Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Return of Google Searches!

This morning I'll be returning to an old feature where I share some of the google searches that led unsuspecting souls to my blog. These are all true and verbatim, taken from my statcounter page. Most of the google searches are either people searching for information about Seth Curry, or just googling my blog title to get here. But occasionally there are some random dandies. I'm only doing the oddballs. Here we go!

June 29

"I'm not weird poem" led to this post. I'm guessing a tortured adolescent was seeking a piece of poetry about how it's okay to be strange, and that above all you should be comfortable with yourself and not let other people make you feel bad. Instead, he found an obsessive's creepy ode to a college basketball player. This is the future, kid! The world is dark!

"Cliff Lee is an Asshole" led to this post, titled "Cliff Lee is Still an Asshole." Two things. First, I love how this dude just types his angry opinions into google. Give me affirmation, internet! Second, I like that this blog reinforced that practice by giving him exactly what he was looking for. Seth Curry Saves Duke: still the official blog of Cliff Lee being an asshole.

"Young Judi Dench" led to this post. Not to get all weird on you guys, but do you think this googler was looking for pictures of a young Judi Dench so that he could...masturbate? Did someone use my blog to pleasure themselves to old pictures of a British actress? That's a weird feeling, gang. It was never supposed to be that kind of blog. It wasn't supposed to be like this!

"omg Yuichi Komano missed" led to this post from yesterday. Again, what's with people just typing their thoughts into google? The 'omg' is the best part of this one. It's like they've just heard a bit of surprising news and are turning to a friend to commiserate. And this one happened at 7pm, a good 8 hours after the fatal penalty miss. Did they just hear about it through a friend? "What! He missed?! BE RIGHT BACK I GOTTA LET GOOGLE KNOW!"

"Baseball 'pop fly' famous quote" led to this post. The googler certainly didn't find what he was looking for there, but now I'm kinda curious too. What is this mysterious quote about the pop fly? I imagine it's something old timey, sort of funny, and really wise. I googled it myself, but nothing. No hilarious pop fly quotes. Which is sad, so I'll invent one:

"Well, I reckon a pop fly ain't too much different from one of them tall pines. Both of them go up high as the eye can see, but it takes a brave man to stand his ground when they get to falling!"

-'Flinchin' Ed Lafray, Knoxville Blue Stockings, 1893

That was from an era when pop flies were considered really dangerous.

"Fe fi fo fom game" led to this post. Unfortunately I did not fully outline the rules to the amazing fe fi fo fum game in that particular entry, but stay tuned for further information in tomorrow's post: "I Smell the Blood of an Englishman."

"Fake Athletes" led to this post. This googler was from Munster, Germany. I don't know why that search combined with that location give me the willies, but they do. What are you up to, sinister German guy? What's with the sudden interest in fake athletes? Are you trying to make a creepily avant-garde modern-art video that uses obese men in gas masks playing baseball? I'm right, aren't I?

"video England Germany ref muttering oh my god" led to the main blog, somehow. The person's next search: "seriously google stop fucking with me I'm talking about the 2010 world cup match between England and Germany and I swear I saw the ref muttering oh my god at one point and it just seems bizarre that there's nothing on the internet about this right now I mean come on there's gotta be something everybody likes the world cup and you couldn't miss it the ref said it right into the camera I mean the internet has every other useless thing you can think of like an injured stork being harrassed by a kid with a water gun so jesus christ just turn something up and be useful for one fucking time FUCK."

June 28 + 27

"duke seth curry saved" led to the main page. This is only notable because it's exactly how Yoda says the title of my blog. That probably seemed like a lame joke, but take a moment and say the words in a Yoda voice. Do it. You had a little fun, didn't you? Is that a smile I seeeeee? Is that a widdle smile?!?!?!

"mason plumlee girlfriend" led to this post. Yup, people still care about this. Is it because Mason Plumlee is ugly? Is that why there's such a fascination? Regardless, my ploy at the bottom of that post has come up huge. There's a google search for Mason' girlfriend at least once ever three days. Hit city, baby!

"dallas braden bad teeth" led to this post. Time to update the scoreboard: Searches about Dallas Braden's bad teeth: 15. Searches about his perfect game: 2.

"Landon Donovan fan fiction" led to this post. Okay, I admit that this person had probably read the post before, or heard about it, and was just trying to reach my blog. But I want to believe in a world where people are searching for Landon Donovan fan fiction. I want that world to exist. Let me have my dream, baby. This is America.

"Landon Donovan philosophical utilitarianism" led to the main page. YES. FUCKING YES!

"World Cup teams and capital cities" led to this post. Looking for: an opportunity to expand my horizons and further my education by researching foreign cities. Found: asshole American making ethnocentric jokes about places he knows one fact about and will never visit. Conclusion: Earth is hopeless.

That rounds out this week's google searches. Later on, I'll probably be forced to give Cliff Lee his props. And I'll get to gloat about Portugal and the insufferable Cristiana Ronaldo being out of the tournament.

And oh man, I almost forgot: it's quarterfinal day in London! Rafa against Soderling. I'm incredibly nervous. Everyone's favorite Spaniard handled Soderling in Paris, but the task on grass will be much more difficult. In fact, I'd say his chances of success are only slightly above 50%. I do expect this one to go four or five sets.

At the moment, Djokovic is up 2 sets to love on the Taiwanese guy who beat Roddick, and Roger Federer is 1-set apiece with Tomas Berdych, and down a break in the third. The upset watch is on. Why do I have the feeling that this is the year Andy Murray will finally break through and win a major on home soil? More coming later...

1 comment:

  1. Still my most favorite regular feature.