August 17-19
"What School has the most 1,000 yard rushers USC UNC" led to this post. I don't have a joke for this one, I just wanted to point out that it was the first time in history anyone actually had their question answered via google search at Seth Curry Saves Duke! He had to read all the way to the bottom of a long post to get it, but typically this blog likes to lure people in, promise them big things, and then deliver a weird poem or a rant about horses or something. I feel really, really proud right now.
"Judi Dench" led to this post. On the other hand, I get at least 20 hits a month from people searching for Judi Dench. Interestingly enough, my family did a time capsule fifteen years ago, made predictions for each other, and buried it. When we opened it last month, both my mom and my dad predicted that I'd have a blog about Judi Dench. And there weren't even blogs back then!
"Great Moments or with the vuvuzela" led to this post. The searcher was from South Africa, and we can only conclude that he was so traumatized by a month of droning horns that he has now separated existence into two spheres: great moments, and 'with the vuvuzela.' I bet when his friends call him to come out for a picnic, he's like "oh cool...just a quick question. Will there be vuvuzelas there?" And his friend is like "what? I don't know." And then he goes "WELL THEN I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL BE COMING TO YOUR PICNIC!" and slams the phone. And then he just weeps and weeps and weeps.
"Miles Plumlee's Girlfriend" led to this post. Yup, these hits are still coming. But just so that content doesn't get buried too far back, let's make sure google still recognizes SCSD! as the #1 source for info on Plumlee girlfriends. As usual, I apologize to my normal readers...I just gotta do certain things for the money:
MASON PLUMLEE MILES PLUMLEE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS! GIRLFRIENDS GALORE PLUMLEE SEX HUGE DONGS GIRLS LOVE 'EM PLUMLEE GIRLS XXX OMG SEX ALL THE TIME NOBODY AT DUKE ACTUALLY HAS SEX WHAT WHO SAID THAT PLUMLEE PLUMLEE PLUMEE MASON AND MILES GIRLFRIEND TRUST ME HOTTEST GIRL EVER XXX OMG PLUMLEE GIRLFRIEND 69!
"DukeGrads@gmail.com" led to this post.
UNC Freshman #1: Yo, you know what would be awesome?
UNC Freshman #2:: What?
UNC Freshman #1:: To punk every single Duke grad at once.
UNC Freshman #2:: It can't be done! You know that, man. Millions have tried.
UNC Freshman #1:: Yeah, but those millions are missing an angle, man.
UNC Freshman #2:: What?
UNC Freshman #1:: What if they all have a single e-mail address? You know those fuckers do. You know it man. That's how they take care of each other. That's how they run the world, man.
UNC Freshman #2:: Holy shit. You're right.
Both:: GOOGLE!
4 hours later
UNC Freshman #1: I'm starting to hate this fucking blog, man.
"LSU North Carolina football tailgate" led to this post. (Nerd voice) Well, my friend, if you are interested in that section of the parking lot which includes a friendly game of checkers and perhaps a tarot card reading if we hit it off, then you have come to the right place. If, however, you are seeking alcoholic beverages, I suggest you find one of the many neanderthal sporting blogs polluting the world wide web. (Pushes his glasses firmly and emphatically up nose)
"Duke Player at UCLA" led to this post. YOU IDIOT! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE UNDERCOVER!
"Concrete jungle where dreams are made of grammatically incorrect" led to this post. (Nervous nerd voice) Are you...are you...female? Do you...do you like...tarot cards?
"Opening up for my first cavities" led to this post. Yo, that's a creepy-ass way to search about teeth, dude. You took a painful and unpleasant experience and made it eight times worse by writing a sentence that sounds weirdly sexual. Thanks for skeeving me out. Please don't read my blog. This isn't a fetish site for people who like to be ordered around by old man dentists. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE YOU PERVERT, YOU'RE GIVING ME THE HEEBIE JEEBIES. I DON'T LIKE THIS FEELING!
"I say hey, I'll be gone today, I'll be back around the way, not quite, hey, I'm going to Zimbabwe" led to this post. Well that's a weird one. I wonder what it could mean...my own google searches turn up nothing...what could it be? Hey, wait a second...cavity guy? Is that you again?! I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, MAN! NOBODY LIKES YOU! I'M SERIOUSLY GONNA CALL THE COPS! THEY WATCH THE INTERNET NOW, TOO. THIS ISN'T YOUR CREEPY SAFE HAVEN ANYMORE!
"Coach K has the chance to stack recruiting in 2011" led to this post. I edited this one down. The full search was "Diabolical genius Mike Krzyzewski, using mind control devices he invented in the late 80s and only perfected last summer, has a chance to achieve true college basketball domination beginning in 2011 when his evil plan comes to fruition and he lures unsuspecting recruits in from all over the country."
"Enthusiastic coach blogs" led to this post. "Look, I'm a man who knows what he wants. I don't care what sport we're talking about, I don't care about the players, the money, the stadiums, or the wins and losses. Championships are meaningless to me. I care about the coaches, and I care about their enthusiasm. I want to see pictures and video of coaches going apeshit. Show me where to go, google, and don't beat around the bush. I'm a busy man."
"How is Seth Curry doing at Duke" led to the main blog.
Googler: How is Seth Curry doing at Duke?
Internet: Saving it.
Googler: Seriously?
Internet: Read the blog title, man.
Googler: Wow. Thanks.
That's it for today, Little League World Series post tomorrow. I guarantee Cavity Guy shows up for that one, the creep.
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