Monday, June 21, 2010

Post #400

Yet another milestone for the most popular Seth-Curry-themed blog on the entire internet in America.* We've done it together.

*There are some really popular Korean blogs about Seth Curry.

This was a wild and wooly weekend, and I have no idea where to begin. So in honor of Father's Day, I'll use some advice my dad gave me a while back: 'when in doubt, begin with Lady Gaga.'

Music's resident weirdo paid a visit to the Yankee clubhouse after the game on Friday, wearing lingerie and an open jersey. As you might guess, I have a few favorite excerpts.

The New York Post reported on Sunday that Yankees co-chairman Hal Steinbrenner was furious at the display Lady Gaga put on in the clubhouse -- dressed in a half-buttoned Yankees jersey and a bikini bottom, she swilled whiskey and fondled her chest, the Post said, citing sources -- and that Steinbrenner had permanently banned Gaga from the team's clubhouse.

Hal Steinbrenner needs to lighten the fuck up. My advice: swill some whiskey and fondle your chest.

"There is just a time and place," said Cashman. "It is not her fault."

Cashman did not specify the proper time and place for swilling whiskey and fondling your chest in the Yankee clubhouse.

Gaga has been making her presence felt in New York baseball. Less than two weeks ago, Gaga, who says she is a Yankees fan, attended a Mets game at Citi Field and decided to give the finger to Mets fans, providing a treat for photographers.

If there's a better summery of the differences between the Mets and Yanks, their history, and their place in the city hierarchy, I haven't found it. The Mets get the finger, the Yanks get chest fondling.

Also, I like that Lady Gaga giving fans the finger is a 'treat' for photographers. Honey, guess what?! Today, at my job, I got to snap a photo of a talentless trainwreck of a human making an obscene gesture! It was the first time I've smiled since Billy Crystal punched an usher in the groin!

There were reports that Alex Rodriguez met with Gaga on Friday, but Cano says he was the only player to see her.

"She can sing, I'll tell you that," Cano said.

Amazing. As if I needed more reasons to love Cano. He definitely got laid. And A-Rod was definitely jealous, and tried to act like he'd met her too, but everyone called bullshit on him.

So that was fun. Meanwhile, the Yanks took 2 of 3 from the Mets, beating Mike Pelfrey and Johan Santana over the weekend, to break even on the season series at 3 games apiece and claim the top spot in the AL East. The hitting woes might be kinda sorta on the ebb, though we've yet to have that nice breakout game where everyone gets in on the action. Today, the extended nightmare that is interleague play continues with a west coast swing. It's Arizona first, then LA for a set with Torre's Dodgers. When that ends, it's finally back to good old-fashioned American League business.

Brace yourselves: it's soccer time.

As you may have read in my last two entries, Friday was not a fun day. Some no-account referee from the back woods of Mali screwed us out of a win against Slovenia, and also booked one of our strikers for not touching the ball with his hand. My better instincts are telling me to dicuss this logically, but I'm a man of base character, and my black heart is screaming 'RANT!' Struggling...struggling....

NO! I WILL NOT BE QUIET! BECAUSE THAT IS ABSURD! YOU CANNOT HAVE A GAME THAT LASTS 90 MINUTES WITH ALMOST NO SCORING AND THEN GET FUCKED OUT OF A MUCH-NEEDED WIN BECAUSE SOME PIECE OF SHIT WHO NEEDED 8 HOURS JUST FIGURE OUT HOW A WHISTLE WORKS FEELS LIKE BEING ARBITRARY! THAT'S A RIDICULOUS THING! MAYBE HE HATES AMERICA, OR MAYBE HE'S JUST RETARDED, BUT EITHER WAY HE NEEDS TO BE TORTURED AND EXECUTED! AND WHY THE HELL IS THERE NO VIDEO REPLAY FOR BIG SITUATIONS? WHY CAN'T WE REVIEW OFFSIDES OR FOULS ON POTENTIAL GOALS? IS THERE NO FUCKING INTEGRITY TO THIS GAME OR THIS COMPETITION. HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DECENCY, FIFA?! AT LONG LAST, HAVE YOU LEFT NO SENSE OF DECENCY?!

Seriously, that blew. And I was watching Brazil-Ivory Coast yesterday when this happened:


Kaka, one of those best players in the world, got his second yellow card for that "infraction," and will have to miss Brazil's next game against Portugal.

This diving is unbelievable. At least this time, the British dudes announcing the game called the Ivory Coast douchebag out on his behavior. They said he should be ashamed, and that players in general should realize that "the eyes of the world are upon them." In other words, a bunch of Americans like me are watching soccer and deciding whether we should become full-time fans, and bullshit like this is not helping the cause.

But in some sense, even though that particular player is an undisputed worm, it's not his fault. As we saw, that behavior is rewarded. Not a single referee saw what happened, and somehow Kaka still got a yellow card. What the fuck is that? How can that happen? As long as it does happen, you'll continue to attract people who exploit it. It's sort of like the Enron scandal, or any big business snafu up to and including the credit-default and housing bubble crises. When it's over, people are like "oh my God, how could that ever happen?" Because it was allowed, and encouraged, and because people are programmed to push their luck until things are so fucked up that the heavy arm of the law must descend.

So, duh, have a rule. If someone gets caught diving, automatic red card. Enforce it, maybe with video, and things will change overnight. Guaranteed. Create a culture of toughness in soccer, like most other sports (I say 'most' because the NBA, with its influx of Euro influence, is going this way too), and maybe the sport will be better.

This is the last time I'll complain about this, I swear, at least until a bad call screws in the knock-out stage. But bad referees and divers are ruining the World Cup, and making the matches even more arbitrary than they were before. I will keep watching because the drama is fun and the nationalism makes things intense. But the sport itself, in its current incarnation, is stupid. End of story.


Good lord, Portugal beat North Korea 7-0. I guess that one wasn't arbitrary. This is what I expected in the Brazil-DPRK match. I still don't understand how that one could end up 2-1...

Another thing I don't understand: how could we let a fucking foreigner win the US Open? That's our golf tournament! It belongs to us!

Just kidding, of course. Graeme McDowell, a lovable Irish scamp, took the title by being the only guy who could shoot even par for the weekend. Aside from that, it was your typical major; Tiger came close and was a grumpy, entitled douche afterward, Phil had his crazy eyes going and took ridiculous chances that cost him the title, Easy Ernie looked inflappable until the back 9 on Sunday, and a Frenchman failed to win.

More stuff later today. It's the first day of summer. Doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city.

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