Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Tuesday Thangs

We're doing up the ten thangs today. And just like those HILARIOUS Budweiser ads, I say...

Heeeerreee we go!

Why are beer ads so crappy, seriously? Can someone pay me to write a beer ad? I won't do a good job, but it'll still be better than the formulaic crap on tv. I probably wouldn't be so pissed about it if every single ad during a sports game wasn't a beer ad. That, or a Jared ad, which might even be worse.

Anyway, here's my first idea for a beer ad, don't steal it:

A guy is walking by himself on the side of a highway. The sky is gray, and there's a lot of garbage strewn about everywhere. A car comes too close to him and the kind of darts to the side. The camera zooms in, and it shows that he's been crying. He's not crying anymore, but there are streaks down his face where the tears fell only minutes ago. His clothes look really ratty, and you can see he's holding a cardboard sign. When the wind blows it up, you can briefly see the text in sloppy magic marker: "Will work for food." We zoom in even closer, and the man takes a photograph out of his pocket. We never see the face, but it's probably a wife or a son or daughter. This makes him start crying again.

He continues walking, and then he sees something on the side of the road. We don't know what it is, but he picks it up, and his face totally brightens. 'Oh my God!' he says. 'OH MY GOD! YES. THANK YOU! THANK YOU GOD!' He starts jumping around, dancing for joy. Finally, he holds up the object as if it's some kind of sacred idol. It is a can of Bud Light, unopened. At the end, the man opens and begins to drink, but then a car runs him over. The camera over his body rises, showing a increasing slice of urban decay.

Voice over: "Bud Light. The last thing you'll ever need."

What do you guys think?

I know this much: it's time for Ten Thangs.

1. As Jill pointed out in Yesterday's comments, the Duke Hot Potato seems to be cursed. Yesterday I chose Mason Plumlee, and he scored a grand total of 2 points in 16 minutes. But I don't believe in jinxes, and to me there's only one obvious answer: Coach K reads this blog, hates me, and purposefully doesn't play the guy I pick for Hot Potato out of spite. Think about it...Seth Curry scored 8, Young Threezy scored 2, and now Mason has 2. It cannot be coincidence!

Here are the standings:

A rough go for everyone. Spike, Jenni, Jason, and Jordan got the closest with a guess of 8. And Dylan, the guy who runs the spreadsheet, is mysteriously still in the lead. I mean...not to start rumors, but does anybody trust this guy?

Oops, I just noticed that the real low score came from "Jacob the Destoryer," who had that typo in his battle name originally which Dylan and I both refuse to correct, presumably because we're assholes, even though Jacob himself corrected it in all subsequent comments. He guessed 7, for a score of 5. Total Desturction!

2. I loved and hated this comment from yesterday's post:

Laura: 12 points for Mason tonight, 1 million points to those treating Kyrie's toe, and 7 points the Giants wish they could have back after punting to Jackson.

Pretty much correct. And SERIOUSLY LAURA NOT COOL THAT GAME WAS SO HARD TO TAKE OMG. (huge hyperventilation fit)

And I just loved this comment, no hate at all:

Craig: Plumlee "the Lesser" goes for 15 tonight.

There was a time a few weeks ago when I thought the hilarious nicknames for Miles Plumlee might be all tapped out. Yesterday, we learned that is not the case. I love this one in particular because it's exactly what he'd be called if he lived in 15th century England.

3. Oh, and the game: Duke won 98-72 over the Elon Phoenix. Coach K tied Dean Smith on the all-time wins list. It's worth noting that it took him a few extra games to do it. His career record is now 879-279 (.759), while Smith finished at 879-254 (.776).

However, Coach K is different from Dean in that he had to build a program. Dean inherited a program that had won the past 3 ACC regular season championships. Duke, when Coach K arrived, had finished tied for the ACC title just once in 15 years. In two of his first three years at Duke, Coach K had 17 losses. By the third year, he was 24-10 and never looked back. Dean, on the other hand, inherited a strong program with a lot of tradition, and his worst year was 8-9.

So let's look at the other stats. Dean Smith coached for 36 years. Coach K is also in his 36th season, but only 31 of them have been at Duke.

National Titles

Coach K: 4
Dean Smith: 2

Final Four Appearances

Coach K: 11
Dean Smith: 11

NCAA Tournament Record:

Coach K: 72-22 (.766)
Dean Smith: 65-27 (.707)

ACC Tournament Championships:

Coach K: 12
Dean Smith: 13

ACC Regular Season Championships:

Coach K: 12
Dean Smith: 17

In all, the numbers show us that Dean Smith was a slightly better regular season coach, both in terms of record and ACC titles (Coach K has 5 fewer years in the ACC, so he'd have to win a regular season title each of the next 5 years just to tie him), but that Coach K is a superior tournament coach. He's won a higher percentage of ACC tourney titles (and will surely pass Smith in pure numbers by the time he was 36 ACC years), has a better NCAA record, and has doubled Smith's national championships.

The number of Final Four appearances to national titles ratio is pretty interesting. A random coach could be expected to win one out of every four, for a 25% winning rate. Dean Smith went 2 for 11, for 18%. Coach K is now 4 for 11, for 36%. That Smith number is surprisingly low, especially when you consider that he needed a Michael Jordan shot and a Chris Webber timeout flub to win his two titles. He could easily have zero. And yeah, I understand that everybody needs a little luck to win a title, but I'd be curious to know if any Duke or UNC fans out there have a theory as to Smith's relative lack of success (relative to himself, that is) coaching under pressure.

4. I had to watch yesterday's game on Justin.tv, which streams all kinds of sporting events in really poor quality. It was barely, and I mean just barely, better than not watching. At one point I considered just using a radio stream. The players were blobs, and the video was so jumpy that it was like watching stop-motion animation. So bear that in mind when I give my "analysis" of what went down.

First, credit to Nolan, Baby Dawk, and Singler. Nolan was lights-out from the field, Threezy continues to be solid, and Kyle kept getting to the line. Those three were unstoppable forces, as far as I could tell. Ryan Kelly looked pretty good too, although I still don't see him as strong enough to be a huge factor against better teams. He's still developing, and while he can put up nice numbers against the Elons of the world, I'm not sure he'll be able to duplicate that even in the ACC.

I couldn't help but notice that Coach K gave Miles 28 minutes of playing time and started Seth Curry. He's clearly trying to get these guys in the flow in no-risk December situations, desperately hoping they can contribute by the time we're in our ACC schedule. Miles looked okay, I guess. Better than he has yet this season. Still, there are so many dumb fouls, so many missed opportunities, and so many frustrating displays of awkwardness, that I really find it tough to be optimistic.

Seth Curry started off slow, but he started to show something toward the end. He ran the point decently, a la Scheyer, without much flash with but good reliability for a back-up (only one turnover). But up to now, at least, he's nowhere near the scoring threat anybody thought he'd be. The coaches have to be pretty disappointed, and I know the fans are.

Other than that, not much to say. The team defense in the first half was great, when Elon scored 31, but more disappointing in the second half, when they had 41. This is the first time all year the disparity has been that heavily in favor of the first half. In my mind, that's the difference between Kyrie and no Kyrie. The defensive pressure he puts on opposing guards wears them down consistently, and that takes its toll by the second half. Without his defense on the court, we're not as formidable on that end of the floor.

5. The last paragraph of the ESPN story is this:

Krzyzewski said Irving recently met with a specialist and the team is getting updates on his condition roughly every 10 days, but he again said "it'll be a long time" before Irving can return -- if at all -- this season.


6. So I've given in to the hooplah and started reading Stieg Larsson's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." So far, I have to say, it's pretty awesome. But I'm only about 30 pages in. Any opinions out there? Is this the rare pop culture flavor of the day that lives up to the hype?

7. What were the odds of Brett Favre getting hurt in yesterday's MNF game? Let's look at the situation.

1) He's 50 years old, or something.
2) Two weeks ago, he sprained his shoulder.
3) Last week, he couldn't play, ending a real long streak.
4) It was like 4 degrees last night.
5) They were playing on a field without heaters that was bound to be hard as a rock.

The result? Concussion. The most predictable concussion ever. This guy needs to leave the game pronto or he's going to be stuttering in a wheelchair by the time he's 55.

8. Syracuse is looking really, really good. Granted, they played a scrub last night, but the dudes are big, physical, and skilled. They had 34 assists on 39 baskets, which shows you how strong their passing game can be. We won't get to see them against good teams again until January, but based on what they've done already (specifically the MSU beat-down), I won't be surprised to see the Orange take the very tough Big East this year.

9. Have I mentioned that I'm a perfect 3-0 in picking bowl game so far this year? Tonight, Louisville faces Southern Miss, and I picked Louisville. Take that for exactly what it's worth: everything.

10. In this article about how Giants punter Matt Dodge still has "confidence," I loved this line:

Head coach Tom Coughlin said that he hadn't had "much discussion" with general manager Jerry Reese about bringing in another punter this week before the Giants face the Green Bay Packers on Sunday.

"No, no...not much. Just a little. Just a little discussion about getting rid of him. But we're not going to do it the normal way, by just having a calm discussion in an office. No, we're going to release him the same way he lost the game for us: suddenly and inexplicably. The first time we punt on Sunday against Green Bay, the center will refuse to snap the ball. Then Justin Tuck is going to stand up from the line, walk back to Dodge, and just annihilate him. Then, when he's on top of him, we're going to have him say 'pack up your shit and go, Dodge. You're fucking fired.' Somehow, that seems appropriate."

That'll do for today. Here's a rare picture of Tom Coughlin not looking frustrated.


  1. If you were the advertisement firm for buffalo wild wings, wouldn't you have immediately after the metrodome collapse have commissioned a commercial, where people are watching a vikings game at BW3's and want to keep partying, so the bartender hits the button, you see the viking game, adrian peterson is sprinting down the sideline and out of nowhere a pile of snow falls on him? and you see the bw3 crew on top of the metrodome poking holes?



  2. Yes and Yes. That would be the first good Buffalo Wild Wings commercial ever.


  3. Millenium Trilogy - awesome. on the 3rd book now

  4. i was recently involved in a conversation regarding crappy beer commercials. the lack of creativity is astounding. i have two possible beer campaigns that should be launched:

    pabst blue ribbon needs to introduce us to "the least interesting man in the world", a slightly overweight, unemployed, socially incompetent 30-something who is put in situations where he is destined to fail. he then returns to his messy studio apartment where he cracks open a PBR, falls onto a beat-up couch, sighs wistfully, pounds the whole beer and throws the empty can on the floor behind him.

    bud light should run a "lower your expectations" campaign. three aging hipsters are shown preparing for "a big night out." said hipsters go into trendy bar. a top 40 hit is playing in the background. they attempt to buy a round of bud lights for a group of beautiful younger women dancing nearby. they are rebuffed instantly and are subsequently mocked openly by some frat guys hanging with the girls. next scene shows the hipsters at a table, eying a group of cougars. one gets up and starts to bring the bud lights to the older ladies, who are giving the hipsters the "come hither" look. screen goes black and the words "lower your expectations" fades in with a picture of a bud light bottle.


  5. "Worth nothing" is an interesting typo in a piece that paid particular attention to other's typos.

    There's a way that it could also not be a typo, which are the very cleverest kind!

  6. Ooooh... others' typos. Ugh. It's an epidemic.

  7. Jacob "The Destoryer"December 22, 2010 at 12:21 AM

    Carrie, I owe you a beer.

  8. Crap, that's one of those typos that completely changes the meaning of the sentence. I'd like to leave it there since it is funny that I'm busting Jacob's balls while typo-ing myself, but I have to edit it. But here's my recognition!

    Craig, joking aside, I think the least interesting man in the world idea is brilliant. And, credit where it's due while we're talking about beer ads, those Dos Equis commercials are probably my favorite of all time.

  9. Finally catching up on SCSD posts after the Christmas break sleep marathon...I attended the Elon game and was utterly bored. Perhaps it was the ten deep locals at the game who were too in awe of being in Cameron to really cheer, or the 100 or so fellow dweebs who were too tired not to come to the game. Either way, it was quiet, and without K1 to spark much excitement, I was about as excited as a college kid getting a $5 Bass Pro Shops gift card for Christmas.