Monday, February 1, 2010

Obama, Please Leave Us Alone

When Barack Obama scheduled his first State of the Union address to coincide with the Duke-Florida State game, it was easy to look the other way. Oh, it's just a coincidence, we said. President Obama doesn't have anything against Duke. He probably just didn't look at the team's schedule, and by the time he realized his error, it was too late to change. And yeah, maybe he picked UNC to win the title last year, which was kind of insulting at the time, but everybody makes mistakes. No big deal. Obama is a huge Blue Devils fan.

Then Saturday happened. Duke at Georgetown. He knows we have trouble on the road. He knows it. So what does he do? He has the balls to show up on their home court not three days after snubbing his nose at us with the SoTU. And to add insult to injury, he brought his lackey Biden along.

You all saw what happened. Georgetown somehow shot 71% from the field, the third highest total in the school's history, and raked us over the coals. Serenaded by cries of "Yes We Can!" from the student body, Obama oversaw the worst Duke loss of the year, smiling from his courtside seat. At one point, he tried to trip Zoubek.*

*Zoubek just fell.

Hey, Mr. President. Granted, Duke is one of the most conservative schools in the universe. Granted, the housing bubble speculation, reckless trading, and the ensuing meltdown can mostly be traced to our alumni. Granted, most of our student body spent their senior year of high school reading "Atlas Shrugged" and feeling bitter that people always gave them the wrong directions to parties. Granted, based on his recent recruiting patterns, Coach K might be a racist. Granted.

But cut us some slack, man. Give us a damn break. We've paid our dues. You pardoned the Yankees, didn't you? Less than a year after taking office, and the Bombers are back where they belong, wearing rings and looking down on smaller cities. That was big of you. Took some guts to make that move. So please, meet the Dukies halfway. Reach across the aisle. Don't listen to whatever Reggie Love is telling you about Coach K. He's an okay guy. He gets a little intense, and yeah, he bit his wife that one time when she almost giggled after he mispronounced a word at the dinner table.* And you can't leave cheese around the guy, or he'll find it. He'll get right into it, and he doesn't know when to stop. But he's got a good heart. Small, but good, especially when he doesn't feel threatened.

*Not confirmed, but this is probably true.

At the very least, Mr. President, leave us alone. We have a kind of good team this year, and it would be a sad thing if we didn't at least make the Elite 8. Stop egging on our opponents. Stop scheduling events that conflict with our games. It's immature. It's Glenn Beck stuff. It's beneath you. Be the leader you were born to be, and let the season play out. Also, have Pelosi introduce legislation that gives us John Wall starting next week. Thank you.

Other thoughts from the game:




Actual thoughts:

*Outclassed by an athletic team. NOT A GOOD SIGN, GANG. A friend google-chatted me after the game and said something like "I can't believe this team in the top ten." My first reaction was "GO TO HELL, THIS IS A TOP TEN TEAM ALL THE WAY." But the second, slower reaction was "well, what does top ten mean? That if the tournament was today, they'd either get to the Elite 8 or be one of the two best teams to get knocked out in the Sweet 16?" By that definition, I really don't know. We look great at home sometimes, and I honestly don't think there's a single team in the country that would beat us without a tremendous fight at Cameron. But as I've said before, tournament games are more like road games; there's a ton of pressure, and neutral fans tend to root against Duke. They're exactly the type of games where more athletic teams can nullify whatever advantages we hold in discipline, shooting, and composure.

*What the HELL is with teams shooting the lights out against us? Seriously, between the NC State and Georgetown games, our defense is like Jekyll and Hyde. 71%?? Shouldn't that be impossible? And I'm sorry, but a lot of it is luck. Let that sound like sour grapes if it must. But watching the game, they hit everything. And most of it was contested. A lot of ugly shots banked in. A lot of off-balance stuff fell. It was highly annoying, but not necessarily representative. If that happens in a tournament game, though, except this blog to just be images of semi-automatic guns and safe houses and ideas for militia names. There will be anger.

*Our big men are jokes. That includes the Plumlees. You know how you sometimes play with big men in pick-up games, and you expect them to be good, but every time they get the ball they hesitate for like three seconds until every guard on the court surrounds them? Like they're afraid to shoot, or even to act? And the few times they do shoot, it's some awkward lean-away thing that gets stuffed by someone about five inches shorter?

Those are our big men. I've never seen such inept play. I've never seen so many great interior passes go to waste. You can't even count on these guys to make an open dunk. How is it possible to recruit so many friggin' stiffs? It's right across the board, and absolutely nobody is immune. So frustrating. Four years of the Plumlee brothers might finally drive me insane.

Today is a day of complaining. I'm watching our season unravel. They hooked me in again, and I think I'm doomed to watch a second round or sweet 16 loss again. Reactionary? Maybe. Realistic? Probably. It's February 1st, and I need distraction. Bring on the Olympics, please.


  1. Luck? Come on....Sure they shot 70% but we played matador defense! They had a billion layups and was going to be really high regardless...

  2. You're going to eat those words about the Plumlee brothers... Especially Mason. He's played 12 collegiate games for crying out loud.

  3. Believe me, anonymous, I want to eat my words. But they stink. That's my verdict. Here's hoping I'm gagging on these opinions sometime in the near future.