1 - Why is it green? Did they even have the color green back then?
2 - His dad has the same name, so shouldn't Obama be a Jr. instead of a II? GOOF UP BY THE WHITE HOUSE FORGERY SQUAD!
3 - Why is his mother's name 'Stanley'? Isn't that usually the name of a man who works in a tool shop? What is everyone trying to hide???
4 - Why did it take 3 DAYS after the baby was born until the mother signed the birth certificate. What was she doing???
5 - Where is the giant picture of Ronald Reagan riding a horse that adorns every American birth certificate?? (Or is that just a personal touch by my parents?)
6 - Did they even HAVE the color green back then?
I don't know about you guys, but I'm taking all my money out of the bank and shorting Obama's birth certificate, which I'm pretty sure is now a public company that just opened at BULLSHIT DOLLARS PER SHARE.
Ahhhhhh I'm loopy from school work! I know I said I'd have some good sporting material today, but I lied. The work continues, probably until the end of this week. After that, we're all in for some good times.
I did get to watch a Yankee game last night, and it was kind of incredible. Ivan Nova kicked ass into the seventh, Gavin Floyd held the Yanks in check, and at the end of 7 we led 2-1. Which fed perfectly into Rafael Soriano, who makes approximately $87 million per year and has made a habit of fucking things up. He let 2 runs in and was lucky not to concede more, and going into the bottom of the 9th the Yanks were down 3-2. Jeter and Teixeira reached base, and with one out, A-Rod and Cano were due up.
And then this happened.
Brent Lillibridge, whose birth certificate confirms he's an actual Lilliputian, made two ridiculous catches in right field to end a game that should have been ours. LOOK AT HIM SMILE, GUYS.
He hates us.
I have to end there today. But I've been getting a lot of e-mails lately that look something like this:
Why don't you do more stuff about the evolution of tennis? Quit being a son of a bitch and tell us exactly how the game has changed in text, video, and graphical form. Douche.
PS Please send money,
Well, I finally have something for you guys. It's THE EVOLUTION OF TENNIS, a website I created in Multimedia class and finished up yesterday.
Try not to ruin your whole workday by playing the game.