I would prefer paypal.
Look, this blog has always been about sports. I'm not going to sit here and make a big deal of my
because that's not what I'm about. So instead, I'm going to recognize the milestone by a simple act: attaching a picture of myself at my writin' desk. My boss took this photo for some kind of floor-wide photo album. The computer behind me is where I transmit my brain thoughts to you every morning, usually under constant duress from other employees demanding my menial labor. Notice the lack of windows, which I believe have contributed to my slow deliquescence into insanity. This is also clearly a Friday, since I'm wearing a t-shirt and have not showered or shaved, and I believe it was taken during the Yankee playoff run. And my hair is a mess because I made the decision to shave my head about a month before, and was still in denial that I needed to comb it any way, shape, or form.
There. Now we can feel closer, as writer and reader. The bond is strong.
Further digression: Answering Reader Comments. As you may or may not know, the best way to increase blog readership is to attack people who take the time to read your site and leave a message. So here we go.
Anonymous Commenter says:
Define "We." Can you even run the length of a baskeball court?
This was in response, apparently, to my use of the third person plural to talk about a sports team. As in, "I really think we have a great chance against Clemson Saturday."
To answer your question, reader, no, I cannot run the length of the basketball court. I'm a blogger, so I weigh 800 pounds, and I can only ever move if someone shoves an L-shaped stick down the back of my shirt so that a Snickers bar dangles by a string two feet in front of my face. Then I can kind of drag myself around for a few feet, like to use the bathroom or call a phone sex hotline. But the full length of a basketball court? Oh my Lord, no!
The real reason I include this comment, though, is because it contains a pet peeve of mine. Tough guy sports fans love to call people out on using the word 'we' to describe their team. "Oh," they'll say, wearing a sneer, "are you on the team? Did you throw a pass? Did you draw up a play?"
I've given this great thought, and here's my reasoned response:
SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU RIDICULOUS FUCKING DOUCHEBAG! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING ISSUE! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOUR ATTITUDE! FUCK THIS WHOLE LINE OF DISCUSSION! THE ONLY THING THIS PROVES IS THAT YOU'RE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE! HONESTLY, GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU SANCTIMONIOUS CYNICAL PRICK!
WE! WE WE WE! WE'RE GONNA WIN! YAY! WE'RE GONNA DO IT! ME AND JON SCHEYER ARE GONNA BEAT THOSE CLEMSON TIGERS! YEE-HAW! I'M ON THE TEAM! THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN IMPLYING ALL ALONG! I'M THE QUARTERBACK FOR THE NEW YORK GIANTS! ME AND ELI MANNING! I HIT A WALK-OFF HOME RUN AGAINST THE MINNESOTA TWINS, AND AJ BURNETT PUSHED A CREAM PIE INTO MY FACE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WEEEEE DID IT! FUCKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(gasp, pant, wheeze)
On to sports!
*It's Championship Weekend in the NFL. Here's your interchangeable preview. When I say Team A, just subsitute Vikings or Jets, and Team B is the Saints or Colts.
Team B has the clear edge, has been the stronger squad all season. They'll be playing at home, in a loud dome, and will be trying to prove that the momentum from their early undefeated stretch is back after some disappointing late season losses. Team A has the superior defense, and a strong pass rush, but Team B's offense is designed for efficiency and speed, which may nullify that advantage. Team B's quarterback, in particular, is adept at reading the defense and picking apart blitz packages with quick strikes. He could very well win the regular season MVP. But don't discount the motivation of Team A. They're an embattled franchise, and their historic woes in the conference championship game are well documented. They'll be playing with a chip on their shoulder on the road, and, if nothing else, strong defense should keep this one close. As a final note, Brett Favre is a total asshole.
There you go. Despite my glib tone, though, I'm looking forward to Sunday. I think the most interesting Super Bowl would be Colts-Saints, because it would be the first time in a while that the consensus best team in each conference made the big game. Of course, this whole damn city would go apeshit if the Jets made it, and I guess that'd be nice for some people. I could tolerate it. The only team I really want to lose is the Vikings. Seriously, whoever makes these decisions, please don't make me watch Brett Favre in the Super Bowl.
*Duke-Clemson at 9pm Saturday. This is going to be real, real interesting. It's a chance for us to turn our road woes around. If we lose, though, it's pretty much a rock-solid confirmation that our toughness quotient is hovering below the Quivering Coward line. Prediction: Nolan Smith scores 30, and mouths a swear word after a vicious dunk.
*The bottom half of the men's draw has reached the 4th round in Australia, and Rafa is through!
His potential Quarterfinal match with Andy Murray is on track, as the Brit advanced. In a surprising turn, the American John Isner beat electric Frenchman Gael Monfils, and he'll take on Murray in the fourth round. But the match of the round will definitely be Roddick against Fernando Gonzalez. Roddick is playing great tennis, but from the recaps it sounds like Gonzalez has the entire country of Chile out in support. Plus, it's starting to get really, really hot there, as usual. The players got a bit of a break in the first few days because of some rain and cooler temperatures, but the 100+ degree heat is back in effect. That does not favor Roddick, and Lord knows he can get riled by almost anything...a thousand screaming Chileans who don't care about tennis etiquette could easily do the trick. That match will be late Saturday/early Sunday, and is worth checking out if you're up late.
*Justine Henin is my hero. Thank God she's back to make women's tennis interesting again. She's into the 4th round, and her draw is shaping up nicely. It would be utterly ridiculous if she could win her first Grand Slam following the one year retirement, but this is the female version of Rafa, and anything is possible. Unfortunately, the only other interesting player, Belgian Kim Clijsters, lost last night. So the women's draw is basically Henin vs. Russians and Divas. Go Henin!
That should cover us for the weekend. Enjoy it.