Friday, December 17, 2010

Pick Six: A Champion is Crowned

The wait is over...the battle draws to an end...one man is left standing...

Brace yourselves for his unholy reign. It's:


THE FRIDAY PICK SIX


CHAMPION'S RANT

"El Dia Gloriosa Del Ranto Campeonato!"



The Friday Pick Six is an original SCSD! game where six people make six predictions for six weeks. Along with their picks, they're allowed and encouraged to submit a 'sound-off' on any topic, sports or otherwise. When it's all done, the winner earns great honor among the people, while the two losers are exiled in shame and the three middle finishers go to purgatory, with the chance rescue their good name up to three times. To learn more about the rules, and about the current contestants, read below:

-The inaugural champ and intros to the New Class
-Week One
-Week Two
-Week Three
-Week Four
-Week Five
-Week Six

THE HALL OF ANGELS: OLD CHAMPIONS

1. Tom.

Let's take a look at the FINAL STANDINGS from Volume Two of Pick Six:

1. Mike: 33
2. Spike: 29
3. S&S: 28.5
4. Nick: 26.5
5. Jill: 23
6. Carrie: 6

For the second straight Pick Six, the leader going into the final day could not hold on for an historic victory. Spike did everything right, from going easy on the NFL spread teaser to invoking the Pick Six Gods, but in the end it wasn't enough. Mike went an incredible 5-1 in desperation NFL spread picks to storm up the leaderboard from third place and clinch a place in the Hall of Angels. Along the way, he set a new Pick Six scoring record with 33 overall points, besting the old record of 30 set by Tom. Spike's narrow finish means he'll earn his third and final shot in the next volume as a member of purgatory. Swetha & Sabreena and Nick will join him, while Jill and Carrie, stalwarts of the game, have been relegated into oblivion.

For fun, here's the spreadsheet Swetha & Sabreena prepared to track the NFL picks. You can see how it became a total horse race, with lead changes and various scenarios, right up to the final 2 games:


Mike has won. Long live the Mike. He wins this trophy, which still doesn't have a name and which I am continually taking suggestions for:


Tom, our last champ, will ship it to him with the understanding that it shall be shipped on when a new winner arrives. Transport us now, dear Champion, with your words of triumph:


CHAMPION'S RANT


Mike


Howdy, sharecropping motherfuckers. It is I, your new king. My first decree: the next series of Pick Six must contain one question involving Tom, our former champion and a fellow member of the Hall of Angels (sounds like we may have died. I checked my stomach in the Bruce Willis spot, but I didn't see any blood). Spike's mind-games let me know that this competition was for real.

Anyway, I am not a funny person. I am an awkward person that brings about laughter and good cheer. Therefore I leave you with the complete text of the first paper I ever wrote in college. It was for intermediate spanish and we were told to write about our favorite movie. Go Duke education!!!

10/8/01

Spanish-76

Composición #1

Mi película favorita es Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Los actores en la película son Matthew Broderick, Mia Sara y Alan Ruck. Matthew Broderick hace el papel del carácter principal: Ferris Bueller.

En la película, Ferris es un senior en colegio. Un día Ferris decide que él no quiere ir a su escuela. Ferris engaña a sus padres por imitar una enfermedad. Después de sus padres salieron de la casa, Ferris y sus amigos van a la ciudad de Chicago a divertirse. Los amigos que acompañan a Ferris son la novia de Ferris, Sloane Peterson (Mia Sara), y el mejor amigo de Ferris, Cameron Fry (Alan Ruck). Ferris y Cameron “piden prestado” el coche del padre de Cameron, un Ferrari. En Chicago, Ferris tiene que evitar captura por sus padres y el jefe de su colegio. A la conclusión de la película, Ferris tiene que regresar a su casa antes de sus padres descubrieron la verdad sobre su salud. La película es muy cómica del comienzo al fin.

Yo puedo recordar la primera vez que yo vi Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Yo reí muy fuerte y me di dolor en mi estómago. El día siguiente, yo traté de dar como pretexto que yo estaba enfermo. Mi madre supo sobre la película y me mandó ir a la escuela. Este fue el impacto que esta película tuvo en mí. Yo quise ser como Ferris.

La película es muy típica para películas hacen en los años ochenta. El tipo de habla y ropa que los actores usan hace Ferris Bueller’s Day Off muy identificable como una película de los años ochenta.

La película es buena por varios razónes. Por un lado, la intriga de la película es simple pero inspirada. Todas las personas pueden formar una conexión a la idea de no querer ir a la escuela. Es un sueño tener los tipos de aventuras que Ferris y sus amigos experimentan en la película. Ellos van a un museo, a un juego de beisbol, al Sears Tower y a una parada. Todas de esas actividades ocurren en sólo un día. Es una hazaña increíble.

Por otro lado, la representación en la película es excelente. Cada papel se destina al actor perfecto. Por ejemplo, porque Matthew Broderick es un actor de Broadway, él puede cantar durante la escena de la parada. Yo no puedo imaginar la película de una otra manera con otros actores.

También, la música en la película es excelente. Yo obtengo la transferencia directa de la guía sonora en mi ordenador. Yo escucho a las canciones todas las noches.

Cabe añadir que el diálogo en la película es muy cómico y memorable. Después tú has mirado la película, citarás líneas de la película a todas las personas que te encontrarán contigo. Los chistes son cómicos y inteligentes. No hay “risas baratas” en la película.

En resumen, la película Ferris Bueller’s Day Off contiene diversión copiosa. La intriga, la representación, la música y el diálogo resultan en una película de primera calidad. Yo recomiendo que todas las personas miren esta película.

One more thing. How great is Kanye? I would say very.

Too many Urkels on your team that's why you're Winslow,

Mike


Well done, Mike. A gushing review of Ferris Bueller's Day Off in Spanish is, in some ways, the perfect way to end a Pick Six. You were a tireless competitor, quietly toiling while the others became media dolls, and now you're a champ.

As I mentioned before, the rest of the Pick Sixers have shuffled out as follows:

Purgatory: Spike, Swetha & Sabreena, Nick E.

Dishonorable Relegation and Eternal Shame: Carrie, Jill

Despite the great disappointment they've suffered, Carrie and Jill were some of the Best Pick Sixers around. They were funny, thorough, and perpetually prompt with their rants. And Carrie, of course, will be whispered about in the cafes because of her thrilling soiree with the Temptress. With that in mind, I've asked them both to pen farewell rants to you, the fans. We'll start with Jill and end with Carrie.

Jill: Farewell Rant


Shane asked me to write a “farewell” speech and to be blunt, this really does not come easily to me. Not because I am a sore loser (which I am), and not because it is shameful (which it is), but because I really, genuinely loved writing for Pick Six every week. I love the people with whom I became connected, I love the random categories that we were forced to research, and I love everyone who read our inane rants every week. So, most importantly, thank you to Shane for giving me the chance to write for SCSD and thank you to everyone for reading my ridiculousness. Now that I got that out of the way:

1. Fuck Cliff Lee, the Phillies, Kyrie Irving’s lame toe, the Tarheels and especially Roy Williams, Red Sox “nation,” this horrendously cold December in New York, the BCS, student loans, Lebron James and his talents, ex-boyfriends’ wives, Jonathan Papelbon, the Lost finale, Curt Schilling, the GOP, losing, and my Chinese food which is taking forever to arrive right now.

2. Besides Shane, two people made this a particularly great experience for me. Tom, I had hoped for some of your comeback magic, but it wasn’t meant to be. Pick Six wasn’t the same without you and you will always be “someone” in my book; Carrie, if I had to be banished from Pick Six with anyone, I am glad it is you. I think you are an incredible writer, genuinely hilarious, and an irreplaceable uniform color/Jamba Juice/mascot/Temptress/NESCAC-picking connoisseur.

3. Um, congrats to Mike and all, but this really sucks. In terms of sports-related news, the Red Sox signed Crawford, Kyrie hurt his toe, Cliff Lee gave us the finger, and now I was fired with cause from Pick Six. Pity party, party of one, your table is ready.



Carrie: Farewell Rant


don't really know what to say. I am the very definition of a has-been. I am also pretty sure I used up any words that anyone might want to hear from me (and many many more that they would not) throughout the duration of my two seasons alternately rocking and laming* the Pick Six.

*Laming is my final made up verb for The People. Go forth and lame, friends.

***********

We shall ne'er see those two avatars on this blog again. This one's for you, guys.


Believe me, friends, I wish I could find that in English for you.

There's nothing to do now but move ahead, my friends. Pick Six is over, but it must begin again. And we've got some newcomers!

The next three to join the game are: Monty, Dylan & Patrick (our first father-son team!), and Marc, aka Mr. Intrigue. And holy shit, this is some awesome new blood, gang. Put it this way: they're not here to ask questions, not even after they shoot. I've asked them to say a few words, and one of the continuing players had some words as well.

Monty



Hi all, I'm Monty. I'm in a theatre company with Spike in Seattle...but that's where the similarities end. I grew up in Durham, and you know what that means... I'm about as die-hard a Duke Basketball fan as exists on the planet. (Except that my parents did not let me go down to the quad after either the 91 or 92 championships, to the ultimate
detriment of my soul. It's probably that neglect that caused me to eventually drop out of theatre grad school. (Well, that or the realization that spending over $100k on a degree in theatre was just bad math)) There are many things in life that I've almost done or have thought about doing ... so watch out.


Dylan & Patrick



Note from Dylan, the son: CB and D actually stands for CollegeBoy and Dad, something he has effectively been referring to me as for what is going on 3 years.

Let us start by offering our apologies to any and all we may offend when we KICK YOUR ASSES in this edition of our favorite prognosticators Ball Game, the “Pick Six” As regular readers of SCSD, we have ongoing discussions about the content of our favorite sports related/favorite teams blog and blogger. CB first read SCSD while browsing the NYY Fans message board and accidently clicking a link in someone's signature. Since then, he has introduced millions to the blog, singlehandedly making it the 3rd most viewed webpage on the net. (Behind Facebook and AskJeeves) When the “Pick Six” was first started, CB thought to himself, "Man, my dad could do better than that, and he's only got one and half legs!" The conversation is now a little fuzzy, but it went something like this:

CB: Hey, you know that cool blog I read a lot?

D: Oh yeah Stuff White People Like?

CB: No, not that one the one

D: Oh - Awkward Family Photos!

CB: Dad let me finish.

D: Sorry, I just can't stop laughing at these ducks!

CB: What? What are you talking about? Where are you right now?

D: I'm on the web. My sister forwarded this message to me about ducks that look like peanuts!

CB: Don't you mean peanuts that look like ducks?

D: Thats what I said.

CB: No, whatever. Just forget it. I'm talking about Shane's blog, Seth Curry Saves Duke.

D: Oh man, now there is this one where these ducks are getting blown over. This is gold. I seriously love ducks.

CB: Dude, i've got to go to class in a minute, will you listen? Seth Curry.

D: I've never heard of Seth Curry. What does he write about?

CB: Dad we talk about this blog all the time.

D: No we don't.

CB: Yes, we do. It's written by Shane, he talks about the yankees, giants, and duke, you know, the three teams we actually follow?

D: So why is Shane saving Duke?

CB: DAD WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BLOG WHEN I WAS HOME LIKE THREE WEEKS AGO.

D: Hah. I'm just fucking with you. What about it? Did you hear about the Pick Six he's doing? I would totally beat all those chumps, and I only have one and a half legs.

CB: .........

D: You still there?! I'm having trouble hearing you!

CB: You're an asshole.

And so it was decided. If “The Man” would give us a chance, we'd clean up the streets of SCSD like Batman in Gotham. So, here we are and here we go. It will be as easy as taking candy from little children.

But you may be asking yourself just who are these guys? Well, we’ll tell you. When not leading the pack in SCSD Hot Potato (Who came up with that name anyway, it literally makes no sense, none.) or serving as the Hot Potato statistician, CB is a college student at a northeast school of higher learning, focusing on advertising. D is professional looking closely at retiring and spending the rest of his days searching out Internet whiz kids to put in their place, watching videos of cute kittens, and bad Family Feud answers. Besides actually sneaking into Cameron Indoor while Duke was preparing for March Madness of 2002, our sports resume includes one or both of us being at the following events, or watching their highlights on Sportscenter: 1980 USA Victory over USSR in Lake Placid, Lou Gehrig's Farewell speech, Nadia Comaneci's Perfect 10, Secretariat wins the triple crown, Wilt Chamberlain's 100 points, Don Larson's perfect game, Mike Tyson's ear bite, Maradona's "Hand of God", the Cal-Stanford "Band is on the field" game. Impressive!


Marc, aka Mr. Intrigue


Hello readers of SCSD I am Marc/Mr. Intrigue. Since I am currently unemployed I plan to devote all my time, energy and enormous mental capabilities to win Pick Six. I, like many of you grew up in Durham but have since moved far far away to the exotic land of Wilmington, NC. My copious amounts of free time are devoted to watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, strutting around my apartment acting like Charlie, and sending good feelings to Kyrie Irving's toe.

I feel like this Pick Six will see it's first true dominator in history. I will be like the Stump the Schwab guy on ESPN. During my victories I will gloat smugly and stroke my beautiful goatee. You can tell the Schwab is pretty cool since he's 58 and has a goatee (no offense to dudes in that category, 57 and 59 year olds with goatees are pretty awesome). And when I will inevitably suffer some setbacks I'll scoff with the practiced arrogance of those 10 year olds who are awesome at everything, but then they meet an 11 year old who just crushes their self-esteem.

My first memory of Duke Basketball is The Shot, and I fell in love. Since then Duke Basketball is really the only sport I've consistently followed. I watch the Hurricanes when they make it to the playoffs (because that's what everyone does, you can admit it). The Panthers are painful to watch even when they are good. No one really cares about the Bobcats. They have possibly the worst personnel in NBA history. Drafting Sean May, Raymond Felton and Adam Morrison was a really swell move guys! My baseball team is the Braves, but who cares about the NL East for the next five years as Philadelphia will go unbeaten forever.

Now begins my conquest. I feel like Alexander the Great surveying the world that I will soon claim. I'd like to apologize now to my fellow Pick Six contestants for the terror which will soon engulf you. Good luck everyone, and go watch Die Hard because it is the greatest Christmas movie known the mankind. I'm Jewish and I can still get into the Christmas cheer!


And last, a word from our old friends...

Swetha & Sabreena


We had high hopes for ourselves in the last round after our perfect first week. Unfortunately, we weren't able to maintain the momentum (nor were we able to recall the definition of a prime number, oops). Well, we are in it to win it this time. Second place is the first loser.

*************

Spike and Nick neglected to sound off. Intimidation? Laziness? We may never know.*

*Laziness.

Have a great weekend, everyone. I'm going to try to update regularly next week, but I'll be traveling all around New York state. Things might be a little sporadic, fair warning. After that, I'm back and ready to roll. There's about 24 hours left to get in the College Bowl Pool. We have 40+ players right now and $600 up for grabs. Send me an e-mail if you want in. Happy Holidays.

12 comments:

  1. Curiously, S&S will be the lone representatives of the fairer sex in next season's Pick Six. Shane will likely still orchestrate a Battle of the Sexes, though. If that's the case, please note that I still think S&S could win it.

    Also, Mike. You picked my favorite new Kanye line to celebrate your triumph and for that I applaud you. You've done Mayberry proud.

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  2. I'm just saying how I feel man
    I ain't one of the Cosbys, I ain't go to Hillman

    -Mike

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  3. Incredibly well-played, champ.

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  4. Marc, from "Wilmington"??

    What the hell is it about Wilmington on this site? Statistically, very improbable. Are we sure Jill isn't making sneaky comeback, disguised as Marc?

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  5. Here at SCSD, the Wilm is totally represented. It is sort of odd, but whatever. Welcome to the fold, Mr. Intrigue! I am now rooting for you (and Spike, the last original Pick Sixer).

    Which means that I am unfortunately not masquerading around as him, sanfran. But thanks for making me laugh. I was in Wilmington from 1998-2001. Any chance we ran into each other at good old JTH?

    In other news, I just bought my own Christmas tree for the first time, and the lights are so pretty. I am beyond proud of myself.

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  6. I really hope I intern at Wilmington this summer to complete the cycle. (Don't really hope that, it would be unpaid, but whatever.)

    -Shane

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  7. Fantastic! Jill you have the honor of being my number one fan. When I triumph in this challenge you can ride on my chariot as we parade through Athens (because that's the prize, right Shane?)

    It is quite astounding how many people from Wilmington are on here and if Shane comes for the summer, well that would just be bananas.

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  8. After the parade, I will write a memoir entitled The Idolizing Inspiration of Intrigue. We will then appear on The View, or perhaps co-host SNL, so pencil that in please.

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  9. And what prize does the whole Wilmington catalyst get? Nothing, because the catalyst is always destroyed in starting the reaction. Probably a mention in the memoir, or on the View ("well, it would never have happened if it weren't for some commenter on the site"). Life is so unfair.

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  10. Sanfran I shall appoint you as my heir. You will take the reigns once I retire from the Pick Six after going on a John Wooden like streak of victories.

    Everything you described sounds quite incredible Jill. I'm hoping Mike will be a gracious loser and hook us up to star in the next Kanye West feature film.

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  11. Clearly my memoir will be dedicated to you, sanfran. You are the building block upon which our entire Wilmington contingency/Intrigue Fan Club is based.

    I can see the ten-foot deep crowds that will form along South College Road as we return home. We will probably be invited to headline the 2011 Azalea Festival. I don't know what I should wear.

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  12. Jill, Mr. I.,

    I am touched to be included by you both. A Wooden-like streak means 11 years, so I won't be holding my breath on that one, Mr. I., but very thoughtful.

    Jill, do they still have the "Azalea Queen" as they did back in my day? Are you a 30-something B-movie/television actress so you can be the Queen? That's the position that gets those 10-deep crowds (no offense Shane, but winning pick six in SCSD ain't enough to be the Azalea Queen).

    PS - That was an awful lot of disappointed baby blue clad (and haired) fans in the greater Greensboro Colusomethium today, wasn't it?

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