Friday, June 26, 2009

Lamentations and Regret

Golden State, how could you? Are you some kind of sicko? How the hell could you?

One pick. One pick away, and Golden State was supposed to opt for a big man. When the T-Wolves took Flynn with the 6th, I started the celebrations. Problem Child was coming to NYC, no doubt. I gave him that nickname, you know. Way back. Wayyyyy back. Back before anyone else was using it. And it never caught on.

Combined with Elliot Williams' unexpected transfer from Duke, the Steph Curry disappointment makes this a shitty week in basketball. And now Golden State's going to trade Curry to Phoenix, proving they have no appreciation for the finer things. Knicks fans were ready to build statues, man! Janitors at Penn Station had big signs ready to go up out front that said "The Stephen Curry Train Zone." Dudes selling weed in Washington Square Park were about to call it quits out of respect for the Curry family. Bloomberg had plans to ship the Statue of Liberty back to France and just have a likeness of Stephen holding a basketball to greet the immigrants. The town's nickname was about to change to "The City That Never Sleeps Unless It's Late and Stephen Gets Sick of the Noise."

What a punch in the gut. Even his mom was super good looking.

I think I might be about to go a little off the edge. This blog might become a sort of fantasy thing where I write Knicks recaps as though Stephen is on the team. And then I'll tell stories about hanging out with him in Chelsea and all the hilarious things he says. Every other post will be an open letter asking him uncomfortable personal questions. When his actual team comes to MSG to play the Knicks, security will have pictures of me with the word "Dangerous! Do NOT permit entry! Beware of disguises!" printed below.

We had our hearts set on this! This is NOT FAIR!

And now he's going to play in San Francisco or Phoenix. Places where they're still learning the basics of basketball. If you walk down any street in those cities, you're likely to meet a dude who asks you how many points a foul shot is worth. And if you try to answer, you'll get suckered into a conversation about legalizing marijuana or outlawing front lawns.

Phoenix Fact: Phoenix basically steals drinking water from Michigan. People in the know tell me it's one of those "I drink your milkshake" situations. You can't even get a job in Michigan unless you've got a knack for kicking people out of their homes, but Arizonans want to get thievish with their H2O. That's ugly behavior.

Phoenix Fact: Only the worst old people retire down there. The good ones go to Florida.

Phoenix Fact: The state tree of Arizona is a cactus. The state flower is sand. The state bird is a scorpion. They just don't have any heart. The extreme heat and lack of trees take away their kindness. You know what the state flower of New York is? A rose. Cliche, but at least we've got our head on our shoulders, you know?

I'm trying to get psyched about Jordan Hill. I'd never heard of him before last night, I think. He seems like a good dude, smiles a lot, works hard. I'm ready to embrace him. And Tony Douglas is a badass. I watched him light up Duke on many a winter night. But still...but still.

Enough bellyaching. Life marches on. This weekend, the suddenly hot-hitting Yanks are invading Queens to face a Mets team who keeps finding clever ways to lose. Team USA soccer takes on Brazil in the final of the Confederations Cup on Sunday. The Brazilians are 19-goal favorites, but you never know. I'll probably be watching at a wild soccer bar called Nevada Smith's, just hoping things go right and I can forget yesterday's mess.

Ahhhhhh Stephen! We won't soon forget you.

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