Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Swetha and Sabreena: My Heroes

Yesterday, I received an e-mail that almost broke my heart from a girl named Swetha.

I swear we are not extreme creepers. We are just a little disappointed you never acknowledged or responded to our previous email. Perhaps you missed it? I'd like to think so.

That was the whole thing. Now, I've lived this crazy life for going on 28 years. A lot of things have happened. But to date, I've never ignored an e-mail from either a fan or a female. The former sometimes arrives in my inbox, while the latter...(weeping). But really, I even respond to the actually creepy e-mails my dad sends me during full moon periods. It's part of who I am; I like talking with folks. But I didn't recognize Swetha's memorable name. Below her e-mail, though, was the text of a longer one that she and her friend Sabreena sent me back in February.

And seriously, gang, it was the single best e-mail I've ever received. I'll let Swetha and Sabreena do the talking.

Dear Mr. Seth Curry Saves Duke,

We are writing to you on the eve of Duke's game against Virginia Tech to send you a long overdue message. Remember that time you thought of that nifty nickname for our big three, The Three S-keteers, and then proceeded to describe your dream poster in detail? Well, we decided to accept the challenge and make the poster exactly as described (except for the Coach K faded in the background–that was too fancy for our approach). Then you decided to turn on us the day of the game and dismiss the S-keteers in favor of Earth, Wind and Scheyer. Whatever, we weren't going to let the three hours we spent coloring go to waste because you were getting impatient waiting for your (solidly creative) nickname to catch on.

Anyway, the poster came with us to the FSU game and made a brief appearance during warm ups. And since we fail as poster holders (read: got bored of lifting it up and didnt want to repeatedly block everyone's view), it never really ended up on tv. But that was okay because Dave Bradley saw our poster. The basketball program has a new gimmick this year where they pick posters they like and give the makers tickets behind the bench to the next home game. Our poster (your idea) was awesome, so we won

The saga is being interrupted to put in a picture of our crazy good poster (we are still a little offended you gave that Earth Wind and Scheyer poster so much love) because we KNOW you are dying of curiosity as to how we brought your S-keteers vision to life.

Hell yes I am. But quickly, let's recap:

1) Two die-hard Dukies read the Three S-Keteers idea, and made a poster.

2) It won a fucking contest.

3) I DIDN'T GET THE E-MAIL. That is a huge, giant, dramatic tragedy. And it's an excuse that I always, always, always assume is a lie. I've never once heard the words "I didn't get your e-mail" and thought they were true. In fact, I've used it before, and I was lying. It's just not legitimate. Nobody doesn't get an e-mail. People forget about e-mails, sure. But nobody fails to receive them. We're talking about e-mail; it's reliable. BUT I DIDN'T RECEIVE THIS ONE! Of all the e-mails in the world to miss...a day later, I'm still so, so pissed about this.

Here was my description of the poster from back in December:

"The Three S-Keteers

It's not going to catch on (too sophisticated), but you have to admit that the poster would be pretty awesome: taken from a low angle, all three dressed up like French Royal Guard soldiers, hands placed on top of each other over a basketball, and below in calligraphy it says "One for all...all for One." And in the background, there's a disturbing semi-transparent floating image of Coach K's smiling face."

Here's what they came up with:

Wow. Just wow. Fantastic, amazing, spectacular. There are no words. I'm sorry if I get emotional, it's just...(eyes watering)...this is why I became a blogger...(sniffling)...and it makes all those hard mornings, all those negative comments...(full on blubbering) makes it all worthwhile!

That is honestly an A+ effort. And it was better without the Coach K floating head. The way they're all smiling cracks me up, especially Scheyer. And the costumes are perfect too; those little boots are a killer touch.

Their e-mail continued:

Please note that we did give you credit at the bottom of the poster because (a) we think your blog is hilarious and are big fans, and (b) because we're not plagiarizing jerks. Also, the real Seth Curry most definitely noticed his name sprawled at the bottom of our masterpiece and kept looking back towards the student section.

Further recaps:

4) They complimented my blog. (Oops, did I leave that part in there accidentally? do I even take it out? I can't even figure it out's just...gosh, blogger is such a mess. Better just leave it in.)

5) They got SETH CURRY (OMG!) to look at the poster repeatedly. I can only imagine him in street clothes, looking at the sign with a puzzled expression. I wonder what he thought, seeing "Seth Curry Saves Duke!" with a heart next to it and no other context. That is absolutely hysterical to me.

Look, I promised myself I wouldn't get extreme in this post, but I can't help it anymore.

Swetha and Sabreena: will you guys marry me? Both of you? No, I'm for real. This is the greatest day of my life. Please marry me in a weird three-person ceremony. I just threw my girlfriend out of the house. We've been dating for a year and a half, but I wanted to show you both that I was serious. She was sleeping, it was an ugly incident. Now she's banging on the door and I think crying. But you guys are my fucking heroes so I'm trying to stand tough here. I looked up your names on Wikipedia. Swetha means 'pure' and Sabreena means 'patient.' I'm glad one of you is patient, because I'm really hating the fact that I whiffed on this e-mail back in February. As far as marriage, and believe me, I don't mean to offend you guys, there something already arranged? Is that a weird question to ask? Am I being culturally insensitive? I don't know...I don't know anything anymore. But if there is, I'd like you guys to get out of it. Can the three of us have an arranged marriage? Can we get your folks on that? Oh God I'm babbling now. You all hate me, don't you? I've ruined it. I'VE RUINED ITTTTTT!!!!

(I really hope that joke passes muster with my two new heroes...I remember joking about arranged marriages with Indian friends at Duke, but maybe I'm just an asshole...)

Seriously, though, I need to reiterate how much I can't believe that I never got this e-mail. It wasn't in my inbox on the correct date, so I guess it must have gone into spam. But I can't imagine how. What a tragedy.

Sweetha and Sabreena spent a week gloating to their pals about the tickets, and then the ticket guy (Dave Bradley, new enemy of the blog) screwed them and they didn't get their front row seats. But he apologized and gave them good tickets to the V. Tech game. No word on what happened there. Their e-mail closes as follows:

Thats the end of the story. Our poster, now complete with Zombie Singler, is hanging up in all its glory. And by sacrificing a few hours for coloring, we have gotten tickets to two games in section 19. And its all because we thought we'd bring your poster idea to life. (Also, you were definitely right regarding S-keteers being too sophisticated to catch on. The people who were standing behind us in the student section kept reading it as skeeters, despite the big quotes around the S).

So thanks for the idea. We hope you’ll change your perspective on the nickname situation

-- Swetha and Sabreena

PS. We know this email is a little creepy. We're okay with that. It's like a tame version of that poem you wrote for Jon Scheyer. Sort of.

The nickname might not have caught on, my friends, but you will forever be known as the Two S-Keteers. And if I may, I would like to submit my name (Shane) to become the third. All for one! One for all!

I told my friend Carrie about this yesterday, and like me, she thought it was a total catastrophe that I missed the original e-mail. She felt bad for me, bad for Swetha and Sabreena, and bad for the world. "I just don't see a silver lining," she said.

But maybe there is one: Swetha and Sabreena are both Duke seniors now. We already know they're funny, smart, artistic, and can write like the Dickens. This proposal is pending their approval, of course, but I think this lil ole blog might be on the verge of having its first ever INSIDE AGENTS! I'm not exactly sure what that entails, but both gals have another year of free tickets to games at Cameron, so maybe they can give us the inside scoop.

Anyway, that poster and the thought behind it was so awesome that I knew I had to dedicate this entry entirely to them. I won't even mention that Rafa advanced to the quarters last night, that Roger and Soderling play tonight, or that the Yanks keep losing to the friggin' Orioles. (Whoops.)

As if they weren't awesome enough, Swetha and Sabreena had one last coup up their frilly sleeves. After Singler got his black eye, and Nick E. started the Zombie Singler movement, they swapped him in. I'll end with that picture, let my girlfriend back in the house, and encourage everyone reading to stand up, wherever they are, and give Swetha and Sabreena a standing ovation. Lord knows they earned it.


  1. Good story, really...If it wasn't Duke it would be even more awesome, but not bad regardless. Standing O to the new 3 S-keteers. I'm jealous that you're living in Chapel Hill...have a burrito at Carrburritos for me.

  2. John, that's one of the few places I haven't been in Carrboro yet. I'm on the case, and will always take more recommendations.


  3. I could go on all day with recommendations learned from my 9 years there...a few more (I'm sure you've already experienced some of these, and I do tend toward the veggie sides of things).
    mediterranean Deli (our most missed place in chapel hill!), padgett station (I don't know how they stay in business, but this place is loaded with goodies-if they have same menu-wow), Milltown (beer selection), Wine Bar, Spotted Dog, weaver street mkt (of course), WeatherVane (inside of southern season, when you're feeling a little bit fancy), Sage cafe (when you're feeling veggie), Cosmic Cantina (an economical staple on edge of campus, and the best late night), Trilousa (next to 411 W. and better, more intimate italian)
    That's a start...more often than night, these places are great

  4. Shane - now that you're back in NC, I propose that you and the other 2 deservedly named "S"keteers actually meet to discuss their (pending) insider guest blogger status. And so that you can properly propose marriage and work out the dowry, of course.

  5. Natalie, that totally sounds like the next logical step. Can you serve as my negotiator? Just as a heads-up, we're really going to have to lowball here.


  6. I will do my best to put my precisely honed psychological skills of persuasion to good use for your benefit.

  7. John - more often than night...that is a pretty strong recommendation. I'll definitely have to hit WeatherVane next time I'm high rolling. Been to Spotted Dog and Milltown, and I'm glad to here Trilousa is good too. I love Italian, but it looks kinda iffy from the outside.