Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Morning: One Year Anniversary

Ladies and gentlemen, today marks the One Year Anniversary of Seth Curry Saves Duke!'s first post!

It seems crazy that just a year ago, this blog started as one hopeful kid with an office, a computer, no money, and a love for sports. Today, I preside over a massive internet empire, with over 700 employees and a monthly profit margin exceeding three million dollars. I can't walk down the street without ten people yelling the name of their favorite post. Coach K and Joe Girardi have to approach me before they make any decision larger than what kind of coffee to get for the pantry. I've taken revenge against all the people who wronged me since kindergarten. It's a classic rags-to-riches tale, and in a lot of ways I am the greatest symbol and embodiment of the American dream.*

*I wrote that paragraph exactly one year ago, in anticipation of how I thought things would sit at the one year anniversary. It has not come true. In reality, things have gotten so bad that when I asked google for a picture of a "massive celebration" to represent the anniversary, it would only let me use this really sad photo from the 1967 Detroit race riots:

In all seriousness, though, it's been an awesome year. Since I started the blog, the Yankees won a World Series, and Duke made the Final Four. Did I have anything to do with that success? Who's to say? If you put a gun to my head, I'd probably say that yes, this blog was solely responsible. But that's just me. Maybe some others would disagree. Maybe they all would. It's a big world, with room for lots of opinions. If relativism is true, then you can't prove me wrong.

Time for a quick Q&A about Seth Curry Saves Duke!

Q: Seth, does it suck having to sit out while your teammates play in the Final Four?

A: I am NOT Seth Curry! Read the f&*#ing blog description at the top, man!

That being said, yes, it's kinda rough. As a player, you always want to be on the court. But I'm excited to root the team on in Indianapolis, and I hope to contribute to another great run next year.

Q: How many people visit your blog?

A: This post, my 6th ever, ensured that April of 2009 would see the highest traffic rates. Almost 17,000 people visited over those 30 days, but I'm happy to report that with March 2010 not yet in the bag, SCSD can officially announce the second highest month in pure traffic (it'll be over 7,000 by tomorrow), and the highest ever in repeat visitors (1,300). So you are part of a thriving and growing community. Hurrah!

Q: Are you inflating those numbers?

A: There are only two things I inflate: basketballs and my penis. And never at the same time. But I use special Nike pumps for both.

Q: What's in store for SCSD in year two?

A: The recent shift to multiple daily posts can now be considered permanent, and there may be some re-branding in the coming weeks. A surprising announcement can be probably expected by April 15th.

Q: How do you feel about the fact that in your first post, the three comments include one correction, one person calling you a fool, and one person offering another correction and then saying he hates you?

A: They're my family, and I stand by them no matter what.

Q: Will you ever advertise on this blog?

A: So far I've had exactly three offers from advertisers, all of which I've refused. But if anyone offers a good price and won't totally deface the blog, yes, I will sell out in a heartbeat. I need more drug money, and I don't care about my readers. In fact, my ideal blog is one with no readers and just a ton of ads, and I visit the page over and over while snorting something powdery and pharmaceutical.

Q: Do you get all kinds of chicks because of this blog?

A: God yes. They're all over me, and most of them are red-hot and just itching to be rubbed vigorously.

Oh wait, you said "chicks"? I thought you said "severe hives." My mistake. No, I don't get any chicks at all. In fact, I'm pretty convinced that if I ever get a stalker, it'll be a dude.

Later today I'll be writing more about the Dukies, and the adversity a lot of our guys have overcome, but for now let's all revel in the anniversary. Thanks very much for visiting in the past year, and please keep coming back. It's nice to know that these words are being read somewhere out in that crazy world, and that in some small way, I'm the most important part of your life.

Today is a day of complete and utter joy.

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