Monday, November 23, 2009

It's Party Tynes!

While trying desperately to blow another game with miserable defense and craven late-game playcalling, the Giants accidentally beat the Atlanta Falcons 34-31. Lawrence Tynes kicked the game-winning field goal from 36 yards out in overtime, and our five weeks of hell are finally over.

(The title of this post comes courtesy of my former roommate, a Chiefs fan. Tynes used to wear Kansas City red, and legend has it that he was so unreliable (gasp!) that whenever he came out to try for three, the half-nervous, half-fatalistic cry among the fans was 'It's party Tynes!')

(I can't remember if I've told that story in this blog before. Probably. Sorry. Please, let me make it up to you:


Good news:

1) Eli and the offense looked pretty great. We finally opened up the downfield passing game, and the receivers proved they can do more than catch bubble screens and quick three-yard slants.

2) We play Denver on Thanksgiving, and after a 6-0 start, they suck. Bad. Yesterday, the Chargers ran them off their home field to the tune of 32-3, taking first place in the west. I don't imagine they'll be relinquishing that spot.

Bad news:

1) After a decent beginning, the defense collapsed like a dude with tinderstick legs. At 31-17 in the 4th, you could start to see the momentum shifting, and it got frightening. Osi and Tuck got tired on the ends, the pressure all but vanished, and Matt Ryan started treating our secondary like a prom king treats the janitor's kid when they run into each other at the Dairy Queen. You hear what I'm saying.

2) And this was COMPOUNDED by the fact that fucking Kevin Gilbride, our offensive coordinator (get it?), has this clause in his playbook:

Clause: Lo, and if thou should gather such leads as persist into quarter the fourth, abandon thy tactics which heretofore have garnered many a point, and trust instead in hitch screens, draws, and other fanciful ploys which involve much movement behind the line of scrimmage.

Yo, Kevin. You've scored 31 points because nobody can cover anyone and Eli's hand is so hot he won't be able to make love to his wife normally for a week. GO DOWNFIELD. GO DOWN THE @#$#ING FIELD. OTHERWISE YOU'RE CONCEDING THE GAME.

Anyway. Philly won, Dallas won, so we gained a bit of ground in the wild card but not much else. It's a good win, though, and maybe the momentum carries us to a couple more. Who the hell knows...this is the NFL.

The Dukies played on Saturday, and hit a ridiculous 18 three-pointers while decimating the Radford Highlanders 104-67. Andre Dawkins, our best freshman, hit 6 by himself. Nolan and Scheyer added 4 each, and Singler got 3.

Finally, a Duke team that can score in a variety of ways!

Just kidding. Apparently Radford went into a zone, and couldn't guard the 3 at all, so they took what was given. I don't mind. I hope we don't get addicted to the downtown scene to the detriment of slashing and (gulp) post play, but yeah, if a defense wants to pack it in, bombs away.

I'm chomping at the bit to see these guys Wednesday at MSG. We're taking on Arizona State (coached by former Packie Herb Sendek) in the semis of the NIT Tip-Off, and we'll probably face UConn if we win. Sadly, I won't be able to share my wacky perspective on those games until next Wednesday, since I'm heading out for Thanksgiving vacation (St. Thomas, baby, U.S. Virgin Islands...nothing but virgins as far as the eye can see, if I understand the name correctly!) Thursday morn and won't be back until late Tuesday the following week.

Luckily, I will be here for you the next two days. And we're going to have fun, like that common memory we all share of something fun we did as children, like jumping on a trampoline or playing with an unlikely toy on a day we all thought would be boring. Today is Monday; love your mortal coils.


  1. Despite the pronunciation, the term is 'champing at the bit.' Duke graduates should hold themselves to higher editorial standards.

    P.S. By the transitive property of wins (which is always completely accurate), UNC is now worse than D-II LeMoyne

  2. Just looked it up, and "chomping at the bit," while not the original form, is now one of those 'correct by misuse' phrases, accepted the world over. The ignorance of the masses vindicates me once again!

    Plus, the phrase comes from the behavior of horses. They may champ too, but I've definitely seen a horse chomp. It's the main thing a horse does, especially if you feed it an apple.


  3. Damn these descriptivist dictionaries! Why must the beauty and form of the King's be reduced to the verbal diarrhea of the hoi polloi?

    David Foster Wallace has a wonderful essay on exactly this issue.