THE PERFECTION PROCLAMATION
On this day, January the 19th, as Capricorn giveth way to Aquarius, I hereby aver the following truth without regard to reputation or consequence:
O'er the remainder of the season, The Duke University Men's Basketball Team shall not lose a single game at Cameron Indoor Stadium. Whereas they have yet to fall on their own floor, this ongoing flawlessness shall result in a perfect home year.
Crazy? On the surface, it may look like a lunatic's manifesto. Actually, though, much as I'd like to portray myself as hovering on that proverbial limb, this is a relatively safe bet. Take a look at the remaining home games:
FSU - Always, always a miserable, tough road game. Regardless of circumstances. But they won't get close in Cameron.
Georgia Tech - We lost by four on the road in a blown game, and the revenge motive will be strong. The Yellow Jackets showed they have some road chops with their win against UNC last week, but they'll be facing an onslaught in our house.
Maryland - It's a down year for the Terps, and the Crazies love nothing more than goading Gary Williams until he explodes. This is a surefire 15-25 point win.
Virginia Tech - Not a bad team this year, but early ACC road losses to FSU and UNC show what we can expect from them away from Blacksburg.
Tulsa - What?
UNC - This is the big daddy. We haven't gone undefeated at home since 2002-03, in part because Pyscho T owned us for four years. He never lost at Cameron, and in the two years preceding him we went down to teams like Maryland, Purdue, and Georgia Tech. But we haven't won against the Heels in Cameron in a long while, and this is the time. Don't worry, their recent slide is not making me overconfident. Yes, Zeller is out 4-6 weeks. Yes, they've looked pretty awful recently. Yes, they might even slip from the top 25. But Roy will have something going by the time they come to Cameron (March 9), and it will not be an easy game.
But we'll win, and the perfection proclamation will go down in history.
Today's proclamation has been sponsored by: Haagen Dazs Green Tea Ice Cream
I didn't even know this existed until last night, but it will surely change my life. I'm not a huge fan of actual green tea, but flavor something sweet with it? Home run, every time. Never miss a chance to get green tea creme brulee, in particular. Amazing.
Anyway, this ice cream is as good as you'd expect. Unlike most of its counterparts, the flavor here is pretty subtle, which will make you feel like a grown-up. It will also make you feel like a wise Asian person, in the Confucius mold. And since it's tea-flavored, there's no sugar, fat, calories, or anything.*
*Ice cream facts not approved by the FDA.
Moving on, three final points:
1) My friend Alex pointed out that yesterday's video game rant made me sound like a "70 year-old Fox News commentator." I read it over, and he's right. I apologize for that. I have no idea what I was even thinking. I don't even actually believe what I wrote. It was not my finest hour, I just got excitable. Also, it worries me. If I'm already going conservative at age 27, I'm screwed. In 8 years I'll be 35, wearing plaid, finding my way onto local news shows, challenging politicians to come take my guns themselves, if they're man enough.
2) Texas finally lost. It's my ironclad conviction that the Longhorns aren't that good. That means Kentucky will be #1 next week, and they have a cupcake schedule, so they'll probably stay there a while. But guess what? Kentucky's not that good either. Neither of those teams will make the final 4. The best four teams in the country right now, in order, are Kansas, Syracuse, Duke, and Villanova. Kansas will almost surely make the final 4. You may as well flip a coin to figure out what Cuse will do in any given year. They're the kind of team where being actually good might hurt them. If Singler returns to his old form, Duke will make the final 4, and Nova should make it too. There you go. Thanks for asking.
3) I swear I had a third point to make. Oh yes: ACC fans should all be watching Clemson at Georgia Tech tonight. The winner of that game stakes a solid claim as second best squad in the conference, and will probably be in the top 10. Plus, both teams are fucking huge and physical, and it should be a fun, grind-it-out game.
Happy Tuesday. Brown Down.