Goodbye, 2009

Until Seth Curry Saves Duke! gains in prominence and the country slash world slash universe recognizes the New Year as beginning on what is known today as "March 30th," the date of SCSD!'s first post, it will be necessary to pay homage to the Gregorian calendar and celebrate with the masses as they count down to the false transition.

(I just re-read that sentence, and man, it had a lot happening. I should teach a class on how to kill a joke by pure verbiage. Or, rather, 'it would befit me to assume the role of instructor for a group of prospective pupils desiring intimate knowledge on the practice of sabotaging humor by means of extreme prolixity.')

Anyway, it's been another whole year. You can't argue with me there. I wish I had something profound to say, or at least a countdown of the ten greatest something-or-others, but the only thing really happening is that I'm getting my arse kicked up and down in this bowl prediction project. And unfortunately, I was late to work today and have a lot going on, so I only have time to make the weekend predictions. But when the chips are down and the truth is out, the New Year ain't nothing but another day. Let's keep noses pressed to the grindstone. Let's pound that pavement. Let's continue with...

THE 10TH LAYER OF HELL BOWL PREDICTION TORTURE PAGEANT

It's increasingly embarrassing to go back and look at my write-ups from the day before after these games play out. To be fair, Bowling Green gave up a BS 70-yard drive with 16 seconds left to lose their game (big respect for the Idaho coach for going for two...that was awesome). But Nebraska absolutely annihilated Arizona, and the offense I so gleefully insulted looked pretty awesome. The Pac-10 in particular is giving me all kinds of hell; I'm 1-4 straight up and 0-5 against the spread in games involving that conference.

Time for the weekend's games, and there are many. Minimal write-ups this time, don't want to take the focus off the good old-fashioned no-frills bad predictions.

Goals: 25-9 straight up, 20-14 against the spread.

Current: 6-9 straight up (I can still reel off 19 straight!), 3-12 against the spread (so much breathing room!).

Today:

Houston (-7) vs. Air Force, noon. Don't bet against the service academies? Okay, sure, but what about that Houston offense? They'll score, but the D is vacant, and C-USA has been a let down. The Mountain West will deliver. Air Force both ways.

Oklahoma (-9.5) vs. #21 Stanford, 2pm. Wow...what a line, nobody believes in Stanford despite the ranking. And it's a mystery, because they lost big to Cal, who looked horrible, and beat USC, who looked pretty good. I'm gonna revert to my coaching hypothesis here; Stoops isn't awesome in bowls, and Harbaugh will be prepared. Stanford covers, Oklahoma wins.

Missouri (-6.5) vs. Navy, 3:30pm. Missouri can put up some numbers, but Navy's D has been solid, especially second half of the season. Again, I believe in the service academies, and if you love America, so should you. DAMN THE TORPEDOS, NAVY IMPLEMENTS A BLOCKADE ON THE STRAIGHT-UP AND THE SPREAD!

Minnesota (-1.5) vs. Iowa St., 6pm. Gee, I'm glad this is the night game, and therefore the only one I'll be able to see since I work until 4pm. God forbid I have to watch a fun game like Oklahoma-Stanford. Nope, give me this clash of the titans, because I want to be completely fucking depressed and bored by the time the ball drops. Minnesota both ways.

#11 Virginia Tech (-4) vs. Tennessee, 7:30pm. I'll take the SEC team that almost beat Alabama, please. Volunteers everywhere you look.

New Year's Day games:

Auburn (-7) vs. Northwestern, 11am. Fun early game. Needless to say, I'm rolling with the SEC here. Auburn wins and covers.

#16 West Virginia (-2.5) vs. FSU, 1pm. Would be nice to see Bobby go out with a win, but I don't see it. Mountaineers both ways.

#13 Penn State (-3) vs. #12 LSU, 1pm. Wait, seriously? Easiest pick of the year. Give me a break. LSU says Geaux Home, Lions.

#7 Oregon (-3) vs. #8 Ohio State, 4:30pm. Interesting Rose Bowl. I think OSU will cover, but Tressel will make some stupid mistake and blow the game. Oregon straight up, Buckeyes w/spread.

#5 Florida (-10) vs. #3 Cincinnati, 8:30pm. What a great game. It should be highly emotional with Tebow leaving and Urban Meyer stepping down. Florida's going to win, but Cincy will keep this one closer than expected and cover. That offensive unit is nothing short of great. Cincy with spread, Gators straight up.

Saturday's games:

South Florida (-4.5) both ways over Northern Illinois - I've learned my lesson with the MAC.

UConn (+4.5) against the spread over South Carolina, Gamecocks straight up - I like Edsall, I think UConn will be pumped and fall jussst short.

#19 Oklahoma State (+3) both ways over Ole Miss - that team is always a disappointment, and I think Dez Bryant will go off...kinda puzzling that they're underdogs here...

Arkansas (-7.5) over East Carolina both ways - no brainer. ECU doesn't see this kind of ability in C-USA. SEC West ain't a thing to take lightly.

Michigan State (+8) both ways over Texas Tech - karma is a bitch, and Mike Leach is getting screwed by TTU and the James family. He's going to land on his feet, but the Red Raiders are going to land on their asses. BOOYA.

And there it is. Have a great New Year's Eve, my friends. Thanks for reading in 2009, and I'll see you on Monday.