Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Obama's Birth Certificate is Fake!

Sorry to get all political, guys, but I'm looking closely at the full version of Obama's birth certificate the White House just released, and I'm noticing some HUGE problems.

1 - Why is it green? Did they even have the color green back then?

2 - His dad has the same name, so shouldn't Obama be a Jr. instead of a II? GOOF UP BY THE WHITE HOUSE FORGERY SQUAD!

3 - Why is his mother's name 'Stanley'? Isn't that usually the name of a man who works in a tool shop? What is everyone trying to hide???

4 - Why did it take 3 DAYS after the baby was born until the mother signed the birth certificate. What was she doing???

5 - Where is the giant picture of Ronald Reagan riding a horse that adorns every American birth certificate?? (Or is that just a personal touch by my parents?)

6 - Did they even HAVE the color green back then?

I don't know about you guys, but I'm taking all my money out of the bank and shorting Obama's birth certificate, which I'm pretty sure is now a public company that just opened at BULLSHIT DOLLARS PER SHARE.

Ahhhhhh I'm loopy from school work! I know I said I'd have some good sporting material today, but I lied. The work continues, probably until the end of this week. After that, we're all in for some good times.

I did get to watch a Yankee game last night, and it was kind of incredible. Ivan Nova kicked ass into the seventh, Gavin Floyd held the Yanks in check, and at the end of 7 we led 2-1. Which fed perfectly into Rafael Soriano, who makes approximately $87 million per year and has made a habit of fucking things up. He let 2 runs in and was lucky not to concede more, and going into the bottom of the 9th the Yanks were down 3-2. Jeter and Teixeira reached base, and with one out, A-Rod and Cano were due up.

And then this happened.

Brent Lillibridge, whose birth certificate confirms he's an actual Lilliputian, made two ridiculous catches in right field to end a game that should have been ours. LOOK AT HIM SMILE, GUYS.

He hates us.

I have to end there today. But I've been getting a lot of e-mails lately that look something like this:

Hey Shane,

Why don't you do more stuff about the evolution of tennis? Quit being a son of a bitch and tell us exactly how the game has changed in text, video, and graphical form. Douche.

PS Please send money,


Well, I finally have something for you guys. It's THE EVOLUTION OF TENNIS, a website I created in Multimedia class and finished up yesterday.

Try not to ruin your whole workday by playing the game.


  1. I do like the potential of! I look forward to more developments (3 blogs???) As I've been saying in my repeated emails, I think you're missing the boat on the next big unknown sport, and it deserves more coverage! Took my 2 year old to the SEC tennis finals this weekend...pretty rowdy. Do you know of Jon Wertheim...recently discovered him as a rare, good tennis journalist. -John

  2. What a shock. It looks just like the photocopy of my wife's birth certificate that was issued to her years ago by the State of Hawaii (she was born in April of the same year as Obama, and they graduated Punahou together). The number sequence even appears about right (births from April to August). Even the "bend" from opening the bound book and placing it on a photocopier is similar to hers.

    I'm so disappointed. I really loved the theory that his parents, from their cave in Indonesia, hatched the plot to fake his birth in Hawaii (including that notice in the Honolulu Star Advertiser), so that 47 years later he'd be able to run for president in the US. Where have all the good conspiracies gone??

    The good news is that Donald Trump is taking full credit for "forcing his hand," though this document "still needs to be studied carefully" according to a$$hat Donald. Hopefully the investigators he sent to Hawaii will have the certification back to us as soon as, well, let's see... he sent them to Hawaii... on an expense account... to do some investigation... "heck, boss, this is a really tricky one! We could be out here for months!"

  3. The certificate should read Barry Sotero. When a person is legally adopted their BC is changed, Mine was.
    Also in 1961 Hawaii BC's were white with black letters. Photo copies are black with white letters and a state seal EMOBOSSED on them. My girlfriend (born 1964) and also adopted, has one.
    Her adopted father is listed as her birth father. This would also show up on school records, passports etc, Barry Sotoro, not Barack Obama.

  4. Anon. The original, bound birth certificate book from 1961 (thus the bend) is opened and placed on a photocopier to make the copy. Agreed that years ago copies of the white with black letters came back black with white letters (as did my wife's), but this scan (done 25 April, 2011) comes out on whatever paper was loaded in the copier (which in this case is the fancy green stuff). That printout is then hand-stamped and signed at the bottom of the page, under the copied certificate (i.e., authenticated).

  5. And get this- Obama doesn't even KNOW where he was born. Apparently, he "doesn't recall" what state he was when he was forced from his mother's womb. Can you believe that? You'd think he would remember something as significant as where he was when he was born. I sense a conspiracy...

  6. WOW! This guy really is a little bitch! I've never read a blog where someone cry's about everything they don't like. You really need to take your moms tit out of your mouth and learn to have some respect for others.

  7. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  8. TONS of info on the fake at