Friday, June 17, 2011

THE FRIDAY PICK SIX! Volume Four, Week Five

Onward, brothers!



The Friday Pick Six is an original SCSD! game where six people make six sports predictions for six weeks. Along with their picks, they're allowed and encouraged to submit a 'sound-off' on any topic, sports or otherwise. When it's all done, the winner earns great honor among the people, while the two losers are exiled in shame and the three middle finishers go to purgatory, with the chance rescue their good name up to three times. To learn more about the rules, and about the current contestants, read below:


Here's how it looks:

The Last Chance Gals (3rd attempt, win or bust): Swetha & Sabreena
Purgatory Part 1: Marc, Monty
Newcomers: Craig & Tim, Tim B., John

-Volume Four Intros
-Week One
-Week Two
-Week Three
-Week Four


1. Tom.
2. Mike
3. Patrick and Dylan

Current Standings

1. Tim B. - 15
2. John - 14
3. S&S - 13
4. C&T - 12
4. Marc - 12
6. Monty - 9

Week Four was an incredible one for pure scoring, as Tim vaulted up the leaderboard with 8 points. The others kept pace, giving us a tightly-packed top as we head into the penultimate week. Monty, who forgot to submit picks, paid the price as he went from first to worst.

Time for this week's docket:

1. Gold Cup Quarterfinals. This is the national soccer competition held roughly every two years for countries from North America, Central America, and the Caribbean. Saturday, the US takes on Jamaica. Normally this would be a formality, but the US has looked like shit and Jamaica has looked surprisingly strong. Plus, I'm throwing in a wrinkle. So, yes or no answer, will the US win by 2 goals or more?

2. US Open, golf. How many foreign blokes will finish in the top 20 of OUR FUCKING EVENT? 5 points for a direct hit, 3 points for best guess otherwise, 2 for second, 1 for third.

3. UNC takes on Vanderbilt in Game 1 of the College World Series. Patrick Johnson will be going for the Heels, and he's given up about 1 run in 30 innings or something insane like that. Jacob Stallings, the UNC catcher, is the son of Vanderbilt basketball coach Kevin Stallings, and has been ridiculously clutch lately. So, which total will be higher: Jacob Stallings' hits, or the EARNED RUNS conceded by Patrick Johnson in his outing?

4. The Yankees play in the hallowed grounds of Wrigley Chewing Gum Field for the first time in what must be ages. We're earning our "Bombers" nickname over the past week, so how many home runs will the good guys hit over the ivy?

5. It was tough for all of us to watch the thugs from Boston punch their way to a Stanley Cup title, but perhaps the Brewers can extract a measure of revenge in Fenway this weekend. How many runs will the Brew Crew score against the woeful John Lackey Friday?

6. There's a weird tennis event going on in England right now which is a run-up to Wimbledon but isn't the famous Queens tournament. Try to pick who'll win.

We start with Tim B., the man who capture our hearts and imaginations in Week Four:

Tim B.

1. Two goals? The US isn't Barca. No.

2. Said it a few weeks ago. Euros are taking over golf, and they've been more competitive at the US Open in recent years (with McDowell breaking through for the win obvs). I'm going with 11 unAmericans.

3. I can't trust an athlete named Patrick Johnson, whom I merely see as a conflation of Blue Devil walk-ons Patrick Davidson and Steve Johnson. Earned runs.

4. Wind was blowing out Thursday, which bodes well for the long ball. Doug Davis pitching Friday night bodes better. Eight.

5. Lackey's been aight since coming off the DL, but he did allow 66.7% of the runs the Sox gave up in that Toronto series (and that was considered a good start). Milwaukee touches him for five.

6. Tipsarevic. Not because he's the only one I've heard of (I know Stepanek too, although I probably would have guessed he played hockey for the Rangers [that's Radek Dvorak, I guess]), not because he's the only one ranked, not because he almost beat Federer that one time and did beat Roddick that other time, but because his wife looks like this. Tennis allegiances can be fickle.


1. I think our team is currently falling apart and hasn't hit the bottom yet...still in denial stage. I say, No, we will not win by 2 or more goals.

2. 11

3. ER by Johnson. I hope I'm wrong.

4. 4

5. I'm assumming this is just runs against the starting pitcher (and earned runs since that is what is credited to the pitcher): 4

6: Tipsarevic

Swetha & Sabreena

I've been on a real "This is SportsCenter" kick recently, so we're going to use this docket as an opportunity to throw out some of the best commercials related to these topics since we don't really have any strong opinions about any of the questions. Also, we're aiming to finish this week in fourth place overall, because that seems to be the formula for winning the pick six.

1. Jozy Altidore tries to share, Landon Donovan gets owned by a copier, and America still kicks Jamaica's ass. USA BY 2+ GOALS.

2. Our favorite golfers either aren't in the field (please get healthy, Tiger) or now more famous for drinks than drives. TEN INTERNATIONALS.

3. This genre is kind of lacking in terms of college sports, so here's the only UNC video we can really tolerate, pretty much because of Danny Green's tongue gag. JOHNSON RUNS.

4. Derek Jeter gets peeved (while on the bench, of course), and the Yanks get homer-happy in his absence. SIX.

5. The Milwaukee Brewers are another team seriously underrepresented in the SportsCenter set. They're really not that impressive. THREE.

6. None of these four names are even remotely familiar. You'd have to imagine that if any of them walked around ESPN headquarters, something like this would happen. JANKO TIPSAREVIC.

Craig & Tim

Familiarize yourself with the concept of Qualia . Nothing I can say will ever be able to fully capture just how special this Boston Bruins team I'm not even going to try.

Instead, I'll just state the obvious. Vancouver didn't win because you don't need a cup if you don't have balls.

1. The United States will be celebrating on Saturday, but it will be parade style in the storied streets of Boston...non soccer related. No, the US will not win by 2 or more goals. Yes, the US will show those clowns to the North how to gather together as a city without burning it down.

2. There will be 12 fuzzy little foreigners that finish in the top 20 of the US open. That's a Caddyshack reference for any of you who thought about getting angry since being castrated by the knife of political correctness.

3. The number of earned runs let up by Patrick Johnson will exceed the number of hits by Stallings. Metal bats are a joke, even a great pitcher can get tuned up within a blink of an eye.

4- "Good guys" is an inherently arbitrary term, as it implies that there is some universal consensus as to what is "good" and what is "bad". However, the term "good guys" should never be ascribed to the Yankees. Not in a baseball sense, not in a "they're good guys" sense. Jeter = womanizer. Posada = whiny little bitch. Teixiera pulled a LeBron before LeBron and took his talents to the Bronx, eschewing a return to his hometown Orioles for the bright lights and glamor of NYC. It is rumored that he plans on leaving his wife at the end of the season for the Olson twins. Nick Swisher? Unabashed tobacco-chewing enthusiast who displays a general lack of personal hygiene at all times. Russell Martin routinely pushes small children and old ladies out of the way to grab foul balls and then stares at them triumphantly. Cano steals the money from the collection plate at St. Patricks Cathedral and when confronted by the priests, he pretends not to understand English. A-Rod? I don't know where to start. Let's just say that he doesn't have a soul and it is unclear whether he can even be considered a human being.

That being said, the Yanks aka "Not Good Guys" face the immortal Doug Davis on Friday, Ryan "Dumpster" Dempster on Saturday, and some kid who won a contest to pitch for the Cubs on Sunday. I won't underestimate the Yanks and it could be a close race in the AL East all season. The Cubs pretty much suck, are near dead last in terms of team ERA and WHIP, and are close to last in BAA. Yanks hit 7 out of Double Mint Park.

5- Brewers score 3 off Lackey, who pitches into the 7th inning before his double chin starts wearing his face down.

And way to support America, Benedict. You'd rather see a group of traitors from Canada prevail over a hard-working, blue-collar, nitty-gritty hockey team that represents the best of America? In any sport? By the way, the Bs didnt need to punch their way to the finals. The 'Nucks did a pretty good job falling down on their own like a bunch of Euro-trash soccer players and drunken teenagers. And the Bruins couldn't punch a Canuck in the face because they'd get bitten or cheap-shotted. Plus, look what happened when Vancouver lost: Vancouver-ites trashed their city, creating a state of national emergency and forcing a massive increase in the nation's mandated sedative doses. In Boston? Only two arrests, for public intoxication. The Boston police didnt even have to shoot, maim, or kill a celebrating fan this year. See you at the title parade on Saturday.

6- So a Serb, Russian, Italian, and Japanese guy walk into a bar and start drinking...who is the last man standing? The Serb drinks beer, the Russian drinks vodka, the Italian drinks red wine, and the Japanese guy drinks sake. The Japanese guy passes out after his 8th sake bomb. The Italian follows suit, after his third bottle of
Chianti. The Russian is wobbly and cross-eyed after polishing off a liter of Stolichnaya...looks like the Serb is the last man standing! 18 beers later, the Serb succumbs to his beverage of choice. But wait! The Russian is back on his feet...and he doesn't even look drunk...AH HAH! The Russian tricked the Serb! The oldest trick in the book! After all, everyone knows that vodka courses though the veins of all Russians!

As a result of this possibly racist hypothetical, it can be said with confidence that the Russian, Igor Kunitsyn, will win the ATP Aegon International.

Marc, aka Mr. Intrigue

This past week was crazy. My apologies for lack of a rant. I'm going to have a short rant this week because Shane decides to send in the docket at the latest moment possible and some of us have lives Shane!

1. It was a few months ago when I stole into my friends house to watch their cable while I pretended to do push-ups on the floor. HBO On Demand is a wonderful thing. So many options, from shows to movies to documentaries. However, one choice on the television screen sparkled at me. Cool Runnings. Feel the rhythm, Feel the rhyme, Get on up, It's bobsled time...... COOOOOOOOOL RUNNINGS! The ending scene nearly brings me to tears every time. The only thing I've cried about in the past four years is the conclusion of Marley and Me (the book). Therefore, the answer is No.

2. I'm trying to navigate the US Open website but it seems the old white guys just discovered flash and decided to put as much of it everywhere on the site. Wild guess time! 12

3. This is tough, I remember your piece on the catcher, and it seems he has a lot of Jesus behind him. That's something to be feared. As we all saw, Jason Terry has a bunch of Jesus and look what happened. What about the losing teams? Don't those guys believe in God? Why didn't he ordain their victory? Regardless of your views on religion I think it's absolutely ridiculous when athletes praise God for their victory. If there is a God, he/she hopefully doesn't care about sports, but who knows. I'm going with Stallings.

4. At this very moment (4:44 on 6/16) the Yankees are going into extras with the Rangers. This might make them tired for the weekend. Baseball is a very tiring sport. All that sitting down and chewing gum (tobacco yeeeeehaw!). Maybe playing a little bit of grab-ass. I'll go for four homeruns because of those tired arms.

5. It seems Lackey's ERA is a billion and he has only pitched four innings this season. He's giving up four runs.

6. Wildcard question! Janko Tipsarevic!


Monty has yet again chosen not to participate. It's a bold strategy that he hopes will pay off in Week Six.

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