK, AND SOMEWHERE THE CRAZIES ARE ROARING! (pant, pant)

2:40: Mason dominates inside on a block, Duke ball. Victory laps!

2:15: The half-hearted humming from Maryland is great. Nolan drops in another lay-up. He has 19 right now, which is exactly what I picked for the hot potato. Start passing, Nolan, you have nothing to prove. Let’s get the kids involved!

2:01: The Iceland guy is back. Hey, I heard when games are over, this guy goes out on dates...with a seal! A SEAL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! (takes long, satisfied sip of whiskey on the rocks) But seriously, it's a shame what's happening to these seals. Take a minute and donate, won't you? (applause)

1:23: Nolan dishes to Singler right at the shot clock! 16-point lead. Maryland fading! HEY GUYS GET READY TO CHARGE THE COURT ANYWAY SCREW THESE GUYS WHO SAYS WE CAN’T?

38.2: Oh God they fouled Nolan Smith after an offensive board. Hot Potato probably gone. It’s been that kind of Hot Potato year. But I’ll take it. Nolan nails both, and time is winding down.

38.2: SH&$ F&*% BAL#$ Adding this retroactively when I realized my girlfriend took 21 in the Hot Potato. Right after she shit-talked about leading me. Where's the justice!?

30.0: 78-62 after a Bowie lay-in. Dawkins fouled. Come on, Maryland, lose with class. Oh wait, you’re Maryland.

28.4: Two for Dawk. He’s back in double digits for the first time in a while. Awesome.

GAME: 80-62. Coach K is patting people on the chest. Nolan is smiling. And the cretins are heading for the exit with their tail between their legs. Great game, great rebound win, and screw Maryland for the rest of the season. Time to start gearing up for UNC and Kim Jong-Heel.

Oh, and YESSSSSSSSSSS OH GOD YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! VICTORRRRYYYYYYY!!!!

The Day is Nigh

Hell's Bells, I am jacked. 9pm. 9pm until all the mercy in the world shrinks into shadow and the Dukies ride that river boat through the fiery gates. The College Park demons are ready. We're ready. It's holy war. We're going to Hades, baby, and we need to come out winners. I'll take any kind of victory. Blow-out, dramatic, Pyrrhic. It's all the same in the hardcourt jungle.


Because like it or not, UNC has made its case. They just scored 100 points in a road ACC game. Sure, BC is struggling, but they're still upper tier in the conference. And I don't need to remind you that even winning on the road in this conference is hard. Scoring 100 and winning by 32?

Gulp.

Henson and Zeller are two of the league's best big men. They were always going to give Duke fits. Barnes, who has scored 26 and 25 his last two games, was never going to stay below average. We knew from Ken Pomeroy that their defense is not just good, but elite. We knew Roy made the proper decision by replacing Drew with Marshall at point. But I personally took solace in the fact that supposedly they couldn't shoot threes. It was the glaring error that would doom them and keep true greatness at bay. Well, last night that went out the window too, to the tune of 11-21. It was a massacre, by far the most impressive win by any team in the ACC this season. And, I have to admit, it was good basketball. It was fun to watch.

Here's the reality: at 6-1 in conference, they are a legitimate threat to win the regular season title. If Duke loses tonight- and please prepare yourselves for this, because it's not pleasant- UNC becomes the favorite.

They've won 9 of 10. They seem like a fairly complete team. Even the attitude of the faithful is starting to change. I got a haircut yesterday, and the barber (a big Carolina fan) worried that they were about to lose 3 games in a row (BC, FSU, Duke). I told him that was highly unlikely, but he wouldn't budge. In class the day before, a couple students who follow the team obsessively scoffed when I suggested that Carolina might have a shot at the ACC title. Before last night, the fan base didn't quite believe. The memory of last year was too fresh, and the cynicism they brought with them this year was fueled by a rough start.

After last night, the cynicism is gone. UNC is back, and so is their swagger. The fans will start to believe again. Sunday's game against FSU will be a 10-point win. They might even be a top 10 team by the end of the season. That wouldn't surprise me a bit.

I know this is sounding like pure bad news. But the formula for the good guys is simple: win tonight, blow out N.C State this weekend, then beat Carolina in Cameron on Wednesday. That gives us a 1-game edge in conference with a pretty favorable schedule ahead of the season finale at the Dean Dome (the only obvious obstacle is 2/26 at Virginia Tech).

But make no mistake; these next few games are very, very important. If we go down in the lion's den tonight, the whole tenor of the season changes. After the St. John's game a lot of analysts and opposing fans thought they saw Duke exposed. I personally think it was a giant overreaction to a very unfortunate game, but a loss tonight would show that I'm wrong. The last thing you want is for the players themselves to lose confidence, but dropping two in a row to inferior teams could easily start the process.

It all begins tonight, and Maryland will be ready. They're coming off three straight wins, including a fairly impressive one at Georgia Tech. Jordan Williams could get 30 against the Plumlees. The entire team plays excellent defense, 2nd best in the country in overall efficiency (just behind the Texas juggernaut and ahead of Florida State). They have four guys who are capable of hitting threes and who, let's be honest with ourselves, probably will hit threes at home against Duke.

Vegas has Duke as a 3-point favorite, and Pomeroy taps us at 1. As I mentioned yesterday, our record in the past 5 games at Maryland is 5-5. Most of the time, our ranking was higher. The point of all this is basic: for such an important, potentially season-defining game, the larger world expects a crapshoot.

SO IF YOU'RE NOT JUMPING OUT OF YOUR SKIN, MOODY BLUES, GET THERE.

We need fight songs. This team lacks fight songs. America lacks fight songs. With fight songs, we will destroy Maryland. I'm stealing from soccer, life, old twitter posts, and my own imagination. Vamos:

(Tune: "The Battle Hymn of the Republic")

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the rippling of the twine
It has fluttered like the leaves upon the honeysuckle vine
From the grace of Nolan's jumper you would guess that he's divine
Your team is fucking screwed!
Glory Glory to old Nolan
Glory Glory to old Nolan
Glory Glory to old Nolan
The Terps are fucking screwed!

(Tune: "When Johnny Comes Marching Home")

When Kyle Singler's on the wing, a three! A three!
When Kyle Singler's on the wing, a three! A three!
When Kyle Singler's on the wing
The Turtle-Doves will fucking sing:
"Oh. Dear. God. It's. Another three for Duke."

(Tune: "Dixie")

He came down south as a transfer shooter
Seth Curry, the turtle tutor
Go to hell, Go to hell, Go to hell, Terrapins!
While College Park is scared and fretting
Curry's hot but Gary's sweating
Go to hell, Go to hell, Go to hell, Terrapins!

(Tune: "Do Your Ears Hang Low?")

Do you Terps play D?
Are you ever out to sea?
Can you get out on the three?
Can you stop a shooting spree?
If you ever leave the Dawk
for the baseline or the block
Then you're fucked, whoopee!

(Tune: "White Wedding" by Billy Idol)

Hey College Parkers, would you like a friend?
Hey College Parkers, he'll stay 'til the end
Hey College Parkers, don't try to defend
Hey College Parkers, watch the man ascend
Hey College Parkers....three ball!

IT'S A NICE DAY TO PLAY SOME BALL
IT'S A NICE DAY FOR A WHITE RAVEN
IT'S A NICE DAY TO PLAY SOME BALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!

By the way, the Hot Potato is: Nolan Smith. Make your picks by 9pm. Here are the current standings...Carrie is just killing this game:


Make no mistake, Moody Blues: These are our rivals. There will be times in your life when you should act like gentlemen and gentlewomen. THIS AIN'T ONE OF THEM. Get loud, get proud, fuck the Terps, Duke forever.

The Tuesday Smorg

Everybody who's anybody knows that Smorg means Smorgasboard, right? It's like when people say 'smh' on facebook and I comment and am like 'hey man, I get it...so much hate. I get what you're saying with your abbreviation. What are you up to later? Wanna hit the drugstore and see if the soda jerk can pour us a cold orange crush? Maybe we can get a song on the jukebox if the greasers aren't around."

Totally unrelated: why doesn't anybody ever respond on facebook anymore?

Today we're going to be largely focused on ACC basketball. In response to Maryland's Beat Duke Week, It's FMW here at Seth Curry Saves Duke!, with the M standing for Maryland and the W for Week. One of the sad realities here at J-School is that one of the other students happens to be a Maryland grad. That's bad enough, but making it worse is that he's a good guy, a Brooklyn native and a Yankee fan, and happens to be one of my best friends here. So far we've been able to exchange light-hearted jests about the rivalry and leave it at that, but last night he sent me a g-chat:

josh: whoa duke md this week!
me: fuck yes
josh: we must watch

Luckily he had to leave to catch a bus right after, and I wasn't forced to respond. Because: does he know what he's getting into?? I mean, he should. We watched the Yankees throughout the playoffs together, and he had a front row seat to my emotional "variability" in situations of high stress. He knows I'm fully capable of saying a 20-word sentence without a single non-expletive. And he wants to watch a game with me where we're rooting for different teams?

Still, I'm kind of considering it. But we'll have to watch it at his place, because I know that if Duke loses I will stomp out of his house with the most mumbled goodbye imaginable.

I get a kick out of Maryland fans, though. They're all geared up for this game, but you barely heard a peep from them the first time around. They just assume they're going to lose at Cameron. Against Maryland, Duke is 8-2 in the last 10 games in Cameron, and 5-5 at College Park. So the Terps' brilliant psychological move is to put all their eggs in the home basket. And somehow, I think Duke fans go along with it. If we lose either game, it's horrible, but Maryland gets a free pass at Cameron. If they win, total bonus, but if they lose, no big deal- the home game is all that matters.

Bullshit, Maryland! That's not how things work! The best you can do this year is get a split. All the momentum is on OUR side! Why is nobody listening?!?!

Speaking of having your cake and eating it too, one of the must brutal cheers I've ever heard happened at the UNC-N.C. State game last weekend. It's pretty obvious from the get-go that these teams really hate each other. State has the salt-of-the-earth thing going, and a nice inferiority complex to boot. They're the redneck neighbor with a satellite dish who just know the snooty folks across the way look down on them. And the snooty folks, UNC, pretend not to care, but they take a secret satisfaction in thinking they're better than the redneck neighbor, and get a little thrill telling friends that the old cars in the redneck yard are a total eyesore. The rednecks hate that the snobs act above them ("we matter!"), and the snobs hate that the rednecks are an occasional thorn in their side ("we're better!"). It's a really unhealthy relationship.

I get the sense that at the end of the day, NC State is pretty glad to be themselves, though they'll always have a hatred of UNC and wish they mattered a bit more. UNC, on the other hand, has at least a little Duke envy going on. To continue the metaphor, it's like the snob neighbors keeping one eye on the other rich family farther down the street, trying to become more like them and beat them at the same time. And the relationship is similar in reverse, except the other rich family is from out of town and maddeningly aloof.

So, with all this in mind, UNC's devastating chant at the end of the State game, up 20, was this: "Not our Ri-val! (Clap Clap ClapClapClap) Not our Ri-val!"

You could throw in 18 swear words and a punch in the face, and that chant could not be any more personal. Just perfect, in a really evil classist way.

Hey, here's something weird: in the immediate aftermath of Duke's disastrous three-point shooting fiasco against St. John's, I went about 1-12 from three in an intramural game. It was unbelievable. Do you think Duke cursed me? I've been pretty sick for about ten days now (actual days: four), so that might have had something to do with it, but I like to think I'm so tied in with the team that I go on sympathy slumps. Let me tell you, it sucked. I'm not a great shooter by any means, but I'm usually pretty good. However, no matter how well I'm shooting I don't typically attempt 12 threes in a game. That's absurd.

But it got in my head. I missed a few early on, and it became a matter of pride. The other team kept leaving me wide open (and why wouldn't they?), and even though I felt the temptation to pass off, I tried to shrug off the lack of confidence. "You're a shooter," I told myself. "You're going to get hot." But things went from bad to worse, and I wasn't really ready to admit that to myself. Long story short, we lost by 5. It's basically the only game I can remember actually losing for my team. I've played poorly before, don't get me wrong, but the combination of playing so poorly and selfishly that my team loses is something new altogether.

That, combined with my general negativity after St. John's, has led me to an epiphany: I need to be a nicer fan. Particularly to the Plumlees. They are who they are, and I'm not going to change them, so I should start to be more encouraging. But it's going to be tough. I have a long and illustrious history of hating them. So it's time for one last negative hurrah. Indulge me while I smoke my last metaphorical pack of Plumlee hating cigarettes before quitting cold turkey.

Ten Things the Plumlees Did This Summer Instead of Improving

1. Had day-long cheese-eatin' contests with their friends in Indiana.

2. Courted

3. Drank too much soda and got hyper

4. Climbed a tree, got way high up, and got so scared a fireman had to get him down (Mason)

5. Bet all his nickels on bullfrog races (Miles)

6. Caught crawdads down by the crick and scared girls with them.

7. Learned a valuable lesson from their father about lying to the mailman (They said it wasn't their dog that bit him. They were just trying to protect the dog. But that doesn't make lying okay.)

8. Discovered some shady polluting tactics by the local saw mill while playing in the culverts. "You're good boys," said the judge later, and their dad bought them some penny candy and mussed their hair playfully.

9. Said "aw, mom!" when she tried to comb their hair before church.

10. Had a brief stint in LA where they perfected their new sitcom, "Plainlee Plumlee."

Man, I'm so glad I got that out of my system.

Okay, time to make fun of UNC: have you guys seen DaggumRoy? It's a fake Roy Williams twitter account, and it's so funny it makes me want to cry. It's written in this weird southern dialect. Here was the tweet that slayed me, right after Harrison Barnes' game-winning three against Miami:

See the gamewonner I drawed up? Kender, get caught mid-air, wiggle, throw er in corner. Feller'll fall down, Harrson a burra 3. Coachin!less than a minute ago via EchofonDaggum Roy
DaggumRoy

I highly recommend a follow.

One more day until Duke-Maryland, and tonight there's a nice appetizer with UNC at Boston College. A great test for the resurgent Heels against a team that can shoot the lights out on a good night. A road win here and I think you have to consider Carolina a legitimate threat to contend for the ACC regular season title, their woeful 3-point shooting notwithstanding. Looking forward to it. See you tomorrow.