Wednesday, June 16, 2010

32 Edgy Slogans for 32 World Cup Teams

Group A

Team South Africa - You can run, but you can't (apart)heid!

Team Mexico - Proudly representing the 60% of Mexico our government still controls.

Team Uruguay - Our nation's name is perfect for English-speaking homophobes!

Team France - If you've seen London, but aren't quite ready to see somebody's underpants, welcome!

Group B

Team South Korea - Names with more than one syllable are pretentious.

Team Argentina - We still haven't shed a tear for Eva Peron.

Team Nigeria - Unlike those douchebags in Niger, we're not landlocked!

Team Greece - Devaluing an entire continent's currency since 2010!

Group C

Team Slovenia - We're not 100% clear on our location either- maybe the Balkans?

Team USA - Fuck this, we're using our hands!

Team England - Despite the accent, you'd be surprised how unsophisticated most of our people are!

Team Algeria - You may know us as the 16th of 20 nations to defeat France in warfare.

Group D

Team Germany - No, seriously, make another Nazi joke. They're totally hilarious. Asshole.

Team Ghana - We're only Ghana break break your break break your heart!

Team Serbia - Laughing our way through a whimsical history!

Team Australia - We're all descended from convicts, bitch!

Group E

Team Netherlands - Exit light! Enter night! Take my hand! You'll never beat the Netherlands!

Team Japan - Taking our inspiration from the Punch-Out character Piston Honda.

Team Cameroon - Don't we totally sound like we should be from Southeast Asia?!

Team Denmark - Actually, we don't even really like that play.

Group F

Team Paraguay - The only country with two capital cities oh wait that's Bolivia shit.

Team Italy - We don't have many pools, so we just dive on the field!

Team New Zealand - Wait, we're not from Australia? I thought this place looked small...

Team Slovakia - Yes, we still sometimes mess up and say 'Czecho' first.

Group G

Team Brazil - Oh God, our game is so fucking beautiful, whoopty-doo!

Team Ivory Coast - Still the only country where both names are also soap.

Team Portugal - Something's fishy around here! HAHA!

Team North Korea - 100-time silver medalist in Korean tourism!

Group H

Team Spain - Now that you mention it, it is kinda annoying that Portugal steals our coast.

Team Switzerland - If you gave us a choice, we'd take a nice watch over the army knife, cheese, 'miss,' and the family Robinson.

Team Honduras - Still pissed that Panama got the canal.

Team Chile - Willing to sing the 'Baby-Back Ribs' song for laughs.


  1. Props for the Piston Honda shoutout. Hilarious as always.

  2. Ivory Coast for the win. France in close second.

  3. Thanks to both...this is a test comment...

  4. This brings angst.