Friday, March 5, 2010

Preekend Stuff

(SCSD now has multiple daily posts. Don't miss the others below.)

'Preekend' is the hip new word that means pre-weekend. All the hottest young kids are using it.

Hot female student at fun college: Hey Mark, did you finish all your preekend homework?

Mark: Hell yeah, and now my preekend is almost over! Gonna get my drink on!

Old professor of history: Hello, may I ask the meaning of the word preekend, which I have heretofore never heard?

Hot female student: Fuck off, you old impotent bastard, or I'll burn your hair off!

Sorry if that content offended anyone, but that's what the younger generation is like. I've seen it at music shows.

Oscar Thought #3: Here's the best case scenario for the best picture category: the presenter comes up, everyone hushes, he does his preamble, takes a pregnant pause, and says, "and the Oscar goes to...Up!" Everyone cheers, music starts playing, and the Pixar people are jumping around like crazy. Then, after a long pause, the presenter leans back into the mic and goes "In The Air!"


Hey, sports are happening!

The regular season ends this weekend. First, and foremost, Duke plays Carolina at home. If they win, the Perfection Proclamation is made good. No losses at home: can't knock it.

West Virginia-Villanova is probably the marquee game of Saturday, and Syracuse at Louisville should be great too. Also, championship week starts, with the Big South, Atlantic Sun, and Ohio Valley titles all contested on Saturday. A lot of people don't get too interested in the smaller conferences, but with a tourney berth on the line, I think it's a blast. You can see the comprehensive schedule here.

Oscar Thought #4: You ever wonder if those old British actresses used to be really attractive? I'm talking the likes of Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench. Check 'em out.

Judi Dench:

Helen Mirren:

What about Meryl Streep?

And Betty White?

Biden! He got me again!

Back to sports: if you had to guess which baseball team had a young budding star discover a thyroid imbalance, which team would it be? Oh, ye Mets. I hope Reyes is okay, he was one of the few players on that team who wasn't completely boring.

And don't miss Roy Halladay avenging the Phillies' World Series loss. It only took him two innings! Man, he's good!

Enjoy the games this weekend. I'll conclude with some Oscar picks, using call the categories listed on this page, along with some brilliant rationale.

Best Original Screenplay: The Messenger

First of all, it's up against something written by Quentin Tarantino. Easy 4th place, at least. The other contenders are a lesser Coen Bros. film, a cartoon, and Hurt Locker. I'm taking The Messenger just because I liked it the best, but smart money is on Hurt Locker.

Best Adapted Screenplay: In The Loop

Funniest friggin' movie I've seen in a long time. See this if you haven't. Uh-oh, looks like I'm picking based on my personal preference, which is never a winner. I'll be pissed if District 9 wins anything, by the way. Didn't see it, but I'm positive it sucked.

Visual Effects: Avatar

Avatar should win all the categories that don't involve the movie actually being good.

Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker

Oh God, it was glorious sound mixing in this one. Just glorious! Seriously, though, I always feel like these categories go to the film that had the trickiest task. Must be hard to sound edit bombs, right?

Sound Editing: Avatar

They can't mix for shit, but man, can these guys edit. It's beautiful to hear.

Short Film, Live Action: Instead of Abracadabra

To be brutally honest with you, I think it was a really down year for live action short films.

Short Film, Animated: A Matter of Loaf and Death

I picked this one because it sounds like a post title I wish I had used. That aside, though, I have to admit that this was a pretty amateur production, even by animated short film standards. Total shit.

Music, Original Song: The Weary Kind

I'm actually pretty upset they're not performing these anymore. That was the best part of the whole show.

Original Score: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Please, let Wes Anderson win something. Or be associated with something that wins. I don't care. Wes is a superhuman. He deserve that statue, baby!

Makeup: The Young Victoria

Great work by these guys. Every face looked really British. I didn't get aroused once.

Foreign Film: El Secreto De Sus Ojos

I have a theory that the beauty of certain languages makes their writers really lazy. In English, this film title is "The Secret in Their Eyes." Even in the most cliche corners of Hollywood, this title would be judged too corny in America. It wouldn't fly. But apparently it's the best film in Argentina. This owes entirely, I believe, to the fact that it sounds great in their language. In plain ole 'Merican, it sounds exactly as stupid as it is.

Film Editing: Avatar

Jesus, how many categories are there? This stopped being fun after sound mixing.

Documentary Short: The Last Campaign of Governor Booth Gardner

I judge the documentary categories by which ones I'd like to see. Booth Gardner, eh? Sounds sinister.

Normal Documentary: The Cove

I saw the preview for this one at like every movie I've attended this year. I feel it's earned my pick.

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow

I mean, they could give it to Cameron because it took him 15 years or so to make his, but I'd prefer they wait and just give him a lifetime achievement award for being crazy. By the way, you can tell how much this year sucked for movies by how often Tarantino's name shows up on the list.

Head Oscar Guy, reading the list: Good lord, is it really necessary to invite Quentin?

His Assistant: I'm afraid so.

Head Guy: There's nobody else?


Head guy: Okay, okay, calm down. Shit. Did you at least give him a bad seat?

Assistant: I assigned him to a urinal in the outer hallway.

Head guy: Good, good.

Costume Design: Nine

"Nine" was the shortest one to type. Way shorter than The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnass- fuck.

Cinematography: Avatar

I had a friend who visited that planet, and apparently the movie is pretty accurate.

Art Direction: Avatar

This award will feature the night's best speech. Mark my words.

Animated Feature: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Wooo! I mean, Up will surely win, but FMF was even better. The usual amazing effort from Wes. However, doesn't this award seem unfair? Up was nominated for best picture. Obviously people think more highly of that film, right? It'd be like Scheyer winning ACC Player of the Year, then crossing his fingers that he won Duke Player of the Year. Not much suspense.

Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique

Haven't seen it, but everyone keeps hyping her. Also, I don't mean to get controversial, but whenever there's not an obvious winner, awards like these tend to go to racial minorities. (Mo'Nique is black.)

Best Supporting Actor: Woody Harrelson

I actually have hope that this will come true, because every other movie in this category was awful.

Best Actress: Carey Mulligan

This award is up for grabs big time. The minority hypothesis might come into effect, or they might just say 'fuck it' and give it to Meryl Streep. But I'm going with Mulligan as the dark horse. Of course, if I'm wrong, I think I'll take another mulligan. LOLOLOLOLOOLOOLJLAJDSFL;AJSFL;ASJF.

Best Actor: Jeremy Renner

Tough one, but Invictus sucked, people are a little tired of Clooney, A Single Man flew under the radar, and I'm not feeling Bridges. Renner's got this.

Best Picture: Hurt Locker

It would just be too silly if Avatar won.

Have a nice weekend.

1 comment:

  1. beste actrice : merly streep
    ze is de beste actrice !Elke film die ze maakt is geweldig !